When Your Planning Goes Awry...

As I look around my apartment and reflect upon my week, nothing I had originally planned to do got done.  Another instance of "Oooo...I cannot wait for my week of vacation!  I will be able to do blah, blah, and blah".  Yeah - pretty annoying when that just does not break down as you hoped.

To varying degrees, some stuff can wait.  I mean, is it really going to walk off?  I am fairly certain that is "no."  However, I have tons of laundry to do, clean the kitchen - it really needs it, clear out the clutter, and get rid of the paper clutter that has accumulated.

I am more disturbed by the other plans that actually meant something to me to get done.  For instance, I was going to cook my own Thanksgiving dinner.  I went to another person's house for Thanksgiving this year.  It just was not a Thanksgiving dinner that I am used to having. 

Last year, Thanksgiving was spent with just the dogs.  I was in the kitchen cooking my own little heart out and when it was all said and done, I was truly fat and happy.  I was thankful to have the time alone as well as feeling that the dinner was a tribute to my mother.  Had she been here, I think she would have been shocked not to have been in the kitchen doing any of that cooking.  (Actually, a few years before she passed away, I did cook for her and I know she appreciated it.)

Anyway, since I went off course there, I had planned on preparing a turkey breast with all of the trimmings today.  Unfortunately, there were no fresh turkey breasts to be had - only frozen.  In order to defrost, I would have to let the turkey breast sit in the refrigerator for 2 days.  Yeah - I do not see that happening.  

It really bummed me out!  I had all of these plans and *poof*, all up in smoke.

Maybe that is something I can do for next Sunday.  The bonus there is that I can eat leftovers all the next week which is a money saver and a blessing for me.

After my experience with Thanksgiving this year, I think I will make it a point to just stay home and enjoy the holiday with the dogs.  No matter how exhausting both of them can make me, I am terribly thankful to have them in my life.  They are a reality check when I feel down - sure I had a bad day, but you know what, they don't know and they are damned happy to see me.

As for Christmas, I am still pondering what to do there.  I have a real urge to stay home.  The only thing I truly want for Christmas is just peace and quiet.  I do not need drama or what have you from someone else's home.  Also, I would love the time to reflect and think about what I want to achieve for the upcoming new year. 

The downside is that I need to get gifts over to those who gave me presents the past couple of years.  I feel badly because I do not know what to get for them and honestly, I am not part of their lives.  However, I feel an obligation to get them something in a way of saying "Thank You."  I do not expect anything from them and they should not feel that they need to get me anything.  I simply want to give this one last gift, then be done with it.  After that, spend that $15-$30 on someone else.

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

encouragement is important.

Everybody needs to be encouraged, including you. Keep doing the best you can, you've got what it takes and you are going to make it. Remember to encourage others to pursue their own dreams. Build each other up, encouragement is important.

Giving Thanks...

Yesterday, I never really got a chance to make an entry.  For most holidays, when spent away from home, everything is so hectic and planned.  I think it might be easier to stay home for the holidays.

I know most people will think I am crazy, but I would prefer to spend that time at home with the dogs.  After all I have been through with Chloe and her medical bills, I need to be thankful to have this borrowed time with her.  

Same is true for Bo.  He is truly a sweetheart.

Last year, I stayed home, cooked my dinner, and laid on the sofa with the dogs.  It was our way of celebrating - taking it easy and just relaxing.  For that, I was thankful.

I do wish my mother was still here.  I miss having her around and wished I had handle things differently when I was younger.

Thoughts and Feelings Regarding the Current Events...

I have had different opinions regarding the events that occurred in Ferguson, MO.  I believe in peaceful protests and open dialogue to sort out the issues we have regarding racism.  When people loot and riot, or even like here in Dallas, shutdown a freeway with your protesting, the mass majority of the public will not take you seriously.  

Why not?

Look at it from a person on the outside looking in:

You think nothing of destroying someone's business, their livelihood because you are angry.  You feel entitled to steal merchandise because people are considered racist and those business owners might actually side with your beliefs.  Who pays for all of that destruction?  Not you.  The insurance companies might be able to cover the destruction, but at what cost to the owners?  How about thinking of the employees who work in those businesses?  They have no job, now.

The whole incident, I believe could have been prevented altogether.  Had the young man not made the poor choices he made that night, he would be alive today.  Some of you may feel that is not being fair.  I think it is.  Had this young man been what his parents and others portrayed him to be, he would not have been out late at night robbing a store.  I truly believe that had the young man stayed home or done something other than rob a store, he would be alive today based upon choices made.

