Shaking It Off...

As of late, I am trying to learn the art of "shaking it off."  "IT" being whatever is messing with my mind and just won't leave.  That "IT" that irritates and makes me angry.  Life is too short to allow "IT" to take residence in my mind.

What are the "IT" things that I have issues shaking off:

• A person trying to constantly get something for free for whatever reason.  One in particular was supposed to do something and it looks like that is not going to happen.  However, had the gall to ask if a couple of other people could attend this event without paying for them as well.  Yeah - that pissed me off.
• Certain people who work in the area I do and presume that my new position requires that I do production support.  Apparently, a year ago, they did not read the memo that was sent out by senior management where this group was looking for someone to work in the "development area" - NO PRODUCTION SUPPORT.  I find it annoying how some people truly assume something without no knowledge.
• The person that always has an excuse for not attending meetings, but you have to depend on that person for something.  If you volunteer, then you need to make some effort.  I am getting good at washing my hands of that matter.  I did not assign that person the task and letting the person that did handle it.
• Apartment complex does not believe that a chirping smoke alarm is a priority and it can wait three business days before changing out the battery in my apartment.  The two in question are located at the top of a vaulted ceiling and I cannot reach them.  It is pertinent that these are changed in a timely manner because the sound hurts my dogs' ears.  It is important enough for me to pay $45 + tip for someone to come out on a Sunday to change the batteries.  I think it would be greatly appreciated to have that amount taken out of my monthly rent.
• This one is on me - enduring pain in my legs because they are not strong enough to handle the nth number of times I had to do squats with my trainer.  I am sure I did about 60 to 70 squats the other day with the trainer.  It took about 4 days before the pain would subside.  When that happens, I am not motivated to continue working out.

I need to learn that these things are all part of life and I need not to spend a whole lot of time dwelling on them.  Some of them, as I pointed out, I am starting to get the "shake it off" perspective.  Mainly because either I can do something about it or if I cannot, then it is someone else's burden to manage.  Why should I spend time dealing with it?

Time to get the ugliness out of residence.
 

Meeting My First Crush...

When I was 15, I started listening to George Gilmarc every Sunday night on KZEW to hear all of the "new wave/punk" music.  At the time, I was a huge Police fan and loved their music immensely.  The cool part about George's show was that he introduced me to music that just did not make the regular rotation on other stations.  (Well, not until THE EDGE showed up in 1989).  

I heard the G0-Gos, Magazine, UB-40, U2, Depeche Mode, Devo, Bauhaus, The Sparks, and many others.  My other favorite band was called Ultravox.  Their music followed along with the "New Romantic" era - mainly synthesizers, but it rocked as well.  The song I fell in love with was called "Vienna".  I had seen the video on one of the late night music video shows.  At that time, the video was quite the experience - it captured a story and was elegant.  I loved it.

Soon, the next song I fell in love with was "Reap the Wild Wind".  Something about that song the first time I heard it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  I immediately fell in love with it.  I had wanted to see the band perform, but at that time, most of these bands rarely played Reunion arena - they played nightclubs where I was too  young to attend alone.

By my freshman year in college, I was a full-blown Ultravox fan with the entire vinyl and cassette collection I could get my hands on.  My friend, Caroline, would encourage my fandom by getting bits and pieces of articles and press releases for me - at the time, she was working her way to be a music journalist.  Her thoughts were that I should not go into computers, but be a writer - I had gained an extensive background on the British music scene and could provide accurate information on all bands.  (I spent too much time reading and listening to music.)

In 1984, when Band Aid recorded Do They Know It's Christmas?, I was all over that because the lead singer, Midge Ure, from Ultravox had helped write the song with Bob Geldof.  Live Aid - I stayed up and recorded the entire show, but was only interested in the London performers.  When Ultravox came to the stage, I was glued to the TV.  I missed hearing Reap the Wild Wind, but was able to see the band perform the other songs.

After that, hearing much from Ultravox was scarce.  The band never really came back to the US for touring.  Next, was Midge's solo stuff.  For his first solo album in 1985, he toured in NY and other east coast places, but never made it to Dallas.  It seemed to be a trend with many British bands - after their "heyday", no one rarely saw them tour this part of the states.  I figured I would probably never get to see him live and I just lived with that.

