Things That Make You Go "AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!"

Tonight, I was called upon to look at an issue.  I identified the problem was a data submission issue.  Basically, I cannot change the data sent into the system - it is whatever the caller sends to the program and it forwards the data elsewhere.  No one wanted to hear that - they wanted me to fix their problem.  Another situation where it is believed that I can fix anything.  As I thought about it, I wish I had Harry Potter's wand - that would fix everything.

I received my 2014 planner calendar refills today.  All of the quarters are neatly shrink-wrapped and such.  However, you cannot tell which quarter each one is for on the outside of the packaging.  Argh!  Now, I have to open each one.

When I got home from work tonight, my legs were still aching from the long walk I took during work.  Of course, I needed to walk the dogs.  Chloe has to stop and sniff darn near every place on the walk.  It is so frustrating, especially when you are trying to get those extra steps.  What really irritates me - when she needs to go potty, she will worry me to death over it until I take her.  Once she is out there, she piddles around during the walk.

Patience is a virtue - I need to get me some of that!

...and yes, I am choosing to be happy.  I did some happy dancing this evening, even though inside, I was feeling a bit like garbage.

God's Message to Me:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you can let yourself be happier.

Happiness is a choice, although often it might seem otherwise. And it starts small. Today do something that makes you feel happy, and tell your friends about it.

...I just did that!

Week 3 - Turning Back to Eating Real Food...

So, here comes the true test - for the next two weeks, I will be working on eating healthy food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I hope I do not break the trend I am on now. 

This morning, I had 1/2 a cup of cottage cheese, no sugar peaches, and a hard boiled egg.  Oddly enough, my calorie intake came just over the usual 180 with the shake - 188 to be exact.  Not bad.  I am going to try to work in some oatmeal and mix it up a bit.

For lunch, I am going to try to wrap up eating the smoked meat I picked up at Cousins BBQ in Crowley.  The brisket is so good that I picked up a pound of it and the turkey breast the other day.  This should end that meat today, so I will have done well in that aspect.

For dinner, I am going to boil some shrimp.  I love to have boiled shrimp, rice, and a small salad.  The leftovers are always good for the next day.

I am trying very diligently to make sure I keep my weight loss rolling right along.  I am working in various walking exercises.  I just get frustrated with walking the dogs because they tend to stop and want to sniff around.  I need to just get over that and let them do their stroll.  Once they are done, then, I really need to head off to the apartment gym and get my own work out done.

Time to fix the lunch and get the day started.

How Much Age Changes Us...or Doesn't...

Last night, I attended a wedding for two people that attended the same high school as I did.  Oddly enough, both of them showed up in our yearbooks next to one another all of that time and 35 years later, they were marrying one another.  It was funny and so very sweet.  Both of them appear to be so in love and as I write this entry, I wish them the very best life has to offer them.

I sat down with a group of girls I graduated with in high school.  Mostly a lot of chitter-chat about husbands, kids, and other family topics.  I felt so out of place in those conversations as I have nothing to add of my own.  No husband, no children to dote about, but I am happy to hear about their lives.

Once the vows were exchanged and the happy couple were announced as "Mr. and Mrs.", everyone filed into the reception area.  Our little group sat together at a back table, where more conversation continued.  One woman, who graduated when I was a freshman, was singled out for never having been married, but she had children.  I never got married, either, but that did not seem to matter.

At one point, the conversation turned to age.  It was a hilarious conversation regarding how so unsexy everything was and a competition we make to keep up with those younger than we are.  One turned to me and said, "If I were to look at you, you do not look like you are going to be 48.  You look like you are still in your 30s."  I told her that I see the same lines and wrinkles forming on my face and my body tells me every day how I am actually aging.  However, I do not think of myself as being almost 48.  My mind still resides in that wonderful time of my life when I was 25-26.  I was much thinner than I am now and I had this wonderful vision of how my life was going to be.  I figured by my 30's, I would have been married, a child or two, and had a job I loved.  That must be where my "youth" still resides - I remain young looking because I just have not grown up in a "life" sense.

