Today would have been my mom's 70th birthday. As I sit here and reflect, there are so many things I wish I had done differently. I wish I could have been a better daughter. I wish I could have changed some of the decisions I made. However, I realize that had I done that, I probably would not be the same person I am today. Some of those changes were necessary for me to grow and learn to live on my own.
I realize that it has been about six and half years since my mother passed away. I still message her from time to time on Yahoo. I am not even sure how I would react if I actually got a message in return. However, I feel it is the one way where I can "talk" to her and tell her what is going on in life along with apologizing for the things I did wrong.
That whole year before she died was some of the darkest days I had ever lived. I experienced a woman who was not my mom due to all of the medications in her system. I felt the anguish of not being able to relieve her pain when she hurt the most. The toughest part of it all - the time the hospice nurse told her that she had the most severe type of cancer and she was dying. I lived through a literal hell the moment that nurse walked out of the house.
I feel horrible about what happened after that. I remember that after my mother died, my director at the time, who had gotten pissed a lot that I was not in the office because I was taking care of my mother, tried to say that at least I had the opportunity to say good-bye to my mother. (Her mother had passed away on the operating table a few years before my mom). All I could do was look at her and say "I guess if you call what I went through being able to say good-bye - I don't and I don't think that was what she wanted, either."
I learned a lot from the experience. Being somewhat in a managerial role these days, as long as someone gets their work done, you do what you have to do when it comes to dealing with family issues. More importantly, let me take the load off of you and hand it to someone else and you do what you need to do. Work will always be here - I would never make the claim that I am not paying for a glorified babysitter. In this day and age, none of us expect to have to care for our parents. However, it happens and we need to be there for them because they were there for us when we were born. I wish more work places truly understood that.
I realize that there is FMLA, but the one thing that they do not tell you - you do not get paid. If you are dependent upon that paycheck, FMLA is not the answer. I saved as much vacation time as I possibly could, but even that was not enough. I feel that more needs to be done for when we need to care for our dying loved ones. Perhaps, my experience should be written down to promote better opportunities for reasonable help. It is hell on the care provider.
I wish I could tell my mother how sorry I was for my behavior at times. I would be so tired and worn down from everything. It gets pretty tough when you have to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, but you are the one to do it. Trying to make a woman get out of a car when she won't because she believes that she is killing everyone with her mind - no one trains you for that and how to handle it.
So, every year, the anniversary of her death, Mother's Day, and her birthday make me so sad. Before my mother got sick, my parents would have fights on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, so I do not even enjoy the holidays anymore. I mean, I will always love looking at the lights, but I do not celebrate it. Too much emphasis on gifts and the simple act of giving that is never done properly.
As always, I always wish my mom a wonderful birthday with hopes that she is happy and laughing. As I tell my mom's sister, I would imagine that their Aunt Marie made one of her cakes that my mom loved and she and the family she loved are sitting around a kitchen table, drinking coffee, eating cake, laughing and telling jokes. That is how I best remember her as a child - when she seemed the happiest.
I love you, mom! I pray that you are still proud of your miracle. I miss you!
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Ugh - Not Again...
After the disappointment of realizing that the first set of nerve blockers did not work, I am scheduled for another set of nerve blockers to be injected on Monday. Am I thrilled? No.
I did follow my back specialist's suggestion to see a chiropractor that he was recommending. The chiropractor is really nice. He actually listens to me, so that helps. I mean, I have been trying to tell my back specialist that my back pain is only an issue if I stand and/or walk for long periods of time. (Right now, a long period of time is now 5 minutes.)
During the initial visit, the chiropractor returned to the room after looking at my back X-Rays and MRI and tells me I have a very bad back. Well, that was no new news to me. I shook my head and he said, "Did you know you have a degenerative disc?"
At first, I got upset, then I remembered, yes - I knew about it, but that was why I was here. The chiropractor is supposed to help me readjust the discs so that one goes back into place. I was told by the chiro that I needed to get my hips opened up and so forth. He popped both hips, then my lower spine.
It did not hurt, but at the same time, when I stood up, I felt so stiff - worse than before that. I am to the point where I cannot trust my body anymore. It definitely has a mind of its own.
My second visit was yesterday. I explained that I might have had 5 minutes of relief, but that was about it. I sat down and I looked him straight in the eye and said "Look - I am going to tell you this. I have no pain when I sit in a chair or lie down on my bed. If I am not on my feet, I do fine. However, if I am standing or walking, I have excruciating pain in my lower back that radiates down my legs."
