Monday, November 14, 2011

Saying "No" should never be considered a negative...

So often, I always say "yes" to doing things.  Mainly, I feel bad if I say "No".  If I do say "No", my chance for something may never come again.  However, saying "yes" is not getting me anywhere, either.

Doing stuff for family and friends is one thing.  However, when it comes to work, managers never seem to remember how many times you were there for their various issues.  It is pretty demeaning to do so much, to sacrifice vacations and personal time.  It has pretty much gotten to the point where I have no life and I cannot leave work behind whatsoever.

Bottom line, I am tired of saying "yes" and my life is left in a shambles.  I am blamed for not handling, so fine - I am going to handle it.  I am going to say "no" - I gave people a chance and they continually took advantage.  No more.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Reviewing life...

This afternoon, I was driving my new Hyundai Tuscon to meet my best friend, Sharon, for lunch.  I found myself testing out some of the features of the car and thinking about my mom.

With all of the craziness at work, I really have not had much of an opportunity to really explore the vehicle.  I have enjoyed talking to people on the phone using the built-in bluetooth speaker system.  No worries on taking a call and the bluetooth earpiece loses battery life - the car takes over and I like that.

The car also comes with AM/FM/Sirius XM radio, iPod/iPhone connection, and a CD player.  I had played around with going through the different "modes" using the steering wheel controls.  Saturday night, as I was leaving Chrissy and Scotty's house, I was flipping through the different XM stations.  Quite a few are good and some interest me.  One problem - I can only select 18 channels - that stinks, but okay.

Something that made me curious.  I had hooked up my iPhone and 3rd generation iPod (1st/2nd generation iPods do not work with the iPod connector - fooey) and had a little fun with going through the playlists and such.  However, what made me scratch my head was "Phone - mp3 player".  The controls on the radio and steering wheel do not make this work.  I pulled out my iPhone and started up the player on "How Long".  Soon, I heard Paul Carrack's voice coming over the sound system.  I laughed. 

It was at this point I thought of my mom.  I had spent the weekend at my parents' house alone.  My father wanted to stay at my apartment so that he could see his girlfriend.  I went to the urn and stroked it a few times and told "mom" I was at home.  I always cry.  It is just so hard to get over her not being there.

I thought of how much my mom loved music herself.  It was one of the things that we really shared - that love for music.  Listening to "How Long" reminded me of her and living in West Monroe, LA.  Sometimes, she would get in her Mercury Marquis and we would drive up to Arkansas to visit her friends and family there.  She would always have the radio on and that song reminded me of all of those trips.  I smiled thinking about how she would probably change the station, not because it went out of area, but looking for some other song that she wanted to hear.

I hope that where she may be, she is happy, laughing, and sharing funny stories.  I have this image of her, Aunt Jewel, Uncle Howard, and Aunt Barbara telling stories and jokes.  Aunt Marie making coffee and all of those wonderful cakes and pies, sharing her stories as well.

I love and miss you mom!

Monday, November 7, 2011

November, already?

The past couple of months have just flown by me.  Needless to say, most of my time has been wrapped up with working day and night and stressing me out.  I tried to take a week off for vacation, but that was a lost cause.  Now, my worries are that my blood sugar levels are nowhere where I wanted them to be.

A week off from work was not going to help my high blood sugar.  My problem was that I succumb to constantly eating out, rather than fixing my own meals.  I did it, yet, again.  Why?  Because it was easier to get something as I did not have time to cook for myself.  Of course, I picked out the wrong things to eat.  I bought veggies and worked to eat the right things.  However, it gets more and more difficult when you are placed on such a tight timeline due to other people's planning.

I have always given in to doing whatever with the hope that I would get noticed for the extra effort.  I am finding that my extra effort is not really worth it.  I need to just keep to my guns and say "No."  I need to protect myself.

I need to get some groceries.  I have barely anything in the refrigerator because I was on-call this past week.  I was unable to make it to the grocery store to get anything.  I would go today, but with my stomach problems today, I think it is best I stay close to home.  However, it might be better for me to go out and pick up a few things, like milk, bread, toilet paper, and such.  I may do that after 5 PM.  Technically, I took today off because I was not feeling well, but I do need to pick up some necessities.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Troubling times...

So far, I have lost about 10 lbs since I got strict with what food I eat.  That is a good thing.  My blood sugar numbers still stink, but they are getting lower.  Work is really stressing me out, but I am trying to figure out how to rid myself of that stress.  It has been unbelievable.

Luckily, tomorrow, I am off from work.  I have not gotten much done this weekend due to work.  Next weekend, I hope to get more done.  I did manage to catch up on some sleep on Saturday and Sunday.  On Saturday, I took the dogs out for their walk, picked up my meds from WalMart, splurged to get some donuts with milk, then headed back to bed at 1 PM.  By 6 PM, I was back up and walking the dogs.  Nothing like a 5 hour nap.  I felt a little drained, but I needed the sleep.  Last week was horrible.

Today, I managed to get the kitchen cleaned up and baked some sugar free brownies.  I am seriously thinking of a sugar free brownie topped with some sugar free country vanilla ice cream.  I may try that a bit later.

I went to the grocery store.  Man - it was obscene how much it cost me to get out of there.  I bought a lot of fruit and veggies.  I also got some meat - hamburger, turkey tenderloins, turkey smoked sausage, pork loin, and pork loin chops.  I have thought about making mom's Hungarian Chicken Goulash with some fat free sour cream and whole wheat fanfalle pasta.  Unfortunately, I will have to pick up an onion, chicken boullion cubes, and the sour cream.

I am going to continue working on getting my blood sugar numbers down.  As I said before, it just was going to take time and the bonus is the weight loss.

No numbers at this time.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A Tough Road Ahead...

Morning Numbers:

BS:  200
BP:  125/79
Pul:  83

I am taking my meds and I am already getting frustrated with the numbers.  I know - Rome was not built in a day, so your numbers won't automatically go down in a few days.  I just have to keep reminding myself - it is one day at a time.  You did not gain weight overnight, so it won't be gone overnight.  Somehow, we all wish that was the way it went.  Here today - gone tomorrow.  Alas, that is not to be.

My doggies are back home as of yesterday.  Had some trouble with Chloe last night.  She was very restless.  It was like no matter what, she was never comfortable.  I lost my patience with her and that was completely stupid of me.  I had to walk away a bit.  Now, that I think back to it and make some realizations, PMS is starting up.  I should have recognized the symptoms:  Easily irritated, bloated, no matter what, I cannot cool down.  I hate it. 

Once I got my nerves back on a slow patience, I realized that she probably needed a pain pill.  I still have a few for her, so once she got that, she settled down for the night.  Now, she is resting peacefully, but I felt like a really idiot for not realizing it.

