Small Signs...

Today, I got on the scale and finally can say goodbye to the 290s.  Now, I welcome the 280s for a bit and hope to move out of that area just as soon. 

While putting on my jersey for Saturday's game, I realized that the jersey was fitting loose.  Definitely a small sign that my body is shrinking.  I am also wearing jeans I have not been able to wear for several months.  The jeans I recently bought are too large and start falling off of my hips.  Probably time to put those away for a bit, then give them to charity.  I think I should give them away once I hit in the 200s.

Why is this time so much different than all of the other times I have tried to lose weight?  I would think it has to be the determination that a better life is available to me after I lose it.  I will be healthier, my blood sugar numbers will be lower, I will feel better, I will be more alive. 

It is funny.  I was talking with a friend the other day and I said, my mid-way reward for losing this weight is to spend the day at Six Flags.  Now, I know that sounds silly, but the reality is that I have not been to Six Flags in years.  To spend the day riding the various rides with some friends, that would be so grand.  I miss going to Six Flags and riding the various rides.  I think I will pass on riding the Texas Giant, but the other roller coasters are definitely on my list.

What would be the ultimate reward for losing all of the necessary weight?  Maybe a trip to England, Scotland, and Ireland.  I would love to spend time in London and seeing everything that is there.  I am currently saving money off to the side for something special.  That should be the grand prize for all of this hard work.  Do it for myself and pay myself back for doing so well.

My message from God today:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

the more you are, the more you can be for others.

You cannot give to others what you do not have yourself. First, make yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually wealthy, and then freely give to others.

Physically Exhausted, But Feeling Good Mentally...

I really over did it yesterday.  By the stroke of midnight, I had already reached 18,458 steps.  By 5 PM, I had reached my 10,000 step goal.  Yesterday was just a pretty amazing day!

When I got up, I got the dogs walked, then got in front of the TV and started watching MI-5 on Netflicks while walking in place.  By the time I was ready to stop, about 35 minutes, I had gotten in over 5000 steps.  Wow!  That was amazing.

I ended up over at Bed, Bath, and Beyond (my means) to get a scale to weigh food items and a couple of mats to place in the kitchen.  Then, ran over to the grocery store to get this week's groceries.  I still had not walked that much, but I was further along.

I got cleaned up and headed down to the West End.  I needed to meet my friend and her son at Hooters.  Apparently, he was pretty excited to be going there for dinner.  Unfortunately, we did not eat at that establishment.  The waiting time was 45 minutes to an hour.  Figures - it was 2 hours before the hockey game.  So, rather than be bummed out, we went over to the Hard Rock Cafe.  That was not disappointing - the food and service was great.  I even had a burger and some fries.  I did leave a majority of the fries on the plate, but took down the burger without the bun.  :-)

After dinner, we walked over to the AAC to get to the game.  Due to so many things, we ended up walking almost completely around the arena.  We got to our seats, but 5 minutes before the end of the first period, we had to leave and meet my account manager at section 121.  There, he and other account managers took us down to where the Dallas Stars locker room was located.  We got to stand outside the locker room and get high fives from the team as they filed out.  My friend and her son were very excited to get to do this.  It was great!

What can I say?  I have more love for the Dallas Stars than any other team.  Those guys are so great!  I felt great to be able to provide my friend's son a great memory of going to a hockey game.  Even though his favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys, he made the comment that Cowboys should revamp their system like that.  I thought it was funny.

I like being able to do something that special for someone.  It makes me feel good.

This morning, however, I am paying for overdoing it.  My legs are pretty sore from all of the walking.  I may take it a bit easy today, but I will try to just reach my 10,000 step mark.  Dinner tonight will be roasted salmon with mixed vegetables and rice.  I thought it would be good to change it up from chicken for a change.  I need to get more recipes - that way I can try different things.

Today's Message from God to me:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

when you are at a loss of what to do, do nothing.

Doing nothing can be very wise. When you pause doing things, you become more aware of God's presence, and often an unexpected solution to your question will arise.

 

Overall Progress Report...

Yesterday, when I got on the scale, I had only lost 0.4 lbs.  Today, it showed, I lost 1.6 lbs, so I have a total of 2.0 lbs.  Since the beginning of January, I have lost a total of 24.1 lbs. 

I know if I were to go into the grocery store and picked up 6 - 4 lb bags of sugar, I know I would probably go "oof!"  In the process of staying positive, that is a LOT of weight.  I still have a lot more to go, but I am just that much closer to my goal. 

This coming week will be this month's second week of doing the meal replacement.  After that, I will get to prepare healthy foods for my breakfast and lunch. On one hand, the meal replacement has been saving me at the grocery store.  However, I do not necessarily like the fact that my blood sugar dips too low because of it.

Doing something that really feels good:

I have made it a point to focus on walking place each day.  No matter what time, (I do try to make it in the mornings) I make it a point to walk in place for 30 minutes.  I am trying to build up to the 45 minutes that was recommended to me.  Yesterday, I made my 10,000 steps before 10 PM, which is amazing for me.  I am still pretty spotty on getting my 10,000 steps, but I am doing better and better each day.  As I get more consistent, I hope to complete that goal by 10 PM each night.  That makes me feel good to be able to go to bed knowing I did it.