It is at that point he tells me that I have a joint issue - When we stand, the discs in our lower back start to "stack", which makes sense. Of course, I have that one degenerative disc in the group, so there is no telling what is causing the issue with the back pain, but it is there.
Nutshell, I get really depressed because my range of activities is being severely constrained based upon my pain. I feel I am hitting rock bottom. I am trying to eat less and work on that area in some small way to help me reduce the weight on my frame. Nothing is going to happen overnight - I know that. I just get frustrated with dealing with the sharp pain while trying to do something that really needs to be done.
Tomorrow, I have another appointment with the chiropractor. Maybe he might be a bit more gentle with my right leg when attempting to "pop" it. We will see.
I did follow my back specialist's suggestion to see a chiropractor that he was recommending. The chiropractor is really nice. He actually listens to me, so that helps. I mean, I have been trying to tell my back specialist that my back pain is only an issue if I stand and/or walk for long periods of time. (Right now, a long period of time is now 5 minutes.)
During the initial visit, the chiropractor returned to the room after looking at my back X-Rays and MRI and tells me I have a very bad back. Well, that was no new news to me. I shook my head and he said, "Did you know you have a degenerative disc?"
At first, I got upset, then I remembered, yes - I knew about it, but that was why I was here. The chiropractor is supposed to help me readjust the discs so that one goes back into place. I was told by the chiro that I needed to get my hips opened up and so forth. He popped both hips, then my lower spine.
It did not hurt, but at the same time, when I stood up, I felt so stiff - worse than before that. I am to the point where I cannot trust my body anymore. It definitely has a mind of its own.
My second visit was yesterday. I explained that I might have had 5 minutes of relief, but that was about it. I sat down and I looked him straight in the eye and said "Look - I am going to tell you this. I have no pain when I sit in a chair or lie down on my bed. If I am not on my feet, I do fine. However, if I am standing or walking, I have excruciating pain in my lower back that radiates down my legs."
It is at that point he tells me that I have a joint issue - When we stand, the discs in our lower back start to "stack", which makes sense. Of course, I have that one degenerative disc in the group, so there is no telling what is causing the issue with the back pain, but it is there.
Nutshell, I get really depressed because my range of activities is being severely constrained based upon my pain. I feel I am hitting rock bottom. I am trying to eat less and work on that area in some small way to help me reduce the weight on my frame. Nothing is going to happen overnight - I know that. I just get frustrated with dealing with the sharp pain while trying to do something that really needs to be done.
Tomorrow, I have another appointment with the chiropractor. Maybe he might be a bit more gentle with my right leg when attempting to "pop" it. We will see.
"Drama" Does Not Just Affect Facebook and Twitter...
I admit - I am a make up junkie. I was looking around the apartment and I find so many odds and ends that are beauty based and it is quite insane. (Hence my upcoming purge to get rid of stale and old products.) I also realize I tend to be the worst "shopaholic" you have ever come across when it comes to buying make up or any beauty type products. I get it in my head - "I will do this and it will be so cool", then for whatever reason, it all falls apart. So, for a very long time, I would buy and never wear what I bought. It is a problem I recognize about myself and currently working on correcting. Main reason why I started joining subscription services - get testers and decide if the products are worth the money.
Another idea that I thought made a lot of sense was watching YouTube beauty videos. WOW! There are so many videos that give tutorials on how to do your eyebrows to providing a drag queen look. Some are very helpful and others are, well, less than helpful. Over the past month, I came to the realization regarding how many people running the make up counters at our favorite department stores have discussed: These people are cut-throat and catty. I have found more drama here than just the personal drama friends post on Facebook.
The part that is really funny is that there are actual "Make-up guru gossip correspondents" that create content to discuss who is hating on who, who got a collab with a major cosmetic corporation, and so forth. For one such person, it is pretty much gossip tea-time. The part that is rather pissy is he will sit there and about to say something, then give some bullshit about "Oh, I cannot tell that. I made a promise that if it is not on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or YouTube, I cannot tell you." All of these people edit their content, how about editing this obvious bullshit slip up? Probably because he is trying to fish more people to his channel. That is why I call them "Gossip columnists". I do not care for if, so I move along - but I will call bullshit on doing that sort of thing.
My honest opinion, beware of those gurus who just slap on some product and tell you it is the best thing ever. That is not anywhere near the kind of product review I want. I want to hear how well did the product handle, is there anything I need to be aware of, what is the quality of the ingredients, did you experience an allergic reaction, and so forth.
