The other day, I was walking Bo and I remembered I had this web page. I have allowed so many things in my life to take over and run it. I feel ashamed, but sometimes, we all end up down some rabbit hole or another.
Not really sure where I want to go with this web site. Just give me some time, I am sure I will think of something. I will say, life has been turned upside down and thrown about quite a bit since my last post.
I hate to say I changed jobs, but I did end up changing employers and not by my own choice. Seems like my former employer wanted to keep me, but wanted someone else to pay. Happened to about 3,000 of my co-workers at the end of 2019. I was angry, but now, I am just sad to know how little I was valued after so many years of service. I realize - I am not alone. There are many of us that feel the same way.
I had high hopes that my work life would improve and opportunities would be available for me to grow. It has been 6 months and it is nothing as I had hoped. In fact, it is worse. The disappointment consumed me. Everything came crashing down and I went into a downward spiral emotionally.
Next to hit was the COVID19 pandemic and self-quarantine. To be honest, the only thing that has really bothered me about that is my allergies. This year, allergies got the better of me.
Currently, the world is in a huge uproar and rightly so. Everyone should be treated equally and humanely, no matter what. I understand I have no idea how many people of color are treated and I am working on learning more. My worry is that there are those clouding up the protest points with looting and damaging property. At the same time, I want people to realize that we must address the issues and not let it all blow over. Otherwise, this situation will continue to in its vicious cycle. It was only 5 or 6 years ago when two men were killed and similar protests and such took place. Again, time after time before these incidents. Seems that we are all crazy for letting it happen over and over with no change.
It is time to make a change.
Wednesday, June 10, 2020
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
YLOD - Yellow Light of Death - My PS3...
Finally, I got off my backside and hooked up my Playstation 4 in my bedroom. I have had a few nights where I was trying to complete the set up while lying in bed, but I would drop off to sleep a lot. I suppose I was pretty tired. I made it a point to be awake and get everything set up. I even downloaded Fortnite, then purchased Duke Nukem 3D 20th Anniversary Edition (OMG - has it been 20 years?!)
I played part of the beginning of the game. I laughed at how awkward I was with using the controller. It is good that I am practicing using single player and not showing how bad I am at playing games with others right now. Even being a bad player, I realized how much fun I was having and felt less stressed.
Tonight, I went into the living room to update the older systems in preparation for Thanksgiving. That's right, folks, I plan on binge watching shows and playing video games while preparing my Thanksgiving dinner. Bo was not sure what to make of it all.
While I know dogs really do not understand what we are saying to them, I always have a conversation with Bo. He is my very best friend, if you think about it. He is here with me all of the time, so he knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. Still, he follows me around and gives off the happiest of smiles that brighten my day.
I had Bo on the sofa and I told him that we were going to binge watch movies and just relax this year. However, I also planned on playing video games, so I wanted to make sure the devices were updated ahead of time.
I went to turn on my PS3 with the remote and the system did nothing. I checked the batteries. Even though the batteries appeared to be recent, you never know, so I grabbed some fresh batteries and put them into the remote. When to start the PS3 - nothing.
I physically got up, went to the console, pressed the "On/Off" button. The light turned green, yellow, then blinked red while beeping 3 times at me. Huh? I stood there doing this over and over, in some hope that the console would boot. Never happened - panic.
I grab my iPhone and start searching for what was happening. Information I pulled back was not pleasant. Seems that this is an issue on the motherboard. Sure, you can fix it, but it is complicated. *Huge sigh*
I watched videos on how the devices get repaired for this issue. It is straight forward, but there are some pitfalls and I would rather not do it myself. I checked on getting a new console, then it hit me - check for a repair shop for gaming consoles.
There are a few in the area. I have decided to call one tomorrow and see what can be done at this point. I hope to hear some good news, but prepare for the worst.
While I could buy a refurbished or pre-owned (used!) console, I think it is probably better to just see what could be salvaged.
Will provide an update on this soon...
I played part of the beginning of the game. I laughed at how awkward I was with using the controller. It is good that I am practicing using single player and not showing how bad I am at playing games with others right now. Even being a bad player, I realized how much fun I was having and felt less stressed.
Tonight, I went into the living room to update the older systems in preparation for Thanksgiving. That's right, folks, I plan on binge watching shows and playing video games while preparing my Thanksgiving dinner. Bo was not sure what to make of it all.
While I know dogs really do not understand what we are saying to them, I always have a conversation with Bo. He is my very best friend, if you think about it. He is here with me all of the time, so he knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. Still, he follows me around and gives off the happiest of smiles that brighten my day.
I had Bo on the sofa and I told him that we were going to binge watch movies and just relax this year. However, I also planned on playing video games, so I wanted to make sure the devices were updated ahead of time.
I went to turn on my PS3 with the remote and the system did nothing. I checked the batteries. Even though the batteries appeared to be recent, you never know, so I grabbed some fresh batteries and put them into the remote. When to start the PS3 - nothing.
I physically got up, went to the console, pressed the "On/Off" button. The light turned green, yellow, then blinked red while beeping 3 times at me. Huh? I stood there doing this over and over, in some hope that the console would boot. Never happened - panic.
I grab my iPhone and start searching for what was happening. Information I pulled back was not pleasant. Seems that this is an issue on the motherboard. Sure, you can fix it, but it is complicated. *Huge sigh*
I watched videos on how the devices get repaired for this issue. It is straight forward, but there are some pitfalls and I would rather not do it myself. I checked on getting a new console, then it hit me - check for a repair shop for gaming consoles.
There are a few in the area. I have decided to call one tomorrow and see what can be done at this point. I hope to hear some good news, but prepare for the worst.
While I could buy a refurbished or pre-owned (used!) console, I think it is probably better to just see what could be salvaged.
Will provide an update on this soon...
Thursday, November 8, 2018
November Health Update...
I apologize for not having updated my blog in a month. I sat here and went down the video game/Twitch rabbit hole. I have some ideas in mind for some projects I would like to do for fun on both YouTube and Twitch. I am finding a welcoming group of people in the gaming community, even at my age. In fact, just this past week, I have had a few people from that area tell me what a "bad ass" I was. Apparently, I am cool because I am over the age of 50, know what "Twitch"is, I engage in a friendly way - not like a parent, and I still play video games.
It made me feel less of a "mean, old lady".
I am working on creating a post on how life has been the past month using the Freestyle Libre Glucose Monitor. I would like to provide my experience for others who may be considering using it or those who are using it, can provide me some advice. I hope to put that out this weekend.
Overall, I did lose about 2 lbs, but my body is being stubborn. Not sure why, but that is why I am using my health log and started adding trackers to really investigate areas where I am lacking.
Upon seeing my nephrologist last Thursday, my lab work showed that my creatinine level went from 1.5 to 2.0. My doctor is concerned about the large increase. Earlier, I had dropped from 1.8 to 1.3. My last visit, I had gone up to 1.5. He is not sure if the diabetes, blood pressure, or both. So, I have to visit him again in 2 months to see where I am.
For my part, I am going to work harder on monitoring my blood pressure, taking medications, and logging how much water I am drinking. I hate to say it, but if he is concerned, it is pretty scary for me. I voiced how scared I was to a good friend of mine and she offered me one of her kidneys. The thing is, I just want to make sure that I am not at that point. I love her to death for that, but I want to prevent that from happening.
Tomorrow, I see my dietician and go over what has happened in the past 3 weeks. I do not see where I have lost anything - in fact, I have gained a pound or two. I try hard not to dwell on that and get depressed over it. Our bodies are constantly changing and I just have to remember that. I can only control the things I can, such as what I eat/drink and exercise. Internally, I cannot control what is happening in there. I just need to be more careful and make better choices.
Mentally, I realized I was really exhausted. I have had no down time from work since June. I had planned on down time in September/October, but it just did not happen. So, I sat down and planned out the rest of my vacation for the year. Having been with the company for 20+ years, I have 33 days to take for vacation. I had already taken some time earlier this year, so I was left with 17 days.
Ten of those days, I decided for all of November and December, I would take every Friday off from work. It was amazing how excited I was to have an extra day for the weekend. I always feel that the weekend goes by too fast for me to get anything done. Now, I have an extra week.
To finish off the remaining days, I am taking off the day before Thanksgiving, then returning that following Thursday. For Christmas, I am taking the Friday before the week of Christmas, then the rest of the time off until January 2nd. I spread it out and hope I won't get any of this: Well, if you are gone, who is going to handle this?
I am so tired of people not sorting out how to handle things without me. I have to handle situations without them when they take off and there is no one who backs them. I think they can handle things without me - I worked hard for that vacation time.
Overall, that is my update in a nutshell. I hope to do my posts regarding the Freestyle Libra Continual Glucose Monitor, my thoughts on physicians neglecting to read what patients have in their medical records, and various funny tales in the upcoming days/weeks. Hope you will hang with me on that.
It made me feel less of a "mean, old lady".
I am working on creating a post on how life has been the past month using the Freestyle Libre Glucose Monitor. I would like to provide my experience for others who may be considering using it or those who are using it, can provide me some advice. I hope to put that out this weekend.
Overall, I did lose about 2 lbs, but my body is being stubborn. Not sure why, but that is why I am using my health log and started adding trackers to really investigate areas where I am lacking.
Upon seeing my nephrologist last Thursday, my lab work showed that my creatinine level went from 1.5 to 2.0. My doctor is concerned about the large increase. Earlier, I had dropped from 1.8 to 1.3. My last visit, I had gone up to 1.5. He is not sure if the diabetes, blood pressure, or both. So, I have to visit him again in 2 months to see where I am.
For my part, I am going to work harder on monitoring my blood pressure, taking medications, and logging how much water I am drinking. I hate to say it, but if he is concerned, it is pretty scary for me. I voiced how scared I was to a good friend of mine and she offered me one of her kidneys. The thing is, I just want to make sure that I am not at that point. I love her to death for that, but I want to prevent that from happening.
Tomorrow, I see my dietician and go over what has happened in the past 3 weeks. I do not see where I have lost anything - in fact, I have gained a pound or two. I try hard not to dwell on that and get depressed over it. Our bodies are constantly changing and I just have to remember that. I can only control the things I can, such as what I eat/drink and exercise. Internally, I cannot control what is happening in there. I just need to be more careful and make better choices.
Mentally, I realized I was really exhausted. I have had no down time from work since June. I had planned on down time in September/October, but it just did not happen. So, I sat down and planned out the rest of my vacation for the year. Having been with the company for 20+ years, I have 33 days to take for vacation. I had already taken some time earlier this year, so I was left with 17 days.
Ten of those days, I decided for all of November and December, I would take every Friday off from work. It was amazing how excited I was to have an extra day for the weekend. I always feel that the weekend goes by too fast for me to get anything done. Now, I have an extra week.
To finish off the remaining days, I am taking off the day before Thanksgiving, then returning that following Thursday. For Christmas, I am taking the Friday before the week of Christmas, then the rest of the time off until January 2nd. I spread it out and hope I won't get any of this: Well, if you are gone, who is going to handle this?
I am so tired of people not sorting out how to handle things without me. I have to handle situations without them when they take off and there is no one who backs them. I think they can handle things without me - I worked hard for that vacation time.
Overall, that is my update in a nutshell. I hope to do my posts regarding the Freestyle Libra Continual Glucose Monitor, my thoughts on physicians neglecting to read what patients have in their medical records, and various funny tales in the upcoming days/weeks. Hope you will hang with me on that.
Monday, October 1, 2018
New Month - New Device...
Earlier this year, I got a new endocrinologist. While she wanted me to use the constantly supplied insulin box, I decided I would continue with the current injections. However, I would try the Freestyle Libre sensor.
The first time I tried it, it was a mess, so say the least. A little background on the blood glucose sensor. You have to put the sensor onto the back of your arm. The sensor has a small needle that is placed just inside the skin. It takes about 12 hours for the sensor to gather the information on your blood sugar in your system.
The sensor is worn for 10 days, then you have to remove it and apply another sensor. It also takes another 12 hours for that sensor to gather information before it actual starts working.
The cool thing about using the sensor is no longer having to poke your finger all the time to get your blood sugar readings. You do have to prick your finger for readings during that 12 hour period, but once that is done, you just have to wave the device over the sensor. By doing that, the device picks up the information and shows you what your current blood sugar is.
So, that is a nice feature.
My initial experience was not so great and left me with questions. The first sensor would act like it was activating. I went back to check how many hours left and the device would say that it needed to reactivate and it would be another 12 hours. After awhile, I got concerned, so I removed the sensor.
The needle underneath had bent. Fabulous. Would have been nice for the device to tell me that the sensor needle had been bent or was not working.
So, I got my second sensor. Just a small piece of information - my prescription only allows me 3 sensors at one time and it costs $75 via insurance. Therefore, I am really not liking how this going. I have messed up my first sensor, on my second sensor, and I only have 1 unused sensor.
The second sensor finally activated, stayed activated, and started returning results within 12 hours. Fabulous. The data is really great to have - showing me my lows and spikes. Unfortunately for me, the second sensor detached from my skin because I had sweated so much. Argh!
