Sunday, December 29, 2013

Update for Reflecting on Life...

The previous post, I had actually written on 12/26/2013.  I was writing it on my iPad and had some difficulty with getting the rest of the thoughts on the page due to the screen bouncing around a bit.  Here, I am going to provide a short update:


I visited Diabetes America for my 2 month check up.  I knew that the nurses were going to measure my A1C, however, I was shocked to find out that my A1C there was 7.3.  That made the nurses and doctors happy with my progress.  Downside, I had picked up 8 lbs.  Also, one technician took pictures of my eyes and caused me worry regarding my left eye.  Last year, the eye exam was fine, but this year, the technician indicated a problem, but stated that it may just be a reflection.  Nice - I am starting to worry about my eye sight, now.

Educator wants me to start pulling back on my meds.  Seems like the Lantus at night is causing the low blood sugar levels and she was concerned about those.  Now, I will have to learn how to tri-ate the numbers to get the correct dosage.  Next, my regular doctor was not in the office, so the sub came in and told me that he wanted me to start doing a meal substitution diet after the holidays.  Basically, I would drink Glucerna shakes for breakfast and lunch, then have my normal snacks and dinner meals.  This would go on for 2 weeks, then return to regular meals for another 2 weeks, then go back to the meal substitution for another 2 weeks.  The doctor believed that I should be able to lose 5-8 lbs per month.    Also, I had to help all of this out by getting out there and exercising.

I really was not upset over that.  My general physician had recently suggested weight loss surgery.  Now, my diabetes doctor wants me to change my diet and such.  For some reason, I think God is trying to talk to me about this situation, so I figure go with it.


Most of my time has been spent getting this and that done or getting ready for going to a hockey game.  I am grateful for having made the decision to attend hockey games.  I honestly get a real thrill about going to the AAC and being around the other fans.  It fills me up with a lot of excitement and whether the team wins or loses, I am thankful for the opportunity to watch them.  I honestly love going and cheering the team.

Rather than make resolutions for the New Year, I am simply going to "do."  That is what really matters - just do it.  I am still working on my theme for the upcoming year and I think I have it down to a great idea that is full of promise and positivity.  I will write more about that on 1/1/2014.

Reflecting on Life...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!  I had a good Christmas.  I decided to just kick back and reflect on life in general this Christmas.  I made some efforts to give a bit more to those who need it.  However, rather than get wrapped up in all of the material things, I wanted to concentrate my mind on those non-material things that only *I* can provide to myself.

One of the things that really hit me was that I am always negative when it comes to myself.  I do not love myself as I really should.  I thought about that.  I guess I allowed those nutty people who were rude to me in the past to affect me.  Sure, there are some things about myself I would love to change, but those things are exactly was makes me "me."

I have never been happy with my body.  Well, I weigh over 300 lbs and it is not something I am proud to say out loud.  However, *I* can change that.  That is something within my control and I MUST make that effort NO MATTER WHAT!  No one else can do it for me.  Weight loss surgery is not something I consider lightly and short cuts will only give you issues in the long run.  Losing the weight slowly is the best way and I must learn a LOT of patience with losing weight.

Today, I measured my A1C.  I purchased some additional blood testing strips as I needed them and I finally broke down and bought the A1C Now Self Check.  As of today, my A1C is 8.5.  That is not great, but the positive part is that a year ago, my A1C was 13.2, which is horrible!  So, I have improved considerably with medication.  However, I know I can do better by losing the weight.  There is my motivation.  I want to see my A1C get to 6.5 and that is my long term goal.

Love.  While I really did not get much for Christmas, I realized that there was not anything I really had to have or wanted.  So, I was not disappointed with not getting any material things for Christmas.  I was able to spend time with my father and that was important.  However, I do wish that there was someone who was special for me to spend time. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Making Thoughts and Dreams a Reality...

I guess someone is trying to tell me something...

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

truth has a life of its own.

There will come a time when your yearnings become so strong and powerful that you will have no choice but to let them become reality.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Being a Horrible Friend...