The YouTube beauty people I follow for straight-up tutorials are Chrisspy and MadeYewLook. Both ladies show outstanding artistic abilities on applying makeup to achieve a particular look. That means, not only taking a palette and showing you a look you can create for yourself, but creating other personas to use for Halloween or Comic-con type places. I originally watched MadeYewLook do various make up applications after watching her series of YouTube videos regarding diabetes - she has type 1. I was blown away by her artistic skill. The same came from Chrisspy after watching her do a few Halloween looks, then her look collaboration with MAC on the Star Trek 50th anniversary collection. She did a fabulous job recreating the various female character looks.
I have watched others, but I feel that they are working too hard to promote product. That turns me off because I get tired of hearing "Oh Mi Gosh!", "I love sparkle", and so forth. Being a rather mature woman, "sparkle" is past my prime. Then, again, I do my reality check and realize, I am no longer 25 years old and they are.
My other very favorite YouTube vlogger to watch is Stephanie Nicole. If Consumer Reports were to have a make up review section, this woman would be the head editor - I kid you not! She does not miss a beat, either. I watched one woman from Kentucky and I grew tired of her knocking products because they did not work for me - meaning that the collection or what have you did not have the colors that she likes. Stephanie leaves the emotion at the door or until the end of her reviews. She will show you her standard set up before application, do check-ins to show how well the product is working out, provide ingredient listings, cost break down comparisons, and straight constructive information regarding the product. If there is any sort of feeling about the product, company, and any controversy, that is all saved at the end. Also, all of her opinions are backed by facts and she clearly does her homework by providing links to back herself up. I mean, if I were to ask her opinion or watch her video, she gives it to you with no bullshit and that I can truly respect. I highly recommend her channel because she does the reviews with NO strings attached - she buys the products out of her own pocket and reviews them. That way, there is no way anyone can claim that she is biased, which I love. Even for products that she loves, if the company screws up something, she calls them out and even states her own disappointment. You have to admit, that takes guts and again, I respect that.
YouTube is full of great videos as well as trash. You always have to take the bad with the good. However, as I always tell people, if you have thought about it, someone else has as well and they probably created a YouTube video to do it. So, if you are into looking for a new look, there is plenty of content out there. Just beware of those vloggers looking to create "drama."
Another idea that I thought made a lot of sense was watching YouTube beauty videos. WOW! There are so many videos that give tutorials on how to do your eyebrows to providing a drag queen look. Some are very helpful and others are, well, less than helpful. Over the past month, I came to the realization regarding how many people running the make up counters at our favorite department stores have discussed: These people are cut-throat and catty. I have found more drama here than just the personal drama friends post on Facebook.
The part that is really funny is that there are actual "Make-up guru gossip correspondents" that create content to discuss who is hating on who, who got a collab with a major cosmetic corporation, and so forth. For one such person, it is pretty much gossip tea-time. The part that is rather pissy is he will sit there and about to say something, then give some bullshit about "Oh, I cannot tell that. I made a promise that if it is not on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or YouTube, I cannot tell you." All of these people edit their content, how about editing this obvious bullshit slip up? Probably because he is trying to fish more people to his channel. That is why I call them "Gossip columnists". I do not care for if, so I move along - but I will call bullshit on doing that sort of thing.
My honest opinion, beware of those gurus who just slap on some product and tell you it is the best thing ever. That is not anywhere near the kind of product review I want. I want to hear how well did the product handle, is there anything I need to be aware of, what is the quality of the ingredients, did you experience an allergic reaction, and so forth.
The YouTube beauty people I follow for straight-up tutorials are Chrisspy and MadeYewLook. Both ladies show outstanding artistic abilities on applying makeup to achieve a particular look. That means, not only taking a palette and showing you a look you can create for yourself, but creating other personas to use for Halloween or Comic-con type places. I originally watched MadeYewLook do various make up applications after watching her series of YouTube videos regarding diabetes - she has type 1. I was blown away by her artistic skill. The same came from Chrisspy after watching her do a few Halloween looks, then her look collaboration with MAC on the Star Trek 50th anniversary collection. She did a fabulous job recreating the various female character looks.
I have watched others, but I feel that they are working too hard to promote product. That turns me off because I get tired of hearing "Oh Mi Gosh!", "I love sparkle", and so forth. Being a rather mature woman, "sparkle" is past my prime. Then, again, I do my reality check and realize, I am no longer 25 years old and they are.
