Monday, April 29, 2013

Minor Victories...

I admit - I fully dreaded today.  First, going back to work - I just was not ready to be back there.  Second, having to see the specialist for my diabetes.  I was really worried about that. 

I ate a small sandwich before going bed last night, but refused to eat anything until after the visit.  I would not recommend anyone else doing that, but for me, my blood sugar was high enough when I measured it this morning - 262.

By the time I got to work, it had lowered to 191.  I was fine with that.  When I got to Diabetes Center of America and the staff there measured my A1C and blood sugar, the numbers were 8.8 and 122.  In January, when I had last seen the first specialist there, my A1C was 11.5.  It was an improvement from the 13.2 I had previously.  This is even better.  I am still not out of the high waters, but the fact that progress is happening is a good thing.

The educator asked me if I had any troubles.  I only commented that I tend to forget to take my insulin shots when I get myself into wound up situations - where everything is crazy and there is so much to do.  Also, I have a difficult time eating the right foods when placed in a situation where there are no good choices - such as when lunch is delivered by work or someone decides on a group lunch.  In some instances, I could make better choices, but when food is delivered, I make the honest effort to pack my own.  I get chided for doing it, but I wish those people understood how diabetes affects me.  When my blood sugar is really high, I get depressed and my mood swings are really awful.  Of course, these same people claim I am just psycho.  That really makes me angry.

My weight has held a steady 304.  Not happy about that number, but not much you can do if you cannot even get out and really exercise.  I plan to change that.

More good news - the educator suggested that I increase my current Lantus injections from 50 to 55 and my Novolog to 15 units.  Before you say how is that good news, here comes the interesting piece:  both are adding another injection medication, Victoza.  This medication is approved for diabetics and it promotes having the pancreas create insulin on its own.  For a lot of diabetes patients, some has lost that trigger that tells them when they are full.  This medication will trigger that and that helps promote weight loss.  According to the specialist, while this drug is approved for diabetes patients, it is in clinical trials as a weight loss medication.  I found all of that very interesting.

So, now, I inject myself twice, once for Lantus and the other for Victoza.  I hope that the insurance will cover this medication because if it works, that would be a huge relief for me. 

I have spent a lot of time considering some sort of weight loss surgery.  I just cannot justify spending that sort of money and having the chance of something awful happening or worse, it does not work.  I do know that getting off my lazy butt and exercising always works - and I really do not have to spend money to achieve that. 

Right now, I feel really good about where I am and that there is a positive path.  I just have to keep reminding myself:

You did not get this way overnight.  Just looking at a piece of cake or a cookie does not automatically add 10 lbs to your current weight.  Be patient, take your time, and make the choice to lose the weight.  You can do this and you can do it without drastic measures.

Today's Message From God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

tolerance is your gift to the world.

It is easy to respond to hurts and frustrations with anger. The real measure of communion with God is tolerance.

Ehhhh...tolerance?  I am not so sure about that one.  I try to tolerate a lot of different BS.  Sometimes, it can be just so hurtful that I have reached my end.  At that point, I do not tolerate quite so much.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Making a Tough Decision...

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

there are times when a change of direction is for your highest good.

It takes courage to change direction. Choose the path your heart agrees with and walk with your head high and your eyes open. Don't be afraid.

While I am working around in the apartment, my mind keeps going back to some incidents with a friend of mine.  I am seriously considering a break from the relationship.  Seems like an easy task, but it is never easy.

This person has been my friend for quite some time.  She helped me move and clued me into an open position at work.  However, I am really getting tired of her bossy and rude ways.  She will want to go to dinner and I will already have food.  If I say "no", she will start in with "you gotta eat."  Yes, I know, but I have already gotten my own food.

Other times, we end up some place where I cannot resist getting something that I should not eat.  Then, I have to hear about how this or that is good for "us" to eat.  Why are we here, then?

One time we went to eat, she read her book on her nook while we had dinner.  Okay - I ignored that.  What really killed it for me was the next time we went out to eat, she pitched a fit about the woman at the next table.  She was on the phone talking to someone while eating dinner with her family.  I have to scratch my head and think "How is that different from you reading your book at the table while we were eating?"

The straw that broke the camel's back for me:  I ask a simple question and I damn near get the answer slammed down my throat as if I have offended her.  Would have been much easier to have just said "that won't work because...", rather than basically yelling at me in the car.  I am not a child and I do not appreciate being treated as such.

I realize she has to endure some personal issues with her son that are causing her some headaches.  I am sorry that the situation has reared its ugly head, but I am sure her son is very grateful for her help.

I know of no nice way of addressing the issue with her without serious repercussions to the friendship.  However, I don't think I can deal with being treated like that on a consistent basis.