I think the heat is getting the better of all of us.  The dogs are drinking water like it is going out of style.  I have been making sure that their water bowl is full and has ice in it.  Also, I have made sure that the temperature in the apartment is reasonable.

Today, I plan on getting a mani/pedi.  That way, my toenails get clipped properly and not the butcher job I do.  After that, I am going to get groceries for the week.  I hope to make out a good meal plan for the week.  I just do not want to think about having to deal with "Oh, what to eat?"  Also, that will help me get my diabetes and weight loss under control.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Got the baseline - now to work on the changes

Yesterday morning, I got the call from my doctor's office with an update on my blood work results.  Going in, I knew the numbers would be bad.  I was not too disappointed with the 179 fasting blood sugar.  In the past, I have seen that number at 350, so I have that number a positive spin.

My a1c, on the other hand, indicated some serious issues.  It was 12.  The doctor's nurse indicated that my diabetes had really gone out of control and if I continue down this route, I will end up with kidney shutdown.  I had expected a high number, but not 12.  I stammered a lot on the phone when asking about the other meds I am taking and how to go about getting the refills.  The number weighed heavily on my mind.  12.

I went out to eat with a co-worker from out of town for lunch.  I ate the salad and had artichoke chicken with capers.  I did not eat all of the salad nor did I eat all of the pasta on the plate.  Pat on the back for me for that.  I have been carrying around a lunch bag with snacks like grapes, melons and strawberries, sugar free jello, cheese and crackers, and the like.  Things I know will help me stay on track.

For dinner, I blew it a bit.  However, I will get back on track today.  Today is the last day for class, so I won't need to "go out to eat" tonight.  I have enjoyed getting to meet and know this co-worker, but it is time for me to get back onto taking care of me.

I am going to ask my father if he would take care of Bo and Chloe one more day.  After work tomorrow, I will head over to his house and spend the night.  On Saturday, I will tote the "kiddos" home.  I know those little dogs miss me, but for the past few nights, I have been going to bed between 9:30 - 10:00 AM and getting up at 4:30-5:00 AM.  That is very odd of me, but I have ignored the pager and just tried to get some restful sleep.  When I get the dogs back, that will not be the case.

The main reason for my wanting an extra day is to get my medications.  I hate to drive all the way over there, drive all the way back for work the next day and not get my meds.  I figured it would be easier to just come home, pick up the meds on my way home, get some housework done, and go to bed early.  On Friday, after work, just head over to my father's house.  I could spend the night, then pack everyone up and head home that morning.

I hate leaving Bo and Chloe there longer, but the gas prices are so high and it is such a pain to drive back and forth.

Time to get ready for work:


BS:  243
BP:  132/82
Pul: 81

Monday, August 8, 2011

Good Morning, Monday!

Here is my first positive attempt this morning - greet Monday with a smile.  I will admit, the weekend just was not long enough for me.  However, I have a break in the middle of the week.  I am taking off Wednesday to see my doctor.  I am so full of fear of being put on insulin injections.  I need to stop that and maybe see if we can try some other oral medication with the metformin. 

This morning, my blood sugar was 214.  That is the lowest it has been in weeks - a good thing.  While I look at that in a positive light, I know I still have work to do on getting that number at a lower value.  Patience, my dear, Melissa, patience.  I just have to keep working hard on eating healthy and keep those good habits going and bad habits in check.  I have to do this for me because I want to be able to do stuff in my life.  I do not want this disease to control my life; I need to control it.

I am starting to think I need to switch to Allegra.  The last few times I took it, I noticed I did not cough and did not go through the morning nasal garbage.  I am back on Liquid Claritin and my throat is scratchy this morning.  Not a good sign.

Time to fix breakfast for the dogs and me.  This week will be a good week!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Bright and Early...

On Monday, both dogs had an appointment with the vet.  Chloe had blood work done and Bo had to get his annual shots.  The vet put both dogs on temaril-p and since they have been getting the pill twice a day, they have been drinking the water like crazy.  Of course, that means, they have to go potty more frequently.

On one hand, I feel badly for them because I know going to pee so often is a real pain.  I will have to do that sometimes when I am not taking my diabetes meds.  There will be those constant trips to the bathroom to pee.  However, I really wish that both dogs were better behaved when going for a walk.  I am getting pretty frustrated with getting pulled in two different directions. 

Of course, I am lucky that they do not have my usual issue - making that different type of bathroom trip.  That usually happens when I am getting back to taking my diabetes meds and even after staying on them.  That one is not at all pleasant.  In fact, I have tried to let that stuff run its course, but with work, I end up stopping it with Immodium-AD.  The bad part about that is sometimes, it takes having to take 3 to 4 of those pills to end it.  Otherwise, it is a trip every 5 to 10 minutes until there is just water coming out and even then, it will continue.

I am sure you wanted to hear all of that!  It is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.  All I am striving to do is get to some common ground.

I made an appointment to see my doctor this coming Wednesday.  I decided that rather than feel rushed that day, I would just take the day off.  This way, I would be more relaxed when seeing the doctor.  I am trying to get back on the "wagon" and put me before anyone or anything else. 

It has not been easy, but I am really trying to make the effort.  Last night, I read in Woman's Day magazine about two women who had the lap-band surgery.  I felt their pain regarding their weight.  Believe me, I wish I had about 100 pounds off of my frame.  I have already said that if got to even 180 pounds, I would not care.  It would be a sight better than where I am now. 

Anyway, the ladies spoke of the side-effects and the magazine even put a chart that described each weight-loss procedure and their good/bad points.  To the point, though, the magazine stated that doctors say that it is best to change eating habits and increase exercise.  This is the main reason why I resist surgery.  I do not want to deal with the side effects and those could be life threatening.  If I can change what and how much I eat and get more exercise into my life, I know I could drop the weight. 

Trying to understand my state of mind and such during all of this change is why I started this blog.  This is not something you just do for a short period of time - it has to be a life-long change.  My problem that I am working on is how to make it work and stay with it.  How to kill the bad habits and keep from doing them because that is what is in play here.  I allow stress to eat at me and feel like I can never escape it.  Therefore, I give it as the reason why I reach for the sweet or really fattening stuff.  I need to learn to channel that to something else.

While reading Woman's Day, another article described how to take time out for that "one little good thing" that would relax us, such as reading or even folding laundry.  I do see where folding laundry is a fulfilling task.  It does not require a lot of mental work, but you have accomplished a goal at the end.  So, you get a calming reward at the end.  Oddly enough, I have laundry to fold.  I usually save that sort of thing for the weekends, but I should carve out more time to do it during the week.

That is another bad habit I need to break:  Saving housework chores for the weekend.  I feel like I bust my butt all week, sometimes, 24x7 when I am on-call, then have all of this housework to do on the weekends.  By the time Sunday night hits, I am still tired and wishing I did not have to go back to work.