My other very favorite YouTube vlogger to watch is Stephanie Nicole. If Consumer Reports were to have a make up review section, this woman would be the head editor - I kid you not! She does not miss a beat, either. I watched one woman from Kentucky and I grew tired of her knocking products because they did not work for me - meaning that the collection or what have you did not have the colors that she likes. Stephanie leaves the emotion at the door or until the end of her reviews. She will show you her standard set up before application, do check-ins to show how well the product is working out, provide ingredient listings, cost break down comparisons, and straight constructive information regarding the product. If there is any sort of feeling about the product, company, and any controversy, that is all saved at the end. Also, all of her opinions are backed by facts and she clearly does her homework by providing links to back herself up. I mean, if I were to ask her opinion or watch her video, she gives it to you with no bullshit and that I can truly respect. I highly recommend her channel because she does the reviews with NO strings attached - she buys the products out of her own pocket and reviews them. That way, there is no way anyone can claim that she is biased, which I love. Even for products that she loves, if the company screws up something, she calls them out and even states her own disappointment. You have to admit, that takes guts and again, I respect that.
YouTube is full of great videos as well as trash. You always have to take the bad with the good. However, as I always tell people, if you have thought about it, someone else has as well and they probably created a YouTube video to do it. So, if you are into looking for a new look, there is plenty of content out there. Just beware of those vloggers looking to create "drama."
Friday, September 2, 2016
Joining Subscription Clubs...
About 3 years ago, I joined Julep Maven subscription service. Over the past 3 years, I have gotten a ton of nail polish, which is what Julep is originally known. However, I have watched this company grow from just developing interesting nail polishes to providing products for doing your own mani/pedi with cleansers, tools, and polish tools. However, the company has also ventured more into the beauty aspect with makeup.
I was curious what I would receive with such a box when I first subscribed. In the beginning, I would receive two nail polishes, sometimes a full or trial size product for doing a mani/pedi, and always a piece of candy. I thought that added a fun touch. Of course, there were paper materials for 15% off your next order and getting a friend to join. Still, the Julep Maven box was always a nice surprise.
Recently, I had thought seriously about dropping the service. I have WAY too many nail polishes. I need to go through them and find the ones I am not really fond of and give them away. However, when I realized I had obtained over 14,000 points in the past 3 years, I had to figure out what I could do to use them. This month, I was able to purchase several additional items to come with my monthly box. Luckily, I won't have to pay extra, so that was a HUGE bonus. I could have easily spent about $100 and the points allowed me to get these extra items and I still have over 8,000 points.
With that, I also joined Ipsy, Scentbird, and Candy Club. I put into my mind that I would be able to get good testers from these companies and I can dissuade myself from purchasing the items at full price. I got my Ipsy bag the other day. Each month, a subscriber gets a new make-up bag, which is quite cute. Inside, I got a nail polish, leave-in hair conditioner, complexion powder, a tester of the IT Cosmetics eye liner pencil (which I have been dying to buy, but now, I have a good tester to try), and a mud mask for a facial. That is not too bad. I just need to do some reviews and hope that I can get some additional points for that.
Scentbird came up out of the blue for me. It is a subscription service for getting perfume testers. You almost get a full ounce of product, which is nice, so that you can determine if it is something you want to pay full price. Now, oddly enough, I have quite a few of the perfumes that are on this subscription service. However, I do not mind. I may purchase a few more of the containers that hold the perfume. I have yet to get my first delivery, but will let you know when I do.
Lastly, Candy Club subscription service. I curated my first delivery. I ordered Jelly Belly jelly beans, sweet and sour fruit belts, and black licorice. The candy arrives in nice size plastic jar containers with old fashioned paint like lids, where you have to pry the lid up. I think that Candy Club is changing their packaging, so I will save these containers for next time. Also, the company threw in a bunch of toffee samples for me to try. I was really impressed. So, at some point, I will need to log back in to curate my next delivery. I am excited about that.
Right now, I love watching the subscription box open and reveal videos on YouTube. They are fun, but I feel the same as many people - I just enjoy getting a nice surprise in the mail and it makes my day. I will keep you up to date on following subscription boxes and reveal the goodies I receive. Share in the fun.
I was curious what I would receive with such a box when I first subscribed. In the beginning, I would receive two nail polishes, sometimes a full or trial size product for doing a mani/pedi, and always a piece of candy. I thought that added a fun touch. Of course, there were paper materials for 15% off your next order and getting a friend to join. Still, the Julep Maven box was always a nice surprise.