My current thought is just to take a small break from all of that.  Rather than having dinner two or more times a week, cut it back to every other week and see how things go.  I think that works best.  Outside of that, I need to start saving money and eating out all of the time is major suckage on the pocketbook.  Also, I am not eating properly.  When I restarted my eating patterns with the specialist, I was doing great and felt great.  I actually felt like I had more energy and was able to get more done.  Now, I am not blaming her for my situation.  I am just saying I am tired of being rudely treated.  Most people would drop the relationship, but rather than do that, I just need to reduce the time around her.  I think both of us will benefit from that.

Daunting Tasks Ahead of Me...

Today is Sunday and I do not feel I have accomplished much this week.  I suppose that would be right since I spent most of the week out of town.  Still, I have this gnawing feeling that I need to do more.

I did not sleep well last night.  I just could not seem to get comfortable and my mind was just reeling.  I hate it when you need the rest, but your mind just won't stop running through all sorts of stuff.

For some reason, I am feeling really run down.  Walking the dogs is taking a lot of energy out of me.  I think I am back in my vicious circle and of course, I see the specialist for my diabetes tomorrow.  My blood sugar is high, but not 350+ high.  Still, I need to lower that number.  Usually, when my blood sugar is high, I start feeling like this.  I need to shake it off and move on no matter what.

Rather than take more technical courses, I have been toying with the idea of taking an art class.  I am not much of an artist, but I always wish I had the creativity and ideas.  On Friday, a lady that went to the Dallas Gem and Jewelry show suggested doing Painting with a Twist.  Basically, you go to painting courses and bring some wine to relax.  LOL  Just looking on the internet for some places to do some painting or what have you:

Hmmmm...most art classes are for children.  I would have thought there would be more for adults or I am possibly missing various art supply places that offer such courses.

In the meantime, time to get moving and get this place whipped into shape.  Have to start getting myself back on track this week - I have several doctor's appointments this week.  Since my father got a colonoscopy, I have been considering my own situation.  I have already reached my deductible with the insurance company at this point, so I should be getting some better benefits.  I figure I had better get myself checked out for any possibility of colon cancer.  My mom and grandmother both had it, so I have a good chance of getting it myself.  I hate that idea, but if I get checked out early, I have a better possibility of getting cured.  I also need to get my blood sugar under control.  That is not going to help matters, either.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Dreading Going Back to the Old Routine...

Seems like my time away just went by way too fast.  On Saturday, I attended a wedding reception for my two friends who got married on April 1st.  The couple had gone to Las Vegas and gotten married at Graceland Wedding Chapel - even had Elvis to officiate the nuptials (well, that was part of the bit - there was a real preacher there to do the real thing.)  I had a very lovely time getting to see their wedding pictures and video!  The cakes were fabulous and I enjoyed getting to see people I have not seen in a very long time.  I had a truly wonderful time.

On Monday, on my own, I headed off to Shreveport, LA.  My former boss was celebrating her 50th birthday and she had asked me to attend the "girls party" for fun and games.  I thought I would be really nervous making that 3-4 hour drive to Shreveport, but in the end, I was just so relaxed.  I did not feel like I was stressed at all.  Once I got out of Forney, I was able to put my car on cruise control at 75 mph and just took it easy driving.  I enjoyed that - I really truly did.  It was relaxing not to have to answer to the pager and just drive.  I enjoyed the scenery and acknowledging all of the various small towns that are on that trip.

I got into Shreveport at about 3:45 PM, which was close enough to check-in at El Dorado for me.  I had gotten a suite at the casino and it was really huge and very nice.  The bathroom was a sight as well - I loved it.

I got unpacked, put away valuables in the safe, then make an appointment with the spa for a manicure/pedicure.  Once that was done, I headed down to check out the casino.  Quite a lot of slot machines and I played a few, but mainly, I walked around checking out what the casino/hotel had to offer.  There was a huge pastry case full of really nice cakes, pies, cookies, and caramel apples!  That was pretty nice.

I headed over to Sam's Town, the casino next door.  When I was in Shreveport in 2003/2004, El Dorado had been called "Hollywood" and "Sam's Town" was "Harrah's".  The machines had changed, but the floor layout had not changed much.  I won $65 dollars at Sam's Town playing the slot machines.  I decided to leave after about an hour.  I was just milling about and not really doing much gambling.

I went back to El Dorado and had dinner.  Either I ate too much or something was not agreeing with me, so I headed back to my room to get some rest.  I laid on the bed and watched a little TV and took a short nap.  I woke up around 11:45 PM and headed back down to the casino.  There, I won about $40-$50 to keep me playing until about 1:45 AM.  At that point, I went back to bed.

Next morning, I got up and got cleaned up to make my mani/pedi.  I had a great conversation with the manicurist.  She had never used Essie polish and was going on about how smooth the polish was going on my nails.  Pretty soon, that was over, so I headed down stairs for lunch.  Needless to say, another bad choice on my part.  I should have stuck with the salad because the other food was not agreeing with me.  That made me rather sad.  I went back to my room abour 1:30 PM and slept until my friend had arrived with her friends.