At that point, it has only been 2 days and 2 sensors sacrificed. Not a great start, so I went back to previous method of measuring my blood sugar.
Next visit with the endocrinologist, she is insistent that I use the sensor. She claims that she cannot pull the data off of my OneTouch device. For me, that is crap. I have the cable and such to pull the data off of my OneTouch device, so that excuse just does not float with me. I believe that is just her way to insisting on using one device with all of her patients.
I did explain my experience and she stated that I could send back any sensor that does not work properly to the company to get another sent to me overnight. This part I was not aware.
Since is it October 1st, I will try the sensor again. Hope that this time, the sensor will stay on my arm and work properly for the next 10 days. Otherwise, I am going to really be dissatisfied with this product. It is supposed to stay on while showering, so we shall see.
The first time I tried it, it was a mess, so say the least. A little background on the blood glucose sensor. You have to put the sensor onto the back of your arm. The sensor has a small needle that is placed just inside the skin. It takes about 12 hours for the sensor to gather the information on your blood sugar in your system.
The sensor is worn for 10 days, then you have to remove it and apply another sensor. It also takes another 12 hours for that sensor to gather information before it actual starts working.
The cool thing about using the sensor is no longer having to poke your finger all the time to get your blood sugar readings. You do have to prick your finger for readings during that 12 hour period, but once that is done, you just have to wave the device over the sensor. By doing that, the device picks up the information and shows you what your current blood sugar is.
So, that is a nice feature.
My initial experience was not so great and left me with questions. The first sensor would act like it was activating. I went back to check how many hours left and the device would say that it needed to reactivate and it would be another 12 hours. After awhile, I got concerned, so I removed the sensor.
The needle underneath had bent. Fabulous. Would have been nice for the device to tell me that the sensor needle had been bent or was not working.
So, I got my second sensor. Just a small piece of information - my prescription only allows me 3 sensors at one time and it costs $75 via insurance. Therefore, I am really not liking how this going. I have messed up my first sensor, on my second sensor, and I only have 1 unused sensor.
The second sensor finally activated, stayed activated, and started returning results within 12 hours. Fabulous. The data is really great to have - showing me my lows and spikes. Unfortunately for me, the second sensor detached from my skin because I had sweated so much. Argh!
At that point, it has only been 2 days and 2 sensors sacrificed. Not a great start, so I went back to previous method of measuring my blood sugar.
Next visit with the endocrinologist, she is insistent that I use the sensor. She claims that she cannot pull the data off of my OneTouch device. For me, that is crap. I have the cable and such to pull the data off of my OneTouch device, so that excuse just does not float with me. I believe that is just her way to insisting on using one device with all of her patients.
I did explain my experience and she stated that I could send back any sensor that does not work properly to the company to get another sent to me overnight. This part I was not aware.
Since is it October 1st, I will try the sensor again. Hope that this time, the sensor will stay on my arm and work properly for the next 10 days. Otherwise, I am going to really be dissatisfied with this product. It is supposed to stay on while showering, so we shall see.
Hello, October! I Have Been Waiting for You...
This past summer has been a beast. Between dealing with the heat outside, I also had to deal with poor a/c unit not working. I complained that the unit was having issues in early June, but no one seemed to care about looking at the issue. By July, the apartment temperature started reaching 85 to 90 degrees. I was pretty angry about that because nothing was getting done.
In July, I purchased a portable a/c unit from Home Depot. It was not a window unit, as I was used to having. However, the little unit did a good job under the circumstances. I still use it to keep my bedroom cool. Bo loves it because he will lay right in the line of where the cool air is blowing.
The past week, even though it has rained quite a bit, the weather outside has been a bit cooler. The only part I do not like is the high humidity. I need to work on determining a good makeup regime where I can wear some sort of foundation without it melting off my face. Nothing worse than putting on makeup and watching it just melt before your eyes.
However, today is the first day of October. I know that the weather may not be fitting for "fall" today or part of this week. I do hope that as the days go by, the weather will cool off more and be more pleasant. At least, be cool enough for me not to break into a sweat all of the time.
With that being said, everyone have a beautiful October 1st. Go and enjoy whatever Pumpkin Spice items you love!
In July, I purchased a portable a/c unit from Home Depot. It was not a window unit, as I was used to having. However, the little unit did a good job under the circumstances. I still use it to keep my bedroom cool. Bo loves it because he will lay right in the line of where the cool air is blowing.
The past week, even though it has rained quite a bit, the weather outside has been a bit cooler. The only part I do not like is the high humidity. I need to work on determining a good makeup regime where I can wear some sort of foundation without it melting off my face. Nothing worse than putting on makeup and watching it just melt before your eyes.
However, today is the first day of October. I know that the weather may not be fitting for "fall" today or part of this week. I do hope that as the days go by, the weather will cool off more and be more pleasant. At least, be cool enough for me not to break into a sweat all of the time.
With that being said, everyone have a beautiful October 1st. Go and enjoy whatever Pumpkin Spice items you love!
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Arrgh - Got Killed Again...
A LONG time ago, I purchased a game called "Half Life." Sci-Fi game based upon an accidental experiment gone wrong. The lead character has to fight against mutants in order to get help for the scientists and security guards left in the Black Mesa site.
I never got all the way through the game. I was trying to play when I first got the game, but when you share the main computer system in the living room, you did not get a lot of time on the computer. When I moved out of my parents' home and into my own apartment, I would spend time playing the game while listening to audio books. Unfortunately, the laptop I was playing on would lock up a lot.
When I purchased my current Dell laptop, I found I was not able to play the game no more. It would hang up when I attempted to put on my suit at the very beginning of the game. I was really upset over that because I had wanted this to be my new gaming system. However, I was unable to play the game that I wanted to finish.
A few years ago, I found that I could play the same on the Steam servers. Graphics were just fabulous and there was good speed in playing the game. Problem was that I never seemed to have time to just play video games.
Recently, I have reclaimed my home office again. I have the systems set up to work to my advantage. I have looked at playing Fortnite, but seems that my system is not up to handling that game just yet. The poor system got so hot that it shut itself down when I was trying to understand how to play. I was really worried that I had screwed up the system so badly that I could not recover. Luckily, I turned on my small desk fan and I keep it blowing on the system to keep it cool. I will have to purchase an air board to keep the laptop cool.
So, this past week, I started playing around with Half-Life again. I went through the "Training" program, first. I remembered a lot of my trouble areas, but I did manage to get better and remember how to pass the various tests.
I started playing the real game. I remind myself that when I get to certain parts of the game, I need to save that moment, so that when my character dies, I can come back to that spot to continue.
I find myself getting excited when the mutants sneak up on my character. I feel proud of myself to getting my character to obliterate the various nasty mutants. It has been fun. However, I know that I am not playing the game quite right. I need to read through the walk-thru to make sure I am picking up what I need.
I will say, it has been really nice to start playing a game just to get away from the daily stress. I will play SimCity BuildIt on my iPhone, but what is involved in that game is trying to keep your Sims happy while you build your city and do the trade to help get more revenue for your city. A lot of the time, it is planning on what materials I need to have in order to complete the requests. So, I will set certain pieces to build and come back in about an hour to see how much has been completed.
The frustrating part of SimCity BuildIt has been trying to build the requests within the alloted time. For example, I have a cargo plane that will take off in 8 hours - it is impossible to grow 10 ears of corn in that time frame because it takes 54 minutes to complete growing the corn. The game does provide a hint of the three items each cargo plane and ship will require, but at this point, I have to fulfill requests for 3 cargo plans (UK, Japan, and France) as well as requests for the cargo ship. It can be quite a problem if one needs 5 ears of corn and another needs 12.
Still, I am glad to have this stress relief. I just finished playing another section of Half-Life. When I got killed for the last time, I just laughed. My character fell to his death because I was trying to jump on to an elevator platform before the head crabs got me. I missed the platform. I am still laughing - sad, but oh, well, I will come back to it and do better next time.
I watched someone playing "Super Seducer" on Twitch the other day. That is an interesting game because it shows live actors in certain situations where the guy is trying to seduce the girl. At certain points, the game stops and asks you to choose what would be the next move.
There are some obvious good choices, but there are always the really bad choices. It is funny, yet, cringy to watch the bad choices. The fun part is when you make the selection and after that section completes, the actors explain why that was a good or bad choice. I was impressed with that game.
Got to have fun - the video games help!
I never got all the way through the game. I was trying to play when I first got the game, but when you share the main computer system in the living room, you did not get a lot of time on the computer. When I moved out of my parents' home and into my own apartment, I would spend time playing the game while listening to audio books. Unfortunately, the laptop I was playing on would lock up a lot.
When I purchased my current Dell laptop, I found I was not able to play the game no more. It would hang up when I attempted to put on my suit at the very beginning of the game. I was really upset over that because I had wanted this to be my new gaming system. However, I was unable to play the game that I wanted to finish.
A few years ago, I found that I could play the same on the Steam servers. Graphics were just fabulous and there was good speed in playing the game. Problem was that I never seemed to have time to just play video games.
Recently, I have reclaimed my home office again. I have the systems set up to work to my advantage. I have looked at playing Fortnite, but seems that my system is not up to handling that game just yet. The poor system got so hot that it shut itself down when I was trying to understand how to play. I was really worried that I had screwed up the system so badly that I could not recover. Luckily, I turned on my small desk fan and I keep it blowing on the system to keep it cool. I will have to purchase an air board to keep the laptop cool.
So, this past week, I started playing around with Half-Life again. I went through the "Training" program, first. I remembered a lot of my trouble areas, but I did manage to get better and remember how to pass the various tests.
I started playing the real game. I remind myself that when I get to certain parts of the game, I need to save that moment, so that when my character dies, I can come back to that spot to continue.
I find myself getting excited when the mutants sneak up on my character. I feel proud of myself to getting my character to obliterate the various nasty mutants. It has been fun. However, I know that I am not playing the game quite right. I need to read through the walk-thru to make sure I am picking up what I need.
I will say, it has been really nice to start playing a game just to get away from the daily stress. I will play SimCity BuildIt on my iPhone, but what is involved in that game is trying to keep your Sims happy while you build your city and do the trade to help get more revenue for your city. A lot of the time, it is planning on what materials I need to have in order to complete the requests. So, I will set certain pieces to build and come back in about an hour to see how much has been completed.
The frustrating part of SimCity BuildIt has been trying to build the requests within the alloted time. For example, I have a cargo plane that will take off in 8 hours - it is impossible to grow 10 ears of corn in that time frame because it takes 54 minutes to complete growing the corn. The game does provide a hint of the three items each cargo plane and ship will require, but at this point, I have to fulfill requests for 3 cargo plans (UK, Japan, and France) as well as requests for the cargo ship. It can be quite a problem if one needs 5 ears of corn and another needs 12.
Still, I am glad to have this stress relief. I just finished playing another section of Half-Life. When I got killed for the last time, I just laughed. My character fell to his death because I was trying to jump on to an elevator platform before the head crabs got me. I missed the platform. I am still laughing - sad, but oh, well, I will come back to it and do better next time.
I watched someone playing "Super Seducer" on Twitch the other day. That is an interesting game because it shows live actors in certain situations where the guy is trying to seduce the girl. At certain points, the game stops and asks you to choose what would be the next move.
There are some obvious good choices, but there are always the really bad choices. It is funny, yet, cringy to watch the bad choices. The fun part is when you make the selection and after that section completes, the actors explain why that was a good or bad choice. I was impressed with that game.
Got to have fun - the video games help!
Let's Try This Again - Health Update...
This week, I saw my counselor, dietician, and orthopedic. My counselor gave me the hard news - she has to leave the practice as her husband has as new job out of state. That makes me sad. I feel I have a lot of trust built up with her and now, I have to start all over with someone new.
As for my dietician, I gained about 2.2 lbs. Last month, I gained 4 lbs., so total of 6.2 lbs. Not happy with that, but stuff going on in my life has not been the best. I was not journaling myself to keep myself accountable for what I was eating/drinking. I have a new journal that I have started. The previous one was completed, so I did achieve that goal - completing one journal. Now, I need to work on completing this journal with the information regarding my lifestyle change.
My current goal is to get under 300 lbs by end of the year. This is an feasible goal and I know I can accomplish it. After that, the next goal is to get to under 250 by mid-year next year. I still feel that is feasible. At that point, I will report back on how I am feeling, especially in regards to my back, knee, and leg pain. The pain really detracts me from doing any sort of low-impact exercise. However, I am going to try to do "something" that gets my heart rate up and burns fat. I am doing this for me - no one else. That is the most important part.
Now, as for my orthopedic, he renewed my prescriptions, but he still seems to regard me in some disgust. I am offended that he still keeps harping on my weight and that I should lose weight. The reason for my offense is that I have already lost 28 lbs since December 2017 and this guy's practice does not even weigh me. So, to act like I am doing nothing is really offensive to me. Furthermore, he just won't do much to help with the pain. That is all I am asking for him to do is find something that will reduce the pain, so I can just walk without the pain.