Recently, I had thought seriously about dropping the service. I have WAY too many nail polishes. I need to go through them and find the ones I am not really fond of and give them away. However, when I realized I had obtained over 14,000 points in the past 3 years, I had to figure out what I could do to use them. This month, I was able to purchase several additional items to come with my monthly box. Luckily, I won't have to pay extra, so that was a HUGE bonus. I could have easily spent about $100 and the points allowed me to get these extra items and I still have over 8,000 points.
With that, I also joined Ipsy, Scentbird, and Candy Club. I put into my mind that I would be able to get good testers from these companies and I can dissuade myself from purchasing the items at full price. I got my Ipsy bag the other day. Each month, a subscriber gets a new make-up bag, which is quite cute. Inside, I got a nail polish, leave-in hair conditioner, complexion powder, a tester of the IT Cosmetics eye liner pencil (which I have been dying to buy, but now, I have a good tester to try), and a mud mask for a facial. That is not too bad. I just need to do some reviews and hope that I can get some additional points for that.
Scentbird came up out of the blue for me. It is a subscription service for getting perfume testers. You almost get a full ounce of product, which is nice, so that you can determine if it is something you want to pay full price. Now, oddly enough, I have quite a few of the perfumes that are on this subscription service. However, I do not mind. I may purchase a few more of the containers that hold the perfume. I have yet to get my first delivery, but will let you know when I do.
Lastly, Candy Club subscription service. I curated my first delivery. I ordered Jelly Belly jelly beans, sweet and sour fruit belts, and black licorice. The candy arrives in nice size plastic jar containers with old fashioned paint like lids, where you have to pry the lid up. I think that Candy Club is changing their packaging, so I will save these containers for next time. Also, the company threw in a bunch of toffee samples for me to try. I was really impressed. So, at some point, I will need to log back in to curate my next delivery. I am excited about that.
Right now, I love watching the subscription box open and reveal videos on YouTube. They are fun, but I feel the same as many people - I just enjoy getting a nice surprise in the mail and it makes my day. I will keep you up to date on following subscription boxes and reveal the goodies I receive. Share in the fun.
Life Is Just So Crazy...
Seems like doctor's visits, work, and life with the dogs keeps my life going round and round in this rut. Last week, I had a procedure done on my back to see if I qualified for another procedure to help reduce/alleviate the chronic pain. I did not realize it at the time, but the medication was only to last for 2 hours. I laugh because I got very little, if any, relief. Massive disappointment that this did not work. Back specialist believes that this could be a fluke, so I have to have it done again, but with a different medication.
I am already a wreck with the OB-GYN suggesting that I get a uterine biopsy to make sure I do not have a cancerous or pre-cancerous uterus. One night, I just sat down and cried because I do not know why this is happening or what I could have done to prevent it.
My apartment is simply a reflection on how my life is right now - pure chaos. I am always putting someone or something before what the real needs are. When I get time to myself, I tend to abuse that by doing nothing but think about "Well, this would be really cool, if I could do ..." Part of me should get up to do it and the other part of me thinks about the resulting back pain. What a huge deterrent.
I need to keep telling myself that I must be able to weather the storm. When all is said and done, life will be better. In the meantime, I have to make some efforts. I have started trying not to eat quite so much as well as making sure I eat better foods. Some times, that does not always go my way, but I am making an effort.
I am trying to drink more water and lay off the diet sodas. Sometimes, I really want a diet Dr. Pepper, but I have to remind myself of the sodium content. That tends to stink, but I do put in some water flavoring to help with drinking more water. Many of those have 0 calories, so that helps.
I hope that the water intake will help flush out the water that my body has been retaining. I am starting to see a difference with my feet. Still, my feet hurt and that worries me. I would like for my feet to feel better. I have some extra wide calf compression socks that I wear. It is sort of funny. I used to wear tons of knee-high socks when I was in elementary school. Now, I am back doing it and I got some pretty colorful socks to wear. At least, the compression socks make my feet and legs feel better. The socks also help with cutting back on the swelling. That is a bonus.
I have some really great ideas for the apartment. I just need to work on those and pray I can pull it all together. I need space, but more importantly, I want to be able to have less weighing on my mind. Also, work on my Feng Shui for personal improvement on my happiness. The unfortunate part is that there are other needs, such as grocery shopping, that wear me out before I can do anything.
Perhaps, I will take some of this long weekend, Labor Day, to evaluate how to make all of these pieces fit together. I have grown tired of the pain every day. I would like to get to that place of peace and be able to really enjoy life.
