Procastination Saturday...

I spent most of Saturday sleeping.  My dogs woke me up around 6:45 AM.  I walked the dogs, then headed back to bed to sleep.  I officially woke up at 11:45 AM.  I ran some errands, ate lunch, then headed back to bed to sleep until after 7:15 PM.  I guess I am pretty tired.

I hate it when I have stuff I want to do, but find myself going back to bed just to get more sleep.  I suppose it has to do with knowing I had to work tonight and I dreaded it because I am not on-call.  I guess it is just one of those things.

Since it is 2:02 AM, I had better toddle off to take my medications, then get some sleep.  I need to be up early in the morning.  At least, this is something I want to do and not something that work has planned for me to do.  :-)

Feelin' good...

Well, almost - I am still somewhat tired, but I am feeling good about myself.  I tried a new recipe from Diabetic Living - Chicken, Sausage, Shrimp Jambalaya.  Furthermore, it was cooked in a crock pot.  The hardest part for me was doing all of the prep work under pressure this morning.  I should have chopped up everything last night, so it would have been a "dump and run."  Live and learn.

I did realize that the recipe made more than I could want.  I had to find space in the freezer for some of the left overs. At least, I have something to "go to" when I just do not want to cook.  LOL

Last week, I spent most of it eating out and I realized I was not doing myself many favors.  At home, I can control the ingredients that are part of a particular meal.  When I go out to eat, I am far more prone to eat things I should not eat.


Tomorrow, left over for lunch and maybe again for dinner.  :-)  Need to take some time to figure out why my XBOX 360 hand controller won't work.  Another piece of frustration.  LOL

Confrontations are never fun...

I guess feeling "walked on" got to me a little bit too much.  The whole situation kept eating at me all weekend.  Today, when I was asked a question, I popped back "Is that so you can take credit for the answer?"

I had to confront the person regarding Friday's incident and was met with "I did not say that." and "Do you know I credit you all the time via messages and email?"  Well, yes, you did say that and no, I don't know what you say or take credit for behind my back.  What is said behind my back I will leave well enough alone.  It is what is said in front of me that I take offense.  I have always stopped and helped whether I should have or not.  It bothers me to no end to have this conversation, but on more than one occasion I do feel taken for granted.  When asked to forgo my weekends to do someone else's on-call work so that they go do something spur of the moment and I say no because I have plans, I get 20 questions regarding what is it that I could possibly be doing that is more important.  I said "No - I have plans."  Leave it at that, but it does not happen.  I am made to feel guilty that I have plans.

I hate the drama.  I hate feeling like I should have nothing else better to do than work 24x7 and not expected any sort of compensation for doing it. 

Why do I feel like the bad guy in this mess?  I was honest and needed for this person to understand that what has been happening is not fair to me.  To make matters worse, he labels me as "psycho."  This is what makes me hate my job so much at times.

It is time for me to go to bed and before I sleep, have that talk with God for guidance on what I need to do next.  It is days like this I so wish my mother was still alive and I could talk to her.  She always listened and knew how to calm me down.  I miss her so.

Taking advantage...and not in a good way...

Ever had someone dump work on you, then take credit for what you did?  I am starting to experience that and quite honestly, I do not like it.  To add insult to injury, it is done in such a very blatant manner that it is more rude than you would believe.  Time has come to start cutting off help given to people.  I have always made myself available to help, but this is just too much.

I realize that dealing with diabetes, my emotions and moods are constantly changing.  Sometimes, I get really paranoid, but I try to calm myself down and realize that there is no real logic to the fears.  However, when things like the above happen right in my face, you have to think "Perhaps I am wrong in thinking that all is okay."

I try to breathe in and out and let go, but it keeps eating at me.  It is not "all good."  For me, it is worrisome.  Furthermore, it is not the first incident.  Last week, I was on a conference call and the same person comes to my desk and tells the manager, "She is not doing anything."  I was on-call and I have to be present to this call when I am on-call.  Not only does the manager know this call occurs every week - it is on his calendar!  Still, this person makes it out like I do nothing and he does all of the work.  It is becoming a huge problem.

