Monday, November 14, 2011

Saying "No" should never be considered a negative...

So often, I always say "yes" to doing things.  Mainly, I feel bad if I say "No".  If I do say "No", my chance for something may never come again.  However, saying "yes" is not getting me anywhere, either.

Doing stuff for family and friends is one thing.  However, when it comes to work, managers never seem to remember how many times you were there for their various issues.  It is pretty demeaning to do so much, to sacrifice vacations and personal time.  It has pretty much gotten to the point where I have no life and I cannot leave work behind whatsoever.

Bottom line, I am tired of saying "yes" and my life is left in a shambles.  I am blamed for not handling, so fine - I am going to handle it.  I am going to say "no" - I gave people a chance and they continually took advantage.  No more.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Reviewing life...

This afternoon, I was driving my new Hyundai Tuscon to meet my best friend, Sharon, for lunch.  I found myself testing out some of the features of the car and thinking about my mom.

With all of the craziness at work, I really have not had much of an opportunity to really explore the vehicle.  I have enjoyed talking to people on the phone using the built-in bluetooth speaker system.  No worries on taking a call and the bluetooth earpiece loses battery life - the car takes over and I like that.

The car also comes with AM/FM/Sirius XM radio, iPod/iPhone connection, and a CD player.  I had played around with going through the different "modes" using the steering wheel controls.  Saturday night, as I was leaving Chrissy and Scotty's house, I was flipping through the different XM stations.  Quite a few are good and some interest me.  One problem - I can only select 18 channels - that stinks, but okay.

Something that made me curious.  I had hooked up my iPhone and 3rd generation iPod (1st/2nd generation iPods do not work with the iPod connector - fooey) and had a little fun with going through the playlists and such.  However, what made me scratch my head was "Phone - mp3 player".  The controls on the radio and steering wheel do not make this work.  I pulled out my iPhone and started up the player on "How Long".  Soon, I heard Paul Carrack's voice coming over the sound system.  I laughed. 

It was at this point I thought of my mom.  I had spent the weekend at my parents' house alone.  My father wanted to stay at my apartment so that he could see his girlfriend.  I went to the urn and stroked it a few times and told "mom" I was at home.  I always cry.  It is just so hard to get over her not being there.

I thought of how much my mom loved music herself.  It was one of the things that we really shared - that love for music.  Listening to "How Long" reminded me of her and living in West Monroe, LA.  Sometimes, she would get in her Mercury Marquis and we would drive up to Arkansas to visit her friends and family there.  She would always have the radio on and that song reminded me of all of those trips.  I smiled thinking about how she would probably change the station, not because it went out of area, but looking for some other song that she wanted to hear.

I hope that where she may be, she is happy, laughing, and sharing funny stories.  I have this image of her, Aunt Jewel, Uncle Howard, and Aunt Barbara telling stories and jokes.  Aunt Marie making coffee and all of those wonderful cakes and pies, sharing her stories as well.

I love and miss you mom!

Monday, November 7, 2011

November, already?

The past couple of months have just flown by me.  Needless to say, most of my time has been wrapped up with working day and night and stressing me out.  I tried to take a week off for vacation, but that was a lost cause.  Now, my worries are that my blood sugar levels are nowhere where I wanted them to be.

A week off from work was not going to help my high blood sugar.  My problem was that I succumb to constantly eating out, rather than fixing my own meals.  I did it, yet, again.  Why?  Because it was easier to get something as I did not have time to cook for myself.  Of course, I picked out the wrong things to eat.  I bought veggies and worked to eat the right things.  However, it gets more and more difficult when you are placed on such a tight timeline due to other people's planning.

I have always given in to doing whatever with the hope that I would get noticed for the extra effort.  I am finding that my extra effort is not really worth it.  I need to just keep to my guns and say "No."  I need to protect myself.

I need to get some groceries.  I have barely anything in the refrigerator because I was on-call this past week.  I was unable to make it to the grocery store to get anything.  I would go today, but with my stomach problems today, I think it is best I stay close to home.  However, it might be better for me to go out and pick up a few things, like milk, bread, toilet paper, and such.  I may do that after 5 PM.  Technically, I took today off because I was not feeling well, but I do need to pick up some necessities.