Thoughts and Feelings Regarding the Current Events...

I have had different opinions regarding the events that occurred in Ferguson, MO.  I believe in peaceful protests and open dialogue to sort out the issues we have regarding racism.  When people loot and riot, or even like here in Dallas, shutdown a freeway with your protesting, the mass majority of the public will not take you seriously.  

Why not?

Look at it from a person on the outside looking in:

You think nothing of destroying someone's business, their livelihood because you are angry.  You feel entitled to steal merchandise because people are considered racist and those business owners might actually side with your beliefs.  Who pays for all of that destruction?  Not you.  The insurance companies might be able to cover the destruction, but at what cost to the owners?  How about thinking of the employees who work in those businesses?  They have no job, now.

The whole incident, I believe could have been prevented altogether.  Had the young man not made the poor choices he made that night, he would be alive today.  Some of you may feel that is not being fair.  I think it is.  Had this young man been what his parents and others portrayed him to be, he would not have been out late at night robbing a store.  I truly believe that had the young man stayed home or done something other than rob a store, he would be alive today based upon choices made.

We all take a chance based upon the decisions we make.  Every action we take has some sort of reaction.  We have to decide which one is the right one.  The one thing I have learned, there are some decisions that put you in bad situations, such as this one, and those are the ones that I avoid.

That sentiment should be true to anyone no matter what your skin color, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation.  

One last word on the subject of racism.  While this country still has issues with racism, the people are open for change and that has allowed this country to come a LONG way to get to where we are today.  We still have a long way to go, but keep this in mind, in many places in the world, racism still exists and is an accepted way of behavior.  This is not just our country's problem, but a world-wide issue.

Health Update...

This Saturday's weekly weigh-in showed a 2.8 lb loss.  Finally - to see some progress, it was certainly refreshing.  On the downside, I am still feeling a lot of aches and pains.  To a certain degree, I understand the "No Pain, no gain" where my muscles are concerned.  What bothers me is that neither advil or aleeve are helping to relieve the muscle pain I am feeling after a workout.

Do not get me wrong.  Since switching over to using weight machines, I have been able to get through my workouts with my trainer.  My arms and/or legs will feel like limp noodles after lifting.  The next day, I can feel the soreness in those areas.  This past week, the trainer was able to sneak in some squats and that made it more difficult to get up and down without feeling a lot of pain.  I even did a lot of walking in hopes to reduce that pain last week.  

Now, it is not so bad, but when I stand after a period of sitting down, I stiffen up and there is a lot of pain.  I am looking for ways to stretch those muscles in order to get that part to stop.

I am thankful that I have this week off from work.  I just want to enjoy the time off and hope to get some cleaning done around the apartment.  I have my work cut out for me on this part, but I will work to get some dent done.  

Here is hoping that Thanksgiving does not dent my health changing efforts.

Why We Need to Look Back at the Past...

So often, we hear people talk about letting go of the past, moving forward, and so forth.  However, this advice needs to be in regards to not beating one's self up over mistakes made or situations out of one's control.  We do need to remember the past and learn from the mistakes and situations presented.  It is this point where we, as a global society, fail.

Now, you are probably wondering why I say that.  For the past few days, I have had several discussions regarding the education of people and those that are in control.  IS and other religious factions take hold of a community by storm and enforce laws and values that are not deemed reasonable by no stretch of the imagination.

Recent discussion was spurned by a conversation I had with a co-worker, where we share similar musical tastes.  Earlier in the week, I had said that "Friday cannot get here fast enough."  This Friday, she sends me a YouTube link - The Cure performing Friday, I'm In Love.  I loved it and mentioned the first and last time I had ever seen The Cure perform in concert was June 2008.  The section of the show that stirred me not only from a musical aspect, but from an emotional aspect was when the band performed Hundred Years.  

The song has a very eerie feel to it.  Similar to what Shirley Manson had said regarding Siouxsie and the Banshees, for bands that could produce this sinister sound, that sound would draw me into it in a curious fashion.  However, the image backdrop displayed for the song was unimaginable.  Various old photos taken from various, I would presume, European areas where you saw what genocide was really about.  It was not simply holocaust photos as many were not from that area, but other places.  The whole performance would click on that weird fascination I had regarding Nazi Germany and how, as a young girl, could not understand how so many people were unaware and even allowed that to happen.