To put a good feel spin on this post, I completed both of my on-line courses.  Now, I did not get all of my assignments completed, but I did get the quizzes and final done.  I got an 86 for both finals, which I am willing to live with considering work and such.  Also, the course was not for a grade, so I had even less pressure on me.  I am thinking of taking another class, but I think I will mull it over a bit more first.

Time to wrap up.  Need to get my blood sugar and blood pressure readings, then give the dogs their meds and figure out what I am going to have for breakfast.  Unfortunately, my cupboard is getting pretty thin.  Time to go grocery shopping.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Time to reflect...

On Saturday, my father took an earlier flight to come home from his sister's funeral.  Seems like there was a lot of chaos surrounding when my aunt would actually have a funeral or not.  I know that there was a viewing before she was cremated.  In hindsight, I wish I had done the same with my own mother.  Not really to have a huge viewing, but we had flown her sister, Rita, down the day she died.  (Actually, we had gotten the ticket for her in hopes that she would have been here before mom died.) 

When my mother died, the hospice nurse called the funeral home to come pick mom up that night.  For me, they waited until I got to the house so that I could see my mom one last time.  My aunt never got that chance and for that, I feel awful.  We tried to get something set up for my aunt to see my mom, but nothing could be done.

My father told me of how the children argued over who got what.  My father returned with two pictures:  One of my father, mother,and I taken when I was 3 and my senior picture.  I have read on FB where my aunt tells one of my cousins that she was my aunt Phyllis' favorite.  I don't think I am anyone's favorite mainly because I just do not go down to South Louisiana much.  Most of my life has been spent apart from relatives and unfortunately, there is not much of a connection.  Do not get me wrong, I love going down there and seeing everyone.  That is always great, but it also feels a bit strained at times.  That is really no one's fault.

The one thing I was happy to hear was that my father got to see some old friends while he was there.  He was there to help and such, but there were times where not much was going on, so he got to see his friend he reconnected with via  There was another friend he had that he had not seen since he was 12.  He spent time at that friend's grocery store/cafe, talking and eating boudin.  He even got to spend some more time with his closest friend from high school and his wife.  That made me happy because if anything good comes of FB and other social media is the reconnection to old friends.  He really enjoyed getting to see these people and all I could think was from sadness came all of this happiness.  I was happy for him.

My week has not been so great, but I am trudging through it.  My blood sugar is slowing going down, but not fast enough.  Luckily, I have stopped topping over 400 and being close to 500 to being in the low 300's to upper 200's.  I have to keep focusing on getting better.

I guess my father had no idea how bad things were with my health.  I had taken my blood sugar after taking the dogs out at 6:30 AM and it was 295.  I figured the brownie the night before had something to do with that.  Dinner, I was pretty sure I was under the carb mark.  I took my blood sugar check again at 10:45 AM and it was 211.  Of course, I still haven't had anything to eat, but about to start determining what I should eat for lunch, snacks and dinner.  I need to get some fresh veggies from the grocery store as well as more fruit.

I am making a better effort to get more fruit and veggies into my diet.  For some reason, I am really craving broccoli.  When ordering from the local Chinese take-out, I ordered two dishes with broccoli.  I am also thinking of putting together a fresh veggie baggie for me to snack on when it is that time.  It used to be that I would pop in either baby carrots and/or grape tomatoes.  Now, I think I may add bell peppers, broccoli, and cauliflower to the mix.  Also, I have fixed roasted veggies and eaten them with roasted chicken - YUMMO. 

My biggest pitfall is that I keep running into a rut, meal-wise.  I mean, sure, roasted chicken is great, but I cannot have it every night.  I plan on gathering up all of my Cooking Light and Diabetic Living magazines and checking out what recipes sound/look good.  I need to cook more for myself and quit going out to pick up something for dinner. 

Last night, I cooked turkey sausage, mac and cheese, and broccoli and cheese.  The sausage was 10g of carbs, mac and cheese was Bob Evans mini at 22 g of carbs, and the broccoli and cheese was 10 g of carbs.  That should have covered my allocated 45 g of carbs at dinner.  It was delicious and reminded me of when mom would cook sausage, so it was comforting in that aspect.  However, it also helped me to understand that I can cook with sausage and turkey sausage is not really that bad.  At least, I did not feel as bloated.  :-)

This week may be a bit painful - I have to get through my two on-line courses, I have been a really rotten student this semester, so I am just glad that these are continuing education courses and do not cost $$$$.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Sad week...

Tuesday morning, my aunt called looking for my father.  As it happened, my father had spent the night at my apartment in order to be here to help his girlfriend.  My other aunt, the oldest sister (my father is the oldest and this sister was the 3rd oldest), had passed away.  She had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and was in the process of doing chemo and radiation therapy. 

Unfortunately, the cancer was not what killed her.  It would seem that she was having a violent vomiting attack and tore something or maybe had an ulcer.  She bled out and there was blood everywhere.  I feel awful hearing this because it was such a difficult way to die.

I have been trying to get my blood sugar down for days.  At one point, I had it down to 186, but I had not eaten anything that day.  I am trying to eat breakfast and get in the smaller snacks into my day.  However, I have got to tell my co-worker that I am tired of going out to eat.  It is expensive and there are not much choices.  I do not want to eat salad every stinking day and NO I do not want to eat at The Cheesecake Factory.

This week, with my aunt's passing and that bringing up all sorts of issues, I have been just giving up and I know better.  Today, I am going to whip up some tuna salad for a tuna salad sandwich.  I need to go to Whole Foods and pick up some chicken salad.  I really cannot handle the fried foods during the summer.  The fried foods just sit in my stomach and make me feel really bloated.

This weekend, I really need to get this place whipped back into shape.  I am going to concentrate doing laundry and cleaning the apartment as well as doing homework.

Time to get breakfast and ready for work.  Dogs need fresh water, meds, and their breakfast.  Will post more later.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Been one of those Metformin days...

I had such plans for today, then the regular trips to the bathroom began.  What the evil Metformin does to my system completely wipes me out.  I figure I just need to ride it out the whole mess.  Maybe it will get through my system quick.

I started the day with my blood sugar at 308.  I am just hoping that I will get my blood sugar down some something reasonable.  Tonight, I will be getting something out to eat.  I think I will get a steak, but try to curb my passion to have a baked potato.

Time to do some homework and get ready for any late night work activities.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Almost the weekend...

This week has been crazy, at best.  I had to have a new washer and hot water heater installed in my apartment.  Now, mind you, this apartment is only 6 year old and I am the only one that has occupied this apartment since the complex opened.

I am behind in getting homework and quizzes done for my continuing education courses.  I love school.  However, work and school is a lot like oil and water for me.  I still have not been able to find that perfect balance.