We all take a chance based upon the decisions we make.  Every action we take has some sort of reaction.  We have to decide which one is the right one.  The one thing I have learned, there are some decisions that put you in bad situations, such as this one, and those are the ones that I avoid.

That sentiment should be true to anyone no matter what your skin color, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation.  

One last word on the subject of racism.  While this country still has issues with racism, the people are open for change and that has allowed this country to come a LONG way to get to where we are today.  We still have a long way to go, but keep this in mind, in many places in the world, racism still exists and is an accepted way of behavior.  This is not just our country's problem, but a world-wide issue.

Health Update...

This Saturday's weekly weigh-in showed a 2.8 lb loss.  Finally - to see some progress, it was certainly refreshing.  On the downside, I am still feeling a lot of aches and pains.  To a certain degree, I understand the "No Pain, no gain" where my muscles are concerned.  What bothers me is that neither advil or aleeve are helping to relieve the muscle pain I am feeling after a workout.

Do not get me wrong.  Since switching over to using weight machines, I have been able to get through my workouts with my trainer.  My arms and/or legs will feel like limp noodles after lifting.  The next day, I can feel the soreness in those areas.  This past week, the trainer was able to sneak in some squats and that made it more difficult to get up and down without feeling a lot of pain.  I even did a lot of walking in hopes to reduce that pain last week.  

Now, it is not so bad, but when I stand after a period of sitting down, I stiffen up and there is a lot of pain.  I am looking for ways to stretch those muscles in order to get that part to stop.

I am thankful that I have this week off from work.  I just want to enjoy the time off and hope to get some cleaning done around the apartment.  I have my work cut out for me on this part, but I will work to get some dent done.  

Here is hoping that Thanksgiving does not dent my health changing efforts.

Why We Need to Look Back at the Past...

So often, we hear people talk about letting go of the past, moving forward, and so forth.  However, this advice needs to be in regards to not beating one's self up over mistakes made or situations out of one's control.  We do need to remember the past and learn from the mistakes and situations presented.  It is this point where we, as a global society, fail.

Now, you are probably wondering why I say that.  For the past few days, I have had several discussions regarding the education of people and those that are in control.  IS and other religious factions take hold of a community by storm and enforce laws and values that are not deemed reasonable by no stretch of the imagination.

Recent discussion was spurned by a conversation I had with a co-worker, where we share similar musical tastes.  Earlier in the week, I had said that "Friday cannot get here fast enough."  This Friday, she sends me a YouTube link - The Cure performing Friday, I'm In Love.  I loved it and mentioned the first and last time I had ever seen The Cure perform in concert was June 2008.  The section of the show that stirred me not only from a musical aspect, but from an emotional aspect was when the band performed Hundred Years.  

The song has a very eerie feel to it.  Similar to what Shirley Manson had said regarding Siouxsie and the Banshees, for bands that could produce this sinister sound, that sound would draw me into it in a curious fashion.  However, the image backdrop displayed for the song was unimaginable.  Various old photos taken from various, I would presume, European areas where you saw what genocide was really about.  It was not simply holocaust photos as many were not from that area, but other places.  The whole performance would click on that weird fascination I had regarding Nazi Germany and how, as a young girl, could not understand how so many people were unaware and even allowed that to happen.

My friend had mentioned that she visited a holocaust museum and there was a section that display the various medical tests performed on people.  The room had a warning on it regarding the photos on display.  My friend said she only lasted a few minutes looking before she just had to leave - the photos were that disturbing.

Today, the one thing I realized is that many political/religious factions have some sort of hidden agenda that many followers are unaware.  I considered ISIS in this case and another friend simply said that they were uneducated.  I had to disagree as many of the followers and leaders were well educated.  Those people were sent to the best schools.  Yet, those people ignore the past/history.  Granted, they prefer to feel that they have a stronger case for performing some form of genocide based upon ideals.  The world is seeing this and people refuse to stomach that sort of behavior.  Then, again, other places in the world ignore it.

So, I am again at that crossroads, wondering how a world having experienced these types of behaviors over and over simply cannot get past that sort of stupidity/savagery.  I realize that one cannot fix stupid, but obviously, it multiples in high numbers.  I also realize that religious factions such as ISIS thrive on the uneducated - it is a higher form of bullying, if you will.  

