My life, for the past several months, has had more drama than I really ever cared to have. Sure, we all want excitement in our lives - it is what makes us feel alive - a part of the world. But for heaven's sake, can someone lay off of me for awhile?!
At work, there is the yearly upheaval. Not sure if other companies do it, but I am sure they do. Reorganization of groups and resources to better achieve goals created by upper management. While it should not cause a lot of stress, it actually does because people become unsure of who they are reporting and expectations. We all try to carry on, there is that time you must adjust with the change and learn how to work with someone else. You have to take time to really understand their methodology and expectations.
My group is also working on doing a product upgrade. Our application is an "out of box" product and we create custom code to enhance the application for our needs. For one aspect of the application, it has been several years since the last upgrade. Therefore, that makes the upgrade a bit difficult. So many changes in the base application and trying to determine what works and what would have to be readjusted.
What I have not been happy with has been the rather unclear path to do this upgrade. I have not been part of all discussions, so that left me at a disadvantage to understand what steps were taken. That has caused me a lot of heartburn because others have an expectation that I know what, how, and why things are done for the upgrade. Yet, I do not. I even express "I do not know". It is that point where when you have heard for your lifetime that it is okay to say you do not know, but realize that no one believes that or accepts it. You can tell that by how they continue to badger you.
I asked for help from one side and was stone-walled and the other group continued to dog pile on me. I would work 14-16 hours to try to resolve issues, but when you are "walking in the dark", you tend to fall and hurt yourself. This was me.
I finally stopped that. I had to. I did not quit work. I just stopped beating on myself. These people have to get over themselves because bottom line: They know just as much as I do - nothing.
There is a battle that I do not wish to be a part of - I simply wish to do my job and crack on with it. I do not care about how many employees report to me. I do not care what my peers think. I care for getting the work done and doing a good job. If the business is happy, then I am happy.
The political posturing disturbs me to no end. Recently, I got dragged into another similar mess. I heard both sides of the story and was not leaning on any particular side. I simply looked at the facts and said that it does not matter if this other company made us look bad - our company pays them to do whatever we ask and they ask no questions. They do not care about the customer experience, but we should.
Apartment drama is about to cause me ulcers. Decluttering is not the issue - I am doing what I can as I can. Making progress. My recent derailment is my master bathroom. A month or so ago, I noticed cracking in the tub. I tried to do what I could about it, but I figured it was time to move into the second bathroom and contact the apartment maintenance to repair the tub. The tub is a fiberglass/plastic garden tub. I have always felt a certain amount of "give" every time I stepped into the tub, but I had never really been in such a tub. Therefore, I was not sure if that was normal or not. The second bathroom tub is a nice porcelain tub - basically, I would have to exert some massive force to break it.
Before I could open a ticket with the maintenance, someone from the complex was knocking on my door two weeks ago. The gentleman asked me if I had experienced any leaking with my washer. I said no, but allowed him inside to check. He validated all was dry, so I mentioned that the tub was cracked. I showed him that as well.
Apparently, the neighbor's garage is experiencing leakage from the ceiling. So, the maintenance guy got his boss. His boss acted like a jerk. He went on about having to epoxy the tub and paint it, but I had to basically gut the bathroom. He left and came back with someone else to look at the tub regarding the epoxy and painting. I ended up having to spend two nights at Aloft due to the fumes of the epoxy and paint. These guys left my apartment wide open while I was out and never made a point to call me to let me know when I could come back into the apartment. I am already annoyed.
Last week, I am still nervous about taking a shower in that bathroom, but I go ahead. I had one before taking my father out for dinner last Wednesday and another that Friday. On Friday, the tub bottom felt weird, but I thought maybe it was due to the epoxy. I looked down and saw the cracks and even more cracks. I hopped out of the tub, dried off, pulled back the rubber mat to examine closely and sure enough, cracking was still there and was now going up the sides of the tub.
Well, no point in cleaning the bathroom. I decided it was time to clear the space back out and I would contact them regarding the tub and ask to get the smoke alarms in the living room repaired. Before I could do anything, the maintenance head was back at my door.