You know, I still have a herniated disc and that is not going to heal itself overnight. When I walk or stand for awhile, the pinching pain in my back is tremendous. It is not fun. When I sit or lie down, the pain goes away. Oddly enough, when it is really nasty, the movement of sitting down can be so excruciating, then once seated, the pain slowly goes away. So, I know many doctors will be judgemental regarding overweight patients. However, that attitude does not help the patient. In some cases, shaming them makes the problem worse and that is a real problem.
I am planning on looking into what orthopedics my insurance company will cover and look for someone else. I will even discuss it with my PCP, who has been very supportive of me. Even my OB-GYN is very supportive of me with this journey. She will tell you - weight loss is not going to make your problems go away. In fact, it may cause other issues. That is a hard truth that no one discusses. It may help some of your health issues go away, but the rest of it, if you have self-conscious or anxiety issues, losing the weight may not help that. That is why I have also engaged a counselor. Help me through the changes and get me through those areas that trigger bad habits.
I did order my Pandora bracelet last week. While I know I have gained weight, that is fine. I still need to reward myself for having lost the 6 lbs I did in July. So, for October, I can wear the bracelet to remind myself - "You lost 6 lbs - you got this and can do it again!" That will help me mentally to stay on track along with journaling to keep me accountable.
Lesson - you can follow all sorts of diets, but bottom line, you have to make a "lifestyle" change if you want to keep things permanent.
Next update in October!
As for my dietician, I gained about 2.2 lbs. Last month, I gained 4 lbs., so total of 6.2 lbs. Not happy with that, but stuff going on in my life has not been the best. I was not journaling myself to keep myself accountable for what I was eating/drinking. I have a new journal that I have started. The previous one was completed, so I did achieve that goal - completing one journal. Now, I need to work on completing this journal with the information regarding my lifestyle change.
My current goal is to get under 300 lbs by end of the year. This is an feasible goal and I know I can accomplish it. After that, the next goal is to get to under 250 by mid-year next year. I still feel that is feasible. At that point, I will report back on how I am feeling, especially in regards to my back, knee, and leg pain. The pain really detracts me from doing any sort of low-impact exercise. However, I am going to try to do "something" that gets my heart rate up and burns fat. I am doing this for me - no one else. That is the most important part.
Now, as for my orthopedic, he renewed my prescriptions, but he still seems to regard me in some disgust. I am offended that he still keeps harping on my weight and that I should lose weight. The reason for my offense is that I have already lost 28 lbs since December 2017 and this guy's practice does not even weigh me. So, to act like I am doing nothing is really offensive to me. Furthermore, he just won't do much to help with the pain. That is all I am asking for him to do is find something that will reduce the pain, so I can just walk without the pain.
You know, I still have a herniated disc and that is not going to heal itself overnight. When I walk or stand for awhile, the pinching pain in my back is tremendous. It is not fun. When I sit or lie down, the pain goes away. Oddly enough, when it is really nasty, the movement of sitting down can be so excruciating, then once seated, the pain slowly goes away. So, I know many doctors will be judgemental regarding overweight patients. However, that attitude does not help the patient. In some cases, shaming them makes the problem worse and that is a real problem.
I am planning on looking into what orthopedics my insurance company will cover and look for someone else. I will even discuss it with my PCP, who has been very supportive of me. Even my OB-GYN is very supportive of me with this journey. She will tell you - weight loss is not going to make your problems go away. In fact, it may cause other issues. That is a hard truth that no one discusses. It may help some of your health issues go away, but the rest of it, if you have self-conscious or anxiety issues, losing the weight may not help that. That is why I have also engaged a counselor. Help me through the changes and get me through those areas that trigger bad habits.
I did order my Pandora bracelet last week. While I know I have gained weight, that is fine. I still need to reward myself for having lost the 6 lbs I did in July. So, for October, I can wear the bracelet to remind myself - "You lost 6 lbs - you got this and can do it again!" That will help me mentally to stay on track along with journaling to keep me accountable.
Lesson - you can follow all sorts of diets, but bottom line, you have to make a "lifestyle" change if you want to keep things permanent.
Next update in October!
Thursday, September 20, 2018
Health Update - Thus Far...
I admit, my health is an up and down situation. I find myself in stressful situations or not having enough time to devote to "self-care", it takes a dive. It is something I am not proud.
Around April, I took on managing production along with development. Not the best situation, but I was concerned with keeping my job. The company is on a lay-off spree or looking to move jobs off-shore, so I am trying to be on my toes. Just that alone is so stressful. You worry for yourself and have concerns for others that are affected by these decisions.
What I have done is tried to journal my health journey. I have my pitfalls - such as the month of August and most of September lay in waste as I never seemed to have time to concentrate on me. The other part is the chronic pain with my back, legs, and knees. I do well to just get Bo outside for a quick walk. I have to stop and sit for a bit before we complete a good walk around the lower end of the complex. I hate it, to be perfectly honest. Walking with ease was the one thing I valued so much and it has been ripped away from me. I just do not get it.
I am trying to get back on the wagon to lose weight. I was pretty proud of myself for losing the 6 lbs, but I am sure I have gained it again. I just need to crack down again and stay there. I think with clearing some of the chaos out of the way in the apartment, as I am doing this week, that may help. Just to clear my mind and be able to focus on doing more "self care" regarding myself.
My blood sugar and such are high and that is another reason for trying to change my lifestyle and crack down on my "self-care." I am getting rather tired of hearing how my A1C is no longer accurate as I have kidney disease. Thanks, doctor for making me feel worse about my situation. I will say, my kidney doctor is a bit more positive - I am stable and he likes that.
I have a new primary care physician. I like her a lot and she has been really helpful with getting me out of my depression. I do not feel quite so anxious about things, but more helpful is the ability to just not care about the little things. I was getting so caught up in this little issue or another. It was just time to let that go - life is too short to care - if it needs to get done, it will. I am only one person and people need to recognize that.
As for the chronic back, leg, and knee pain, I ended up with a new orthopedic who basically is just writing out scripts for pain meds that do not work. I was also told to lose weight. Other than that, he is not doing much other than being condescending. So, that was another motivator for me to lose weight because if that did not fix my issue, I was going to slam him as a "quack."
My other solution is to contact Massage Envy and discuss with them about getting deep stretching. I read where others were having issues with chronic lower back pain and doing the stretching helped them. At one point, therapy was starting to help my back, but then, my knee went out on me. I do think that this is a good thing to look into, so I plan on calling Massage Envy to find out cost and so forth.
At this point, that is all the update I have. I will say, I do have a reward system for losing weight. Each month that I lose 4+ lbs, then I will add a charm to a Pandora bracelet. I need to buy my bracelet and first charm. From this day forward, work harder to lose the necessary weight, so I can look at my bracelet and feel proud of the work I have done.
I will keep you updated with how I am doing with journaling as well as the progress.
Around April, I took on managing production along with development. Not the best situation, but I was concerned with keeping my job. The company is on a lay-off spree or looking to move jobs off-shore, so I am trying to be on my toes. Just that alone is so stressful. You worry for yourself and have concerns for others that are affected by these decisions.
What I have done is tried to journal my health journey. I have my pitfalls - such as the month of August and most of September lay in waste as I never seemed to have time to concentrate on me. The other part is the chronic pain with my back, legs, and knees. I do well to just get Bo outside for a quick walk. I have to stop and sit for a bit before we complete a good walk around the lower end of the complex. I hate it, to be perfectly honest. Walking with ease was the one thing I valued so much and it has been ripped away from me. I just do not get it.
I am trying to get back on the wagon to lose weight. I was pretty proud of myself for losing the 6 lbs, but I am sure I have gained it again. I just need to crack down again and stay there. I think with clearing some of the chaos out of the way in the apartment, as I am doing this week, that may help. Just to clear my mind and be able to focus on doing more "self care" regarding myself.
My blood sugar and such are high and that is another reason for trying to change my lifestyle and crack down on my "self-care." I am getting rather tired of hearing how my A1C is no longer accurate as I have kidney disease. Thanks, doctor for making me feel worse about my situation. I will say, my kidney doctor is a bit more positive - I am stable and he likes that.
I have a new primary care physician. I like her a lot and she has been really helpful with getting me out of my depression. I do not feel quite so anxious about things, but more helpful is the ability to just not care about the little things. I was getting so caught up in this little issue or another. It was just time to let that go - life is too short to care - if it needs to get done, it will. I am only one person and people need to recognize that.
As for the chronic back, leg, and knee pain, I ended up with a new orthopedic who basically is just writing out scripts for pain meds that do not work. I was also told to lose weight. Other than that, he is not doing much other than being condescending. So, that was another motivator for me to lose weight because if that did not fix my issue, I was going to slam him as a "quack."
My other solution is to contact Massage Envy and discuss with them about getting deep stretching. I read where others were having issues with chronic lower back pain and doing the stretching helped them. At one point, therapy was starting to help my back, but then, my knee went out on me. I do think that this is a good thing to look into, so I plan on calling Massage Envy to find out cost and so forth.
At this point, that is all the update I have. I will say, I do have a reward system for losing weight. Each month that I lose 4+ lbs, then I will add a charm to a Pandora bracelet. I need to buy my bracelet and first charm. From this day forward, work harder to lose the necessary weight, so I can look at my bracelet and feel proud of the work I have done.
I will keep you updated with how I am doing with journaling as well as the progress.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Home Office 95% Complete...
After spending a day working on my home office, I must say that I am really close to having completed my set up as I wanted. I still have some things that I need to sort out, but that is the small stuff. It was the major moving of the systems, setting them up, and making sure everything works . I have that part pretty much done.
One thing I should note - I have a lot of keyboard/mouse combinations where the USB dongle is missing or does not work. I will be trashing a lot of that because what is the point? Last December, someone stole the port replicator off my desk and it contained two USB dongles and pretty much shutdown my ability to work on my laptop.
First, people that steal from the company stink. Second, a port replicator? Really?
Anyway, that person's action required me to report the port replicator stolen. Next, the keyboards and mice I had were useless. While I can replace those items, it was just the fact that someone was so mindless about how their actions would affect another person trying to do their job.
Enough of that rant.
So, I will probably look for another keyboard/mouse combo to work on my Linux server as well as for the Raspberry PI I have. I already checked Office Depot and found one that would work. I am thinking of getting a smaller keyboard for the Raspberry PI that will work nicely.
The other thing that I have twisting in my head is that my current Dell laptop will be 10 years old next year. It is already showing signs of age. For example, when I stream content to my laptop, out of nowhere, the system will just shutdown - no blue screen of death - just black screen and it has been powered off. Not really reliable.
I saw where one that is comparable to what I already have with updated equipment and ability to expand to 32 Gb of memory is on sale at a reasonable price. I have two hesitations: 1. I really do not want to let go of the money to purchase it. 2. It is another Dell system. I have had really bad experiences with Dell systems.
My very first Dell I bought was in 2001. I purchased it directly from Dell. I was so proud of myself to have my own laptop. However, it was nothing but a heap of junk in the end. It would lock up constantly after 20 minutes. I had such a difficult time with that laptop and my father tried fixing it several times. Let's just say, I had a lemon for a computer. Not a happy customer.
I was taking my first course at UTD and tried using my laptop in class. What did it do? That is right - locked up and continued to lock up through out a lecture one day. I was so frustrated. My boss at work told me about how he had purchased a new HP system from Office Depot on credit. Not only could I get a discount on the laptop, but if I purchased on their credit card, I could get it interest free for 12 months if I paid it off before that time.
I thought about it and went down to purchase my first Toshiba computer. I opened up an Office Depot credit card and was able to purchase the laptop with 12 months interest free. I made sure I paid off the computer with my bonus 4 months later. That little system never locked up on me. Even today, the laptop is very reliable and I could not be happier with it. However, I allowed my father to borrow it to help a girlfriend out with something and it ended up with a virus. I had to replace the hard drive, but that was not the computer's fault.
In 2008, I saw these mini computer that Dell and others were developing. I saw Dell's and thought about it. A friend had one and she could not say enough about it. I thought it would be nice to have it for taking with me to Starbuck, work, and class because it was small, quick and convenient. So, I got credit again from Dell and purchased it. The only problem with the 8" computer was the keyboard - some of the keys were not where they should be for a QWERTY keyboard. Later, the 9" models were better. However, I will say, the computer never locked up and performed pretty well.
So based on that, I was spending a lot of time taking care of my dying mother. One of the things I would do to try to reduce stress was play video games. However, my Toshiba was not a gaming system - it could not handle the needs with the graphics adapter it had. So, I went back to Dell to look for a new system.
Mind you, the deal I had with Dell credit was similar to the Office Depot credit - I got a 12 month interest free as long as I paid off the bill before 12 months. I purchased my current personal system. The desktop I had was having some hard drive issues and when the hard drive went out, I was crushed. So much music I spent time loading into iTunes and *poof*, it was all gone.
This time, with the Dell, I moved the iTunes library over to a portable drive and I have some other removable drives for doing backups.
This Dell has had its share of issues, so I am not sure if I want to get a new one or not. It was probably a bad idea 10 years ago to purchase a brand new 64-bit system. Those had just been released and it could be that this system still had bugs.
So, I think I will reside on the fence for a bit before getting another system. I would rather upgrade another desktop and set up a fancy backup system and not purchase another laptop. However, we will see what happens around March next year. Research if what I want to upgrade comes out cheaper than a laptop.