The end of the year holiday time from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, I have a horrible habit of disengaging.  Maybe it is because the whole commercialism of Christmas or overwhelming myself of doing all of these wonderful things that I think people would love.  Every time, in the end, I have worn myself out before I even get started. 

This year was no different.  I had thoughts that the situation would be different, but with the up and downs of being sick during the Thanksgiving holidays, then the ice storm, that all took the wind away from me.  The next dragging down was the yearly holiday party at work. 

Over all, I believe that our "social group" did a pretty damn great job under crazy circumstances.  However, it was not at all what we really wanted to provide to the team.  The honest truth - people can tell changes and rather than spend time with team mates, they would rather be elsewhere.  It is what it is.  Times change and so do the people, so you just have to ride it out and hope for the best for the upcoming year.

As for Christmas shopping, I only got gift cards this year.  Last year, I spent too much money and paid for that mistake.  This year, I curtailed that quite a bit.  I had to make some very honest statements about what was going on and where I stood.  In the end, I felt that this year should be much more appropriate.

I did manage to make it to Terry and Annie's Winter Solstice party.  For years, I had been invited and never seemed to make it.  One year, I was about to walk out the door with homemade fudge to go to the party when my company phone started ringing.  I did not get off that call until after midnight.  I was not happy.  This year, I was determined!  I had a lot of fun and met so many very interesting and fun people.  Annie has a beautiful singing voice and I have loved listening to her songs for many years.  She was gracious enough to break out the guitar and flute to play and sing for everyone.  It was fabulous.

Yesterday, I was reminded that I was not being a very good friend and I felt horrible about that.  I feel horrible because I know I should make a better effort, but I also know this time of the year is so damned crazy.  My honest thoughts were to get in touch with this friend after the holidays.  Let the holiday craziness die away and get in some juicy friend time.  I know my friend reads this blog, so my promise to her is to always keep in touch - one way or another.  I feel particularly guilty of being the horrible party as I blogged that I felt the same as someone else - you always have to work at your friendships and I was not doing my part.  Bad me!  I will make it up - have no fear.

Right now, I seem to be suffering from having so many ideas and thoughts flowing through my mind.  That has to be something telling me that I need to sit down and write all of it, but I cannot sit still enough to do it.  That frustrates me.  I know that these are great ideas and they need to be fleshed out.  Today is my last "work" day for the year, so *maybe* I can actually sit down and do some writing.  I feel I need to give this a try and just see where it takes me.  Otherwise, I will never know for sure.

I am sure I will have more to post about in the upcoming days leading up to New Year's.  For right now, I wish everyone a wonderful and peaceful Merry Christmas!  I hope that everyone gets what they hoped to have.  If not, enjoy what you did get and work towards getting what you want.  I have found that over time I am very grateful for the things given to me, but even more grateful for those that I worked to get.

Have a Blessed Christmas!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Hoping I Did Some Good...

Today, I am writing about generosity.  I would like to think I am a very generous person, but I also know I can be a scrooge.

Last Saturday, I was really looking forward to going to the Dallas Stars game.  I always look forward to going to games, but this was taking place in the early afternoon.  Perfect - go to a game, then get dinner.  Well, that plan took a backseat when the icy weather appeared.  No matter how badly I wanted to go, I knew better than get in my car and try to drive the nasty roads to American Airlines Center.

I stayed home and cheered the team onto victory that Saturday afternoon.  I was safe, warm, and had two warm doggies to keep me company.

On Tuesday, I noticed an email from the Dallas Stars.  Since I had purchased a ticket to the game and due to the very nasty weather, the Dallas Stars offered me up to 4 free complimentary tickets to another game.  Of course, it had to be a game that they had listed, but that was fine.

I have been so very pleased with the customer service I received from this team.  For the unused tickets, I was able to combined them and have my father and a few friends sit with me for a couple of games.  Now, this.

My first thought was to use the tickets as part of a gift exchange with my father's girlfriend's family.  The problem is that none of them really go for hockey and my father's girlfriend had knee surgery and there is no way he could go since she cannot move about much.