Crap food...

Yes - I have endured "crap food" today.  I have a friend, who also has diabetes, but has to have her burger every week.  Today, due to job stress, she decided to have a bloody mary AND a chocolate milk shake.  I did not say anything because I am not the one making those choices for her.  I make bad choices, then that is MY fault.

I thought I might play it safe and try Jake's Atkin's fare.  Ehhhh...not so good.  I still feel hungry.  I tried some sweet potato fries and that did nothing for me.  I should have stuck with the grilled chicken salad as I had planned.  Better choice for next time...I hope.

I did manage to run by the grocery store on my way home to get some decent food.  Tomorrow will be a conference call heavy day - no time to leave and enjoy lunch.  I figured to go ahead and pick up some stuff in order to make tuna salad, fresh veggies, and fruit.  I have to continue to eat healthy as I really need the good side-effects.

In regards to hamburgers, quite honestly, I want a thick, juicy burger and use the sandwich rounds for the bun.  Most of the carbs for hamburgers come from the bun, so reduce that by using the sandwich rounds, that works best for me.  I really do not want another hamburger unless it is a nice thick homemade burger.  Nothing else or I am just cheating myself.  (Basically, if I am going to blow it, then damn it, I want the burger to be damn good.  :-) )

My blood sugar is elevated this week, but I know why.  A little TMI for here, but the fact I know that it has an effect on my blood sugar is something for me to trend.

(Sometimes, I suffer from ADD, so I apologize for the abrupt endings. )

Positive strokes...

About two weeks ago, I noticed something very odd with my left foot.  It appears to be some sort of fungus, so I tried Lotromin, but it really did not do much for me.  So, rather than chance ignoring it, I went to the doctor.

My doctor agreed, but since Lotromin was not working, she prescribed another cream to put on my foot and it should clear up within a week.  Next, she wanted to know how everything was going with the insulin.  I had brought my daily planner and showed her where I was trying to make good choices.  She noticed my blood pressure was down as well as I had lost 9 pounds.  She was excited.  I stated that I know that the numbers have decreased, but was having trouble with sharp spikes after eating breakfast.  She seemed concerned and stated that I probably will need regular insulin to take before eating.  However, we would see where I was after another month and half.  At that time, it would be my 3 month check up.

I actually left the doctor's office feeling that I have really made some progress.  Most people have noticed the right choices being made, but I do not always make them.  I even said that to the doctor.  She was fine with that because overall, I was doing what I need to be doing.  Otherwise, I would not be making any progress.

Today has been a good day and I feel much better about what is happening.  I will continue to work hard at this.

Lowering numbers...

I hope that I am not jinxing myself on this post.  Once I buckled down and really got serious about writing down what I put in my mouth and doing the frequent testing, it has really helped me to lower my blood sugar numbers.  I know I have to keep this up and continue to eat as healthy and properly as I can.

Tuesday, my blood sugar numbers were really out of control.  By Thursday, I was starting to see the numbers lower through out the day.  One thing I have noticed is that when I eat breakfast, my blood sugar really spikes.  It seems to be a trend.  I would go from 203 to 288 within 2 hours.  Afterwards, even with lunch and dinner, my blood sugar would not spike as much.  In fact, the numbers would actually lower.

I figured I might have blown the work on Thursday and Friday.  Thursday, I went to Cotton Patch for lunch.  I had the grilled chicken salad.  On Friday, it was a late lunch at Bone Daddy's.  I had the Lucky #7 salad. The salad was pretty good, but I would have rather had a hard-boiled egg instead of the fried onions.  (I moved them off to a corner of my plate and let a co-worker eat them.) 

I noticed that even though lunch was not something that I fixed, the numbers continued to lower through out the day.  I must continue to focus on the goal - getting my morning blood sugar down to below 150.  Today, my morning blood sugar was 197 at 7:45 AM.  At 10:30 AM, my blood sugar had lowered to 180.  Now, I am trying to decide if I should have salad and soup or hot dogs for lunch today.  I will probably do the first choice, then get some wood grilled salmon from Red Lobster for dinner.