I also feel so very sad.  I was thinking of my mom.  I don't feel comfortable telling my father the things I feel.  Heaven only knows how badly I miss just being able to talk to her or making her laugh.  During probably one of the worst parts of her dying, she was nowhere "herself."  I had just figured out what she was trying so hard to tell us.  She would just keep telling me in this garbled conversation.  However, whenever I said something, she would repeat it and laugh.  It was always that full of life laugh as if it were the funniest thing she ever heard.

The past year and half has not been easy.  I feel like I am never allowed to stop and grieve.  I cry in the shower or at night as I walk the dogs.  Seems to be those times of solitude when I think mom would hear how much I miss her.

Just needed to get that out of my system.

The good old numbers game...

Today, I measured my blood sugar and it was 347.  Last night, it was 310.  On top of that, I have to deal with the meds messing up my system to the point where it was better if I stayed home to work.  It really kills me.  Then, you have to deal with the weight numbers.  It is a constant yo-yo situation.

The numbers game is a two edged sword.  When the numbers are going in the "good" direction, one can feels o good about themselves.  The moment those numbers move in the opposite direction, talk about killjoy.  The idea of failure sets in and people feel they are less than what they should be. 

The toughest hurdle I have with this is trying to look at this in a realistic view:  Those numbers are constantly changing.  You can only control how much "off" those number go in certain ways.  You just have to do your best and try not to get caught up in the mess.  Take my current situation for example, I knew my blood sugar number was not good, but it was better than the 328 I had measured that morning.  So, I was feeling good about that.  This morning, seeing the 347 was just a punch to the stomach.  "What did I do wrong?"

First of all, my numbers are terribly off and that is MY fault.  I have neglected my health for a large amount of reasons.  I can blame who or what on those failures, but bottom line, it is my responsibility.  Accountability is on my shoulders, not others.  When I let others run my life, then I have lost control of me.  I hear a friend of mine always telling wait staff and such that we have Type II diabetes.  First, that information is not any part of their business.  Second, learn to read menus and determine what you can have to eat.  Third, do not promote others to share in your "fudging" incidents - such as "I had a bad day - let's go get a hamburger and fries."

For my part, I realize who my saboteurs are and they need to be kept at arm's length.  My friend mentioned above - I need to start giving into going and getting a hamburger with her.  If I meet her for dinner, then pick out something reasonable for me to eat.  I have to make the effort to make sure I check restaurants on line for their menus and pick out healthy foods.

Next, try not to get into a rut.  You know, one spends so much time being told "You can always have a salad."  Yes, I could.  Then, again, is that salad really healthy for me?  Probably not, depending on where I am.  Then, again, I could use some protein.  I just wished there were more options.

So, what did I do when I saw the 347 number this morning?  I simply said, "Okay - let's watch what we eat today and just stay the course."  I decided I needed to eat breakfast, so I fixed some cottage cheese with some sugar free mandarin oranges and some sausage.  Calorie and carb stand point, I did not do too badly.  I just need to continue to be on my toes and fix up some healthy snacks for me to have at work.

Let's do this!!!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Another year...45 already?

Today is my 45th birthday.  It seems like yesterday when I graduated from high school and was about to enter college.  Now, I look at my life and wonder what happened.  I know what happened - I just did not do all of the things I wanted to do.  That is my fault and now, I need to make a change. 

I spent many years working and taking the occasional vacation.  The one vacation I took without my parents was to go with some friends to Las Vegas in 2002.  Right now, I want to pay off some bills and get a new car.  I also want to clean up my apartment and organize it the way I want.  I just need to learn to tell certain people and such "No" when they want to derail my plans.

In the next couple of weeks, I need to go see the doctor.  First, I will do the mammogram and get that out of the way.  When I see the doctor, I will have to fast and go through the whole check up.  I know my diabetes is pretty high.  I haven't been doing myself much favors mainly because I am constantly under stress, so I let that be my reason for making bad choices.  That is wrong as well.  However, I really need to be able to fix the stress issue. 

What to do today?  Well, since it is my birthday, I am going to eat a few "bad" foods.  Only because I need to get rid of it and I do not have them that often.  After this entry, I am going to fix myself some pancakes and bacon.  I think I may get a Schlotzky's sandwich for lunch and hang out with the dogs.

I am off work today and tomorrow.  I will pull my lessons for my Java and Perl courses, then work on the assignments.  Now, while that sounds like "work", I actually enjoy it as I love programming.  I am trying to improve my skills.  So, this works for me.

On to fixing breakfast for the dogs and myself as well as do some laundry.  I will post more later! 

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Interesting Times Ahead...

I need to get over my nerves of going to see the doctor.  It has been well over a year since I went to see the doctor.  I know my blood sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides, and such have been off the charts for quite some time.  I know I am not doing myself much favors by not going to see the doctor.  For some reason, I have no motivation.  Not looking for a pity party here, either.  What has happened, I have allowed to happen.  What I need to figure out is how to just say "No." 

Tomorrow is Father's Day and quite honestly, I have no idea of what to get my own father for that day.  I do plan on taking him out to eat at Ruth Chris's Steak House.  I have never been there and thought that would be a really nice place to eat.  Also, I have tickets to the Rangers game.

On Wednesday, I will turn 45.  Hmmm...45.  I know it is just a number, but I have really been feeling the age creep up on me.  If I sit for prolong periods of time, my legs ache like there is no tomorrow.  Today, my fingers feel numb and tingly.  That is not a good sign.

I have found that Task Coach is really helping me stay on top of projects/requests at work.  I am so glad.  However, some things still fall through the cracks.  Mainly because I do not get the information until it is too late and that is out of my control.

Last night, I was talking with a friend.  She wants to do technical writing.  I took many courses in technical writing back in my college days.  Now, I would just like to do any kind of writing.  I worry about the status of my current job and there are days I wonder if I could make it as an author/writer.

Maybe, that is something to take courses in doing and look to it as my second career. 

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Reorganizing my life...

Seems like I tend to live in chaos every day.  The only real structure is getting up, tending to the dogs' needs, going to work, coming home to tend to the dogs' needs, cook/get dinner, then bed.  By the time I get home at night, I am so worn out that even now, I no longer want to work/play on the computer.  I have movies/games that I haven't even taken out of the shrink wrap.

The whole thing disgusts me to no end.  I know it is an unhealthy way to live because it is the constant stress.  Now, I love my dogs - more than anything in life.  They bring me such joy, but can also be a real hassle.  That is why I tend to compare them to children.  Most people will tell you how much joy their children bring to them, but there is always that "dark side" they never tell single people. 

My plan for this past week and half from work was to "clean."  Due to issues out of my own control, I spent a good deal of time "working", rather than "cleaning."  I need to sort out how to address those work issues and make sure that this never happens again.