My friend had mentioned that she visited a holocaust museum and there was a section that display the various medical tests performed on people.  The room had a warning on it regarding the photos on display.  My friend said she only lasted a few minutes looking before she just had to leave - the photos were that disturbing.

Today, the one thing I realized is that many political/religious factions have some sort of hidden agenda that many followers are unaware.  I considered ISIS in this case and another friend simply said that they were uneducated.  I had to disagree as many of the followers and leaders were well educated.  Those people were sent to the best schools.  Yet, those people ignore the past/history.  Granted, they prefer to feel that they have a stronger case for performing some form of genocide based upon ideals.  The world is seeing this and people refuse to stomach that sort of behavior.  Then, again, other places in the world ignore it.

So, I am again at that crossroads, wondering how a world having experienced these types of behaviors over and over simply cannot get past that sort of stupidity/savagery.  I realize that one cannot fix stupid, but obviously, it multiples in high numbers.  I also realize that religious factions such as ISIS thrive on the uneducated - it is a higher form of bullying, if you will.  

It causes me to stop and wonder:

Is God really a mad scientist and he creates various schemes and life forms, goes off to do something else, and when he returns, he sees what destruction lies before him and takes care of it?

None of us really know, do we?  So, as a global society, we should bear the responsibility of looking back at the past.  Quit thinking that history is boring.  It really is not boring when you realize that this world continues to do the same thing over and over.  Would it not be incredibly amazing if it stopped simply because we know the outcome is not what we desire?  Then, again, for those groups, I suppose it is the desired outcome.  I do not think I will ever truly understand it.

 

The Change Up...

While having my bi-weekly meeting with my trainer, she made a suggestion to change up my diet a bit.  Rather than having a shake for breakfast and lunch, have the shake for lunch and dinner.  Make sure to eat a decent breakfast.

After looking at my food journal on MyFitnessPal, her suggestion came when it seemed that the bulk of my calories were taking place at the end of the day.  She figured I had to be starving by the time dinner came.  Unfortunately, that part was true.  I was starving, but trying to stay within limits.  

So, today, I prepared scrambled eggs, canteloupe, and watermelon to eat for breakfast.  I will have a shake for lunch and dinner.  I will see how I handle that.

Actually, I cannot wait for next week - I can go back to eating food for all three meals.  I feel I am just not getting up and moving around enough.  My FitBit shows it.  However, for some reason, I got knocked down with a lot of fatigue yesterday.  That is rather unusual, but it could be that I am not getting enough sleep with the dogs.  Since the time change, Chloe is just killing me with when she needs to go.

I suppose when I really think about it, it is probably due to depression.  The holidays always get me down and even more so since my mother passed away.  I really did not realize how much she was such a huge presence for the holidays.  It was always just our small family, mom, dad, the dogs, and myself.  I do not feel close to any of the other family, but that is just how it was with our family.  Everyone else lived in another state and if someone on my father's side lived in Texas, we rarely saw them.  Not really sure if there is any blame.  I have tried in the past and put the proverbial ball in their court, but it simply sits there.  

Now, I will be thrown into a family that is not mine.  It is my father's new family, but I am just the outsider.  I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life and it is not that they are mean.  It is just not my family.  

Last year, my father and his companion decided to go out of town for Thanksgiving.  I was bitter about that for awhile.  However, when I thought about it, what was to happen when he leaves?  I decided to make the most of it.  I bought a fresh turkey breast and everything that needed to be prepared for Thanksgiving dinner had my mother been alive.  It was almost like she was with me and guiding me along.  It was the best Thanksgiving I had in the years that she had been gone.  

I need to try this "family" thing one last time.  If I feel just as uncomfortable as last time, it will be my last.  I will have to struggle to have that talk with my father about how the "family" is not inviting me, but his companion.  The "family" may not want me there and that is okay.  It is their traditions and not mine.  Holidays should be about having fun and enjoying yourself.  Not feeling like you are walking on eggshells.  Furthermore, by any grace of God, no one should feel that they need to invite me because I will be alone for the holidays.  Quite honestly, it is okay.  Having that peace of being alone and not having to answer to anyone is pretty much welcome all of the time.

Well, the good thing - next week, I am off for Thanksgiving!  I am actually going to be happy about that!!!

Motivation...