Another thing I have noticed when my blood sugar is below 200 is that I have a bit more energy.  Not to get too TMI here, right before that certain time, I am physically exhausted.  The type of exhausted where it is all you can do to get up in the morning.  Once all of that passes, I am still pretty worn out, but nothing like that.

The next couple of things I need to add to this change is to start exercising and taking cinnamon and fish oil pills.  Both will help with lowering blood sugar even more.  I am up for doing anything that will help lower my blood sugar as is not something crazy.

I hope that with all of these changes, one side bonus would be that I lose weight.  I would really like to get back into those old jeans that I have put into storage.  My current jeans are starting to show a bit of wear and tear.  LOL

Finding the holes in my eating pattern...

Yesterday, I had a really tough time getting my blood sugar down to anything even remotely sensible.  This morning, my blood sugar started off at 319.  Not great, but definitely better than 400+.

I fixed breakfast and noted that rather than eating Wonder Whole Wheat bread, I had the Wonder Smart White bread.  The carbs in this bread should not spike my blood sugar too much.  I also had Egg Beaters, two turkey sausage patties, and 8 oz. of skim milk.  My blood sugar two hours later was 318.  I can live with that - I did not spike too terribly high and it confirmed that the bread yesterday very possibly spiked my blood sugar.  Good information to have!

For lunch, I went to Paradise Bakery and got their small Asian Chicken Salad, a cup of vegetable soup, and a cup of fruit.  Sounds healthy, right?  Well, two hours later, I tested my blood sugar.  It was 396 - holy crap!!!  Man, I really love this meal and it always makes me feel full, so that I do not eat as much.  Blasted - need to rethink this from the results.

One hour after that test, I got a very interesting result.  My blood sugar had fallen down to 309.  I don't mind that too much - it is quite a drop.  Two more hours after the last test, my blood sugar had gone down to 266.  When I got home and finished walking the dogs, my blood sugar was 230.

I decided to have Boston Market chicken, garlicky spinach, and green beans for dinner.  Before I started eating, I tested my blood sugar and it was 206.  Two hours after eating dinner, my blood sugar had increased to 219 - still not a bad change.

The whole exercise provides so much really good information:

How does food affect my blood sugar?
Which foods really spike my blood sugar?
How long does it take for my blood sugar to lower after a huge spike?
What other physical changes affect my blood sugar?

I keep a daily planner/scheduler to log what foods I eat, how much, and my blood sugar and pressure numbers.  Over the weekend, my plan is to put this information into a spreadsheet and get an idea of the "big picture".

I will continue doing the blood testing through out the day for the rest of the week.  This will help me determine what I should eat or how to plan for an incident where I cannot eat properly.  Believe me, I do not like sticking my finger every 2 hours through out the day, but the numbers are very telling and I find it really helpful.  I think it might be a good idea to do that one week a month and pull those numbers together.  It is a correcting behavior.  Hoping tomorrow, my blood sugar is below 170!

Frustration sets in...

I cannot figure it out.  Today, no matter what I did, my blood sugar kept rising and rising.  I ended the evening with 437 and that is not good. 

My day started with blood sugar level at 248.  Two hours after I ate breakfast, my blood sugar climbed to 317.  Two hours later, it was 306.  Before leaving for dinner, it was 378 and ended with 437.  Arrrrggggghhhh!  Talk about blowing it up.

*sigh*  Okay - today sucked.  Get up, dust off the mess on your knees and evaluate what is wrong.  I did not have my normal bread and think that maybe that is part of the problem.  Also, I tried some cream cheese instead of butter on my toast.  Lunch was chicken stir fry and a salad.  Let's cut out one of those - either have the chicken stir fry or the salad, but not both.  Dinner was at Blue Fish Grill.  I got fried fish and I should have gone with grilled.  Then, again grilled oysters does not peak my interest.  Usually, there is a really good grilled dish on the special wall, but not tonight.  Poor choice on my part, still.