I did make it a point to make sure to get as much laundry done as I possibly could.  Right now, I have loads and loads of laundry folded on my dining room table and in various small plastic baskets.  Today, I plan on putting away that laundry.  I also plan on cleaning up my two bathrooms, utility room, and kitchen.  I will leave the living room, "office area", and my bedroom for this coming weekend.

More importantly, I need to design a schedule that will get me into making sure the place stays clean.  I know I let a lot of stuff go when my mother became ill and needed someone to help take care of her and the house.  Also, I put myself into a deep depression when she passed away.  It is difficult to conceive how much one can miss just the daily phone call to talk.  I knew she would always be there for me and now, she is gone.  It was more than I could really take, I suppose.  It is not her fault that there are so many unanswered questions regarding her health and some of the strange and cruel things that occurred.  Still, there was so much pain.

At this point, I am working on shedding my financial burdens.  I was able to cut my current debt in half and actually see some light at the end of the tunnel.  I only charge if it is an emergency.  So, for that area, I am starting to feel better about myself.

Health wise - I am a total disaster.  I spent the past month suffering through bouts of allergy attacks and some sort of infection caused by the attacks.  It pisses me off to use everything on the market and get no relief.  However, now, I am suffering with some sort of knee problem.  I think we all know the right way to cure that problem - drop weight.  I suppose, I will try to start off with some low impact exercises and try to build up from there.  I know I will never be model thin, but I no longer care about that.  I want to lose weight and be healthy.  Also, be able to go to Six Flags for a day of pure fun.

Maybe I cannot do it all in one day, but I can try to do a little bit at a time.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Melissa's work is never done...

Oddly enough, that seems to be the story of my life.  I manage to get some things done, but a majority time, I have projects that are constantly "works in progress" and takes time to get back around to completing.  The most frustrating part of all of this is either becoming ill, dealing with the dogs, and work.  There is very little "me" time and the sick part of it - I actually want to get these things completed.

Right now, I am trying to reorganize myself and my time.  I see things that take more time than they should and I want to locate ways of streamlining those tasks.  One such task is doing my weekly status report.  On a daily basis, I get over 400+ emails.  It is a daunting task to go through all of that just to put together "everything I did this week and here are my projects."  I found a couple of applications that I am going to try out to help me out.

First, Task Coach.  I came upon that when I was running my Fedora Core 14 instance.  I found that there is a Windows version as well as a portable version that I can put on my portable drive.  I downloaded the Windows version and started playing around with it.  I think that might help a lot with the projects and such at work.  The nice part is I may be able to copy and paste a lot of that I put in Task Coach and place into the group's status report format.

For my summer continuing education courses, I have started setting up MS OneNote.  I have played around with OneNote, but really have not put any "effort" into using it.  I am also toying around with the idea of setting up a "Health Notebook" to keep up with my diabetes and track what I eat.

Right now, I am trying to work on my most major of projects - cleaning my apartment.  Talk about an overwhelming task.  I was doing pretty well with keeping the place clean on the weekends, but "life" got in the way.  Now, I am trying to do what I can to straighten up and make it less messy.  Wish me well - I know I won't get it completed as I spent most of my time being ill or having to check on work issues.  However, I am going to give it a damn good try.  Maybe, when my father comes to visit, he will notice a difference.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Talk about letting go...

Since my last post, I basically threw everything out the door.  Version releases are always bad times and large ones are even worse.  Needless to say, I never recovered from the BS.  To compound matters, I got a serious dose of allergies and tried to shake it off, but could never get any down time.  I need to figure out what to do about that.  I need to be able to get some rest.  That part is important.

For some reason, I have the weekend blues and that should not be the case.  I took a week and half off from work.  I hope to get some cleaning done this week.  I had plans on getting stuff done during the half week, but work seemed to have other ideas. 

Now, I am trying to get my mind back into eating properly.  I need to do this for me and I just do not see the motivation to do it.  That for me is such a downer.  It is a horrible feeling to feel that low.  There is so much I can see myself doing, but my energy levels are so low.  Maybe I just have left myself get overwhelmed too much.  I would hope that is the case.  I am trying to take a step back and re-evaluate.  Maybe this time off from work will help me figure it out.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Gone off the wagon...

It was bound to happen at some point.  Work became extremely busy and I totally got wrapped up in that.  Been eating really lousy and that is bound to show.

Just going to watch "The Ugly Truth" and try to regroup.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Not feeling too well...

Morning Blood Sugar:  239
Afternoon Blood Sugar:  171
Evening Blood Sugar:  332

Well, I suppose that is what I get for eating pizza.  The hand-tossed crust killed my blood sugar numbers. 

I spent a better part of my day either napping, as I did not feel well, or sitting in front of the work computer trying to get work done.  Tomorrow, I hope to wrap up my "work" stuff by 2 PM, so I can at least relax for the rest of the weekend.

I also made out the plan for getting my remaining credit card debit paid.  If I can stick to it, I should get it done within the year.  If I can get that gorilla off my back, I might feel better about taking a lower paying job.  Actually, it would help me determine the amount of money that is acceptable.  It is definitely something I want to get off my back and get that stress out of my life.

I wish and dream that I could win the lottery.  That way, I would be able to go back to school.  I would love to get my masters.  I just cannot see doing it due to all of the other interference.

Time to take the doggies to bed and get some rest.

Friday, February 11, 2011


Morning Blood Sugar:  244
Evening Blood Sugar:  196

All I had to eat all day was a Fuddrucker's bacon cheeseburger and some fries.  The day was just filled with too much stuff to do.  By the time I got home, I walked the dogs, hit an ice patch, slid and fell right on my butt.  It was embarrassing, but I got up and finished up the walk with the dogs.

When I got back home, I read the documentation that the vet gave to me on Bo and Chloe.  I stretched out on the sofa and crashed for about 3 hours.  I must have been really exhausted.  I ordered a pizza and some cinna stix.

I did not totally pig out.  Just wanted to get that out of my system.

I had to take Bo and Chloe to the vet today.  Both have really bad allergies and do nothing but scratch.  Bo had a staph infection.  Both had their anal glands expressed - I know, ewww.  They think Chloe's are infected as what came out did not look quite right.  The entire visit cost $353.  Wow...

Time to give Bo and Chloe their meds and hit the hay.  I have a busy weekend.  I need to look for a less stressful job.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Way too stressed out...

Morning Blood Sugar:  233
Afternoon Blood Sugar:  194
Evening Blood Sugar:  310

I lost it today.  That is pretty much how I describe it.  I was on 3 phone calls, I had so many people pinging me to give them either information, files, or help.  On top of that, I had two dogs hounding me for going out as well as showing how miserable they were with scratching and whining.  I just lost it.

I cried while begging for some help and that just kills me.  I have a lot of worries and concerns, but I also had lots of people hounding me to fix things I have really no control over.

