Day 3 - Meal Substitution Plan...

So far, I have not lost it and just thrown in the towel and that is a good thing!  The Glucerna shakes are not too bad.  Vanilla is a tad too sweet and chocolate is fair.  I am making a point to log the food I eat on the FitBit web site as well as blog how I am feeling at the time.

My biggest problem is making sure I eat my snacks when I should.  I tend to get wrapped up into what is going on and forget or push it aside.  Just after these first couple of days, it is becoming more important to make sure I get those mid-morning and afternoon snacks.  Otherwise, I get this incredible hunger.  That part is not good because I will reach for just about anything.

Keeping that in mind, I started drinking my morning shake at 9 AM, so I need to get my mid-morning snack in at 11 AM, Lunch at 1 PM, mid-afternoon snack at 3 PM, and work on getting my dinner in between 6 and 7.  Luckily, I have had leftovers for dinner, so that has helped with cutting down the prep work.  I think the best approach is probably to consider making larger meals over the weekends, then putting the leftovers away for dinner during the week.  Also, I have a lot of salad makings and soup.  (When satisfying my craving for La Madeleine's tomato basil soup and chicken caesar salad, I got some jars of soup.  I do love a good soup and salad.)

When I get off of this two week stint with the shakes, I will have to work on healthier meals for breakfast and lunch.  I honestly feel I have a handle on this.  I remember in 2006/2007, I would make sandwiches and use grape tomatoes and carrots as a substitute for the chips.  Worked really well.

Bonus side on all of this - savings in the pocket book as well as less groceries to buy.  If I lose weight within this month and keep it off, there are bonuses everywhere.  I just need to resist the urge to fall back into bad habits.

My message from God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

faith soothes all suffering.

Nothing is that difficult when you have God on your side.

Anniversary...

Today is the 4th year that my mom has been gone.  Quite honestly, not a day goes by that I do not think about it.  I sometimes weep because I no longer have that person I depended upon for advice.  I spend a lot of time thinking of what she would say to me in order to find solace in this crazy life I live.

I look at the angel I bought for her the Christmas before she passed away.  I did not know what I could get her that Christmas - everything at that time was so bleak.  I was in the Hallmark store and saw the angel.  I noticed that the figurine allowed for a charm to be attached.  I got the silver heart shaped "Mom" charm.

When I gave it to her, she just held it for hours.  I felt awful that I could not give her more, but I had no idea of what to give her.  Today, I am pretty sure she just wanted for me to be happy.  That would have made her very happy in return.

As I start this new year by changing myself, I know she is with me and wants to see me happy.  I know she could not bear the thought of me being alone and that troubled her the most.  So, together, we will make this work.

I love you , mom!

Food Logging...

Every time I attempt to lose weight, I found that I did well when I logged the food I put in my mouth.  I also know it is a difficult habit to start because it can be so frustrating.  I am working with the FitBit web site and trying to use their system to log the food I eat through out the day. 

I have my FitBit account set up for some short term goals.  For example, first weight loss goal is 10 lbs.  Activity goal is to reach 10,000 steps per day.  I also use the account to give me a better view of my other health related measurements, such as how much sleep I am getting, blood sugar, blood pressure, and heart rate.

In the beginning, the information is not going to be great.  That is fine because that is my starting point.  We all have to have a starting point to understand what needs to be tweaked.  No matter how good we are doing, there is always something that can be improved.  For me, I know it is my activity and food consumption.  As I increase the activity and level off my food consumption, the other numbers will reflect those changes.

Last night, I went back to my Kindle and started back to reading on Walking Your Butt Off!  Go from Sedentary to Slim in 12 Weeks.  I saw this in Prevention magazine last year and got the book.  I like Prevention magazine and a lot of the information there is great.  Going back to my statement about starting points, this book will help guide me with a 12 week plan on getting my butt in gear and walking. 

When I lost a lot of weight back in 1996, I used to walk every night.  Most of the time, it was after eating dinner because I wanted to get that walk done before it got too late.  However, I made it an obsession - I had to get out there and walk.  Sure, I was taking weight loss medication, but the walking helped in more ways for getting the weight off. 