I am already a wreck with the OB-GYN suggesting that I get a uterine biopsy to make sure I do not have a cancerous or pre-cancerous uterus. One night, I just sat down and cried because I do not know why this is happening or what I could have done to prevent it.
My apartment is simply a reflection on how my life is right now - pure chaos. I am always putting someone or something before what the real needs are. When I get time to myself, I tend to abuse that by doing nothing but think about "Well, this would be really cool, if I could do ..." Part of me should get up to do it and the other part of me thinks about the resulting back pain. What a huge deterrent.
I need to keep telling myself that I must be able to weather the storm. When all is said and done, life will be better. In the meantime, I have to make some efforts. I have started trying not to eat quite so much as well as making sure I eat better foods. Some times, that does not always go my way, but I am making an effort.
I am trying to drink more water and lay off the diet sodas. Sometimes, I really want a diet Dr. Pepper, but I have to remind myself of the sodium content. That tends to stink, but I do put in some water flavoring to help with drinking more water. Many of those have 0 calories, so that helps.
I hope that the water intake will help flush out the water that my body has been retaining. I am starting to see a difference with my feet. Still, my feet hurt and that worries me. I would like for my feet to feel better. I have some extra wide calf compression socks that I wear. It is sort of funny. I used to wear tons of knee-high socks when I was in elementary school. Now, I am back doing it and I got some pretty colorful socks to wear. At least, the compression socks make my feet and legs feel better. The socks also help with cutting back on the swelling. That is a bonus.
I have some really great ideas for the apartment. I just need to work on those and pray I can pull it all together. I need space, but more importantly, I want to be able to have less weighing on my mind. Also, work on my Feng Shui for personal improvement on my happiness. The unfortunate part is that there are other needs, such as grocery shopping, that wear me out before I can do anything.
Perhaps, I will take some of this long weekend, Labor Day, to evaluate how to make all of these pieces fit together. I have grown tired of the pain every day. I would like to get to that place of peace and be able to really enjoy life.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
There Has to be a Starting Point...
I have been horrible the past couple of months. Not sure what has come over me, but I have been overspending. Time to curb the urge and rein in everything. I have committed to promises I have made, so time for me to go back to my regular programming.
Most of what I have spent was on make-up. I will always admit to being a make-up junkie. It is part of my make-up - no pun intended. I love to play around with new looks and try out new things. However, in my effort to curb my tendencies, I have signed up for ipsy boxes to be delivered. Most of what I will get are testers, so the bonus there is I can test something before blowing too much money on product. That is the most difficult thing - you want to use a product, but would like a tester. There are no testers, so you are stuck with crap. At least with testers, you can toss with very little guilt.
I joined Random Cathy this past weekend for an impromptu mani/pedi. It had been since forever since we had a mani/pedi. We used to go regularly, but due to schedules, it has become an intermittent thing to do these days. So, thinking only of myself in this case - Sorry, Random Cathy - going to be "selfish" here - I really need to go in for a pedicure at least twice a month. Mainly to make sure that my feet are well cared. Having pretty nails are nice, but my feet in general also need major care.
So, my thoughts have been to start doing my own manicures. I can do my own manicures at home. My largest issue is just getting the time to do it. That needs to be a priority on Sundays. I can save money and I can work on doing some fun things with nail polish. For example, this past weekend, I had a cute pink and blue nail polish done on my hands and feet respectively. However, I thought it would be cute if I had put polka dots of the other color on top of the main color. I have seen pinterest and YouTube videos to do this. Why can't I do this? Other than time, what is really preventing me from doing that?
I will give it a shot. It probably will not happen this Sunday as my hands are full with errands to run and chores to do. Tomorrow, I have to go in for a shot in my back, so I am preparing for that. Next weekend, I have two groups of people wanting me to join them. One is a middle school friend coming into town and she wanted me to try to get a group of the girls together for lunch or dinner. The other is a girl I knew in high school who is trying to pull the high school "Ladies of the 80's" together for an outing. This all happens on Saturday, so possibly my Sunday will be free. I just have to readjust when I go grocery shopping. I need to re-evaluate grocery shopping, to be honest. I probably should go more often, rather than once a week. Mainly because it would be a lighter load and I would buy what I need for the next few days, rather than a week. It is definitely something to consider - will probably try that this week due to the shot in the back.
