Thursday, January 12, 2012

Restless night...

I think the Starbucks Skinny Vanilla Cafe Latte was a bad choice last night.  I tossed and turned most of the night.  Bo finally climbed on top of me, which is his way of saying "I need to go potty."

I got up and walked the dogs in the bitter cold.  OMG!  It was so cold at 4 AM.  I could not wait for them to decide to head back to the apartment. 

Once I was back, I looked at the mess I call "home" and decided to get a few things done:

  • Did 4 loads of laundry
  • Paid my bills
  • Emptied out my dishwasher
Does not seem like a lot, but considering the pile of laundry I had, that is a lot.  LOL 

I measured my blood sugar.  It was 215.  I was happy about that because I have been trying like crazy to get it down way below 300.  Now, I have to keep my head down and continue working on eating right.  I was afraid with the cheeseburger and small amount of fries, I was a goner.  Also, the latte can cause me headaches.  I was lucky.

I will continue to work on my projects at work and delegate a lot of the other duties to the contractors.  Still, people come directly to me for issues.  I know it is job security, but so many people do not follow process that it is annoying.

Time to get cleaned up and run the dogs back outside before heading into work.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Tired of people putting me into the "we" and "us"...

When I was told I had type 2 diabetes in 11/2006, the only person I knew that had type 2 diabetes was my father.  My father and mother attended a required diabetes course.  My mother gave me my father's notebook, which was full of information.  My own doctor set me up with a course that I would need to take.  The difference between the two courses was the amount of time spent.

The course provided me with a nurse, who had type 1 diabetes, and a nutritionist/dietician.  For the first two days, I was slammed with a lot of information and I got a little scared.  My mom was able to calm me down and make me see that I could control the disease.  Basically, my numbers were very high, but as my mom explained, if it were really bad, the doctor would have me in the hospital.

I followed what I was told to do.  I threw out all of the candy and garbage that I had in the apartment and started changing how I looked at food.  I bought lots of fresh vegetables and took extreme care in making out my meals.  I admit, there were times where I needed something to eat and I chose a little summer sausage and cheese to get me through the spell. 

By the last visit, a month later, I had lost 13 lbs and my A1C was going down considerably.  I ended up losing about 50 lbs during that time.  Then, life started to get complicated.  I let it get to me and started losing control.  That was *my* problem.  This is not a pity party - just an admission of the facts.

During my time of dealing with the condition, I learned a co-worker had it as well.  I envied her because she would eat muffins and drink regular Coca-Cola.  However, I learned that her numbers stunk and she envied me for how strict I was being.  It motivated her to try to chose better. 

It was good for me to know someone other than my father had the condition.  What was really nice was she never told anyone else or make it a public announcement to a restaurant's wait staff that we had type 2 diabetes.  I was allowed to make my choices without any real judgement.  I chose salads, grilled meats, and veggies as I could.  We still talk every once in awhile about where our medical lives are concerning the condition.

Another co-worker/friend recently was told she had type 2 diabetes.  When I found out, I would try to pick restaurants where there were reasonable choices, but she would always want me to get dessert or what have you.  It was tough to handle.  Now, she announces to wait staff that we had type 2 diabetes and we need special treatment.  Furthermore, when she discusses the condition, it is always "we" and "us".  The piece that pisses me off the most is that refuses to attend the course because she believes she can learn more from books.  She has not learned squat about it.

The whole thing annoys me to no end.  I do not want to be included in her group of bullshit.  "Oh, I do not like wheat bread."  Well, go look at Wonder's Smart Choice bread - low in carb and tastes better.  I just do not think she gets it.  There is a reason to take the course - to help you understand and control the condition.  I mean, seriously, you get a nutritionist who can help you understand how many carbs you need to have per day and managed that.  I read books and web sites, but I found that getting professional guidance was a good thing.

I guess I am tired of people who think they know it all.  If I have been through it, I will tell you the facts straight up.  Other than that, I do not know it all because I am constantly learning every day.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Back to the grind...

It is a little after 8 AM and the dogs have been walked.  The weather is rainy today.  I would rather be back in my snug bed, but someone has to make some money.  LOL

It will be a busy day, that is for sure, but that will keep my mind off of food.  When I get bored, I tend to eat.  Since it is raining, I know a certain person will stay home and work.  That should help me get some more stuff done.

I neglected to take my medications last night and my blood sugar shows it.  I will take those while I eat breakfast.

My place still looks a wreck, but that is because I did nothing this weekend.  I suppose I need to do a little house cleaning each evening before plopping on my butt.  More over, I need to keep work I take home down to a minimum, so that I can do more housework.

Morning Blood Sugar:  320

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Taking the first step...

I joined Weight Watchers today.  Usually, I blow it off, but I am going to give it a chance.  I have to do something, but more importantly, I have got to get more activity into my routine.

I am doing the Weight Watchers Online program.  I hope that works out for me.  I hope it will be a bit easier to keep up with the meals and such since there are apps I can use to update what I have eaten.  It is one way to hold myself accountable about what I put in my mouth.  Not really sure about the part where fruit and vegetables are considered 0 points.  I suppose I need to figure out how this will work with my diabetic/carb maintenance.

I hope this works out.

A year ago...

I started this blog a year ago and not with much change on my diabetes.  However, there have been a lot of changes within the year.  Upon reflection:

I got a new car
I tried new foods - some agreed with me and others did not
Attended more baseball and hockey games
Made it to a movie - Pirates of the Carribean
Made better efforts to choose healthier foods over the crap (that is always tough)

I found myself becoming more lethargic with life, though.  I need to move on and get past my mother's death.  I want badly to pull out of the depression and get happy.  I know that is what is missing in my life - happiness.

I always fall for men who are completely out of my possibility of attaining any attraction.  I know it is because I am protecting my heart and feelings, but it still hurts.

I find it fascinating that my father can get dates and I cannot even make one.

Right now, I am facing the horrible foe of seeing the doctor and only to find out my A1C has not changed and I have to go on insulin.  I am scared and feel like a failure.  I know I should not feel like that.  I did what I could, but I feel like a failure in that aspect.  Maybe I did not do enough?  I know I did not get enough exercise.  Hell - I hate wasting money on a gym membership.  Then, again, work has barely afforded me any "me" time.  When I took off for vacation for the last two weeks of the year, it felt so good to just get the rest I needed.  I was completely exhausted.  As Danny Glover says in the "Lethal Weapon" movies, "I am too old for this shit." 

However, I stand back and look at the situation and realize that I am lucky to have this job - or any job for that matter.  I thank the Lord for all that has been given to me and try to keep my complaints to a minimum.  Still, there are those days.

So, here we are.  I am trying to make changes in my life.  Rather than pushing away those things that I just cannot see me doing, I need to embrace them.  As for the gym, I have tons of work out videos as well as Wii Fit.  Let's get to the point where I need the gym for more advanced activities.  No sense in spending money on that,now.  I think I will join Weight Watchers and see where I go there.  I have avoided it, but since I can do it on-line, it might be more helpful to me.

Wish me luck on making the changes I need to make to have a healthier, better life.  I want to change.  I want to be healthy.  Most importantly, I want to be happy and carefree again.