I met the birthday girl and her friends in the lobby.  Once they had their rooms, I led them down to where they could get their rewards cards for the casino and everyone began to start playing the different machines.  About 5:30 PM, everyone left to their rooms to change.  We were heading over to one woman's room for drinks and to celebrate my friend's 50th, then going to the Horseshoe to have dinner at Jack Binion's Steak House.

I don't think wine/champagne works for me.  After drinking some of the champagne, I started sweating.  Make up and hair just started going down hill at that point.  It bothered me that my system does that, but the fact that I had spirits the night before with no reaction really left me puzzled.

Dinner was delicious.  One of the birthday girl's friends had gotten her a birthday cake and we all sang Happy Birthday to her.  It was a lot of fun!  Of course, after we all paid our bills, we left for the casino down the way.

Oddly enough, the casino had a sign outside of it making those 35 or younger go through and get carded.  I got carded.  LOL  That made my evening!

Luckily, the card I had gotten in New Orleans in September was accepted at this casino, so I started milling about and looking.  The woman who had gotten the rooms and cake for my friend was playing "Let It Ride."  I was looking at the black jack table and the dealer had no one at her table and she was asking me if I had brought her dinner.  I laughed and said - You can have the left overs - plenty for another meal!  That conversation continued with her asking if I want to play.  Ever since the incident in Las Vegas where the dealer basically wiped me of $100 within about 5 minutes, I have shied away from playing cards.  She assured me that since no one was at the table, she would help me understand the rules.  I put down $50 and decided to play.

The dealer kept her word and gave me pointers on when to hold, stay, double down, and such.  Next, a young woman came to the table with a $100 chip to play.  Even she was giving me pointers and told me to listen to the dealer because the dealer had taught her everything she knew on playing black jack.  Pretty soon, a man came to the table and the dealer had to back off on the training.  However, even he was trying to help me with pointers.  I was pretty flattered that everyone was being so helpful and I ended up staying at the table for about 30 minutes before I cashed out.  I had $15 left and I gave the deal $10 for being so kind.

It was great to be able to play blackjack without the intimidation factor.  The rest of the time at the Horseshoe was spent milling about and playing a few slot machines, which never really panned out.  Basically, Horseshoe was sucking down my money and that is not the "entertainment" factor I want.

Around 11:30 PM, everyone gathered together to head back to El Dorado.  When I got there, I put the left overs in the refrigerator, changed clothes, then met everyone downstairs to play more games.  For the next two hours, I pretty much broke even, but I was able to play longer on the machines.  That was the entertainment factor for me.  Let me win some and I will continue playing.  Suck down $2+ of a $20 with no return, I leave the machine.

What I really liked were machines like "Rock Around the Clock" and "Rich Life".  Those were more like arcade games.  Sure, it was based on the slot and if you hit certain symbols, you would get a bonus.  However, "Rock Around the Clock", if the clock hit 12, it was "bonus time" and the machine would change and play a different set of games where you could rack up points.  Finally, if you get the jukebox game, it would decide if you got the highest amount to the lowest amount for additional cash.

The "Rich Life" was similar to playing a board game.  Slot based - if you got three "Rich Life" symbols on a spin, then you played the board game.Your character rolled the dice, then moved that number of spaces.  Each space had an activity where you had to choose which was the right one.  Example, you land of "shopping".  The machine would say "You are going shoe shopping.  Which pair of shoes do you buy?" and you are given a choice of 3 to 5 pairs of shoes.  Depending on what you bought, you got so many points.  If another person is playing along side of you, then there was a competing side where the game made both of you try to beat the other.  The group loved it - it was fun and entertaining.

Next day, after breakfast, I needed to check out, but my friend told me that Sam's Town had $3 black jack tables opened from 3 AM until 3 PM.  We both had to go check it out.  Both of us put down $100 to play.  Everyone at the table was very friendly and provided lots of pointers.  By the time I looked at my watch, it was 12:30 - I had been sitting there for over an hour and was ahead by $11!  A win is a win in my book.  I ended up cashing out and heading home.

Overall, I lost $300, most of which was at Horseshoe.  I kept a close eye on my gambling money and tried to be a frugal as I could with it.  So, now, I know for certain I do better at Sam's Town and will play there next time.

Yesterday, I went to the Dallas Jewelry and Gem show.  I found one pair of earrings for $1450, but there was no way I was going to buy them at that price.  I did buy a pair of gold and silver ball earrings and a silver necklace with pearls on it. 

Heading off to get my mani/pedi for the next couple of weeks.  Just dreading going back to work this week, though.  I need to work on doing more fun things to keep my spirits going.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Time for Play...