Last night, I saw the following posted on Twitter by my friend who also happens to be a chef:

RT @HealthyPost:  Forget about getting skinny.  Eat well & exercise, the weight will take care of itself.

Nutshell, I need to keep this in mind all of the time.  My biggest problem is the exercise piece.  I just need to be more consistent with being more active.  Making sure I get at least 30 minutes of some sort of exercise in each day, even it if is walking vigorously in front of the TV.

My friend reminded me that we are both on the "long haul" and we can do it!  We are going to lose this weight, but do it the healthy way.  I really need to remember that the fat did not get on my body overnight, so there is no way it is going to disappear overnight, either.

My problem, I think, is that I lose my motivation for one reason or another.  I still see my trainer twice a week and quite honestly, I welcome the strength training exercises.  After being there, I get so motivated to do more - to get more steps done and so forth.  

All negative thoughts and views need to be left behind because in the end, all they do is prolong reaching the ultimate goal:  Be healthy and feel better.

Now, as my horoscope mentioned for me today, I need to figure out where I am overwhelming myself and restructure my schedule.  I need to be able to do certain things that I have wanted to do, but I need to make sure that I do not overwhelm myself.  When I do, I get depressed or feel fatigued.  I need to realize, I cannot do everything.

Finding Comfort in the LIttle Things...

After sitting through another Dallas Stars loss on Saturday afternoon, then dealing with some ugly DART rail aftermath (wet bottom caused by a previous rider who spilled their drink - I hope), I had decided to make mom's hamburger soup.  There is no real recipe for the soup - it was something she threw together and quite honestly was very delicious on cold days.

For whatever reason, I lost all energy I had in the morning and was tremendously sluggish in getting anything else done.  However, I did manage to get the potatoes peeled and the soup on the stove.  The outside was very cold and in some areas, there were some snow flurries.  

The last time I ran the dogs outside for their final potty before heading to bed, the outside air was tremendously chilly and biting.  During our walk, I began to feel something hitting my face.  While the dogs were sniffing for what other messages had been left behind, I began to realize that it was snowing.  I stood there for a few moments just watching the simple beauty of the flakes swirling down from the sky.  

There was a certain beauty of seeing the flakes slowly float to the ground.  Heavy snow flurries are beautiful when viewed from inside a warm home.  However, this held somewhat of a magical spell, similar to what you might see in the movies.  

I walked the dogs home quickly since Chloe was visibly cold.  Still, I really enjoyed getting to savor that moment of watching the flakes just float in the air.

The Story Leftout...

Everyone has their ideal image of themselves.  What we wish we could look like to others and so forth.  Ever seen those weight-loss commercials on TV - how they show you the "before" and "after"?  How your life will be so exciting and such after your weight loss.  The problem is - those commericals are missing one thing - the reality of having dropped a massive amount of weight.

No one tells you the real story.  Sure, you are healthier and your quality of life will increase.  However, no one tells you about the excess skin.  Basically, when one is very overweight, such as myself, and loses a large amount of weight, the skin is probably stretched too far to contract.  Therefore, that person is left with a large amount of excess skin.

At the beginning of the year, I was working hard to drop weight and this whole excess skin business hit.  I remembered my mother telling me that it would probably happen.  As I look at my body in the mirror, I know it to be true.

The thing the weight loss centers always tell you is that insurance will pay for your surgery to lose weight.  What they do not tell you is that once you lose the weight and you have excess skin, insurance companies will not pay for the surgery to remove the excess skin.

I saw this video today and it made me cry.  I sympathized with this kid, but I was so proud of what he had accomplished.  It made me sad because if he can do it, why can't I?  Why can't I get past all of these images in my head and just be happy with myself?  That is where the real issue is.  I wish that people would continue to talk about this because in the end, it will help more than hurt.  It will encourage more people to learn to be happy with themselves and not find themselves more damaged when weight loss does not turn out as promised.

Better yet, if you choose weight loss surgery, remember - you need to be happy with you and in your own skin.  Even if you lose weight the old fashion way, by eating healthy and exercise, that business of the excess skin will still be there.  

I am never kidding with myself - I will never look like some model or actress.  I am me.  I have got to fight every day to feel comfortable with myself.  This will be a daily battle - whether or not I have excess weight.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/13/160-pound-weight-loss-insecurity_n_6153308.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063