Thursday, July 14, 2011

Almost the weekend...

This week has been crazy, at best.  I had to have a new washer and hot water heater installed in my apartment.  Now, mind you, this apartment is only 6 year old and I am the only one that has occupied this apartment since the complex opened.

I am behind in getting homework and quizzes done for my continuing education courses.  I love school.  However, work and school is a lot like oil and water for me.  I still have not been able to find that perfect balance.

I also feel so very sad.  I was thinking of my mom.  I don't feel comfortable telling my father the things I feel.  Heaven only knows how badly I miss just being able to talk to her or making her laugh.  During probably one of the worst parts of her dying, she was nowhere "herself."  I had just figured out what she was trying so hard to tell us.  She would just keep telling me in this garbled conversation.  However, whenever I said something, she would repeat it and laugh.  It was always that full of life laugh as if it were the funniest thing she ever heard.

The past year and half has not been easy.  I feel like I am never allowed to stop and grieve.  I cry in the shower or at night as I walk the dogs.  Seems to be those times of solitude when I think mom would hear how much I miss her.

Just needed to get that out of my system.

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