So, tonight, I will take my meds, lie down, and just meditate on what I was doing wrong today and try again tomorrow.  God willing, the numbers will be lower and a new start.

Happy Easter!

For lunch, I met my friend, Cathy, and her husband.  At first, we were going to eat at Chow, but oddly enough, it was closed for Easter.  (Joke in there regarding A Christmas Story)  John suggested Genghis Grill.  I had never been there and have always wanted to try, so I was game for it.

I was quite amazed.  The customer builds their own bowl based on what protein, spices, veggies, sauces, and starches.  I liked that.  John suggested a couple of sauces to try, which were spicy, but very tasty.  In the end, I got a bowl that was really delicious.  My problem, I should have put more veggies in the bowl.  :-)  Next time, I will try what another friend has suggested - use spinach instead of rice.  That sounds like a great alternative!

I managed to make deviled eggs and cucumber/tomato salad to go with the Red, Hot, and Blue potato salad, and ham steak.  I also threw in some steamed veggies.  I got an invitation to go to Breadwinners, but I passed on that.  Mainly because I had all of this food I had prepared.  Also, I needed to avoid getting the "free" dessert.

I was looking at my refrigerator.  It is pretty full of plastic containers.  Most are full of left-overs that I can have through out the week for lunch or dinner.  I am very thankful for that because I am on-call this week.  I rarely get to fix a proper dinner when I am on-call.  I also got the ingredients to make Chicken Shrimp Jambalaya.  This would be the slow cooker version, so that would be tremendous for me.  Throw it in the crockpot, then head out to work.

I admit that I did not get much done this weekend.  However, I did manage to get the following done:

• Installed 2 TB hard drive into Linux system and make the space available to the system
• Played around with creating a volume group, extending the space, and removing the volume group - loved that because it was learning something new
• Washed some clothes
• Got dirty dishes washed
• Disabled the TiVo box from the DVD Recorder and cable system in the bedroom
• Throwing out trash in the bedroom
• Reorganizing my medicine basket, so that I know where all of my meds are located

I still have tons to do, but one day a time.  I found 3 more iTunes gift cards, so I can buy more music to download.  I think I will see about downloading the Ultravox catalog.  Mainly the stuff from the 80's - Vienna, Rage In Eden, Quartet, and Lament.  A new release from the reformed band is expected on 5/28.  Also, pick up some more Kraftwerk.  The band has a limited edition box set available at the Museum of Modern Art in New York on 4/10. 

Hope everyone had a great Easter and take care!

Maybe not a good start to the day...

Blood sugar numbers remaining under 250, so that makes me happy.  It is progress from the 350-400 out of control numbers.  Mantra - Be patient, keep working at it, and all will be better.  Just don't give up.

I had a great time last night.  I got to see my high school friend, Cathy, enjoy some good food, then we went to listen to music performances at Theater 166.  That was a lot of fun.  What was most interesting was that the headliner had his daughter open for him.  She did a fantastic job and showed she definitely had her father's musical ability.  Then, when the headliner performed, I found myself tapping to a lot of the songs.  It was great.

I got home, walked and fed the dogs, then headed off to bed.  Somewhere around 3 AM, the stupid smoke alarm started chirping.  I had turned down the thermostat because I sleep better when it is cool.  In an effort to keep the dogs from freaking out more, I turned up the heat a little bit.  By doing that, the warm air makes the smoke alarm quit chirping.  Still, have to locate the one that is chirping and replace the battery.  However, I want my sleep.

I let Bo run about the apartment until he settled down while wearing the belly band (have to prevent unnecessary accidents).  In the mean time, I climbed back in bed to sleep and had Chloe literally on top of my head.  While I do not mind, what kept me awake was her constant scratching my head.  I kept petting her to let her know it was okay, but it took awhile for her to settle down and go to sleep.

When I did "officially" wake up, I took the dogs out for their morning work.  Once I was back, I went to fix my breakfast, a jar of chopped garlic fell on the tile in the kitchen.  The jar busted open and there was the mess I really did not want.  I said a few obscenities, as I tend to do, then went on about the business of cleaning up the mess.