Then, I went to dinner with someone, who spent the time describing how well her blood sugar was going.  Ugh - my fight is frustrating at best.  I cannot seem to get anything under control.  I also have to wonder if that "Time of the Month" has something to do with my stress and numbers.  Tonight, however, eating that brownie sundae did no favors, but she wanted dessert.  I allowed myself to fall into that trap.

I did, however, only eat half of my lemon caper chicken dinner with broccoli.  I was immensely proud of myself, but I think that was due to the fact that had nachos earlier and was getting sick to my stomach.

Tomorrow has to be a better day...then again, when you know what is coming down the pike, it seems rather bleak.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Quickie Entry...

Morning Blood Sugar:  208
Evening Blood Sugar:  240

Another stressful day and it is still not over.  I hope that it will calm down to allow me to get some sleep.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Highs and Lows...

Morning Blood Sugar:  324
Evening Blood Sugar:  211

My morning blood sugar just sucked.  However, it went down over 100 points.  I am quite happy with those results.  I will be happy when I can get my blood sugar under 200 every day.

I think PMS is approaching.  I noticed that I do not have much patience with the dogs.  I think that is due to being overwhelmed with a lot to do and people won't leave me alone to concentrate.  I hate it when I make mistakes, but it is even worse when I am constantly distracted. 

I guess I need to find time to just chill.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Stressful Monday...

Morning Blood Sugar:  237
Evening Blood Sugar:  253

I am still recovering from Sunday's FUBAR dinner.  It is going to be okay.  Today was really stressful because I am on-call this week and both dogs have been scratching like crazy.  I have yet to figure out the deal with Bo and Chloe.

I am a little disturbed with trying to talk with my father.  When I call, he never seems to want to talk and if he does talk, it is only for at most 10 minutes.  It always feels like when I call, he really does not want to bother.  I really miss my mom.  It never mattered when I called; my mom was always there to listen and help talk through things.  I would give anything to have her back in my life, but I know that will not happen.

I am going to refuse to fall into the pit of self-pitty (what a strange sentence).  I spent the past year mourning over my mom.  It has not been easy because *now* I realize how much I relied on her to be there.  Not for anything specific like getting money or something like that.  Just knowing that she was there and I could call and talk about anything.  I could expand on my frustrations with work and very personal things.

On a positive note, I found some low carb white breat.  Wonder Smart makes a white bread where two slices are 17g of carbs.  It tastes a lot like regular white bread.  That is a bonus.

Screwed up...

For 2/7/2011:

Morning Blood Sugar:  200
Evening Blood Sugar:  289

Well, nachos are a definite no-no.  I figured as much, but I needed to get that out of my system.  I did come up with what seems like a fabulous dinner idea.  I am going to grill some boneless chicken breasts, then use the left over Velveeta/Ro-Tel sauce, homemade avocado salsa (almost guacamole), sour cream, and black olives to cover it.  Add some spanish rice and black beans, that could be a really good dinner.  :-)  I am going to try that and see how well it turns out.  I will post the results.

Today is going to be a really busy day.  I just hope it is not too crazy.  Here is hoping for a better blood sugar day.  I need to make a sandwich and cut up some fruit for lunch today.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Break through...

Morning Blood Sugar:  193
Evening Blood Sugar:  190

Can you believe it?!  I cracked the upper 100s today and stayed there!  I feel great about that!  Of course, I know tomorrow, it will jump back up in the 200s for whatever stupid reason, but right now, I feel really great.  Tomorrow, I will continue to work hard on keeping my blood sugar down.

I need to end here - I have Chloe growling at me to go to bed.  The problem is that I need to fix my sandwich before I hit the hay.  If I eat a small sandwich, my blood sugar will not spike.  That is my goal!  :-)

Getting ahead...somewhat...

I spent most of the week iced in by the bad weather.  I worked from home and got a lot of stuff done, but my housework still took a backseat.  Today, I have managed to get a load of dishes done, two loads of laundry, vacuumed a dog hair covered apartment, and put out shrimp for dinner.  I hope to make butter garlic shrimp, left over roasted veggies, and rice.  That should help my blood sugar.

I did remember to take my vitamins this morning.  Also, my blood sugar was under 200!  Super bonus!  I just have to keep up making the right food choices.  For lunch today, it will be soup and salad.  I have some "work" work to do, but hopefully, nothing too stressful.  I also need to clear out some of the unnecessary clutter, such as old flyers, magazines, and other "trash".  I hope to sit down and do my budget before dinner, then give myself a manicure.

All my life, I have chewed on my fingernails.  I suppose that is one of the ways I deal with stress.  I know my other way is eating.  I wish I were not so heavy - I do love good food and within the past few years, I have tried to cook good food to eat.  With the diabetes, I am simply trying to cook good food that will inspire me to continue to eat well without giving up those great tastes.

I better get back to the house work.  I have a ton of laundry to fold, so that will keep me pretty busy.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Working for the weekend...

Morning Blood Sugar:  200
Evening Blood Sugar:  241

Well, started close to breaking the upper 100s.  I am trying not to discourage myself on these numbers primarily if my blood sugar was starting at 100 and ended at 140, that would be a good day.  Basically, I had a 40 point separation from this morning to tonight.  That is "normal".  The numbers are a better indicator of the fact that I am still trying to lower the existing blood sugar numbers from the beginning of January.  It took me 2 to 3 months to get to that point back in 2006-2007. 

On 12/05/2006, I took my first diabetes course to learn how to manage my disease.  It was there I learned more about measuring my carb intake.  Like I did then, I am focusing just on the carb value for intake and not the calories.  After awhile, it seems like counting so many different things gets depressing and I start feeling deprived.  That is not the goal here.

I have spent most of the week working from home due to the inclement weather conditions.  I have noticed that I am failing to eat a decent breakfast in the mornings and take my vitamin supplements.  I need to make sure I eat something for breakfast and take my vitamins.  I am taking fish oil, cinnamon, calcium, and potassium.  The fish oil and cinnamon are to help with lowering my blood sugar.  The calcium and potassium help with easing leg and foot muscle cramps and provide me with more energy.  Apparently, my last A1C test showed I was vitamin D deficient, so that explained why I was always dragging.

I know this weather has been causing my skin to dry out.  That is not good for my hands because the skin will start to crack open and bleed.  The dogs are scratching like crazy.  I have been making sure that both Bo and Chloe get their Benedryl, but they are still scratching.  I brushed out Bo and that did not seem to help.  I think both dogs have dry skin, so tomorrow, I am going to give them some fish oil.

Seems "Princess" Chloe wants to go to bed, so night all.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Beautiful snow...