"It's leaking again!" I said - Yes, I noticed that the tub was cracking and was about to contact you about that. He marched right into the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom. He looks at the tub and says "What cracks?" I said, let me get into the tub and I will show you. I get in the tub, pull back the tub mat and you could see the cracks and those leading up the side of the tub.
The maintenance head had shown up on Wednesday and I had my last bath on Friday - gross I know, but I was trying to work, get stuff out of the way, and get the second bathroom ready for my use. So, I asked the maintenance guy when was the last time the neighbor noticed a leak. It was Friday. I said - Okay - I have not showered in the bathroom since that time and probably won't ever after this. I will shower in the second bathroom because the tub is sturdier and there are no cracks.
Thursday morning, I take a shower in my second bathroom's tub at 9:30 AM, so I can see my counselor. The only thing I do in the master bath is use the toilet and brush my teeth. I have not washed any laundry or done any dishes because I am scared to do it. (That is just damn sad, too.)
Yesterday morning, knock on my door. Maintenance man - in a pissed off tone to me - "You took a shower in that bathtub after I told you not to do it! Neighbor says that there is a leak again and she is really mad."
He went past me, up the stairs yelling at me and I am telling him that I did not take a shower in the master bathroom tub. I am upset, pissed, and humiliated. Why is this happening to me when I did nothing? He marched right into the master bathroom and looked at the tub. I was livid at that point.
"Would you like for me to not use any bathroom in my apartment? Does the neighbor wish for me to move? When did she even notice the leak again?!"
Apparently, she noticed the leak again on Thursday night. I said - Well, as you can see, the damn tub is bone dry - I DID NOT TAKE A SHOWER IN A CRACKED TUB! I am tired of this barging into my apartment and accusing me of something so outrageous! I have only used the toilet and the sink.
Maintenance guy starts looking at everything else, then he decides the seal on the toilet is bad. At this point, I realize the guy has no freaking clue, but it is okay to lean on me. He tells me not to use the master bathroom at all; only use the second bathroom.
He walks out and I feel humiliated. I start crying because I was accused of something I did not do. I started getting angry when I thought about the whole ordeal and his saying it was the toilet. He has no freaking clue! If it was the toilet, then shouldn't the neighbor be complaining about leaking ALL OF THE TIME?! I mean, I used the master bathroom toilet all the time when I need to go! It is absurd! He would rather bust up my apartment rather than do the sensible thing and open up where the leak is in the neighbor's garage and validate that the leak is truly coming from my area. It could very well be the pipes and nothing to do with the bathroom at all. I am not saying not to replace the tub, but freaking think smart - he is going to have to repair the garage ceiling anyway.
I went to the leasing office and talked with the manager about the situation. I told her what had transpired. I do not care that my apartment looks like hell right now. I have physical limitations, but I am working on that. However, the apartment stuff is not what is causing this issue. I do not appreciate the maintenance head coming into my apartment and accusing me of something I did not do. I am a 50 year old single woman. I do not hold wild parties, I pay my rent on time, I work with people around me, I keep to myself, and I make sure I do not disturb others. I would hope to be considered an ideal tenant. The fact remains, the maintenance lead should have handled the situation better - I could care less if the neighbor is pissed. I did not make this happen and I am trying what I can, but I live in this apartment. If you keep restricting what I can do, the complex needs to help relocate me elsewhere and quit this mess.
Last night, I was simply paralyzed from the incident. I tried to move past it, but it kept upsetting me. Everything I wanted to do, I worried - would I piss off the neighbor and get into trouble? Can I even do a load of laundry? Can I even really use my second bathroom?
This morning, I said "Fuck him, the neighbor, and the complex. I have things I need to get done in this apartment and if involves using water, then by God, I am doing it!" This is flat out ridiculous.
Yeah, I know - buy a house, but again, you have to deal with similar issues. Might not be maintenance people, but you have to pay someone out of pocket to fix those issues. Then, deal with half-ass work done. Same here.
My counselor reminds me that I have dealt with a lot of stress - more than anyone should have to manage in such a short time. Losing Chloe, dealing with the health issues, the D&C, the mess with people wanting me to get a gastric sleeve, and the lingering grief with my mom's death among all of it. It all piles on and as my ob-gyn put to me, "Girl, no one is giving you a single break, are they?" She is right. They are not.