At this point, I am about to put together my shopping list and pick up stuff for Easter.  This year, I will probably spend Easter alone.  That will be very strange, but I need to get through this.  I figure there will be more holidays where I will be alone and I need to work out what one needs to do.  It is a growing experience.  :-)

Taking a day away...

Today is/was my "Friday" as I decided to take Friday off from work.  I thought taking "Opening Day" off would be a good idea.  Go to the ball park, hang with friends doing a tail gate.  As usual, tail gate plans were ditched, so I have some hot dogs and will be watching the game at home.

Still, one needs to be able to take a break from work  Just need that "refresher" or down time to get my head all sorted and settled.  I find I have way too many ideas and such running through my mind and it just does not stop.  Some days, I wish I were like that physically - I probably would be much thinner.  LOL

Tomorrow night, I will join a friend from high school for dinner and enjoy some blues music.  Just the right thing to help me relax and slow down.

Numbers frustration...

Since Friday, my blood sugar numbers are ranging between 250 - 299.  Now, I am not talking about just morning, but morning and evening.  I am not going to lie - it bothers me - terribly.  I thought I was on a good run with the numbers under 200.  However, I have not been able to pull those numbers back down to where it was.  I know - think positive and get back on your eating methods.  Still, it just makes me feel horrible.

I am religiously taking my meds.  I am up to injecting 42 units of insulin.  I hope that it won't go up much higher as it worries me to inject so much.  That might be normal, but I need time to research it.  That should be something I do rather than working all night on environments for work.  Let's not get on that subject.

Tonight, I am going to fix chicken stir fry.  Not so sure about making egg drop soup, though.  I need to cut back on how much I am eating, even though the food I am eating is good for me. 

Time to get the day going.

No more drama...

Nothing like getting up and having people call you at 7:30 AM when you are no on-call.  This perpetual on-call business is for the birds - job security or not.

I have prepared my lunch for the day:  left over hungarian chicken goulash that I made last night, a salad with edamame, avocado, tomato, hard boiled egg, and lettuce (of course!).  Also, I threw in a sliced up apple, orange, and 100 cal. Oreo crisps, and trail mix.  Tonight, I have some more chicken tenders to fix.  Not sure if I am going to do stir fry or put them back in the freezer for another night.  I need to think of other things to fix than just chicken stir fry.

My blood sugar seems to still be recovering from the poor choices I have been making.  For example, this morning, the fasting number was 249.  Better than last month, but it needs to be better.  I just need to keep working at this.

Found the next recipe to try:  http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/recipe/chicken/diabetic-friendly-chicken-and-shrimp-jambalaya/

Techno Headaches...

So, I decided to finally pull out my "black box" for a Linux overhaul.  I installed a new hard drive.  Created installation disks for CentOS 6.2 64-bit, Oracle 11g 11.2 DB, Oracle Golden Gate, and Oracle SOA Suite 11.1.1.6.  Now, I am trying to install the CentOS 6.2 software and having "issues."

Nothing is ever easy, it seems.  My installation disk for CentOS 6.2 was crap from the check.  I am using up a lot of DVDs to get this done, too.  I suppose that is okay as I have another box of DVD+RW.  At this point, I am trying to create another CentOS 6.0 disk.  (Blasted, another ruined DVD!)

Try, try again, I suppose.

I have allowed myself to get a little frustrated.  That part is wrong because when I get frustrated, I start looking for something to eat.  Of course, I went about that all wrong as well.  I could not resist the M&Ms this time.  I have gotten rid of them..and no, not via my stomach.  Still, I did it and knew I should not have done it.  (Quit beating yourself up - it is okay, just be more careful)

I have managed to get other work done such as getting the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded.  I have also done a couple of loads of laundry.  Still, this place looks a wreck.  Too many baskets and bags, which need to go out the door.  My hope is to take off this Friday and if I do not head to the Texas Ranger Ball Park, then grab hot dogs, do work at home, and enjoy the game in the comfort of my own home.  No "work" work - what was the point in taking off from work in the first place, right?