Right now, I am happy with my extended space in my home office. Bo has found his dog bed from when we used to spend a lot of time in here and he actually sleeps in it. He did several times today, which was nice.
Next, tackling getting back in the habit of bullet journaling my health journey and how to better manage my time for doing art, learning, and relaxing.
One thing I should note - I have a lot of keyboard/mouse combinations where the USB dongle is missing or does not work. I will be trashing a lot of that because what is the point? Last December, someone stole the port replicator off my desk and it contained two USB dongles and pretty much shutdown my ability to work on my laptop.
First, people that steal from the company stink. Second, a port replicator? Really?
Anyway, that person's action required me to report the port replicator stolen. Next, the keyboards and mice I had were useless. While I can replace those items, it was just the fact that someone was so mindless about how their actions would affect another person trying to do their job.
Enough of that rant.
So, I will probably look for another keyboard/mouse combo to work on my Linux server as well as for the Raspberry PI I have. I already checked Office Depot and found one that would work. I am thinking of getting a smaller keyboard for the Raspberry PI that will work nicely.
The other thing that I have twisting in my head is that my current Dell laptop will be 10 years old next year. It is already showing signs of age. For example, when I stream content to my laptop, out of nowhere, the system will just shutdown - no blue screen of death - just black screen and it has been powered off. Not really reliable.
I saw where one that is comparable to what I already have with updated equipment and ability to expand to 32 Gb of memory is on sale at a reasonable price. I have two hesitations: 1. I really do not want to let go of the money to purchase it. 2. It is another Dell system. I have had really bad experiences with Dell systems.
My very first Dell I bought was in 2001. I purchased it directly from Dell. I was so proud of myself to have my own laptop. However, it was nothing but a heap of junk in the end. It would lock up constantly after 20 minutes. I had such a difficult time with that laptop and my father tried fixing it several times. Let's just say, I had a lemon for a computer. Not a happy customer.
I was taking my first course at UTD and tried using my laptop in class. What did it do? That is right - locked up and continued to lock up through out a lecture one day. I was so frustrated. My boss at work told me about how he had purchased a new HP system from Office Depot on credit. Not only could I get a discount on the laptop, but if I purchased on their credit card, I could get it interest free for 12 months if I paid it off before that time.
I thought about it and went down to purchase my first Toshiba computer. I opened up an Office Depot credit card and was able to purchase the laptop with 12 months interest free. I made sure I paid off the computer with my bonus 4 months later. That little system never locked up on me. Even today, the laptop is very reliable and I could not be happier with it. However, I allowed my father to borrow it to help a girlfriend out with something and it ended up with a virus. I had to replace the hard drive, but that was not the computer's fault.
In 2008, I saw these mini computer that Dell and others were developing. I saw Dell's and thought about it. A friend had one and she could not say enough about it. I thought it would be nice to have it for taking with me to Starbuck, work, and class because it was small, quick and convenient. So, I got credit again from Dell and purchased it. The only problem with the 8" computer was the keyboard - some of the keys were not where they should be for a QWERTY keyboard. Later, the 9" models were better. However, I will say, the computer never locked up and performed pretty well.
So based on that, I was spending a lot of time taking care of my dying mother. One of the things I would do to try to reduce stress was play video games. However, my Toshiba was not a gaming system - it could not handle the needs with the graphics adapter it had. So, I went back to Dell to look for a new system.
Mind you, the deal I had with Dell credit was similar to the Office Depot credit - I got a 12 month interest free as long as I paid off the bill before 12 months. I purchased my current personal system. The desktop I had was having some hard drive issues and when the hard drive went out, I was crushed. So much music I spent time loading into iTunes and *poof*, it was all gone.
This time, with the Dell, I moved the iTunes library over to a portable drive and I have some other removable drives for doing backups.
This Dell has had its share of issues, so I am not sure if I want to get a new one or not. It was probably a bad idea 10 years ago to purchase a brand new 64-bit system. Those had just been released and it could be that this system still had bugs.
So, I think I will reside on the fence for a bit before getting another system. I would rather upgrade another desktop and set up a fancy backup system and not purchase another laptop. However, we will see what happens around March next year. Research if what I want to upgrade comes out cheaper than a laptop.
Right now, I am happy with my extended space in my home office. Bo has found his dog bed from when we used to spend a lot of time in here and he actually sleeps in it. He did several times today, which was nice.
Next, tackling getting back in the habit of bullet journaling my health journey and how to better manage my time for doing art, learning, and relaxing.
Monday, September 17, 2018
Allo! Returning From the Great Beyond...
Holy cow! It has been almost a year since I have provided a proper update here. I apologize, but life has been so insane. Hoping that I am able to turn some of the things around in my life and provide more regular updates.
This will be a short update at this time. Sort of a funny one, actually.
For awhile, I had gotten kicked out of my home "office" for a number of reasons. Mostly, it had become a junk room and in March I had to clear out a lot of that. I have started to turn some of this stuff around by moving my personal and work laptops back into my home office area.
What actually really motivated me, other than the junk clean out was the fact that the 19" monitor I was using at my dining room table finally gave out. It just was no longer going to display anything anymore. I thought it was the KVM switch, so I could switch between the two systems. By disconnecting from the switch and connecting directly to the laptops, the truth was that the poor monitor just was no good anymore.
I will have to take it and another monitor over to Best Buy and perform a quaint funeral service by dropping them off for recycling. They were good monitors.
I got extremely lucky and found a 32" monitor on sale about the same time. It had DVI, HDMI, and VGA connectors in the back. Rather than using the KVM switch, I have connected the Linux server I built a few years ago to use the monitor in VGA mode. My personal laptop is connected using the HDMI cable. All I have to do to switch between systems is press the button on the monitor.
However, the more tricky piece is the keyboard/mouse that is connected. I may have to get two separate keyboard/mouse combos, but I am taking my time and checking my options. I have another monitor that I plan on connected my work laptop using the VGA connector and my Raspberry PI on the HDMI connector.
It is nice to be back in my office area to be honest. I spent many a night in this room, either doing homework for university courses I was taking or simply doing work. I have a really nice chair that my parents got me and it is pretty spacious. I prefer working in this room than in the living room/dining room area. I just want to be able to separate everything and be able to walk away from work to relax more.
I will update all of you in the next few days on my health and some of the changes I have had to make.
Later....
This will be a short update at this time. Sort of a funny one, actually.
For awhile, I had gotten kicked out of my home "office" for a number of reasons. Mostly, it had become a junk room and in March I had to clear out a lot of that. I have started to turn some of this stuff around by moving my personal and work laptops back into my home office area.
What actually really motivated me, other than the junk clean out was the fact that the 19" monitor I was using at my dining room table finally gave out. It just was no longer going to display anything anymore. I thought it was the KVM switch, so I could switch between the two systems. By disconnecting from the switch and connecting directly to the laptops, the truth was that the poor monitor just was no good anymore.
I will have to take it and another monitor over to Best Buy and perform a quaint funeral service by dropping them off for recycling. They were good monitors.
I got extremely lucky and found a 32" monitor on sale about the same time. It had DVI, HDMI, and VGA connectors in the back. Rather than using the KVM switch, I have connected the Linux server I built a few years ago to use the monitor in VGA mode. My personal laptop is connected using the HDMI cable. All I have to do to switch between systems is press the button on the monitor.
However, the more tricky piece is the keyboard/mouse that is connected. I may have to get two separate keyboard/mouse combos, but I am taking my time and checking my options. I have another monitor that I plan on connected my work laptop using the VGA connector and my Raspberry PI on the HDMI connector.
It is nice to be back in my office area to be honest. I spent many a night in this room, either doing homework for university courses I was taking or simply doing work. I have a really nice chair that my parents got me and it is pretty spacious. I prefer working in this room than in the living room/dining room area. I just want to be able to separate everything and be able to walk away from work to relax more.
I will update all of you in the next few days on my health and some of the changes I have had to make.
Later....
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Lessons in Life...
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -- Bodhidharma
Anyone that knows me gets that I am not that deep. However, I saw this quote posted and I stopped to think about it. It made me realize that no matter how old I am or what I have gone through in life, I still have a lot to learn.
It caused me to reflect on the relationships I have in life. While Facebook shows I have close to 500 friends, reality is that so very few actually reach out to me personally. Those are people I know from elementary, middle, and high school, as well as relatives. I also have some friends I have remained in contact with throughout college and work. What do a majority of them all have in common: They never really reach out to me to get together for lunch, dinner, a shopping trip, attend a new movie, and etc. I am usually the one that reaches out to them.
I am not very close to any of my relatives due to my family always living far away from their own families. I do have a cousin that lives in the area with his family, but for the most part, he never makes an effort to reach out to ask me over for dinner or what have you. Again, I am the one that reaches out to them. Of course, they are always busy and that is how it is, right?
This year, I realized something about one friend, but it came too late. When I was really frustrated and needed someone to vent, I learned that person was no longer there for me. It hurt and the words still sting. However, as I looked back upon it, I realized, I was getting pushed away and I should have seen that. I thought best was to wrap up my loose endings with the friendship and let it go. I still hear the words in my head and it hurts, but you have to respect that and move along.
A month ago, I found myself worried that I would have a job. Every year, the company goes through a "cutting" of the staff. In the past, I had felt confidence that my job was okay. This year, not so much.
I reached out to another friend who had gone through this herself. Every time she went through this, she would reach out to me going on about how she needed her job and her fears. I would take her out to dinner, listen, and try to remind her how appreciated she was in her job and that it was not possible to dispose of her. Each time, her job was saved.
I reached out to this person to get some support and felt nothing but a cold end. "Well, that is too bad." "Sorry to hear that." "Let me know what happens on that - I need to go so I can watch such and such show."
Wow...here, I had been there for her. We went out to dinner a couple of times, but even after that, I felt no real compassion for my situation. Now, I do not hear from her, so I figure I have the "disease" - She was on the list to be removed - stay away or you might get removed.
Again, I was deeply hurt.
I never wish harm on anyone and know I am no saint or perfect. I usually get along fine alone because it is what it is. I do have some close friends and I appreciate their friendship. Just that sometimes, it is hard being alone. I tell myself, "You know, there are some people in this world who simply could not exist if they had to live as you do. You make it work where they cannot. It is what makes you stronger."
That means, I go out to eat without fear of being alone. I will go to the movies alone. I will do what I want - alone. Would I like for others to join me? Sure, but if I really want it, I will do it alone.
So, how does that quote fit into all of this? For all I can do, I cannot make people like me or want to be with me. I have to learn not to be upset with them because it is what it is. Forgive myself and learn to move on with life. However, never forget how someone made me feel because someone else out there is probably feeling the same thing. Just learn to be better.
Anyone that knows me gets that I am not that deep. However, I saw this quote posted and I stopped to think about it. It made me realize that no matter how old I am or what I have gone through in life, I still have a lot to learn.
It caused me to reflect on the relationships I have in life. While Facebook shows I have close to 500 friends, reality is that so very few actually reach out to me personally. Those are people I know from elementary, middle, and high school, as well as relatives. I also have some friends I have remained in contact with throughout college and work. What do a majority of them all have in common: They never really reach out to me to get together for lunch, dinner, a shopping trip, attend a new movie, and etc. I am usually the one that reaches out to them.
I am not very close to any of my relatives due to my family always living far away from their own families. I do have a cousin that lives in the area with his family, but for the most part, he never makes an effort to reach out to ask me over for dinner or what have you. Again, I am the one that reaches out to them. Of course, they are always busy and that is how it is, right?
This year, I realized something about one friend, but it came too late. When I was really frustrated and needed someone to vent, I learned that person was no longer there for me. It hurt and the words still sting. However, as I looked back upon it, I realized, I was getting pushed away and I should have seen that. I thought best was to wrap up my loose endings with the friendship and let it go. I still hear the words in my head and it hurts, but you have to respect that and move along.
A month ago, I found myself worried that I would have a job. Every year, the company goes through a "cutting" of the staff. In the past, I had felt confidence that my job was okay. This year, not so much.
I reached out to another friend who had gone through this herself. Every time she went through this, she would reach out to me going on about how she needed her job and her fears. I would take her out to dinner, listen, and try to remind her how appreciated she was in her job and that it was not possible to dispose of her. Each time, her job was saved.
I reached out to this person to get some support and felt nothing but a cold end. "Well, that is too bad." "Sorry to hear that." "Let me know what happens on that - I need to go so I can watch such and such show."
Wow...here, I had been there for her. We went out to dinner a couple of times, but even after that, I felt no real compassion for my situation. Now, I do not hear from her, so I figure I have the "disease" - She was on the list to be removed - stay away or you might get removed.
Again, I was deeply hurt.
I never wish harm on anyone and know I am no saint or perfect. I usually get along fine alone because it is what it is. I do have some close friends and I appreciate their friendship. Just that sometimes, it is hard being alone. I tell myself, "You know, there are some people in this world who simply could not exist if they had to live as you do. You make it work where they cannot. It is what makes you stronger."
That means, I go out to eat without fear of being alone. I will go to the movies alone. I will do what I want - alone. Would I like for others to join me? Sure, but if I really want it, I will do it alone.