Reality - I never met the man for me.  Sure, I have these wonderful crushes on various men, but they never see "me".  I always fall victim for the other woman who, for whatever reason, wins their hearts and then, they tell me of their despair in their relationships.  Men I am not attracted to seem to scare me to death.  I made my mistake with getting involved in a married man.  I knew he would never leave his wife and I had no aspirations of anything more than that.  I knew I liked this man, but I did not "love" him in that manner that I am looking.  I really wished I had never made that mistake, but I was going through a lot of mental anguish and it happened when I was weak.  I am stronger now and won't make the same mistake again.

My children are my dogs.  Sure, they are furry, but I love and care for them as if they were my children.  I feel such a pang of guilt when I have to leave them at home or the vet's office.  I might enjoy a day off from the responsibility, but I miss them terribly.

My job - right now, that situation has not been what I had expected.  Times have changed as have the values that corporations take for granted.  At some point, there will be a wake up call, but none of us have time to wait.  The interesting piece regarding work was that another gentleman, who was 50 and did not look like it, stated that he was looking to change his career as being an engineer was being phased out and sent to other countries.  I resonated that by saying, today, by the time we reach 50, we have to recreate ourselves because the work goes elsewhere.  We have to decide what it is that we really want to do with our lives.  I figure, you work the less paying job until you reach your high point, then you have to do it all over again.  When you do, pick a vocation that brings you joy and not pain.

While our bodies may show our age, I think you are seriously as young as you wish to be in your heart.  That is what keeps you young!

Freedom of Mind...

I got an alert that I had a new "Today's Message From God" on FB.  I read it and it bothered me a bit:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

no matter what happens to you, you always have freedom of mind.

That means you always have freedom to choose the path of virtue over the path of suffering, to choose being one with God over being alone.

I do not necessarily think that one "chooses" to be alone.  I find this message interesting in that I prayed for someone to come into my life.  I have always believed that God has been there in my life.  I know there are so many lessons to learn, but I have always thought of God being in my life.

On the subject of "Freedom of Mind", I believe that we do have the freedom to choose right from wrong.  That can be whether you decide to have that piece of cake or not, when you are on a diet.  Or choosing not to say what you really feel vs a sugar-coated politically correct version.  That is our freedom of mind.

I have had an utterly crappy day with work.  All I can say is that no matter what I do, for some people, it is never good enough.  I am so fed up with guessing what to do or how to go about getting what is needed.  I feel that someone else needs convey this better or let someone else run these types of things. 

I contacted the new manager and asked about setting up a cut over date.  I think the change will do me a lot more good.  I have had my fill with what I am doing now.  I do not even want to force myself to concentrate.  That is just not like me and I know it.

Last night, I truly enjoyed a great dinner at PF Chang's and getting some fabulous friend time with Random Cathy.  I am blessed to have such a wonderful friend back in my life.  I was incredibly nervous to show her what I had done with the book idea, but it really bolstered my confidence when she gave me some great advice and suggestions.  All very positive.  I hope I can do the same for her!

I am still trucking on with trying to get my 10,000 steps.  Two days in a row, I have gotten to 10,000 steps.  Tonight, I may not make that, but I am fine with that.  I think a slow day is needed, then crack on with getting my steps in per day.  I am very close to making my goal and that makes me happy.  I get under that 300 number, that is the first step.  Next major goal, get under the 290 number.  Just a little bit at time and whittle the weight away.

I really want to lose the weight badly.  I am just afraid my patience won't hold.  That bothers me a lot.  Maybe what is bothering me is the drama from work.  I just wish I never had to mess with that.

Keep Calm and Concentrate on the Goal...

Having one of those days where the scale shows you gained a pound and that internal frustration kicks at you.  Not fun. 

So, today, I must remind myself - Keep Calm and Concentrate on the Goal!

I can do this and I will do this.  I did not get here overnight and I cannot expect it to melt off overnight, either.  It can be done and it will be done.