However, my point is reworking my spending habits so that I save more, rather than spend. Also, huge savings bonus here - my friend who always likes to go out to eat for dinner will be away for 2 weeks. I just saved myself $60-80 dollars right there. I ended up going out to eat with her twice this week - both times due to an issue she had with the place where the endocrinologists work. Something about the insurance not covering the blood draw and getting a bill for $3800. Monday - was to know more about it. Thursday - to make sure she got the information. I ate relatively light on both nights, but still, the cost to eat out is huge and there were no leftovers. I need to cook more in order to help with the swelling in my feet and weight. I need to learn that saying "No" is okay.
Now, not all of this is on my friend - I have been bad in that I have gone out for take out quite a bit, so I have my own hand in some of this. Most of the time, I feel the time was too late to cook, so I ran out and grabbed something or I simply was too exhausted. What needs to happen there is either eat leftovers and stock up on TV dinners. No shame in microwavable food because I can always add a small salad to the meal.
Bottom line, I am spending in more areas than just makeup. It is a matter of cutting back the bleeding and looking for times where it makes sense to go out to eat or get something special. I need to put "me" first in the health area.
Most of what I have spent was on make-up. I will always admit to being a make-up junkie. It is part of my make-up - no pun intended. I love to play around with new looks and try out new things. However, in my effort to curb my tendencies, I have signed up for ipsy boxes to be delivered. Most of what I will get are testers, so the bonus there is I can test something before blowing too much money on product. That is the most difficult thing - you want to use a product, but would like a tester. There are no testers, so you are stuck with crap. At least with testers, you can toss with very little guilt.
I joined Random Cathy this past weekend for an impromptu mani/pedi. It had been since forever since we had a mani/pedi. We used to go regularly, but due to schedules, it has become an intermittent thing to do these days. So, thinking only of myself in this case - Sorry, Random Cathy - going to be "selfish" here - I really need to go in for a pedicure at least twice a month. Mainly to make sure that my feet are well cared. Having pretty nails are nice, but my feet in general also need major care.
So, my thoughts have been to start doing my own manicures. I can do my own manicures at home. My largest issue is just getting the time to do it. That needs to be a priority on Sundays. I can save money and I can work on doing some fun things with nail polish. For example, this past weekend, I had a cute pink and blue nail polish done on my hands and feet respectively. However, I thought it would be cute if I had put polka dots of the other color on top of the main color. I have seen pinterest and YouTube videos to do this. Why can't I do this? Other than time, what is really preventing me from doing that?
I will give it a shot. It probably will not happen this Sunday as my hands are full with errands to run and chores to do. Tomorrow, I have to go in for a shot in my back, so I am preparing for that. Next weekend, I have two groups of people wanting me to join them. One is a middle school friend coming into town and she wanted me to try to get a group of the girls together for lunch or dinner. The other is a girl I knew in high school who is trying to pull the high school "Ladies of the 80's" together for an outing. This all happens on Saturday, so possibly my Sunday will be free. I just have to readjust when I go grocery shopping. I need to re-evaluate grocery shopping, to be honest. I probably should go more often, rather than once a week. Mainly because it would be a lighter load and I would buy what I need for the next few days, rather than a week. It is definitely something to consider - will probably try that this week due to the shot in the back.
However, my point is reworking my spending habits so that I save more, rather than spend. Also, huge savings bonus here - my friend who always likes to go out to eat for dinner will be away for 2 weeks. I just saved myself $60-80 dollars right there. I ended up going out to eat with her twice this week - both times due to an issue she had with the place where the endocrinologists work. Something about the insurance not covering the blood draw and getting a bill for $3800. Monday - was to know more about it. Thursday - to make sure she got the information. I ate relatively light on both nights, but still, the cost to eat out is huge and there were no leftovers. I need to cook more in order to help with the swelling in my feet and weight. I need to learn that saying "No" is okay.
Now, not all of this is on my friend - I have been bad in that I have gone out for take out quite a bit, so I have my own hand in some of this. Most of the time, I feel the time was too late to cook, so I ran out and grabbed something or I simply was too exhausted. What needs to happen there is either eat leftovers and stock up on TV dinners. No shame in microwavable food because I can always add a small salad to the meal.
Bottom line, I am spending in more areas than just makeup. It is a matter of cutting back the bleeding and looking for times where it makes sense to go out to eat or get something special. I need to put "me" first in the health area.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Life and All of Its Challenges...
I had my visit with my endocrinologist as well as dietician today. It was pretty unfortunate considering my back was giving me all kinds of fits. Next, my feet and legs are so swollen that it hurts to wear shoes, let alone walk. Oh, and the topper, this week I am supposed to start my monthly beast.