Today, I am going to the Dallas Stars game.  I have not been to a game in awhile due to away games.  This will be the last game to attend until the Winter Olympics are done.  Today will be a bit more special.  My friend and her son will be attending.  We will meet at Hooters in downtown Dallas, then head over to the AAC for the game. 

Here is the exciting part that really makes me feel good for my friend's son - my account manager was able to get us passes to the locker room area, so that we can stand out there and see the team as they go/leave the locker room.  I wanted to do this for my friend's son since this was his first hockey game.  I figured - how exciting that this would be?!  He is only 13 years old, his first hockey team, and he will get a fist pump from the guys as they are coming in/leaving the ice.  I am really excited for him and so very glad this worked out for today. 

I love the Stars to death, but something like this is really meant for the kids.  This was exactly how I felt about the autograph event.  I felt so silly standing there asking these men for an autograph - Good grief - I could be their mother!  For the kids, this is probably the most exciting part and I cannot really deny them that.  It is almost like Christmas for them.  The look on their faces and such is just amazing. 

I just wanted to do something special for someone who had never been to a game.  That way, my friend's son will really remember and cherish the moments.  I do not have any kids - I guess if you want to count Bo and Chloe as kids, but they get excited over doggy toys, so I can see that joy in their faces pretty easily.

Sometimes, it is fun to do something incredibly stupid.  I just did and enjoyed the laugh out of it.  :-)

Week 5 - Still Going Strong...

According to the FitBit web site, I have lost another 2.8 lbs this week.  Yay!  *Happy Dance!*  Tonight, I made my 10,000 step goal before 10 PM and that is great!

I have had a few days where I felt down about everything.  Mainly, that is where I have a lot of self-doubt.  Tonight, I went to get my hair cut.  My stylist had never seen me with make up and she kept going on about how pretty I was.  The sad part is that when I look at myself, I just do not see it.  Maybe that is from all of the years of being told I was "fat and ugly." It is not something one likes to keep in their head, but it is there.

I guess I see the point Alison Moyet and Dawn French have made.  Both women lost a large amount of weight and not through weight loss surgery.  However, so much attention has been showered upon them for losing the weight, but they are no different than they previously were.  Their attitudes and such never changed - just their physical selves.  It seems pretty sad that people tend to not see that side.  I have always admired both women since I was in high school.  Great that they lost the weight, but it was because they wanted to do it for the same reasons I am doing it - for health.

Sometimes, I get scared of losing sight of why I am doing all of this.  I made that mistake so many times and I allowed the weight to come back with vengence.  It is not something I want to happen again.  I want to be able to do more things.

I reflected back to last weekend.  I was in Fort Worth and remembered that it was the Stockshow.  I remembered when my BFF since my early college years and I went to the rodeo there.  We were talking last night and I told her how much I really want to go back for the Stockshow.  I always had fun.  Then, we talked about once I lose 50+ lbs.  I would love for her to take her weekend off and we head off to Six Flags.  Again, remembering the early days when we used to hang out together and go spend the day there.  It would be great to ride the roller coasters and such again.  It has been so long and that would be such a blast to do it again.  I would consider that my next big goal - lose enough to head off to Six Flags for the day.

I would like to note that when I set up the rewards for these goals, none are really food related.  The rewards are those things I have either yet to do or have not done in eons.  It is all part of enjoying life and celebrating those obstacles I have managed to get past.  Maybe, I might be able to see the pretty swan I imagine I am in my head.

Today, Melissa, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you haven’t opened all your gifts yet.

Your life can be deeper than the ocean, larger than the sky and richer than all the minerals in the earth. You have so much potential. Do everything you dream of. Keep discovering yourself.

That is what my plan is this year and for the future.  I believe there is a lot more there than even I believe.

No Matter How Crazy It Seems - Just Do It...

I tried to rush myself out the door this morning, but ended up missing a conference call and never got my morning walk in as I should have.  When I got to work, I had a few things to do, but mostly, I was supposed to get on this and that conference call.

Rather than just sit there on my butt, I slid off my shoes and started walking in place for about 30 minutes.  I know it looked a bit crazy, but good grief, sitting on a conference call and doing nothing is insane. 

As I was "marching" in place, my boss's boss came by my desk.  She smiled and said "Exercising?"  I shrugged and said I have to do something.  It is better than sitting there doing nothing and I am listening to the call.  She agreed and told me to keep it up.

I know it looks nutty, but as many of you already know, being a bit nutty is just part of my charm.  However, this is so important for me to do.  It is so biting cold outside and trying to walk inside the building is just insane.  I get the same step benefit by walking in place.  I am moving - I am being active and that is important.

As of today, I have lost 22 lbs.  I have gone from 314.2 down to 292.2.  I am close to leaving the 290s and heading into the 280s.  I have actually been able to wear jeans I had not been able to wear for months.  I am nowhere where I need to be, but seeing the results makes a huge difference in my day.