In July, Retro Futura started promoting their tour of British 80's bands, such as Howard Jones, Thompson Twins (Tom Bailey), Katrina from Katrina and the Waves, China Crisis, and MIDGE URE.  Whoa!  I started viewing the tour dates.  Again, only touring in the east and west coasts.  The closest place to see the band would have been in California or Las Vegas, NV.  Due to animal health issues, I just cannot spend the money for that.  I posted a message:

Why won't you come to Dallas?

The organizers of the tour stated that bands like them did not sell well in the SE.  I thought, maybe I should contact KXT and see if they could help as they had supported various other 80's bands going to the The Granada Theater.  I figured it would be the perfect venue for the bands.

I got wrapped up with work and pet stuff, then an announcement was made that the tour would be making a stop in Dallas at the Verizon Center.  I decided I really should go because I had posted that question and next, how could I possibly miss getting to see Midge Ure?  This might be my last chance!  So, when tickets were released for sale - I got one!

I had a great seat near the front of the stage.  Seeing Katrina perform was great - she was chatty, but I love that.  That makes me feel like part of the performance.  China Crisis came out after her and I was reminded how much I had really liked them.  When Midge Ure hit the stage, I was excited to hear everyone give him such huge applause.  For years, I felt I was alone in liking Ultravox and his solo work in this area, but now, I knew there were other fans!

It was so great to see him perform - he was fantastic!  His voice had not changed one bit over the years and he really rocked out the songs.  At the end of Midge's set, the first 3 bands went to the front and did a meet and greet.  If I passed on that, I was crazy.  After awhile, they all showed up and signed stuff and had their pictures taken.  

When I finally got to meet Midge, I told him what I huge fan I was of Ultravox and his solo work.  I inquired if he would be able to bring his acoustic show to the Dallas area.  He told me that he was really pushing for getting into America, but when Ultravox stopped touring the US, his management group and he had lost their various contacts, but they were working on it.  I asked if Ultravox would be doing another release and he stated that the band was dormant, but the band member just needed to decide upon their next direction.  

At that point, I got my picture made - I did not have anything for him to sign.  Honestly, I had been a fan member and I had some signed stuff from that.  The picture meant more to me than anything else.  The person behind me was kind enough to take two pictures.  I am more than thrilled to have met this wonderfully talented man.  I am grateful I did not lose it, too!  LOL

I had to share this story because I have been on air since meeting Midge.  I do hope he comes through for an acoustic show.  I would be there for that!
 

Mind of a Toy...or even a pet...

Back in my own heyday, I was into "New Romantic" phase of the British New Wave sounds.  A project, called "Visage", consisted of members from Ultravox, Magazine, and Steve Strange, a gentlemen who was big with the "Blitz" club scene.  One of their major hits was a song called "Fade to Grey".  I loved it.

Today, I read something that made me think of another song - "Mind of a Toy".  It was a picture of a pomeranian.  He was 16 years old.  Why was he surrendered?  Because he was too old.

Too old?!  Do we just cast away those that are too old or sick?  I understand needing help with care of someone who is not doing well, but is this what this world has become.  My heart breaks for this poor baby - I can only imagine in his head what he is thinking.  This song puts it all together so well:

"Mind Of A Toy" was written by Currie, William / Ure, Midge / Egan, Rusty / Mcgeoch, John Alexander / Formula, Dave / Strange, Steve.

My painted face is chipped and cracked
My mind seems to fade too fast
Clutching straws, sinking slow
Nothing less, nothing less

A puppets motion's controlled by a string
By a stranger I've never met
A nod of the head and a pull of the thread
I can't say no, can't say no

When a child throws down a toy
When I was new you wanted me
Now I'm old, you no longer see

When a child throws down a toy
Spiteful girl, hateful boy
When a child throws down a toy

I'm all dressed up and nowhere to go
Or the music box that never stops
I'll dance for you if you want me to
Move in time, move in time

A wooden head and a broken heart
Used, abused and torn apart
I gave you my best and you gave me the rest
There's time to die, time to die

When a child throws down a toy
When I was new you wanted me
Now I'm old, you no longer see me

When a child throws down a toy
Spiteful girl, hateful boy
When a child throws down a toy

When a child throws down a toy
When I was new, you wanted me
Now I'm old, you no longer see me

When a child throws down a toy
Spiteful girl, hateful boy
When a child throws down a toy

Read more: Visage - Mind Of A Toy Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Minimalista? No - Just Trying to Break Down the Clutter...

A year or two ago, I tried to be a "minimalista" and it just did not work out for me.  Part of the problem was my waning energy levels and the other part was just not enough time.  When I was able to spend time doing the things that needed to be done, I was amazed with what I accomplished.