So, how does that quote fit into all of this? For all I can do, I cannot make people like me or want to be with me. I have to learn not to be upset with them because it is what it is. Forgive myself and learn to move on with life. However, never forget how someone made me feel because someone else out there is probably feeling the same thing. Just learn to be better.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
YouTube Content Creators Representing Dallas...
So, on some level, this is probably out of my demographic. Yet, I am a single woman and I love makeup. There is no denying that fact. I was not born and raised in the DFW area, but I have come to call this place home.
I have spent a good amount of time watching various videos on YouTube. Long enough to form an opinion about a few of the creators. One in particular really gets under my skin, so much so that I had to unsubscribe. She lives in the DFW area, but man, she does nothing but complain about how Dallas does not have this or that.
This lady is much younger than me, has kids, and on the search for that elusive "Prince Charming." When she goes out, she takes the viewers out to swanky places in Dallas that are prime "seen and been seen places." On the flip side, she will go on and on about how she is not happy here. For all the swank, she never goes out of her way to really find the cool hole-in-the-wall places. Not even sure she made it to the State Fair, which in itself, is a pretty interesting thing to do this time of the year.
She has had good fortune on obtaining an invitation to be part of a team that is developing makeup for one of the beauty companies in the area. However, when watching the team introduction, she mentioned that she was from her hometown, living in Dallas. *sigh*
I get being homesick. Most people go through all of that - I had more than my fair share of it when I was a young child. However, you spend your time wanting to be wined and dined, but never get out to see the things that the city and surrounding communities have to offer. I find that so sad because there is Bishop Arts, Deep Ellum, Plano, Frisco, The Colony, Fort Worth, Grapevine/Southlake, Lewisville, Denton, and so many other places that are full of so much art, culture, and activities.
I would love to find someone who was her age and really showing off the various places in the area. I would like to see this young woman get out of her shell and honestly become friends with more people. Perhaps, that would help her get better adjusted and see the city for the good that it has. Not just can it at every corner because it not like "home."
Remember: "You're not in Kansas, anymore."
I have spent a good amount of time watching various videos on YouTube. Long enough to form an opinion about a few of the creators. One in particular really gets under my skin, so much so that I had to unsubscribe. She lives in the DFW area, but man, she does nothing but complain about how Dallas does not have this or that.
This lady is much younger than me, has kids, and on the search for that elusive "Prince Charming." When she goes out, she takes the viewers out to swanky places in Dallas that are prime "seen and been seen places." On the flip side, she will go on and on about how she is not happy here. For all the swank, she never goes out of her way to really find the cool hole-in-the-wall places. Not even sure she made it to the State Fair, which in itself, is a pretty interesting thing to do this time of the year.
She has had good fortune on obtaining an invitation to be part of a team that is developing makeup for one of the beauty companies in the area. However, when watching the team introduction, she mentioned that she was from her hometown, living in Dallas. *sigh*
I get being homesick. Most people go through all of that - I had more than my fair share of it when I was a young child. However, you spend your time wanting to be wined and dined, but never get out to see the things that the city and surrounding communities have to offer. I find that so sad because there is Bishop Arts, Deep Ellum, Plano, Frisco, The Colony, Fort Worth, Grapevine/Southlake, Lewisville, Denton, and so many other places that are full of so much art, culture, and activities.
I would love to find someone who was her age and really showing off the various places in the area. I would like to see this young woman get out of her shell and honestly become friends with more people. Perhaps, that would help her get better adjusted and see the city for the good that it has. Not just can it at every corner because it not like "home."
Remember: "You're not in Kansas, anymore."
Monday, October 9, 2017
Possible New Hobbies Coming Together...
Taking a quick break from my normal day. I have played around with creating a YouTube channel specifically for keeping myself accountable for working on weight loss. Also, I wanted to make it a bit more interesting by either using it to go over various make up products that I have or trying new looks. Not really expecting much from it, but I thought it might be fun understanding how to create and edit content.
I really did not want to have to spend a whole lot of money to start. I have a camera that my father bought me for my birthday in 2012. It is a Nikon J1 - it has the ability to film in HD, but it is not quite a fancy as some of the cameras I see other content creators have. Still, start with what I already have and build on that. No sense in spending a lot of money on equipment and such, then not really getting into it.
I know I am missing a few pieces on my camera. I purchased two batteries and two battery chargers. I have some extra ones that did not work lying around the apartment. However, the last two, I am taking back to Best Buy to get that off my credit card. I think I need to look for a tripod and ring light, but I will work on getting the best lighting as I can before going down that path.
This will also enable to me to put my MacBook Pro to some good use. I purchased that computer and rarely use it. I have been in the process of switching my iTunes library to be stored on the Mac, than the PC. When I got my current Dell system, I had upgraded to using an iPhone and had a headache just getting the phone set up and so forth. I figure it would be easier to store everything on the Mac.
I charged a battery the other day and got the J1 out to play around with it. The camera does make some really clear videos. I just need to set up some books or something as my tripod. Hope to clear out a cubby hole that the apartment has set up between my bedroom and walk-in closet. From there, I would do filming. Planning to move out the videos and store my makeup palettes and such in the DVD cases that would be sitting behind me. Nothing fancy, but everyone has to have a start.
Will let you know when all of that comes together and I finally upload my first video. Next, I would like to buy a guitar and learn how to play it. I saw a very awesome advertisement from Fender where you can buy on-line lessons. That would be extremely cool to use.
Time to head back to my regular work day. This is getting pretty exciting.
I really did not want to have to spend a whole lot of money to start. I have a camera that my father bought me for my birthday in 2012. It is a Nikon J1 - it has the ability to film in HD, but it is not quite a fancy as some of the cameras I see other content creators have. Still, start with what I already have and build on that. No sense in spending a lot of money on equipment and such, then not really getting into it.
I know I am missing a few pieces on my camera. I purchased two batteries and two battery chargers. I have some extra ones that did not work lying around the apartment. However, the last two, I am taking back to Best Buy to get that off my credit card. I think I need to look for a tripod and ring light, but I will work on getting the best lighting as I can before going down that path.
This will also enable to me to put my MacBook Pro to some good use. I purchased that computer and rarely use it. I have been in the process of switching my iTunes library to be stored on the Mac, than the PC. When I got my current Dell system, I had upgraded to using an iPhone and had a headache just getting the phone set up and so forth. I figure it would be easier to store everything on the Mac.
I charged a battery the other day and got the J1 out to play around with it. The camera does make some really clear videos. I just need to set up some books or something as my tripod. Hope to clear out a cubby hole that the apartment has set up between my bedroom and walk-in closet. From there, I would do filming. Planning to move out the videos and store my makeup palettes and such in the DVD cases that would be sitting behind me. Nothing fancy, but everyone has to have a start.
Will let you know when all of that comes together and I finally upload my first video. Next, I would like to buy a guitar and learn how to play it. I saw a very awesome advertisement from Fender where you can buy on-line lessons. That would be extremely cool to use.
Time to head back to my regular work day. This is getting pretty exciting.
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Life's Crazy Twists and Turns...
It has been quite awhile since my last post, disregarding my Apple Airpods review. Life always seems to throw curve balls. Sometimes, I may think about posting something, but think better for it. I feel that with freedom of speech also comes great responsibility, especially in recent days. Being misunderstood or misinterpreted can very well lead one into a hell that was never intended.
Health-wise - My left knee has had several issues. During the whole master bathroom tub replacement debacle, I started experiencing a great deal of pain. Come to find out I had bursitis. I got a cortisone shot in that knee, but I still deal with pain. Some days are better than others, but it is just another monkey on my back.
I tried to go to 24 Hour Fitness to get some help, but that turned into another headache. I made the mistake of paying for personal trainer sessions. The problem - I was trying to go in early in the morning, say 8 AM. Well, that turned into a huge mistake because I was constantly having to be on calls about that time in the morning. If I tried to go for after 5 PM, this trainer was not available. Maybe, I need to work on looking for another trainer.
Trying to decide if I should change primary care physicians, again. My last one moved away and I decided to go with another doctor in the group. Unfortunately, the last time I tried to see this doctor, I waited over an hour to be seen and dealt with a grumpy nurse's aide. I was frustrated and angry. I did not have time for this during the middle of the day and what made the situation worse was that no one made an effort to say that the doctor was running behind schedule. I left completely pissed off. The next day, the counselor told me that I was justified in being upset. Not sure why I feel this way, but I feel like I am supposed to be ashamed of walking out like that. However, why? I was not being treated properly and it is my time being wasted; not their time.
My work area is undergoing constant upheaval and sometimes, I am not sure if we are coming or going. I try to make sense of it all, but how can you? Being on the low end, you just have to watch what changes take place and see what falls out. It is pretty nerve wrecking.
Grieving over lost friendships - sometimes, I have to realize that maybe those relationships really were not meant to be. I will leave it to the other side to decide if they want to continue and in what capacity. What I would like may not be what someone else wants and I have to understand. I have a few close friends that I can lean/rely on and I will continue to appreciate those relationships and let those people know I do.
Caring for myself - I have not been doing well in this area. I feel that I succumb quite a bit to just crawling back into bed as my mother used to do. Most of that is related to the constant back and knee pain I experience. Could be depression, but I do try to fight it as much as I can. Trying harder to walk more with Bo - as much as I can withstand. I will walk a good 10 minutes or more, then look for a place to sit to relieve some of the pain. Once I feel better, I get back up and walk more. This way, I spend more time with Bo and talk with him in a positive tone so that we both are smiling and having a good time.
At this point, I feel that the shots in my back are useless. Maybe the only cure is just dependent upon weight loss. I simply have to get out of the rut I find myself and work harder on turning my life around from where I am. While it is a scary proposition, maybe I need to look at possibly vlogging for me to get some accountability as well as seeing a change. Even when I lost 120 lbs in 1996-1997, I still saw a very overweight person in the mirror. I never felt that I got anywhere, even though the numbers showed differently.
Also, I have to build a tougher exterior to prevent the pain of abuse from others. I get angry at people who say mean, nasty things, yet they hide behind their computer screens. No videos - nothing. It is so easy to sit behind the computer screen and say nasty things. It is hard to invoke change within one's self and when I see someone trying hard, I would rather hear encouragement, rather than breaking down the spirit.
That brings me to the "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. If you are overweight, people discriminate against you and say awful things because they feel that they can. If you lose weight, same people make the similar nasty comments. You simply cannot win. I finally had to come to the conclusion - if people make nasty comments, just delete them. If those people complain, they need to look within themselves. I need help; I need support. I do not need someone bringing my day down with their useless abuse. Making a change within one's self is never an easy task - it takes time and work. That is what I am trying to do.
So, with that, I will continue to blog from time to time, but look out for my channel. I am not gorgeous or even beautiful, but I am a person. I have a heart and feelings.
Health-wise - My left knee has had several issues. During the whole master bathroom tub replacement debacle, I started experiencing a great deal of pain. Come to find out I had bursitis. I got a cortisone shot in that knee, but I still deal with pain. Some days are better than others, but it is just another monkey on my back.
I tried to go to 24 Hour Fitness to get some help, but that turned into another headache. I made the mistake of paying for personal trainer sessions. The problem - I was trying to go in early in the morning, say 8 AM. Well, that turned into a huge mistake because I was constantly having to be on calls about that time in the morning. If I tried to go for after 5 PM, this trainer was not available. Maybe, I need to work on looking for another trainer.
Trying to decide if I should change primary care physicians, again. My last one moved away and I decided to go with another doctor in the group. Unfortunately, the last time I tried to see this doctor, I waited over an hour to be seen and dealt with a grumpy nurse's aide. I was frustrated and angry. I did not have time for this during the middle of the day and what made the situation worse was that no one made an effort to say that the doctor was running behind schedule. I left completely pissed off. The next day, the counselor told me that I was justified in being upset. Not sure why I feel this way, but I feel like I am supposed to be ashamed of walking out like that. However, why? I was not being treated properly and it is my time being wasted; not their time.
My work area is undergoing constant upheaval and sometimes, I am not sure if we are coming or going. I try to make sense of it all, but how can you? Being on the low end, you just have to watch what changes take place and see what falls out. It is pretty nerve wrecking.
Grieving over lost friendships - sometimes, I have to realize that maybe those relationships really were not meant to be. I will leave it to the other side to decide if they want to continue and in what capacity. What I would like may not be what someone else wants and I have to understand. I have a few close friends that I can lean/rely on and I will continue to appreciate those relationships and let those people know I do.
Caring for myself - I have not been doing well in this area. I feel that I succumb quite a bit to just crawling back into bed as my mother used to do. Most of that is related to the constant back and knee pain I experience. Could be depression, but I do try to fight it as much as I can. Trying harder to walk more with Bo - as much as I can withstand. I will walk a good 10 minutes or more, then look for a place to sit to relieve some of the pain. Once I feel better, I get back up and walk more. This way, I spend more time with Bo and talk with him in a positive tone so that we both are smiling and having a good time.