The FitBit program is reminding me that I need to up my game a bit.  For the past several nights, I get a text message telling me that I am just 1500-2000 step away from meeting my 10,000 step goal.  By the time I get that message, I am already too exhausted to expend anymore energy.

The positive thing I do take away from that is the fact I am that close!  That is great!  Now, I know I just need to work a bit harder at getting there.  Once I am there, I need to make sure I can make the 10,000 steps per day for a month, then raise the bar by 2000 steps.  All the while, making sure my diabetes stays on track.  I have to admit, the blood sugar numbers remain relatively low and that is great for me. 

Just keep marching on!

Today's message from God to me - I suppose I may have a hearing problem, but I am afraid it is probably more a case of cannot see the forest for the trees:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you've been talking to God too much, and not listening enough.

Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you.

Week 2 - Plowing Right Along...

So far, the scale is trying to tell me that I have lost 10 lbs.  Now, I know most of that is water due to having started this change right before that big time of the month (ugh).  My GP and Endo both know I gain about 10 lbs of water right before and never quite sure why.  It happens, then it flushes out.  I have been making sure I drink plenty of water - most days over 64 oz.

So, rather than be discouraged, I will that that 10 lb loss as a good thing.  Just remind myself - stick to it!

Last night, I went to the Stars game.  I got there early enough to check out the "Fresh Market" at the AAC.  If you have not been to the AAC lately and looking for some healthy options, check this kiosk out when you go.  Again, the prices are going to be like anything else there - too high.  However, I found fruit cups, various wraps, and salads.  I bought a grilled vegetable wrap last night and it was delicious!  I am not even kidding on this one!  It surprised even myself.  The wrap was a flour tortilla with cabbage, shredded carrots, grilled onions, zucchini, and squash.  It was crunchy and savory - which really filled my snack need at the time.  I also bought a 20 oz bottle of water to drink.  For those interested in cost, it was $10 to both - $6.00 for the wrap and $4.00 for the bottle of water (insane - I KNOW!).

Having said that, I could have spent more on just getting the bottomless popcorn and soda for $12.00 and still been over the hill nutrition wise.

For the rest of the season, I will be probably hitting this kiosk for any food or drink items.  I am glad that there is such an option there.  It really helps me with my decisions and curbs my desire to get the cinnamon roasted nuts.  (Ahhhh...I just love the smell of those roasted nuts!  Reminds me of a cold Christmas no matter what time of the year it is.)

God's message to me today:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

animals and children can be incredible role models.

Even 'roll models'. Watch them as they roll around on the grass, scratching their backs, feet gleefully kicking up in the air. Notice the freedom they enjoy and the obvious joy they feel in that freedom. This freedom is very important for adults, too. Don't get stuck in ruts of seriousness. Let your wild spirit run free once in a while.

Ah - yes.  I realize I have not been quite so serious lately, but you know, I always want to make people laugh.  I agree with so many - laughter cures what ails you.  Nothing brings more joy than laughter, whether it is a dirty joke or telling a story about something you did that was silly.  The other truth - actual stories make the funniest tales to tell.

I will say that there are some people who may think I am a bit too silly.  That is okay - they are just wrapped up in being too serious.  Give us all a break - cut loose today!

Making Positive Choices...

The hardest part of changing one's life style is breaking bad habits in favor for good ones in the beginning.  I believe, as time goes by, the decisions to make become easier when you make the right choices and see the desired results.  In the beginning, one *knows* the right choice to make, but it is easier to succumb to the wrong choice out of habit.

Last night, I had dinner with a friend.  I had never been to La Hacienda Ranch restaurant, but had always wanted to try it.  At first, we were to meet at the Outback for dinner.  I was pumped because I knew Outback had a under 600 calorie menu - choices of steak, chicken, and salmon with steamed fresh vegetables.  Bonus for me!  The place was packed when I got there, so we decided to go to La Hacienda Ranch.