A friend on Facebook had asked me for any extra tickets so that she could take her son.  He wanted to go to a Stars game, but she is not able to afford the tickets.  The more I thought about using the tickets at the company gift exchange, it occurred to me that her son would appreciate the tickets more.  I wish the tickets were placed in a better section and such.  However, I remembered my first game.  I purchased tickets in the high upper sections and I loved it just as much as I do now.

Tonight, I gave that friend an early Christmas present.  I hope that her son enjoys the game and has a lot of fun.  I feel better about the choice.  Sometimes, I do try to do the right thing.  Maybe I did right; maybe not.  It just made sense.

Thursday, December 12, 2013


I remembered Mrs. Harris as the assistant principal during my years at Crowley High School.  She was always very nice.  It made me sad when I learned that her young daughter was sick, then passed away.   I knew that had to be difficult on her.

I only visited her office one time, but that was to pass a note to her from someone else needing help.  She was very nice to me, but that was really the only time I had personally had any communication with her.

In 2011, Aldo Billingslea invited me to a get together party.  Teachers, Ms. Tyler and Crowley, had brought Mrs. Harris with them.  I talked to her briefly, but she told me she did not remember me.  I smiled and said "I was never in trouble, so I was hardly in the office."  She laughed, but I could tell that something was not quite right.

Yesterday, I heard of her passing.  I was sad to hear of this.  I realize as we grow older, others we know leave us for that next plane. I would imagine she is happily reunited with her daughter, but she will continue be a presence here by those she touched.

Is It About Revenge or Justice?

This news is local in the nature as it happened in Burleson, TX, close to Crowley, TX, where I spent a good part of my youth growing up.  For me, what happened and the court sentence handed down was beyond belief.

Reader's digest version:

Sixteen year old boy and his friends from Keller, TX come to Burleson, TX, steal beer from the Walmart and go somewhere and drink.  In the meantime, a young woman's car breaks down in front of a home.  The wife and daughter at home came out to help the young girl.  Also, a youth minister stops his car behind the broken down car to give the women a hand.  Kids decide they need more beer, so they start back to get more beer.  The sixteen year old driver, going 70 mph, slams into both cars, killing all four at the site.  Two kids in the bed of the truck were thrown from the truck and both are critically injured - one paralyzed to the point he can only communicate by blinking his eyes. 

The boy's parents are wealthy and rather than have him suffer the consequences of his actions, they continually pay off people to keep him out of jail or what have you.  The parents hired a psychologist who defends the fact that the kid has no sense of right or wrong because he suffers from "Affluenza" - where his parents have ignored teaching him the basic rights of right and wrong and providing him with whatever he wants.

Rather than sentencing the boy to prison, the judge sentenced the boy to 10 years of probation and his parents have to pay for his treatment.  His parents have paid $500,000 to send him to a rehab in California.

I read an FB chain from a friend who was outraged at this sentence.  I read several opinions and one person's opinion got the better of me.  I had said that at this point, the families should sue the parents in civil court to get monetary support for those lost or hurt.  One person stated that we were out for revenge.  That just rubbed me the wrong way.

I responded that my view was not one of revenge.  The boy needs to understand that every action has a reaction.  What you do affects others.  Sure, people may pray for him, but all his life, mommy and daddy have pulled him out of one situation or another.  If they are going to save him, then rather than paying just the courts, the parents need to "apologize" to those families that are suffering.  Send some of that money that they lavishly have spent on this child to people who now need it more than him.

Grace and mercy and forgiveness is not something I can give to this boy or his parents.  Those people that this family has touched and hurt are the ones to give that to the family.  In my opinion, this is not just throwing a rock at a moving car - this was a boy taking the lives of people.  That is pretty harsh.  To compound matters, I do not think this kid even understands remorse.

In hindsight, the judge did the right thing.  I know that sounds crazy, but this kid will be under the court's thumb for the next 10 years.  If he does one thing to break his probation, then he will have to do hard time.  Furthermore, because he is 16, he probably would have only served 2 years of his sentence, then been able to walk away and his record wiped clean.  I do not think I would have allowed that with a clear conscience.