At this point, I feel that the shots in my back are useless. Maybe the only cure is just dependent upon weight loss. I simply have to get out of the rut I find myself and work harder on turning my life around from where I am. While it is a scary proposition, maybe I need to look at possibly vlogging for me to get some accountability as well as seeing a change. Even when I lost 120 lbs in 1996-1997, I still saw a very overweight person in the mirror. I never felt that I got anywhere, even though the numbers showed differently.
Also, I have to build a tougher exterior to prevent the pain of abuse from others. I get angry at people who say mean, nasty things, yet they hide behind their computer screens. No videos - nothing. It is so easy to sit behind the computer screen and say nasty things. It is hard to invoke change within one's self and when I see someone trying hard, I would rather hear encouragement, rather than breaking down the spirit.
That brings me to the "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. If you are overweight, people discriminate against you and say awful things because they feel that they can. If you lose weight, same people make the similar nasty comments. You simply cannot win. I finally had to come to the conclusion - if people make nasty comments, just delete them. If those people complain, they need to look within themselves. I need help; I need support. I do not need someone bringing my day down with their useless abuse. Making a change within one's self is never an easy task - it takes time and work. That is what I am trying to do.
So, with that, I will continue to blog from time to time, but look out for my channel. I am not gorgeous or even beautiful, but I am a person. I have a heart and feelings.
Techno Joy - Apple's Airpods!
While I am one of those crazy technology freaks, I do have my limitations. I do not purchase a new computer every year. I do not get the latest iPhone, unless mine breaks down - and it is not because I physically broke it. However, I have always had the "Dennis the Menance" addiction to "playing with technology". My latest find has been the Apple Airpods.
The Airpods came out about the same time as the iPhone 7 and 7 plus. With the advertisements, I thought that the new phone came with the new wireless ear buds. Alas, that was not to be the case. A new wired headset was made available, but not the Airpods.
In May, I purchased the Apple Airpods. Currently, I own the following Apple products:
iPhone 7
iPod Touch - 2
iPod Nano - Several
iPad - 3rd Generation (Probably about to be made obsolete at some point)
iPod Mini
iPod - 3 - ranging from 1st generation (It still works but has to remain connected) to a 160 GB that I need to setup
MacBook Pro
For the most part, the Apple AirPods connected immediately to both my iPhone 7, iPad 3, and both iPod Touches. The AirPods will not connect to any of my iPod Nano devices, which is a bummer, but I am good with that.
The Apple AirPods allow the following:
Two hours of talk time
Three hours of listening time
Case allows up to 3 to 4 AirPod recharges
Can charge both case and AirPods when connected with the Lightening connect
Can double tap the AirPod to connect/disconnect from a phone call
In the past, I tried using the popular LG headset that I had seen people wearing for the past 3-4 years. When I used it, I felt like I was being choked. To make matters worse, the model I had did not work well with my iPhone. I ended up returning the device to Best Buy.
With the airpods, I am really thrilled to use them. I have no "wires" restricting or getting getting in the way. I feel comfortable wearing them and have not incurred any serious connection issues. I am rather bummed with the short life span, but I tell myself - every great product has to have a starting point. As more people discover the airpods, I am sure Apple will do more with enhancing the listening and talk time. One of the main reasons I still have a Plantronics earbud - the talk time on my current Plantronics is about 6 to 7 hours.
I have learned how to use Siri to make phone calls and such using the airpods. I also love how I can easily connect the airpods to my MacBook Pro computer.
Those of you who love exercise would enjoy the airpods for your running/jogging/walking routines. The only time I have had any issues with the airpods falling out was when I was pulling a shirt over my head to either remove or wear. The airpods fit snugly in my ears and are comfortable for me. If you are not used to how the current Apple wired ear phones fit, you may not enjoy the airpods.
Curious about how much battery life you have left with both the airpods and the case? Very easy - make sure your phone is close to the airpods case, then lift the lid. A screen for the airpods will appear and show you how much battery life is left in the case and each airpod. You can also go to the "main" first screen where you have a "Search" entry, scroll down to look for the "Batteries" widget - you will see the battery level there as well.
Overall, I am really enjoying my experience with the airpods. Friends that have called me while I was wearing the airpods say that the sound quality is better than the wired earphones and the Plantronics ear piece. I always get good clarity with the airpods. Heck, I loved the airpods so much that I bought my father a set for Father's Day. I really love wearing/using the airpods - it has brought my listening and iPhone experience to a new level.
The Airpods came out about the same time as the iPhone 7 and 7 plus. With the advertisements, I thought that the new phone came with the new wireless ear buds. Alas, that was not to be the case. A new wired headset was made available, but not the Airpods.
In May, I purchased the Apple Airpods. Currently, I own the following Apple products:
iPhone 7
iPod Touch - 2
iPod Nano - Several
iPad - 3rd Generation (Probably about to be made obsolete at some point)
iPod Mini
iPod - 3 - ranging from 1st generation (It still works but has to remain connected) to a 160 GB that I need to setup
MacBook Pro
For the most part, the Apple AirPods connected immediately to both my iPhone 7, iPad 3, and both iPod Touches. The AirPods will not connect to any of my iPod Nano devices, which is a bummer, but I am good with that.
The Apple AirPods allow the following:
Two hours of talk time
Three hours of listening time
Case allows up to 3 to 4 AirPod recharges
Can charge both case and AirPods when connected with the Lightening connect
Can double tap the AirPod to connect/disconnect from a phone call
In the past, I tried using the popular LG headset that I had seen people wearing for the past 3-4 years. When I used it, I felt like I was being choked. To make matters worse, the model I had did not work well with my iPhone. I ended up returning the device to Best Buy.
With the airpods, I am really thrilled to use them. I have no "wires" restricting or getting getting in the way. I feel comfortable wearing them and have not incurred any serious connection issues. I am rather bummed with the short life span, but I tell myself - every great product has to have a starting point. As more people discover the airpods, I am sure Apple will do more with enhancing the listening and talk time. One of the main reasons I still have a Plantronics earbud - the talk time on my current Plantronics is about 6 to 7 hours.
I have learned how to use Siri to make phone calls and such using the airpods. I also love how I can easily connect the airpods to my MacBook Pro computer.
Those of you who love exercise would enjoy the airpods for your running/jogging/walking routines. The only time I have had any issues with the airpods falling out was when I was pulling a shirt over my head to either remove or wear. The airpods fit snugly in my ears and are comfortable for me. If you are not used to how the current Apple wired ear phones fit, you may not enjoy the airpods.
Curious about how much battery life you have left with both the airpods and the case? Very easy - make sure your phone is close to the airpods case, then lift the lid. A screen for the airpods will appear and show you how much battery life is left in the case and each airpod. You can also go to the "main" first screen where you have a "Search" entry, scroll down to look for the "Batteries" widget - you will see the battery level there as well.
Overall, I am really enjoying my experience with the airpods. Friends that have called me while I was wearing the airpods say that the sound quality is better than the wired earphones and the Plantronics ear piece. I always get good clarity with the airpods. Heck, I loved the airpods so much that I bought my father a set for Father's Day. I really love wearing/using the airpods - it has brought my listening and iPhone experience to a new level.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Time Out to Reset...
For the past few months, I have been "knocked" about for quite awhile. If I blogged, I never published my thoughts because of my approach and ruthless "just getting it out of my system." You know - the things you would love to say, but rather than press "Send" on that scathing email, you press the "Delete" key. I was hurt, upset, stressed, and angry. I have calmed down, but that is due to taking a different attitude.
During the chaos, I found myself just going into the same vicious circle: Getting up, working, and going to bed. I was emotionally paralyzed. So, one of the things I did was work on cutting myself off from people. Now, that sounds harsh, but the reason for doing that was to simply make myself really view some of the situations that had occurred and make decisions about how to deal.
Life is not all positive with sun shining and flowers blooming. Life is real and stuff happens. Plans are changed, people change, and the world changes. It is what it is.
With that in place, I started looking at what I can do to define my own happiness. Examining my "real" needs. I designed a 3 year plan to work on obtaining something I want for Bo and myself. Right now, I am struggling a bit with some decisions I have made, but I know that it is all for the best. It is what I have to do for me. Not what people have some perception of what they think it should be for me.
Health wise, I have some obstacles preventing me from doing things I like to do. It is always something, so I simply put on the "smile" on my face and crack on with life. I have my meltdowns and you know what, I am allowed. My feelings and thoughts matter - maybe not to you, but they do for me. I am just not reaching out to anyone anymore. No one wants to hear it and I get that.
So, I am taking some time off for myself. Making an effort to try to "reset" myself and move into some better behaviors. I think everyone needs that opportunity to scrutinize what is going on and see what they can do to better their situation. This is my time to do that.
During the chaos, I found myself just going into the same vicious circle: Getting up, working, and going to bed. I was emotionally paralyzed. So, one of the things I did was work on cutting myself off from people. Now, that sounds harsh, but the reason for doing that was to simply make myself really view some of the situations that had occurred and make decisions about how to deal.
Life is not all positive with sun shining and flowers blooming. Life is real and stuff happens. Plans are changed, people change, and the world changes. It is what it is.
With that in place, I started looking at what I can do to define my own happiness. Examining my "real" needs. I designed a 3 year plan to work on obtaining something I want for Bo and myself. Right now, I am struggling a bit with some decisions I have made, but I know that it is all for the best. It is what I have to do for me. Not what people have some perception of what they think it should be for me.
Health wise, I have some obstacles preventing me from doing things I like to do. It is always something, so I simply put on the "smile" on my face and crack on with life. I have my meltdowns and you know what, I am allowed. My feelings and thoughts matter - maybe not to you, but they do for me. I am just not reaching out to anyone anymore. No one wants to hear it and I get that.
So, I am taking some time off for myself. Making an effort to try to "reset" myself and move into some better behaviors. I think everyone needs that opportunity to scrutinize what is going on and see what they can do to better their situation. This is my time to do that.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Life and the Daily Drama...
My life, for the past several months, has had more drama than I really ever cared to have. Sure, we all want excitement in our lives - it is what makes us feel alive - a part of the world. But for heaven's sake, can someone lay off of me for awhile?!
At work, there is the yearly upheaval. Not sure if other companies do it, but I am sure they do. Reorganization of groups and resources to better achieve goals created by upper management. While it should not cause a lot of stress, it actually does because people become unsure of who they are reporting and expectations. We all try to carry on, there is that time you must adjust with the change and learn how to work with someone else. You have to take time to really understand their methodology and expectations.
My group is also working on doing a product upgrade. Our application is an "out of box" product and we create custom code to enhance the application for our needs. For one aspect of the application, it has been several years since the last upgrade. Therefore, that makes the upgrade a bit difficult. So many changes in the base application and trying to determine what works and what would have to be readjusted.
What I have not been happy with has been the rather unclear path to do this upgrade. I have not been part of all discussions, so that left me at a disadvantage to understand what steps were taken. That has caused me a lot of heartburn because others have an expectation that I know what, how, and why things are done for the upgrade. Yet, I do not. I even express "I do not know". It is that point where when you have heard for your lifetime that it is okay to say you do not know, but realize that no one believes that or accepts it. You can tell that by how they continue to badger you.
I asked for help from one side and was stone-walled and the other group continued to dog pile on me. I would work 14-16 hours to try to resolve issues, but when you are "walking in the dark", you tend to fall and hurt yourself. This was me.
I finally stopped that. I had to. I did not quit work. I just stopped beating on myself. These people have to get over themselves because bottom line: They know just as much as I do - nothing.
There is a battle that I do not wish to be a part of - I simply wish to do my job and crack on with it. I do not care about how many employees report to me. I do not care what my peers think. I care for getting the work done and doing a good job. If the business is happy, then I am happy.
The political posturing disturbs me to no end. Recently, I got dragged into another similar mess. I heard both sides of the story and was not leaning on any particular side. I simply looked at the facts and said that it does not matter if this other company made us look bad - our company pays them to do whatever we ask and they ask no questions. They do not care about the customer experience, but we should.
Apartment drama is about to cause me ulcers. Decluttering is not the issue - I am doing what I can as I can. Making progress. My recent derailment is my master bathroom. A month or so ago, I noticed cracking in the tub. I tried to do what I could about it, but I figured it was time to move into the second bathroom and contact the apartment maintenance to repair the tub. The tub is a fiberglass/plastic garden tub. I have always felt a certain amount of "give" every time I stepped into the tub, but I had never really been in such a tub. Therefore, I was not sure if that was normal or not. The second bathroom tub is a nice porcelain tub - basically, I would have to exert some massive force to break it.
Before I could open a ticket with the maintenance, someone from the complex was knocking on my door two weeks ago. The gentleman asked me if I had experienced any leaking with my washer. I said no, but allowed him inside to check. He validated all was dry, so I mentioned that the tub was cracked. I showed him that as well.
Apparently, the neighbor's garage is experiencing leakage from the ceiling. So, the maintenance guy got his boss. His boss acted like a jerk. He went on about having to epoxy the tub and paint it, but I had to basically gut the bathroom. He left and came back with someone else to look at the tub regarding the epoxy and painting. I ended up having to spend two nights at Aloft due to the fumes of the epoxy and paint. These guys left my apartment wide open while I was out and never made a point to call me to let me know when I could come back into the apartment. I am already annoyed.