Unfortunately, since I did not have a trainer or a "plan", I would fall into the "plateau" and not know where to go from there.  Having this plan that has been tested with other people, it should help me find ways to get over the "plateaus."  Heaven only knows how horrible it is to reach a plateau and bang your head against the wall trying to sort out WHY am I just sitting at this weight - or even worse - I GAINED WEIGHT?!  HOW!!!

I am excited to start doing this.  There is something that feels really good about all of it.

"Trying" Times...

I have had to correct my behavior decisions a couple of times.  Perhaps, being honest is NOT the best idea.  My problem is becoming quickly annoyed at decisions people make.  I need to work on my patience.

Other than that, I am actually "trying" different things.  Tonight, even though I wanted Tex-Mex, I opted to get a Paradise Chicken Caesar salad - half salad - and a cup of mushroom soup.  Both were very good and satisfying.  Last night, a friend wanted to go out to eat dinner at Carrabba's.  I did well there, too.  I tried the cedar plank roasted salmon with crab meat topping, roasted asparagus with peppers and mushrooms, and the Italian salad.  I would love to figure out how to make their Italian dressing and have a bottle of it available.

I am in the process of trying to clear out the refrigerator in preparation of the meal substitution plan.  I have already started back on using my FitBit Flex and checking the number of steps I take and how well I am sleeping.

I do not feel bogged down by all of this, which is a good thing.  I am staying positive about the process.  I need to only compete and challenge myself on this adventure.  The main motivation here is to find out - what is going to really happen if this works?  I have to give it the old college try.

I was in the kitchen looking at the outside of the refrigerator.  I have one of those wipe-off calendars.  To this day, it still says "June 2008" and all of the events that went on for that month.  I guess life came to a halt that month.  It is time to change it and for the better.

Gotta keep this wheel turning...

Something for me to keep in mind with today's message from God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you do not see things as they are. You see them as you are.

When you look, you see reflections of your being. When you listen, you hear echoes of yourself. If you don't like something about what you see and hear, no point in smashing the mirror, change who you are becoming.

Welcome 2014 - A Year to Re-make/Remodel

This past 2013 has had its ups and downs and not just weight-wise.  I suffered through some pretty dark times and fought through those times quite a bit.  As the year was winding down, I realized there were several things I did not care for in my life.  I made a decision that only I can make those changes, so my theme for this 2014 year is to "Re-make/Remodel".

I admit, I stole the title from a Roxy Music compilation CD, but it actually describes what I need to do this year.  I need to re-make myself.  Find out what it is that I really want in life, what would make me happy and keep me out of the dark times.  Remodel describes the physical changes that need to happen.

The other day, I was watching some videos of Dawn French, a British actress/writer/comic that I have admired for years.  She had lost over 80 lbs (granted she has gained some back), but what touched me the most was how she never looked at her physical appearance as being bad.  She is truly a lovely woman who made me realize that I was not loving myself as I really should.  My weight should not matter and either out of vanity or how others think, I was not really loving the person I am.  That has to change.

Considering my situation with the type 2 diabetes, I have to carefully consider my weight.  People have suggested weight loss surgery of one type or the other.  Bottom line, I have seen the good and bad side, but the one thing that people keep saying is that they could eat anything they wanted without making huge changes.  That statement I have found is very untrue.  If you did lap band, you could not eat bread, pasta, rice, and other foods.  With gastric by-pass, you lost the ability to absorb the vitamins and such your body needs.  The short cut methods to weight loss do not allow you freedom, but take away.  I am determined to lose and keep weight off this year, but I intend on doing it slowly.  I did not get to this weight overnight and it won't be overnight for me to lose it.  I will have to gain a new level of patience for myself and quit beating myself up over mistakes.

This year, I am going to make a better effort to dress up more often and make the effort to put on make up.  Not too long ago, a friend stated that there was a time when she would not leave the house without any make up.  Now, she had her hair covered with a hat and watching a parade while wearing her pajama pants and a coat.

I thought about that vision for awhile.  A few days later, I saw some women walking their dogs in pajama pants.  I thought - no - that is not where I want to go with that.  I need to make the effort to at least put on make up and look nice.  If I can start wearing more flattering dresses, then even better.  Basically, dress it up.  I see too many people at work wearing work out clothes and I feel that I need to step up my game.