Morning Blood Sugar:  197
Evening Blood Sugar:  244

It was a pretty stressful day.  Just now, I stepped outside and looked at the beautiful snow.  I had just taken the dogs out for a walk - on the ice.  When we came back, I took a shower to feel better.  Everyone on FaceBook had mentioned how it was snowing where they were, but it had not reached my area.  I figured as soon as I got out of the shower, the snow would be on its way.

I took a picture.  It was so peaceful and beautiful.  The snow will make it easier to walk the dogs tomorrow.

Positive point of the day - I broke the upper 100 barrier for a morning test.  I hope that this is a beginning of a good trend.

Next, I am going to start a back up of this Dell laptop.  Going to continue to work on getting my blood sugar down.  I know it will take some time and I see progress.  I must not get discouraged.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Frozen Wednesday...

Morning Blood Sugar:  224
Evening Blood Sugar:  248

I did not have lower blood sugar in the evening, but I can handle the 20 point difference.  I had some left over meatloaf for lunch and cheese and crackers for a snack.  For breakfast, I had fruit and 2 sausage patties.  Tomorrow, rather than having something with pasta, I am going to fix some sort of fish to eat.  That would help me with my blood sugar.  I think a nice sandwich and crisp veggies for lunch.

This weather has made walking the dogs a miserable chore.  Bo and Chloe pull and I am trying to keep from slicing or worse falling on the ice.  I know that the situation must be stressful on them as well as me.  I wish I had a house, so that it would be easier for all of us.  However, I will just have to make due with the current situation.

This weekend, I need to work on cleaning up the apartment.  When my mom got really sick and after she passed away, I have not been able to keep up with everything.  The place looks a mess and I know I need to take time off and just clean and clean.  More or less, toss a bunch of crap out of the place.  My problem is that it is so difficult to get time for myself to do everything.  This weekend, I need to force myself to at least do some straightening up and break down the chore into smaller, more manageable projects.

I hope to get my blood sugar down into the upper 100s by some time next week.  If I can see some progress, that would help.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The frustration ensues...

Morning Blood Sugar:  228
Evening Blood Sugar:  356

Hmmmm...looks like I cannot do meatloaf like mom used to cook.  Pasta always messes up my blood sugar.  *huge sigh*  I have to keep plugging along and get this right.  I guess what really bothers me is that I picked a whole wheat pasta and still, my blood sugar hits the roof.  It is really deflating, but I have to get past this.

I neglected to eat breakfast this morning.  I got distracted with work and just kept plugging along with everything until about noon.  At that point, I ate some left over chinese food, then had a sugar free pudding.  Around 4 PM, I had some pretzels and two pickles.  Weird I know, but it killed my need for food.

The ice/snow storm from overnight did not do me much for me.  The bitter cold made my fingers hurt so badly that I cried.  I ran warm water over them to get the circulation flowing.  To really tick me off, I had gloves on to protect my hands.  Geez...

Tomorrow will be a better day for me health wise.  I can make this happen.  At some point, I will be brave enough to post my weight.  I am just too embarrassed to do that.  I already face the facts that I am overweight - I see that in the mirror every day.

Here is to a better tomorrow!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Oh, good grief! What did I do?!

Morning Blood Sugar:  247
Evening Blood Sugar:  285

Good grief!  Now, that is going backwards!  All I really had today:

  • Cheeseburger, french fries, and diet coke
  • 2 sugar free oreo cookies
  • 1 100 calorie package of Chips Ahoy crisps
  • 12 oz of Fat Free Milk
  • 1 cup of steamed rice with 1/2 cup of Hunan Beef and Kung Pao Chicken
  • 1 egg roll
  • 2 Edamame pods
I figure that the cheeseburger and fries did me no favors along with the milk.  Something with lunch messed me up pretty badly.  I spent more time in the bathroom than doing work, which ticked me off.  I would prefer to get along with doing my regular schedule than getting that interruption in the day.  After that bout, I was pretty much wiped out.

Tomorrow should be a better day.  I ran by the grocery store before heading home to make sure I got some healthy foods to eat.  The weather is going to be really nasty and I may end up stuck at home.  I do not mind that too much as I can get more done.  Also, the bathroom walk is not quite so long.  LOL

Blood sugar levels will be better tomorrow.  I just have to keep at it.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A relaxing weekend...

It has been a few days since my last entry.  I had a dentist appointment in Fort Worth on Thursday.  The dentist is reworking a crown I had done about 3 years ago, so I needed to go in for that.  Right now, I have a temporary crown, so I have to return for the permanent crown on 3/1.

My blood sugar has been as high as 269 to 177 over the weekend.  It is a bit of a rollercoaster.  Mostly, in the mornings, my blood sugar will be higher than in the evening.  The important part for me to remember is that "now", I am in the lower 200s and reaching into the upper 100s.  This is definitely a good thing.  I also recognize when I do not plan on eating properly, like last night.  Last night, I joined several friends for dinner at Japanese Palace.  I knew that the rice would screw up my blood sugar, but it was a special night.  I had not gone out with these friends in months.  I need to help plan a "Girls Night Out" with a larger group.

I made it a point on Friday to go to a nail salon to get a manicure and pedicure.  I am going to try to work in getting at least a pedicure every 2 weeks.  I know that seems a bit much, but my toe nails grow quickly and my feet really need the attention.  As for the manicure, I think I could treat myself to one of those at least once a month.  In the meantime, I could give myself my own manicure each week.  I would give myself a pedicure, but when it comes to cutting my toe nails, I usually do a butcher job.  You should have seen my toe nails before going to the salon - it was shameful.  (I tipped the girl extra because I felt bad.)

I am noticing that some of my shirts are fitting a little more loosely.  That is definitely a good thing.  However, I cannot fall into the trap of thinking I am "DONE".  No way.  I still have a ways to go.

Another positive in my hat was that I began to realize when I was starting to get "full."  I still had some food left, so I slowed down and left it.  That is important sign for me to recognize.  That will help me with cutting back on what I eat.

Tomorrow, I am going to try to straighten up some stuff and continue to just relax.  The upcoming month is going to be a really busy one.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Not too bad Tuesday...

Morning Blood Sugar:  249
Evening Blood Sugar:  233

Another day where my blood sugar is lower in the evening.  I just need to get it below 200.  I hope to achieve that in the next month.  It just takes time and eating properly.  For dinner, I just had a can of soup.  I was going to eat some salmon, but just was not in the mood for it.

Tomorrow is my "Friday" at work.  I cannot wait!  I plan on just relaxing for a nice four day weekend.  I need to plan out some time to do some spring cleaning.  There is a lot of clutter in my apartment that I need to chuck.

Here is to another good day healthwise!

Manic Mondays...