It causes me to stop and wonder:

Is God really a mad scientist and he creates various schemes and life forms, goes off to do something else, and when he returns, he sees what destruction lies before him and takes care of it?

None of us really know, do we?  So, as a global society, we should bear the responsibility of looking back at the past.  Quit thinking that history is boring.  It really is not boring when you realize that this world continues to do the same thing over and over.  Would it not be incredibly amazing if it stopped simply because we know the outcome is not what we desire?  Then, again, for those groups, I suppose it is the desired outcome.  I do not think I will ever truly understand it.

 

The Change Up...

While having my bi-weekly meeting with my trainer, she made a suggestion to change up my diet a bit.  Rather than having a shake for breakfast and lunch, have the shake for lunch and dinner.  Make sure to eat a decent breakfast.

After looking at my food journal on MyFitnessPal, her suggestion came when it seemed that the bulk of my calories were taking place at the end of the day.  She figured I had to be starving by the time dinner came.  Unfortunately, that part was true.  I was starving, but trying to stay within limits.  

So, today, I prepared scrambled eggs, canteloupe, and watermelon to eat for breakfast.  I will have a shake for lunch and dinner.  I will see how I handle that.

Actually, I cannot wait for next week - I can go back to eating food for all three meals.  I feel I am just not getting up and moving around enough.  My FitBit shows it.  However, for some reason, I got knocked down with a lot of fatigue yesterday.  That is rather unusual, but it could be that I am not getting enough sleep with the dogs.  Since the time change, Chloe is just killing me with when she needs to go.

I suppose when I really think about it, it is probably due to depression.  The holidays always get me down and even more so since my mother passed away.  I really did not realize how much she was such a huge presence for the holidays.  It was always just our small family, mom, dad, the dogs, and myself.  I do not feel close to any of the other family, but that is just how it was with our family.  Everyone else lived in another state and if someone on my father's side lived in Texas, we rarely saw them.  Not really sure if there is any blame.  I have tried in the past and put the proverbial ball in their court, but it simply sits there.  

Now, I will be thrown into a family that is not mine.  It is my father's new family, but I am just the outsider.  I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life and it is not that they are mean.  It is just not my family.  

Last year, my father and his companion decided to go out of town for Thanksgiving.  I was bitter about that for awhile.  However, when I thought about it, what was to happen when he leaves?  I decided to make the most of it.  I bought a fresh turkey breast and everything that needed to be prepared for Thanksgiving dinner had my mother been alive.  It was almost like she was with me and guiding me along.  It was the best Thanksgiving I had in the years that she had been gone.  

I need to try this "family" thing one last time.  If I feel just as uncomfortable as last time, it will be my last.  I will have to struggle to have that talk with my father about how the "family" is not inviting me, but his companion.  The "family" may not want me there and that is okay.  It is their traditions and not mine.  Holidays should be about having fun and enjoying yourself.  Not feeling like you are walking on eggshells.  Furthermore, by any grace of God, no one should feel that they need to invite me because I will be alone for the holidays.  Quite honestly, it is okay.  Having that peace of being alone and not having to answer to anyone is pretty much welcome all of the time.

Well, the good thing - next week, I am off for Thanksgiving!  I am actually going to be happy about that!!!

Motivation...

Last night, I saw the following posted on Twitter by my friend who also happens to be a chef:

RT @HealthyPost:  Forget about getting skinny.  Eat well & exercise, the weight will take care of itself.

Nutshell, I need to keep this in mind all of the time.  My biggest problem is the exercise piece.  I just need to be more consistent with being more active.  Making sure I get at least 30 minutes of some sort of exercise in each day, even it if is walking vigorously in front of the TV.

My friend reminded me that we are both on the "long haul" and we can do it!  We are going to lose this weight, but do it the healthy way.  I really need to remember that the fat did not get on my body overnight, so there is no way it is going to disappear overnight, either.

My problem, I think, is that I lose my motivation for one reason or another.  I still see my trainer twice a week and quite honestly, I welcome the strength training exercises.  After being there, I get so motivated to do more - to get more steps done and so forth.  

All negative thoughts and views need to be left behind because in the end, all they do is prolong reaching the ultimate goal:  Be healthy and feel better.

Now, as my horoscope mentioned for me today, I need to figure out where I am overwhelming myself and restructure my schedule.  I need to be able to do certain things that I have wanted to do, but I need to make sure that I do not overwhelm myself.  When I do, I get depressed or feel fatigued.  I need to realize, I cannot do everything.