At this point, I have changed positions with my company.  I ended up overwhelming myself with a writing course, which I really liked and will probably take again.  Friday, I sat down and made out a schedule on what I need to do, but I think I need to re-evaluate it again.  This week is a bit nutty with going to an 80's concert tonight, then tomorrow night and Wednesday, I have to drive over to Arlington to get Chloe checked up - drop off tomorrow night and pick up the following day.  The weekend will be spend dealing with reunion stuff.

Part of me wants to wait until the reunion is wrapped up before starting on those things I should be doing.  However, it is best to do something, rather than nothing.

So, I am going to try to work on the various areas of my apartment and continue the rotation for the following two months.  My biggest issue is all of the paper.  I have seen a decrease in the amount of paper coming into the my house since I switched to electronic statements.  I would say the weekend after the reunion, I will take boxes of papers that need to be shredded to a public shredder service.  I like the idea of taking it all down and doing it all at once - be able to see the papers being shredded and feel at ease.

My plan is to focus on one room of the apartment each week.  This week - the kitchen.  I will concentrate my efforts to clearing out and cleaning the kitchen.  If I have accomplished something, that is a bonus.  What is left over to be done can be written down as an area of concentration for the next time I concentrate on that particular room.

My hope is that as I get each room depleted of clutter, then the time devoted to the rooms will go down by days, then into hours.  That way, these tasks are down to something pretty regular and not time consuming.  Basically, back to when I first moved into the apartment - it would take me two hours to pull everything into shape and I was done.

I may not get rid of everything, but it the apartment would be presentable for anyone and I could have guests.  I admire minimalists as they realize that "stuff" is a burden.  However, there are some things that we need.
 

Here I Go Again...Stay Strong...

I realized last night that I had been splurging a bit too much lately.  As usual, my days off did not go as I had planned.  I had planned to do lots of cleaning and get the grocery shopping done early.  As usual, life, or whatever you want to call it, intervened and I had to do some things I had not intended.  Blah!  At least, I have today and tomorrow.  If I can make a small dent into the plans I had intended, then I will call myself successful.

The other detail that I had been splurging too much was my blood sugar.  Before dinner last night, it was 396, which was unusual.  Then, again, not really.  I had been eating out a lot and it was catching up with me.  What bothered me was that when I had to take the dogs out at 3:30 AM, I checked my blood sugar and it was 185.  I could deal with that.  I still have not eaten anything at this time and my blood sugar showed 226.  Ugh.

Looking at my averages - my blood sugar has been running at about 222 for the past month.  Not good.  What does it take to get that true slap in the face?  The biggest issue is the same.  Overeating, eating food that I probably should not, not measuring, and just not moving.  This is so silly of me!  Of course, the only person who can make this turn around is me.

First, I need to lose weight to feel better and have better health.  That is important to me.  I have no visions of having a model body.  I just want to see the beauty in myself.  What makes me pretty and feel that all of the time.  Right now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I am not happy with what I see.  Also, I hate getting my picture made.  What I see, I do not like.  I want to change myself to be happy with myself.  That is the most important.  I matter to me.

Second, I do want to lose weight in order to wear some of my clothes.  I also want to lose weight to sit comfortably in my seat at the Dallas Stars hockey games.  Nothing like being able to sit and get up comfortably.  That is important.

Third, I do not want to lose weight for my high school reunion.  Accept me as I am or move along.  I am over that whole "I have to look like I changed and done well."  Really?  Does what they think of me really affect me?  No.  What I think of me affects me.

I will get back to logging my food intake.  Measuring and writing everything that I put in my mouth makes me accountable.  Back to getting in the swing of using my FitBit.  Those that used the FitBit and came back to me with why it did not work for them, I need to get those comments out of my head.  Sure, the FitBit is not accurate, but it is a "gauge" for me.  It helps me see where I can activity-wise.  I will probably measure more on my sleep patterns over time, but with two dogs sleeping in bed with me, I am sure their activity has a lot to do with the bumps in activity for me during sleep.

For me, and no one else, the major key to losing weight has always been a combination of food logging/measuring and exercise.  I have to stay true to it.  The other part is drinking more water.  I have not been drinking more sodas, but I have found myself drinking less water.  That needs to change as well.  I feel water is the natural flush for anything.

So, I am going to get back up on this horse and work it as hard as I can.  Other garbage can take a hike.

