It has taken 2 months, but I have two days under my belt where my blood sugar has been under 150. I have been trying SO hard to make the right choices. Even when I did not make good choices, I would brush off and get right back on that horse to keep at the goal. However, my job is not finished - it will never be finished because I need to make sure it stays that way.
My next stage in this journey is going to be a bit more difficult. I need to drop more weight. So far, I have lost about 10 lbs. I am happy about that - it shows progress. However, being a good 100+ lbs overweight for most of my life, there is a problem. I know I did not get here overnight, therefore, I cannot lose it overnight, either. I have to maintain determination to get both the blood sugar and the weight under control. My worry is that maybe I fail at the weight loss because I am afraid.
I know - what am I afraid of? Maybe I am afraid of drawing attention to myself. Of course, that makes no sense to me - I draw attention to myself being this heavy. Perhaps, I am afraid that I won't like what I become physically. I need to quit thinking about this and just focus on keeping the blood sugar down along with getting the weight off.
I remember losing weight when I was 12 years old. I lost 52 lbs just by cutting calories and exercising. I remember that point in time very well. I had just moved to Texas, new people, "tween" time, and the first friend I made was no longer my friend. It was a very dark period for me.
A new doctor put me on a 1200 calorie diet and I had to take P.E. for school. I could not run as fast as the other kids. I tried, but a lot of the time, my legs would cramp up, thus forcing me to run even slower. Still, I tried. I took the abuse from classmates for being slow. It made me sad and worthless.
That Christmas, I had lost some weight and my parents got me the precision skates I had dreamed of having since I had started skating when I was 7 years old. Roller skating was one thing I was really good at doing. I would go skating Friday night, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon. I would skate and talk with people. When I was thirsty, I would get water from the water fountain or get a diet drink from the counter.
The weight continue to drop off of my frame. Popular girls would not talk with me or they would ignore me, but as I kept dropping weight, I would get a few compliments, but not many.
The turning point was during P.E. My class ran a race against the girls basketball team. It was inside due to the rain, so the instructors set up a relay race inside the gym. Something unusual happened. I had to run against one of the basketball girls, I actually caught up to her. I heard one girl say "She is the fastest fat girl I have seen." I was proud. Life began to brighten up and I got some respect. Seems silly now, but it was such a difficult time to endure.
The following year, I basically maintained the weight, but soon after, the weight came back with a vengence.
The last time I lost 100 lbs, I was on weight loss medicines and doing a low fat diet. My gall bladder was gone at this point. Every night, I would walk 4 miles before going to bed. During my lunch hour, I would walk 2.5 miles, then eat lunch at my desk while taking phone calls. Again, I was still overweight, but I felt so accomplished. Then, I made the fatal mistake - I fell for some guy on an on-line dating site. We were to meet and he stood me up. His explanation - I was fat and he did not date fat girls. I started the rock bottoming.
So, here I am - trying again. Maybe the difference here is that I am doing it for my health. I have to keep my blood sugar regulated. Otherwise, I risk damage to my health. I fear what may cause me to fail, but I have to be brave and learn how to deal with that adversary in a health manner. I cannot give up.