Last week, I am still nervous about taking a shower in that bathroom, but I go ahead. I had one before taking my father out for dinner last Wednesday and another that Friday. On Friday, the tub bottom felt weird, but I thought maybe it was due to the epoxy. I looked down and saw the cracks and even more cracks. I hopped out of the tub, dried off, pulled back the rubber mat to examine closely and sure enough, cracking was still there and was now going up the sides of the tub.
Well, no point in cleaning the bathroom. I decided it was time to clear the space back out and I would contact them regarding the tub and ask to get the smoke alarms in the living room repaired. Before I could do anything, the maintenance head was back at my door.
"It's leaking again!" I said - Yes, I noticed that the tub was cracking and was about to contact you about that. He marched right into the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom. He looks at the tub and says "What cracks?" I said, let me get into the tub and I will show you. I get in the tub, pull back the tub mat and you could see the cracks and those leading up the side of the tub.
The maintenance head had shown up on Wednesday and I had my last bath on Friday - gross I know, but I was trying to work, get stuff out of the way, and get the second bathroom ready for my use. So, I asked the maintenance guy when was the last time the neighbor noticed a leak. It was Friday. I said - Okay - I have not showered in the bathroom since that time and probably won't ever after this. I will shower in the second bathroom because the tub is sturdier and there are no cracks.
Thursday morning, I take a shower in my second bathroom's tub at 9:30 AM, so I can see my counselor. The only thing I do in the master bath is use the toilet and brush my teeth. I have not washed any laundry or done any dishes because I am scared to do it. (That is just damn sad, too.)
Yesterday morning, knock on my door. Maintenance man - in a pissed off tone to me - "You took a shower in that bathtub after I told you not to do it! Neighbor says that there is a leak again and she is really mad."
He went past me, up the stairs yelling at me and I am telling him that I did not take a shower in the master bathroom tub. I am upset, pissed, and humiliated. Why is this happening to me when I did nothing? He marched right into the master bathroom and looked at the tub. I was livid at that point.
"Would you like for me to not use any bathroom in my apartment? Does the neighbor wish for me to move? When did she even notice the leak again?!"
Apparently, she noticed the leak again on Thursday night. I said - Well, as you can see, the damn tub is bone dry - I DID NOT TAKE A SHOWER IN A CRACKED TUB! I am tired of this barging into my apartment and accusing me of something so outrageous! I have only used the toilet and the sink.
Maintenance guy starts looking at everything else, then he decides the seal on the toilet is bad. At this point, I realize the guy has no freaking clue, but it is okay to lean on me. He tells me not to use the master bathroom at all; only use the second bathroom.
He walks out and I feel humiliated. I start crying because I was accused of something I did not do. I started getting angry when I thought about the whole ordeal and his saying it was the toilet. He has no freaking clue! If it was the toilet, then shouldn't the neighbor be complaining about leaking ALL OF THE TIME?! I mean, I used the master bathroom toilet all the time when I need to go! It is absurd! He would rather bust up my apartment rather than do the sensible thing and open up where the leak is in the neighbor's garage and validate that the leak is truly coming from my area. It could very well be the pipes and nothing to do with the bathroom at all. I am not saying not to replace the tub, but freaking think smart - he is going to have to repair the garage ceiling anyway.
I went to the leasing office and talked with the manager about the situation. I told her what had transpired. I do not care that my apartment looks like hell right now. I have physical limitations, but I am working on that. However, the apartment stuff is not what is causing this issue. I do not appreciate the maintenance head coming into my apartment and accusing me of something I did not do. I am a 50 year old single woman. I do not hold wild parties, I pay my rent on time, I work with people around me, I keep to myself, and I make sure I do not disturb others. I would hope to be considered an ideal tenant. The fact remains, the maintenance lead should have handled the situation better - I could care less if the neighbor is pissed. I did not make this happen and I am trying what I can, but I live in this apartment. If you keep restricting what I can do, the complex needs to help relocate me elsewhere and quit this mess.
Last night, I was simply paralyzed from the incident. I tried to move past it, but it kept upsetting me. Everything I wanted to do, I worried - would I piss off the neighbor and get into trouble? Can I even do a load of laundry? Can I even really use my second bathroom?
This morning, I said "Fuck him, the neighbor, and the complex. I have things I need to get done in this apartment and if involves using water, then by God, I am doing it!" This is flat out ridiculous.
Yeah, I know - buy a house, but again, you have to deal with similar issues. Might not be maintenance people, but you have to pay someone out of pocket to fix those issues. Then, deal with half-ass work done. Same here.
My counselor reminds me that I have dealt with a lot of stress - more than anyone should have to manage in such a short time. Losing Chloe, dealing with the health issues, the D&C, the mess with people wanting me to get a gastric sleeve, and the lingering grief with my mom's death among all of it. It all piles on and as my ob-gyn put to me, "Girl, no one is giving you a single break, are they?" She is right. They are not.
At work, there is the yearly upheaval. Not sure if other companies do it, but I am sure they do. Reorganization of groups and resources to better achieve goals created by upper management. While it should not cause a lot of stress, it actually does because people become unsure of who they are reporting and expectations. We all try to carry on, there is that time you must adjust with the change and learn how to work with someone else. You have to take time to really understand their methodology and expectations.
My group is also working on doing a product upgrade. Our application is an "out of box" product and we create custom code to enhance the application for our needs. For one aspect of the application, it has been several years since the last upgrade. Therefore, that makes the upgrade a bit difficult. So many changes in the base application and trying to determine what works and what would have to be readjusted.
What I have not been happy with has been the rather unclear path to do this upgrade. I have not been part of all discussions, so that left me at a disadvantage to understand what steps were taken. That has caused me a lot of heartburn because others have an expectation that I know what, how, and why things are done for the upgrade. Yet, I do not. I even express "I do not know". It is that point where when you have heard for your lifetime that it is okay to say you do not know, but realize that no one believes that or accepts it. You can tell that by how they continue to badger you.
I asked for help from one side and was stone-walled and the other group continued to dog pile on me. I would work 14-16 hours to try to resolve issues, but when you are "walking in the dark", you tend to fall and hurt yourself. This was me.
I finally stopped that. I had to. I did not quit work. I just stopped beating on myself. These people have to get over themselves because bottom line: They know just as much as I do - nothing.
There is a battle that I do not wish to be a part of - I simply wish to do my job and crack on with it. I do not care about how many employees report to me. I do not care what my peers think. I care for getting the work done and doing a good job. If the business is happy, then I am happy.
The political posturing disturbs me to no end. Recently, I got dragged into another similar mess. I heard both sides of the story and was not leaning on any particular side. I simply looked at the facts and said that it does not matter if this other company made us look bad - our company pays them to do whatever we ask and they ask no questions. They do not care about the customer experience, but we should.
Apartment drama is about to cause me ulcers. Decluttering is not the issue - I am doing what I can as I can. Making progress. My recent derailment is my master bathroom. A month or so ago, I noticed cracking in the tub. I tried to do what I could about it, but I figured it was time to move into the second bathroom and contact the apartment maintenance to repair the tub. The tub is a fiberglass/plastic garden tub. I have always felt a certain amount of "give" every time I stepped into the tub, but I had never really been in such a tub. Therefore, I was not sure if that was normal or not. The second bathroom tub is a nice porcelain tub - basically, I would have to exert some massive force to break it.
Before I could open a ticket with the maintenance, someone from the complex was knocking on my door two weeks ago. The gentleman asked me if I had experienced any leaking with my washer. I said no, but allowed him inside to check. He validated all was dry, so I mentioned that the tub was cracked. I showed him that as well.
Apparently, the neighbor's garage is experiencing leakage from the ceiling. So, the maintenance guy got his boss. His boss acted like a jerk. He went on about having to epoxy the tub and paint it, but I had to basically gut the bathroom. He left and came back with someone else to look at the tub regarding the epoxy and painting. I ended up having to spend two nights at Aloft due to the fumes of the epoxy and paint. These guys left my apartment wide open while I was out and never made a point to call me to let me know when I could come back into the apartment. I am already annoyed.
Last week, I am still nervous about taking a shower in that bathroom, but I go ahead. I had one before taking my father out for dinner last Wednesday and another that Friday. On Friday, the tub bottom felt weird, but I thought maybe it was due to the epoxy. I looked down and saw the cracks and even more cracks. I hopped out of the tub, dried off, pulled back the rubber mat to examine closely and sure enough, cracking was still there and was now going up the sides of the tub.
Well, no point in cleaning the bathroom. I decided it was time to clear the space back out and I would contact them regarding the tub and ask to get the smoke alarms in the living room repaired. Before I could do anything, the maintenance head was back at my door.
"It's leaking again!" I said - Yes, I noticed that the tub was cracking and was about to contact you about that. He marched right into the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom. He looks at the tub and says "What cracks?" I said, let me get into the tub and I will show you. I get in the tub, pull back the tub mat and you could see the cracks and those leading up the side of the tub.
The maintenance head had shown up on Wednesday and I had my last bath on Friday - gross I know, but I was trying to work, get stuff out of the way, and get the second bathroom ready for my use. So, I asked the maintenance guy when was the last time the neighbor noticed a leak. It was Friday. I said - Okay - I have not showered in the bathroom since that time and probably won't ever after this. I will shower in the second bathroom because the tub is sturdier and there are no cracks.
Thursday morning, I take a shower in my second bathroom's tub at 9:30 AM, so I can see my counselor. The only thing I do in the master bath is use the toilet and brush my teeth. I have not washed any laundry or done any dishes because I am scared to do it. (That is just damn sad, too.)
Yesterday morning, knock on my door. Maintenance man - in a pissed off tone to me - "You took a shower in that bathtub after I told you not to do it! Neighbor says that there is a leak again and she is really mad."
He went past me, up the stairs yelling at me and I am telling him that I did not take a shower in the master bathroom tub. I am upset, pissed, and humiliated. Why is this happening to me when I did nothing? He marched right into the master bathroom and looked at the tub. I was livid at that point.
"Would you like for me to not use any bathroom in my apartment? Does the neighbor wish for me to move? When did she even notice the leak again?!"
Apparently, she noticed the leak again on Thursday night. I said - Well, as you can see, the damn tub is bone dry - I DID NOT TAKE A SHOWER IN A CRACKED TUB! I am tired of this barging into my apartment and accusing me of something so outrageous! I have only used the toilet and the sink.
Maintenance guy starts looking at everything else, then he decides the seal on the toilet is bad. At this point, I realize the guy has no freaking clue, but it is okay to lean on me. He tells me not to use the master bathroom at all; only use the second bathroom.
He walks out and I feel humiliated. I start crying because I was accused of something I did not do. I started getting angry when I thought about the whole ordeal and his saying it was the toilet. He has no freaking clue! If it was the toilet, then shouldn't the neighbor be complaining about leaking ALL OF THE TIME?! I mean, I used the master bathroom toilet all the time when I need to go! It is absurd! He would rather bust up my apartment rather than do the sensible thing and open up where the leak is in the neighbor's garage and validate that the leak is truly coming from my area. It could very well be the pipes and nothing to do with the bathroom at all. I am not saying not to replace the tub, but freaking think smart - he is going to have to repair the garage ceiling anyway.
I went to the leasing office and talked with the manager about the situation. I told her what had transpired. I do not care that my apartment looks like hell right now. I have physical limitations, but I am working on that. However, the apartment stuff is not what is causing this issue. I do not appreciate the maintenance head coming into my apartment and accusing me of something I did not do. I am a 50 year old single woman. I do not hold wild parties, I pay my rent on time, I work with people around me, I keep to myself, and I make sure I do not disturb others. I would hope to be considered an ideal tenant. The fact remains, the maintenance lead should have handled the situation better - I could care less if the neighbor is pissed. I did not make this happen and I am trying what I can, but I live in this apartment. If you keep restricting what I can do, the complex needs to help relocate me elsewhere and quit this mess.
Last night, I was simply paralyzed from the incident. I tried to move past it, but it kept upsetting me. Everything I wanted to do, I worried - would I piss off the neighbor and get into trouble? Can I even do a load of laundry? Can I even really use my second bathroom?
This morning, I said "Fuck him, the neighbor, and the complex. I have things I need to get done in this apartment and if involves using water, then by God, I am doing it!" This is flat out ridiculous.
Yeah, I know - buy a house, but again, you have to deal with similar issues. Might not be maintenance people, but you have to pay someone out of pocket to fix those issues. Then, deal with half-ass work done. Same here.
My counselor reminds me that I have dealt with a lot of stress - more than anyone should have to manage in such a short time. Losing Chloe, dealing with the health issues, the D&C, the mess with people wanting me to get a gastric sleeve, and the lingering grief with my mom's death among all of it. It all piles on and as my ob-gyn put to me, "Girl, no one is giving you a single break, are they?" She is right. They are not.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Life Mistakes...
Over the past few months, I have been mulling over my life and how to handle some of the more depressive situations. One of the things I have come to realize is that I expect/ask too much of my friends. Meaning, needing emotional support when they are not in for that.