Incorporating Changes That Others Do Not Like...

For as long as I have had Bo and Chloe together, I have to deal with the "Food Struggle."  The first part of "Food Struggle" was that Bo and Chloe have to eat separate food.  Well, now, both dogs are supposed to eat the same food, but Bo has a powder he must have added in order to absorb the nutrients.  The problem here is that neither dog wants to eat their "own" food.  Sure, make them eat in separate rooms, but that never works.  A lot of whining goes on with being separated from me, so that does not work.

The second part of "Food Struggle" is I used to leave the food on the floor so that Bo could "graze".  Well, he has become a little pig.  If I am out of the room, he will eat all of Chloe's food and leave his alone.  In the end, I have to deal with stomach problems - not pretty.

The third part of "Food Struggle" is when I try to eat.  No matter what, I get no breaks from the "staring eyes" or the downright bullying barking.  Lately, the only time I get peace when I eat is if I am at work or eating out.  It is annoying.

I have gotten to the point where I sit the food on the floor then set the timer for 10 minutes.  Both dogs have 10 minute to eat their own food.  I sit here and do whatever, read, surf the internet, listen to the radio, or watch TV.  Once the timer goes off, up goes the food.  Too bad.  I feel that this has had a good effect on Bo in that the tummy problems and pigging out has stopped.  

As for my eating and their begging, I will just have to get mean and continue to ignore it.  My mother for years fed Chloe table food and it would always mess up her system.  Now, Chloe has a diseased gall bladder.  I am not blaming my mother, but it was something I refused to do with Bo.  When I got Chloe, she weighed 25 lbs.  That was pretty overweight for that little dog.  My mom could not get Chloe the exercise she needed as my mom was dying and pretty much bed ridden.  My father did not have the time.

Once my mother decided I needed to take care of Chloe, her gall bladder was already a mess.  I got her to start eating dog food and the only time she got table food was when she saw my mother.  I could never break my mom of the habit.  However, the vet was extremely pleased I was able to get 8 lbs off of Chloe.  I chalked all of that to the fact that Chloe had dog food, had to be walked with Bo about 4 times a day @ 30 minutes each outing, and she climbed the stairs.

So, rather than start that downhill business with Bo, I keep table food from him.  However, the whole "who is Alpha" cause a bit of headache.  

I will say, I do allow for a few things to give to them.  I will give both dogs pizza crust, rolls, bread, and french fries, but I do not give it to them in mass amounts.  It is a "treat."

I suppose I will just have to sit back and concentrate further on the barking and demanding when I eat my dinner.  That will take more time and I need to be patient.

Health Update...

Only time will tell...

I could never get myself back on the wagon for whatever reasons.  After getting on the scale and reading 294.4, 10 lbs more than last weigh-in, I decided it was time to get serious.

Now, I am not in this to have a model's body.  Honestly, that is simply NOT possible.  The realistic view is that I need to lose weight to get my blood sugar and pressure down to some healthy values.  Being a bit physically stronger always helps as does being able to fit into smaller jeans.

My trainer has told me several times that you may not lose any weight, but you should always measure yourself.  Your body does change.  Muscle does weigh more than fat.  You should feel more energized (although, with this Texas heat, that part gets sucked down faster than you can imagine!).  So, rather than get down in the dumps because you have not lost any weight, look at your measurements.

For me, I know it was not muscle gain.  My back issues have not made strength training much better.  I can do for a bit, then I get a pinching pain in my lower back, but not in the same area as in June.

So, I spent Sunday doing grocery shopping and making sure I got plenty of fruits and veggies.  That piece is very important.  I have kept in mind that I need to have a proper combination of protein, non-starchy veggies, starchy veggies/grains, and fruit.  I have also gone back to doing the 2 week on and off of drinking hunger shakes for breakfast and lunch.  This way, I can focus on eating healthy snacks.  

Like a junkie getting off of whatever drug, it is going to be a tough couple of days.  I know how I am and it will take a lot of hard decisions to be made to stay on the straight and narrow.  I have already decided to curb the amount of times I get something out to eat.  It is probably better for me to fix healthy meals that can be used a couple of more times during the week.  This weekend, even though it is not the best, I will make jambalaya and shrimp gumbo.  While both are not the best health wise, the best part is that both taste better each subsequent day.  Having that with a salad is not as bad as having Tex-Mex.  :-)

Now, need to see how far I can go in the area of losing weight.