Luckily, I got there before my friend and got a table within about 5 minutes.  Here comes my first weakness - salsa and tortilla chips.  Yes, I did have some tortilla chips, but I made sure I only had about 20 chips at most and only a small bit of salsa.  Both were very good, but I worked on savoring the chip and salsa I would eat, so that I would eat less of them.

My friend arrives and we order.  Rather ordering a ribeye steak, as I usually do, I opted for the 7 oz tenderloin with skillet potatoes and a salad.  The meal was supposed to come with Texas Toast, but it did not - I am actually happy about missing that piece!  The salad was delivered with the dressing on the side, so I only put in a little bit and mixed up the dressing with the salad.  That way, I did not use up all of the dressing.  I like that.

Overall, I only ate part of the potatoes, which I considered more roasted as I do them.  I loved that the potatoes had bits of onion - I love roasted onion for some reason.  By the time I finished the tenderloin, I was pretty much full, but I had room for a few bites of apple pie.  We shared that and I did just have 3 bites of the apple mixture and very little crust.  I figure a little moderation helps curb cravings along the way.

My friend tells me of how she never used to eat tomatoes until a friend of hers came to dinner after his father passed away.  She would fix her friend dinner every night and her friend always had sliced tomatoes with his meal.  I have heard this story for years.  The thing is that having sliced tomatoes is not a bad thing.

When I first started middle school in 1978, I got sick and had my first trip to a new doctor here in Texas.  At the office, I weighed 232 lbs and I was only 12 years old.  The doctor told my mother I needed to lose weight.  He put me on a 1500 calorie diet and knew that I had to take PE, so he knew I would be getting some sort of exercise.  My mother, not wanting me to feel alone, made sure everyone in the family went on the diet as well.  Both my mother and father were overweight as well and I was not going to go through it successfully on my own, so she made it her job to get everyone's calories counted.

One of the food items that my whole family loved was fried catfish.  There was a restaurant in North Richland Hills that had this beautiful fish tank.  I loved going there and getting a chance to look at the beautiful fish swimming in the tank while waiting for a table or food.  The fried catfish was absolutely wonderful, but with all great dishes like that, it came with fries.  We all could only have about 10-15 fries and it was a temptation that just could not be tolerated.

My mother asked the waitress if we could substitute something else for the french fries.  The waitress checked and said that sliced tomatoes could be substituted.  From that point forward, until the restaurant went out of business, we would get the fried catfish, salad, and sliced tomatoes.  While I admit, I would have rather had the fries, I loved sliced tomatoes as well, so I learned it was a better choice.

By the time I went into 8th grade, I had lost about 52 lbs.  I weighed 180 lbs. The problem was I never could *really* see the new *me*.  I knew I could wear smaller clothes, but I was still fat. 

I remember at the time, the popular girls had been away from the skating rink that summer and I continued to go every Friday and Saturday night.  When they returned, one actually pulled me aside and told me that she noticed I had lost weight and how great it was.  I never really hung out with the popular crowd, but I was happy that one of them actually noticed me. 

As I think back to that time in my life, I wish I had been able to see it for myself.  This time, I will make the right choices, so that I can see that change.  It will be hard because I see myself every day.

Today's message from God to me - I have to admit - I believe this with all my heart:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

every moment can be made glorious by your realization of God.

That does not mean praying incessantly or reading holy book nonstop. What that does mean is going about your everyday life with an awareness of communion with God in your heart.

Lastly, I saw this posted and it really resonated with me:

"I don't have an amazing figure or a flat stomach.  I'm far from being considered a model, but I'm me.  I eat food.  I have curves.  I have more fat than I should.  I have scars because I have a history.  Some people love me, some like me, some hate me.  I have done good.  I have done bad.  I love my PJ's and I go without make up and sometimes, don't get my hair done.  I'm random and crazy.  I don't pretend to be someone I'm not.  I am who I am, you can love me or not.  I won't change!!  And if I love you, I do it with my Heart!!  I make no apologizes for the way I am."