To be perfectly honest, this kid is probably already a psychopath.  Someone that we should all keep an eye on for the future.  It just bothers me to no end that someone could do this and have no remorse for their actions.  It is completely beyond me.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Diabetics Unite!

Not too long ago, I joined "".  Some days, managing this disease is beyond frustrating.  Dealing with the numbers is so daunting.  Eating right is not the only key to keeping one's blood sugar in check.  Also, eating right is not just avoiding sweets.  I figured I needed a support system.  My friend, who was diagnosed as having type II a couple of years after me, is not really the right support system I need.  I need a support system that gets my frustration.  I do not want to hear from someone who refuses to properly educate themselves about their disease.  (It probably would not bother me so much if she was not such a "know-it-all" and tells me that she can learn about it on her own.)

Anyway, in one of the newsletters, I came across this YouTube entry.  The girl in the video actually made me feel sane.  I had experienced several of her scenarios and began to realize I was not a failure.  What I am experiencing is normal.  The numbers fluctuate all of the time.  When numbers are high all of the time, that is so stinking frustrating, even when you are doing all of the right things.  The video rang so many bells with me.

You have no idea how much this made me feel better about my situation.  My father has type 2 and his blood sugar is low enough that he no longer has to take meds.  Sure, I would love to have that happen for me, but it is more frustrating when he eats whatever he wants and it has no effect.  Argh!

Lex is a very talented make-up artist.  I wish I had her creativity, but check out her videos regarding diabetes.  Each video is very cleverly done and informative.  I can see Lex doing more in the future.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Friendship Relationships...

Last night, I read Big Tea's blog on the work of friendship.  It was interesting how much I understood exactly what he was describing.  My questions are - at what point do you really let go and is it something I am not doing?

For instance, there is one high school friend, (Not you, randomcathy) where we tend to meet for lunch or Starbucks maybe about once a year.  I usually initiate it by sending an email to say "Hello".  During the lunch, there is all of this "We really need to get together more" or "I am having a party this summer and I will invite you."  In the end, invitations are never sent and that person is not heard from unless something is needed from me.

Honestly, this person has not changed much from high school and is probably the reason why I get really frustrated.  This past time, I rejected meeting for lunch or Starbucks during the week.  Mainly because I recently moved work locations and it would be impossible for me to do that.  I am told by this person that more thought would be put into getting together.  That was late September and it is now early December. 

I no longer allow that behavior to upset me.  It was something I tried to explain to my mother while she was undergoing chemo/radiation therapy.  My mom liked this person a lot.  However, I had to remind her that this person only contacted me when needing something.  I was being put in the same position again.  Once we discussed it, she understood how much it hurt my feelings.  I would prefer to just do what is asked, if I can do that, then leave well enough alone. 

I have a similar situation with a cousin living in the same area as myself.  All my life, my relatives have never lived close to me.  When my uncle move to the Dallas/Fort Worth area, again, it was a rarity that families got together.  Currently, his son and family live in the DFW area.  I have reached out a few times to get together more often, but nothing ever happens.  With family, how hard does it have to be to see one another? 

The friendships I have, I hold very dear.  A friend of mine recently had surgery and will have to undergo chemo therapy.  I took her husband and her a lasgna and some bread that I made.  I thought back to how much I would have appreciated that sort of help when mom was sick.  I know my friend is up and walking around, but with all of that hanging over you, it is always nice not to have to worry about something else.

For Thanksgiving, I did spend it alone (well, not alone - I had Bo and Chloe).  I did not mind.  I enjoyed not having the stress of going from one place to another.  I appreciated everyone inviting me to share their Thanksgivings, but I really needed the down time to unwind.

I understand from where Big Tea is coming.  I think he hit the nail on the head.  There has to be lots of give and take in a friendship.  My problem is learning how to really let go and accept the situation as it is.  I think once I figure that out, life might be much easier.