Morning Blood Sugar:  281
Evening Blood Sugar:  243
Today's Morning Blood Sugar:  249

I managed another day of having a higher blood sugar in the morning and lower it by evening.  Funny how that happens.  I figured that I might have really blown it with the left over herb chicken and pasta from Sunday night's dinner.  Fortunately for me, that was not the case.  I think it is because I went out for dinner with a friend last night and had the King Salmon Spieldini (sp?), a salad, unsweetened tea, a little bread, and cappucino for dessert.

Overall, I did not do too badly.  This morning, my blood sugar was a bit elevated, but I should have eaten a small sandwich before going to bed.  Today, I did fix breakfast, so that is a decent start.  I took my fish oil and cinnamon to help with lowering my blood sugar.  For lunch, it will be a simple sandwich, Terra chips, fruit, a pickle, and something to snack on to hold me over in the afternoon.  Dinner will be broiled salmon, steamed veggies, and rice - about 1/2 cup.  If I am still hungry, I will get fix a small spring salad.  However, I am sort of doubting I will be hungry.

Time to work on some stuff for work - my work week is almost over!  :-)  I cannot wait for my small 4 day weekend!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

End of the weekend...

Morning Blood Sugar:  269
Evening Blood Sugar:  263

My blood sugar remained pretty stable today.  The numbers are not good, but MUCH better than they were at the beginning of the month.  I am still working hard to keep making good food choices.

I did not go to bed until late last night.  I was hoping to sleep in a bit, but that was not to happen.  Someone from work called, then I had to take the dogs out for the morning walk.  I managed to get a 2 hour nap in after 11 AM. 

Tonight, I had to deal with 2 loud chirping smoke alarms.  I am so fed up with the smoke alarms in this apartment.  They are placed on the ceiling and it is difficult for me to change them as I am short in stature.  What really honks me off is that Bo, my dog, freaks out.  It takes forever for him to calm down.

Time to put an end to the day.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Somewhat relaxing Saturday...

Morning Blood Sugar:  248
Evening Blood Sugar:  310

Well, I probably should have passed on the steak, baked potato, and salad.  I say it was the two pieces of sourdough bread that really threw my blood sugar over the top.  Tomorrow, I will eat better.  I am planning on making crispy herb chicken with a stewed tomato sauce over some Dreamfield's rotini pasta.

I went to the grocery store and tried to buy some more healthy foods for the week.  It is amazing how much more expensive it is to buy foods that are good for me to eat.  I bought several apples, a few oranges, pears, grapes, and some containers of melon and stawberries.  I also bought broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and the like.  I am really trying hard to eat more healthy foods.

Well, tomorrow is another day and I will do better.  Time to hit the hay, so I can work on the apartment.  Today has just blown past me completely.

Side note - I need to be more observant of my writing.  My last post seemed a bit off and I went back to re-edit it.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Long day, but was able to maintain...

Morning Blood Sugar:  285
Evening Blood Sugar:  286

I expected my blood sugar to be high this morning as I neglected to take my medications last night.  This morning, I made my attempt to take my medications, but I think I only got part of the meds taken because I was distracted.  Oddly enough, I was able to maintain my blood sugar.

Breakfast, I had a cup of cantaloupe, two sausage patties, and one slice of whole grain toast.

Lunch, Roast beef and turkey sandwich with provolone cheese on whole grain bread, 1 oz of Terra chips, 1 pickle, and a mix of yellow and red grape tomatoes.  I love the yellow tomatoes - they are sweet and delicious.

Dinner, Boston Market quarter chicken - breast and wing, green beans, and garlicky lemon spinach.  I have to admit, the new spinach side is really delicious.  I will definitely be ordering that again.

I know I had wanted to get a steak and baked potato tonight.  I decided against that, then thought of getting fried chicken.  I passed on that because I wanted to try to keep my carb intake low.  I feel pretty good about that.

Tomorrow will be a better day - it is the weekend and I am going to enjoy it as much as possible.

I picked the wrong day to stop drinking...

Anyone who watched "Airplane" and/or "Airplane 2" should remember all of those "I picked the wrong day to ..." that Lloyd Bridges said.  Today, I feel like that.  I picked the wrong day to start eating better.  Too much craziness going on outside my personal life for me to even keep up properly.  I have to wonder "When can I get my life back?"

There has to be an easier way for me to keep up with "Have I taken my medication or did I forget because someone was constantly pinging me for something?"

It is all a challenge.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Frustrating day...

This morning's blood sugar test was 271 at 8:15.  Just now, my current blood sugar tested at 233.  I am happy that the number is lower. 

Breakfast:  1 bowl of Multigrain Cheerios and 1/2 cup of fat free milk

Lunch:  Chicken Enchilada Verde and 1 crispy beef Taco.  1/4 cup of rice (I made myself not eat a whole lot of that), and 1 cup of charro beans.  The difficult part of having lunch out was keeping my hands out of the tortilla chips, salsa, and co-worker's queso.  I need to work on that.  I did, however, resist the urge to get even a small cup of Pacugio gelato.  I got the Cappucino (okay - I cannot spell it).  I did not drink all of that because it did not taste very good.  I think that was a small favor.

Dinner:  I roasted a pork loin with olive oil, salt, pepper, and some chicken seasoning.  I was going to use rosemary, but I realized too late that I threw out the previous bottle during a pantry purge.  I have to put that back on my grocery list.  The veggies were peas and broccoli in cheese sauce.  To add a bit of spice, I mixed some Crystal Light Lemonade mix with my Sprite Zero.  That gave the drink a bit of sparkle.

I put the pork loin medallions and peas into two containers for lunch. 

This spring, I have this grandiose idea of getting a planting box and filling it with the seeds to grow my own herbs.  I want to try to grow rosemary, thyme, basil, and others.  I think that would add some freshness to my meals.

I do not want to think of this is a diet, but a healthier and more delicious way of eating.  I figure if the food is delicious, filling, low in carbs, that will make it easier for me to continue to eat well.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Making big changes...

In November 2006, I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  I worked really hard to bring down my blood sugar and a nice bonus was that I lost about 50 lbs after about 4 months.  At that point, I endured a great deal of stress and life began to unravel. I gained back the weight and then some more.  Also, my blood sugar began to rise to levels that were worrisome.

First of all, I blame myself for letting those things get the better of me.  There is no one to blame.  There are no fingers to point.  It was me and me alone.  I made bad choices for all of the wrong reasons.

This New Year's Eve, I decided that I needed to turn my life around for the better.  Life is just too short.  I miss the presence of someone close to me, but I know that person is watching over me.  What would mean the most to that person is for me to take better care of myself.

So, here I go - going to journal my life changes and the results.  Some days, the results will be fantastic, but other days, the results will suck.  I am going to journal the good, the bad, and the ugly - mainly so that I can look back at what I have accomplished on this journey.

My blog may be boring or useless to some and that is okay.  I am doing this for me.

This is my new day...

-- M