Speaking of monthly beast, last week, I visited the OB-GYN. There was another stressful day. I mentioned how my periods have been and she wants to do a uterine biopsy to make sure that my uterus is not cancerous. BTW, it will be painful, so she wants to put me under to do it. Lovely.
Small wonder my world is not rocking in all the right ways. My A1C was 8.4, which means it went up about 2 points and that is bad. My blood sugar has been pretty high, but at the same time, I have not done so well on taking my medications. I allow myself to get caught up with everyone just having to have this or that. I forget about myself. In the end, I get so angry. Why should I care so much about them?
My life is just such a chaotic mess that it depresses me on so many different levels. I am trying to sort out how to reorganize and get motivated to do the things I need to do. To make matters worse, the last several weeks have been a literal hell on me. The heat outside would zap me of any energy I would have had. Nothing like being drenched in sweat and not feeling like you have the energy to lift a pencil.
Rather than get all excited about redoing and reorganizing my life, I need to take a step back and look at what small steps I can take to make a difference. While it seems pretty simple, I need to focus on getting it done. I just hate the back pain and constant exhaustion.
I try hard to give my worries to God. I read a post the other day that made sense to me. Everyone hears the biblical saying "God will never give you more than you can handle." You know what - I think he does give you more than you can handle. He is just waiting for you to give up what you cannot handle. It made total sense.
The other thing is that I need to severely curb my spending. Not sure why I am on this route to try to make myself look better. Well, hell, let's admit it - I have always purchased make up to make myself feel better. Never really sure it did much to make me look more attractive - I was simply chasing the dream that if I got this particular look, then men would find me more attractive. Never happens, so what am I thinking?!
Monday, I go into the surgical center for another shot in my back. I simply pray that this time, the shot will work. I am so tired of the chronic pain. It is depressing as hell to watch people walking around and knowing - I remember when I was able to do that with no pain and I so enjoyed it. It makes me cry - Why has this happened? What did I do that caused this to happen? How could I have prevented it? Maybe it is best never to know, but I tell you what, if I can get rid of this back pain, my fat ass will be out there with a doggy stroller for two dogs walking my ass off. I can promise you that!
I need the strength to move along and stay positive. I just had to get that out of my system because it is simply getting dark.
Speaking of monthly beast, last week, I visited the OB-GYN. There was another stressful day. I mentioned how my periods have been and she wants to do a uterine biopsy to make sure that my uterus is not cancerous. BTW, it will be painful, so she wants to put me under to do it. Lovely.
Small wonder my world is not rocking in all the right ways. My A1C was 8.4, which means it went up about 2 points and that is bad. My blood sugar has been pretty high, but at the same time, I have not done so well on taking my medications. I allow myself to get caught up with everyone just having to have this or that. I forget about myself. In the end, I get so angry. Why should I care so much about them?
My life is just such a chaotic mess that it depresses me on so many different levels. I am trying to sort out how to reorganize and get motivated to do the things I need to do. To make matters worse, the last several weeks have been a literal hell on me. The heat outside would zap me of any energy I would have had. Nothing like being drenched in sweat and not feeling like you have the energy to lift a pencil.
Rather than get all excited about redoing and reorganizing my life, I need to take a step back and look at what small steps I can take to make a difference. While it seems pretty simple, I need to focus on getting it done. I just hate the back pain and constant exhaustion.
I try hard to give my worries to God. I read a post the other day that made sense to me. Everyone hears the biblical saying "God will never give you more than you can handle." You know what - I think he does give you more than you can handle. He is just waiting for you to give up what you cannot handle. It made total sense.
The other thing is that I need to severely curb my spending. Not sure why I am on this route to try to make myself look better. Well, hell, let's admit it - I have always purchased make up to make myself feel better. Never really sure it did much to make me look more attractive - I was simply chasing the dream that if I got this particular look, then men would find me more attractive. Never happens, so what am I thinking?!
Monday, I go into the surgical center for another shot in my back. I simply pray that this time, the shot will work. I am so tired of the chronic pain. It is depressing as hell to watch people walking around and knowing - I remember when I was able to do that with no pain and I so enjoyed it. It makes me cry - Why has this happened? What did I do that caused this to happen? How could I have prevented it? Maybe it is best never to know, but I tell you what, if I can get rid of this back pain, my fat ass will be out there with a doggy stroller for two dogs walking my ass off. I can promise you that!
I need the strength to move along and stay positive. I just had to get that out of my system because it is simply getting dark.
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