Sunday, August 21, 2016

There Has to be a Starting Point...

I have been horrible the past couple of months.  Not sure what has come over me, but I have been overspending.  Time to curb the urge and rein in everything.  I have committed to promises I have made, so time for me to go back to my regular programming.

Most of what I have spent was on make-up.  I will always admit to being a make-up junkie.  It is part of my make-up - no pun intended.  I love to play around with new looks and try out new things.  However, in my effort to curb my tendencies, I have signed up for ipsy boxes to be delivered.  Most of what I will get are testers, so the bonus there is I can test something before blowing too much money on product.  That is the most difficult thing - you want to use a product, but would like a tester.  There are no testers, so you are stuck with crap.  At least with testers, you can toss with very little guilt.

I joined Random Cathy this past weekend for an impromptu mani/pedi.  It had been since forever since we had a mani/pedi.  We used to go regularly, but due to schedules, it has become an intermittent thing to do these days.  So, thinking only of myself in this case - Sorry, Random Cathy - going to be "selfish" here - I really need to go in for a pedicure at least twice a month.  Mainly to make sure that my feet are well cared.  Having pretty nails are nice, but my feet in general also need major care.

So, my thoughts have been to start doing my own manicures.  I can do my own manicures at home.  My largest issue is just getting the time to do it.  That needs to be a priority on Sundays.  I can save money and I can work on doing some fun things with nail polish.  For example, this past weekend, I had a cute pink and blue nail polish done on my hands and feet respectively.  However, I thought it would be cute if I had put polka dots of the other color on top of the main color.  I have seen pinterest and YouTube videos to do this.  Why can't I do this?  Other than time, what is really preventing me from doing that?  

I will give it a shot.  It probably will not happen this Sunday as my hands are full with errands to run and chores to do.  Tomorrow, I have to go in for a shot in my back, so I am preparing for that.  Next weekend, I have two groups of people wanting me to join them.  One is a middle school friend coming into town and she wanted me to try to get a group of the girls together for lunch or dinner.  The other is a girl I knew in high school who is trying to pull the high school "Ladies of the 80's" together for an outing.  This all happens on Saturday, so possibly my Sunday will be free.  I just have to readjust when I go grocery shopping.  I need to re-evaluate grocery shopping, to be honest.  I probably should go more often, rather than once a week.  Mainly because it would be a lighter load and I would buy what I need for the next few days, rather than a week.  It is definitely something to consider - will probably try that this week due to the shot in the back.

However, my point is reworking my spending habits so that I save more, rather than spend.  Also, huge savings bonus here - my friend who always likes to go out to eat for dinner will be away for 2 weeks.  I just saved myself $60-80 dollars right there.  I ended up going out to eat with her twice this week - both times due to an issue she had with the place where the endocrinologists work.  Something about the insurance not covering the blood draw and getting a bill for $3800.  Monday - was to know more about it.  Thursday - to make sure she got the information.  I ate relatively light on both nights, but still, the cost to eat out is huge and there were no leftovers.  I need to cook more in order to help with the swelling in my feet and weight.  I need to learn that saying "No" is okay.  

Now, not all of this is on my friend - I have been bad in that I have gone out for take out quite a bit, so I have my own hand in some of this.  Most of the time, I feel the time was too late to cook, so I ran out and grabbed something or I simply was too exhausted.  What needs to happen there is either eat leftovers and stock up on TV dinners.  No shame in microwavable food because I can always add a small salad to the meal. 

Bottom line, I am spending in more areas than just makeup.  It is a matter of cutting back the bleeding and looking for times where it makes sense to go out to eat or get something special.  I need to put "me" first in the health area.    

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Life and All of Its Challenges...

I had my visit with my endocrinologist as well as dietician today.  It was pretty unfortunate considering my back was giving me all kinds of fits.  Next, my feet and legs are so swollen that it hurts to wear shoes, let alone walk.  Oh, and the topper, this week I am supposed to start my monthly beast.

Speaking of monthly beast, last week, I visited the OB-GYN.  There was another stressful day.  I mentioned how my periods have been and she wants to do a uterine biopsy to make sure that my uterus is not cancerous.  BTW, it will be painful, so she wants to put me under to do it.  Lovely.

Small wonder my world is not rocking in all the right ways.  My A1C was 8.4, which means it went up about 2 points and that is bad.  My blood sugar has been pretty high, but at the same time, I have not done so well on taking my medications.  I allow myself to get caught up with everyone just having to have this or that.  I forget about myself.  In the end, I get so angry.  Why should I care so much about them? 

My life is just such a chaotic mess that it depresses me on so many different levels.  I am trying to sort out how to reorganize and get motivated to do the things I need to do.  To make matters worse, the last several weeks have been a literal hell on me.  The heat outside would zap me of any energy I would have had.  Nothing like being drenched in sweat and not feeling like you have the energy to lift a pencil.

Rather than get all excited about redoing and reorganizing my life, I need to take a step back and look at what small steps I can take to make a difference.  While it seems pretty simple, I need to focus on getting it done.  I just hate the back pain and constant exhaustion.

I try hard to give my worries to God.  I read a post the other day that made sense to me.  Everyone hears the biblical saying "God will never give you more than you can handle."  You know what - I think he does give you more than you can handle.  He is just waiting for you to give up what you cannot handle.  It made total sense.

The other thing is that I need to severely curb my spending.  Not sure why I am on this route to try to make myself look better.  Well, hell, let's admit it - I have always purchased make up to make myself feel better.  Never really sure it did much to make me look more attractive - I was simply chasing the dream that if I got this particular look, then men would find me more attractive.  Never happens, so what am I thinking?!

Monday, I go into the surgical center for another shot in my back.  I simply pray that this time, the shot will work.  I am so tired of the chronic pain.  It is depressing as hell to watch people walking around and knowing - I remember when I was able to do that with no pain and I so enjoyed it.  It makes me cry - Why has this happened?  What did I do that caused this to happen?  How could I have prevented it?  Maybe it is best never to know, but I tell you what, if I can get rid of this back pain, my fat ass will be out there with a doggy stroller for two dogs walking my ass off.  I can promise you that!

I need the strength to move along and stay positive.  I just had to get that out of my system because it is simply getting dark.