I think this will be an interesting journey.  Who knows - like Geraldine Granger, I may meet my handsome stranger this year (and he is just as sweet and wonderful as Harry Kennedy).  Now, wouldn't that be interesting?

I saw this and believe that this applies not just to the end of the year, but always:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11973/20-things-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year.html

My daily message from God was interesting as well:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you can live in assurance and calm.

You don't need to look over your shoulder all the time, waiting for the next crisis. You don't have to spend your days hiding from the next ambush. Live in the light, God's got your back.

Update for Reflecting on Life...

The previous post, I had actually written on 12/26/2013.  I was writing it on my iPad and had some difficulty with getting the rest of the thoughts on the page due to the screen bouncing around a bit.  Here, I am going to provide a short update:

Health:

I visited Diabetes America for my 2 month check up.  I knew that the nurses were going to measure my A1C, however, I was shocked to find out that my A1C there was 7.3.  That made the nurses and doctors happy with my progress.  Downside, I had picked up 8 lbs.  Also, one technician took pictures of my eyes and caused me worry regarding my left eye.  Last year, the eye exam was fine, but this year, the technician indicated a problem, but stated that it may just be a reflection.  Nice - I am starting to worry about my eye sight, now.


Educator wants me to start pulling back on my meds.  Seems like the Lantus at night is causing the low blood sugar levels and she was concerned about those.  Now, I will have to learn how to tri-ate the numbers to get the correct dosage.  Next, my regular doctor was not in the office, so the sub came in and told me that he wanted me to start doing a meal substitution diet after the holidays.  Basically, I would drink Glucerna shakes for breakfast and lunch, then have my normal snacks and dinner meals.  This would go on for 2 weeks, then return to regular meals for another 2 weeks, then go back to the meal substitution for another 2 weeks.  The doctor believed that I should be able to lose 5-8 lbs per month.    Also, I had to help all of this out by getting out there and exercising.

I really was not upset over that.  My general physician had recently suggested weight loss surgery.  Now, my diabetes doctor wants me to change my diet and such.  For some reason, I think God is trying to talk to me about this situation, so I figure go with it.

Personal:

Most of my time has been spent getting this and that done or getting ready for going to a hockey game.  I am grateful for having made the decision to attend hockey games.  I honestly get a real thrill about going to the AAC and being around the other fans.  It fills me up with a lot of excitement and whether the team wins or loses, I am thankful for the opportunity to watch them.  I honestly love going and cheering the team.


Rather than make resolutions for the New Year, I am simply going to "do."  That is what really matters - just do it.  I am still working on my theme for the upcoming year and I think I have it down to a great idea that is full of promise and positivity.  I will write more about that on 1/1/2014.

Reflecting on Life...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!  I had a good Christmas.  I decided to just kick back and reflect on life in general this Christmas.  I made some efforts to give a bit more to those who need it.  However, rather than get wrapped up in all of the material things, I wanted to concentrate my mind on those non-material things that only *I* can provide to myself.

One of the things that really hit me was that I am always negative when it comes to myself.  I do not love myself as I really should.  I thought about that.  I guess I allowed those nutty people who were rude to me in the past to affect me.  Sure, there are some things about myself I would love to change, but those things are exactly was makes me "me."

I have never been happy with my body.  Well, I weigh over 300 lbs and it is not something I am proud to say out loud.  However, *I* can change that.  That is something within my control and I MUST make that effort NO MATTER WHAT!  No one else can do it for me.  Weight loss surgery is not something I consider lightly and short cuts will only give you issues in the long run.  Losing the weight slowly is the best way and I must learn a LOT of patience with losing weight.

Today, I measured my A1C.  I purchased some additional blood testing strips as I needed them and I finally broke down and bought the A1C Now Self Check.  As of today, my A1C is 8.5.  That is not great, but the positive part is that a year ago, my A1C was 13.2, which is horrible!  So, I have improved considerably with medication.  However, I know I can do better by losing the weight.  There is my motivation.  I want to see my A1C get to 6.5 and that is my long term goal.

Love.  While I really did not get much for Christmas, I realized that there was not anything I really had to have or wanted.  So, I was not disappointed with not getting any material things for Christmas.  I was able to spend time with my father and that was important.  However, I do wish that there was someone who was special for me to spend time.