The one thing that has been difficult for me is seeing a difference.  I mean, I see the numbers going down and I can sort of see some physical changes.  However, I just cannot see myself thinner.  Let's see how I see myself after I lose another 30 lbs.

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

if you desire something, offer something.

Offerings can come in many forms: a gift, a prayer, a smile, flowers, food. Offer something from your heart.

I would like to think I have done that.  I made the pecan pralines for my friend, Arnold, and handed out the others for people at work.  Also, I have gotten a couple of tickets lined up for some friends to see a Stars game for free.  I do like to do things for other people.  Making others happy makes me happy.

Time Out...

I think everyone needs a little "time out" from all of our daily life issues.  I am taking a little bit of time out today to walk in place for about 30 minutes, then get back to focusing on other things.  My mind just does not want to focus anymore these days.  I have other things I would rather be doing that I think are far more interesting. 

I spend a lot of my time doubting what my gut feelings say.  I know I should not - I know that my gut feeling is 99% right.  However, I get so conflicted.

Today, I have a lot of anger and frustration flowing through my system.  I would go into it, but it has to deal with work.  So, I am trying to figure out a constructive way to handle it.  Rather than keeping it all inside, I need to let it all go.

I do not have anything very clever or thought provoking to say today.  It is one of those weeks where all of my energy is sucked out of me for something I no longer enjoy.  Believe me, I do not care for it at all.

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

when you are in doubt, stop and listen.

There is not one question in your life that God is not ready to give you guidance on. All you have to do is stop and listen. Listen long enough to know.

Conflicting Feelings and Emotions...

Groundhog day always reminds me of the movie of the same title.  Sometimes, you might wish you could have a do over to see what would happen based on your choices for that day.  I had a similar day yesterday.

I met with my friend on Saturday morning and I was given quite a surprise.  Rather than suggesting some activities to help me build muscle, it was all about what I should be eating.  Anyone who knows me, I do not quite get my mind to functioning properly until a bit later in the day or if I am put into shock, it is not until I walk away and think about what was said that I start seeing issues.

I saw issues.  First, I am on a diet that my doctors and diabetes educators have recommended I follow.  My friend's recommended diet change meant a lot of food - primarily composed of tons of protein and some carbs.  Once again, I was met with some "no" this or that - milk, alcohol, and baked goods.  I could eat as much raw onion, garlic, and honey as I wanted.  Also, I needed to consume 2 gallons of water.

As I drove home, I felt so conflicted.  As of yesterday, I have lost a total of 20 lbs.  I am working on my portion control because to me, making that change and being active makes more sense.  It allows me to have that occasional cookie or what have you without the feeling of total guilt.  Here, I am told no milk, but I can have yogurt for one of my snacks.  Seems like a contradiction.  I get the whole concept regarding cow's milk and what have you, but at the same time, yogurt is also a product of cow's milk.

What bothered me - no discussion regarding fruits.  Raisins are dried grapes and the various companies that make them also put sugar on them to make them a bit sweeter.  So, what about apples, pears, oranges, regular grapes, pineapple, and etc.?

The diet would be fabulous for someone bulking up, but I am worried that too much protein will shutdown my kidneys.  Remember, I still have type 2 diabetes.

The one thing I cannot say is that what I have been doing is not successful.  As embarrassed as I am to say this, I was actually able to fasten the seat belt in a co-worker's Jeep the other day.  Jeep just does not make a long enough seat belt, but other car companies do.  So, when my co-worker noticed that, he thought that was great - I was doing it.

Another co-worker and I were talking about the weight loss.  She has called it "Melissa's Disappearing Campaign".  Everyone is going to see me slowly disappear, but that is a good thing.  I thought it was funny.

Overall, my friend on Saturday was really encouraging and he felt awful that he had not been able to help another former classmate before he passed away.  For that classmate, he had forgotten he had already taken his heart condition medication, so he ended up overdosing.  It was truly sad because he was a truly sweet and crazy guy.

All of my friends have been extremely encouraging during all of this.  As my co-worker friend made the comment, I haven't been psycho in quite some time.  In fact, he had difficulty remembering the last time I was off the rails in his opinion.  I always laugh about that - I am not psycho, I was paranoid and that was due to the high blood sugar.  It was an awful time.  Now, I try not to let things that are out of my control get the better of me.  I do what I can and after that, it is what it is.  That is all any of us can do.  Being a control freak is overrated - too much drama.  I would rather leave that crap for TV - that is why actors are paid so much.

I feel guilty for asking this friend for help, then upon examination of what he tells me, I really do not feel that it is right for me.  I feel I did not get the sort of help I really wanted, but that is not his fault.  He has this formulation that works for many people.  I simply was looking for what I could do to help my activity level.

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

all those little things that annoy you, are God's way of watching out for you.

You never know when an untied shoelace saves you from an onrushing car. On September 11th, one man was saved because he had to get donuts for his team; another because he developed a blister on his foot from wearing new shoes.