I do not have very many friends and many of them are busy with their own lives. It is not fair for me to expect them to drop everything to hear my problems and so forth. I try to compensate that by letting them know how much I appreciate their being in my life by getting things that I think they may like. I feel I have not much to offer, but I try to repay kindness as I can.
Not everything is positive and light. I remember a friend from college hearing about my new Beetle and thinking I bought the yellow one. I had gotten a blue one and she was telling me how happy she was that I did not get that "perky yellow car!" I try not to be negative, but sometimes, my pain and lack of being able to do the things I used to do really gets the best of me.
I have tried to put all of that in the past and start fresh. However, past pains do have a tendency to raise their ugly heads. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and take a lot of stuff personally. I am exactly the description of my astrological sign - the crab. When hurt, I want to crawl back in my shell. Sometimes, when threatened, I will pinch and hurt others, but I never want to be like that.
For my friends, I apologize for leaning so hard. It was not what you signed up for when we became friends. The past several months have been difficult - hell, the past several years have been difficult. Life is like that and sometimes, it is just hard to roll with the punches.
I just hope that you understand - I know.
I do not have very many friends and many of them are busy with their own lives. It is not fair for me to expect them to drop everything to hear my problems and so forth. I try to compensate that by letting them know how much I appreciate their being in my life by getting things that I think they may like. I feel I have not much to offer, but I try to repay kindness as I can.
Not everything is positive and light. I remember a friend from college hearing about my new Beetle and thinking I bought the yellow one. I had gotten a blue one and she was telling me how happy she was that I did not get that "perky yellow car!" I try not to be negative, but sometimes, my pain and lack of being able to do the things I used to do really gets the best of me.
I have tried to put all of that in the past and start fresh. However, past pains do have a tendency to raise their ugly heads. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and take a lot of stuff personally. I am exactly the description of my astrological sign - the crab. When hurt, I want to crawl back in my shell. Sometimes, when threatened, I will pinch and hurt others, but I never want to be like that.
For my friends, I apologize for leaning so hard. It was not what you signed up for when we became friends. The past several months have been difficult - hell, the past several years have been difficult. Life is like that and sometimes, it is just hard to roll with the punches.
I just hope that you understand - I know.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Nail Polish Frustrations...
Back in January, I gave myself a manicure. I was quite proud of myself, even though I had polish all over my cuticles and on the sides of my nail bed. I knew that the polish would flake off after my first shower. I loved the color and was hoping to see if what I had done would enable the polish to stay on longer than a few days.
About a year ago, I spent quite a bit of money to get a mani/pedi from Hollywood Nail Spa. I had not even been out of the spa for a hour and my polish was already flaking/peeling off. I was mortified! What was the point?!
I thought maybe it was the old products that the nail tech was using. I really examine what the nail techs are doing and their kits when giving me a mani/pedi. I check out what the products look like and quite honestly, the nail base coat and top coat bottles were looking pretty nasty. Crusty at the top and looked thick when being applied. I figured small wonder that my polish started chipping and peeling.
So, I got the Zoya nail polish, in Sarah, and my Essie base and top coat polishes and started on my nails. I put two coats of base coat on my nails. Next, I applied two coats of the Zoya polish, let dry, then applied the top coat. The polish performed so well! My polish wore down, rather than chipped/peeled. Basically, my manicure lasted for about 17 days which was amazing.
So, I figured I would try again. This time, the polish would be Zoya's Olivera - a really pretty dark forest green. I thought it would be perfect for St. Patrick's day.
I followed the same pattern as last time: two coats of base, two coats of color, then one coat of top.
After about 3 hours, I found that my right pinkie nail already had a chip! I figured - do not freak out about it. I applied a small amount to cover the spot and used top coat to help even the polish. Perfect!
Next morning, I noticed some texture to my nails from having slept. That dulled the shine on the nails somewhat. Also, there were some areas where the polish had been "moved" and caused a rough edge. At this point, I am getting annoyed. By the evening, I noticed chipping and peeling was taking place. Now, I was full blown over the whole thing. I could not believe it and not really sure why it is happening.
Now, I am going to remove the polish because quite honestly, you could not even tell I applied it on Friday - it looks like it has been on for at least a week and is already chipping. Ugh! My hope is to get my errands run for grocery shopping day, get a pot roast in the oven, work on some decluttering, then work on my nails.
This time, I have some fast nail drying spray. The spray I bought I used to use back in the 80's when I was regularly giving myself manicures and it worked really well. I am just really disappointed that this manicure is performing so poorly. I have lined up a bunch of polishes for me to use that I think are really gorgeous - light, pastel colors to reflect Spring.
I like getting a mani/pedi, but I am trying to work out a routine/schedule that I can stay on track. Once I get that worked out, I want to work in putting in a bi-weekly mani/pedi. The main reason is that I want to make sure that my feet are being well cared. I do a horrible (and I mean HORRIBLE) job giving myself a pedicure. I butcher my toenails and they look all scraggly and nasty. I do okay with putting lotion on my feet, but pretty much hit and miss with sloughing off the dead skin on my heels. I need to get better about that.
Have to wrap this up for now, but will let you know how the manicure goes!
About a year ago, I spent quite a bit of money to get a mani/pedi from Hollywood Nail Spa. I had not even been out of the spa for a hour and my polish was already flaking/peeling off. I was mortified! What was the point?!
I thought maybe it was the old products that the nail tech was using. I really examine what the nail techs are doing and their kits when giving me a mani/pedi. I check out what the products look like and quite honestly, the nail base coat and top coat bottles were looking pretty nasty. Crusty at the top and looked thick when being applied. I figured small wonder that my polish started chipping and peeling.
So, I got the Zoya nail polish, in Sarah, and my Essie base and top coat polishes and started on my nails. I put two coats of base coat on my nails. Next, I applied two coats of the Zoya polish, let dry, then applied the top coat. The polish performed so well! My polish wore down, rather than chipped/peeled. Basically, my manicure lasted for about 17 days which was amazing.
So, I figured I would try again. This time, the polish would be Zoya's Olivera - a really pretty dark forest green. I thought it would be perfect for St. Patrick's day.
I followed the same pattern as last time: two coats of base, two coats of color, then one coat of top.
After about 3 hours, I found that my right pinkie nail already had a chip! I figured - do not freak out about it. I applied a small amount to cover the spot and used top coat to help even the polish. Perfect!
Next morning, I noticed some texture to my nails from having slept. That dulled the shine on the nails somewhat. Also, there were some areas where the polish had been "moved" and caused a rough edge. At this point, I am getting annoyed. By the evening, I noticed chipping and peeling was taking place. Now, I was full blown over the whole thing. I could not believe it and not really sure why it is happening.
Now, I am going to remove the polish because quite honestly, you could not even tell I applied it on Friday - it looks like it has been on for at least a week and is already chipping. Ugh! My hope is to get my errands run for grocery shopping day, get a pot roast in the oven, work on some decluttering, then work on my nails.
This time, I have some fast nail drying spray. The spray I bought I used to use back in the 80's when I was regularly giving myself manicures and it worked really well. I am just really disappointed that this manicure is performing so poorly. I have lined up a bunch of polishes for me to use that I think are really gorgeous - light, pastel colors to reflect Spring.
I like getting a mani/pedi, but I am trying to work out a routine/schedule that I can stay on track. Once I get that worked out, I want to work in putting in a bi-weekly mani/pedi. The main reason is that I want to make sure that my feet are being well cared. I do a horrible (and I mean HORRIBLE) job giving myself a pedicure. I butcher my toenails and they look all scraggly and nasty. I do okay with putting lotion on my feet, but pretty much hit and miss with sloughing off the dead skin on my heels. I need to get better about that.
Have to wrap this up for now, but will let you know how the manicure goes!
Monday, February 13, 2017
Skin Care...
Like I won't get bariatric surgery, I will not consider any botox or fillers to ease my age lines. Now, I am not going to shame anyone that gets that sort of work done on their face. However, for someone who is under 35, I do not feel you should even consider that. Your face is young - get some good skin care information and take care of your skin that way. Nutshell, God made you differently from others. So what if you do not have fuller lips than the girl in the YouTube video. I would hate for these young people to get caught in a botched plastic surgery incident or worse, death. It is so not worth all of that.
I have been following Stephanie Nicole for make-up reviews. Through her Instagram account, as well as YouTube Channel, she has introduced me to Caroline Hirons. O-M-G! What an amazing lady! She truly is the skin care expert and I love her sense of humor. She reminds me of Dawn French and I say as a compliment because I love Dawn.
I am currently absorbing her blog, carolinehirons.com. Her blog is chock full of various product reviews, spa visits, her various vlogs (which are inspiring as well as so down to earth), and absolutely fabulous information regarding how to care for your skin.
Caroline collaborated with Pixi for the "Double Cleanse" product. I just ordered it from Target yesterday along with the Pixi Glow Tonic, which she highly recommends. I have been doing a little bit of a double cleanse each day, even if I was not wearing makeup. I would use Neutrogena's daily scrub to exfoliate, then Philosophy's Purity to do my second cleanse. As of late, I have been using Philosophy's gentle scrub, then using First Aid's cleansing milk for my second cleanse. I am sure I would get a foul look from Caroline regarding the first scrub as she does not care for scrubs' micro beads for exfoliation. So, as soon as I am done with my products, I will not repurchase those.
I also purchased an SPF from Target to start using. Honestly, my initial skin care was crap. I would take off makeup using Noxzema face cream, use an apricot scrub to cut down on the breakouts and such. Use Sea Breeze as a toner to get all of the dirt off my face before applying makeup. My dear mother introduced me to Oil of Olay as a moisturizer and nutshell, that was it.
My mother had originally wanted me to visit a place in Ridgmar Mall in Fort Worth to get proper skin care and learn how to properly apply makeup. Somewhere along the way, that dream/idea never materialized and I started getting makeup on my own and playing with it. She was never happy with me for sleeping in my makeup, as young women have a tendency to do - because we are lazy, really. Still, I always remember my mom telling me that she would take me to this botanical shop for all of the proper things to do with makeup.
My current plan is to continue going over the various YouTube videos that Caroline has so thoughtfully put together to help me sort out what would be the best products for my skin. I want to reduce the signs of aging, but I also know that I do not get enough water in my system each day. So, I know my skin is dehydrated. Part of me wants to get Sunday Riley and the other part of me is saying Kate Somerville. Ack!
I want to save my money for the serums and oils that make sense for me to use. For cleansing and such, I would prefer to look on the less expensive side for those. That way, it makes total sense. This may be a bit of a long testing process, but I did manage to get a Sephora test skin care kit with so many different brands. I am looking forward to using those to get an idea of what works and what does not.
Here's to getting to know Caroline Hirons and my own skin!
I have been following Stephanie Nicole for make-up reviews. Through her Instagram account, as well as YouTube Channel, she has introduced me to Caroline Hirons. O-M-G! What an amazing lady! She truly is the skin care expert and I love her sense of humor. She reminds me of Dawn French and I say as a compliment because I love Dawn.
I am currently absorbing her blog, carolinehirons.com. Her blog is chock full of various product reviews, spa visits, her various vlogs (which are inspiring as well as so down to earth), and absolutely fabulous information regarding how to care for your skin.
Caroline collaborated with Pixi for the "Double Cleanse" product. I just ordered it from Target yesterday along with the Pixi Glow Tonic, which she highly recommends. I have been doing a little bit of a double cleanse each day, even if I was not wearing makeup. I would use Neutrogena's daily scrub to exfoliate, then Philosophy's Purity to do my second cleanse. As of late, I have been using Philosophy's gentle scrub, then using First Aid's cleansing milk for my second cleanse. I am sure I would get a foul look from Caroline regarding the first scrub as she does not care for scrubs' micro beads for exfoliation. So, as soon as I am done with my products, I will not repurchase those.
I also purchased an SPF from Target to start using. Honestly, my initial skin care was crap. I would take off makeup using Noxzema face cream, use an apricot scrub to cut down on the breakouts and such. Use Sea Breeze as a toner to get all of the dirt off my face before applying makeup. My dear mother introduced me to Oil of Olay as a moisturizer and nutshell, that was it.
My mother had originally wanted me to visit a place in Ridgmar Mall in Fort Worth to get proper skin care and learn how to properly apply makeup. Somewhere along the way, that dream/idea never materialized and I started getting makeup on my own and playing with it. She was never happy with me for sleeping in my makeup, as young women have a tendency to do - because we are lazy, really. Still, I always remember my mom telling me that she would take me to this botanical shop for all of the proper things to do with makeup.
My current plan is to continue going over the various YouTube videos that Caroline has so thoughtfully put together to help me sort out what would be the best products for my skin. I want to reduce the signs of aging, but I also know that I do not get enough water in my system each day. So, I know my skin is dehydrated. Part of me wants to get Sunday Riley and the other part of me is saying Kate Somerville. Ack!
I want to save my money for the serums and oils that make sense for me to use. For cleansing and such, I would prefer to look on the less expensive side for those. That way, it makes total sense. This may be a bit of a long testing process, but I did manage to get a Sephora test skin care kit with so many different brands. I am looking forward to using those to get an idea of what works and what does not.
Here's to getting to know Caroline Hirons and my own skin!
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