I have finally come to that time of the year to take a break from the insanity.  Escape from the crazy and allow my brain some down time.  I think my poor brain went into shut down earlier today. 

Enjoyed time visiting with old friends' at a wedding reception.  I really loved the fact that the couple got married in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator.  Just something fun to start out their new lives together.  It was great.

Awhile back, I set up a Roku to stream videos to the new TV I set up for my father in the master bedroom.  Today, I was messing around with his SmartTV and got it set up to stream Netflix.  Actually, that was really nifty.  Have to love technology.

With my time off, I plan to get things in order to start switching over from TimeWarner over to at&t U-Verse.  With the discount, I could cut my current bills down and save some money.

Time to quit being idle and get moving...more later.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Doing Those Things That Make Me Cringe...

Last week, my father had his first colonoscopy done.  The doctor found one polyp and cut it out.  The thought is that it was benign, but my father was asked to return after 3 months for a check up on that.  My father had seen the same specialist as my mother had and I came up in the discussion.  The specialist wants me to come in as soon as I can for the procedure.  I have the unfortunate family history of colon cancer on my mother's side of the family.  Both my grandmother and my mother had colon cancer.

For the past couple of months, I have not done much other than work.  However, I sat down and started making the appointments that needed to be made.  Contacted my GP for a check up and get a referral for a mammogram as well as the colonoscopy.  Appointment made with Diabetes America to get my diabetes check up.  Also, made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned.  The other appointment I need to make is to get my eyes checked and get new glasses.

I am not particularly thrilled with doing the colonoscopy, but it is a necessary evil.  The specialist is right - had my mother been in 10 years earlier, he probably could have caught it and she would not have had to go through all of that.  Who knows - she may still be alive today.  If I learned anything from my mom's illness, that should be, get the check ups.

I do have a fear of finding out I have cancer.  Will it be the end of the world?  Will I be strong enough to handle it?  However, I know that if I get checked out and the disease is caught early, I have better recovery chances.  Then, I start the "what if" barrel.  I need to stop that.

I did do something for myself this past weekend.  It seems all quite crazy, but I had just such the greatest time.  I bought a season ticket to the 2013-2014 Dallas Stars season.  I am pretty excited about that.  I love to watch hockey and really enjoy attending the games in person.  As part of the purchase of the ticket, I was asked to go down to American Airlines Center on Sunday and pick out my seat.

All I could think of was - Wow!  I am really doing this!  When I got there, I was given a new white Stars jersey - which was great because I have a black one that I bought in 2011 to wear when I went to the games.  Now, I can switch jerseys when I go to the games this coming season.

Next, I saw all of these cool places that I did not know existed in the arena.  I was completely taken back by it all.  Very nice restaurants and bars. 

I chose my seat on the 3rd level.  The only thing I really cared about - and this is going to sound really funny - making sure I was on the side closest to exiting out and getting to the DART quickly.  LOL  I love to take DART down to the AAC.  It really makes the trip less stressful for me and I would rather pay the ticket prices to ride DART than the $20 for parking.  BTW, needless to say, I passed on the parking passes - what was the point?

I paid for my ticket and the sales assistant told me about another seat re-assignment within the next month.  That way, if a seat closer comes free, I will be able to get that.  Just have to see what happens, but I did not care.  I was just so very thrilled to have done this and the excitement of getting to go to more games was making me feel like I was walking on air.

I did end up doing some "retail therapy" shopping on my way home, but it was nice to get out of the apartment for a little while.  I remember coming home, sitting on the sofa with the dogs and just feeling really good about the day.

I tried watching "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" on Sunday and got lost in the movie.  I figured it had to be when I left to get dinner.  I ended up renting it on VUDU and watching it again on Monday.  I had the plot, but the story was just pretty wonky.  I figured I better buy the book and read it.  From what I hear, the movie was crap, but the book was really good.  Then, again, isn't that always the case?

I know I cannot end this entry without some commentary on the events of the past week.  I have never been a runner.  I can walk and I can walk quickly.  However, running never was my strong suit.  I have a terrible dislike for running.  I do have an appreciation for those that do run and and do it for long distances.  That takes incredible stamina.  The Boston Marathon bombing was unfathomable to me.  The very innocent of sports - a large group of people running - proving that they can do a marathon or some other personal goal they have set for themselves.  Reaching the finish line and having that happen to them.  Destroying lives of so many was horrific.  I feel for all of those affected by that senseless act.  I have to agree with Craig Ferguson - "Is anyone else sick of this shit?"  I know I am. 

There are many things in this world that makes me unhappy.  However, does setting off a bomb make it right?  NO!  There are other ways of handling what makes one unhappy - destroying others is not the right path.

This morning, before leaving for work, I was listening to the sports channel on internet radio.  The on-air personalities played something that made me shed some tears.  Being the hockey fan that I am, I did catch the tail end of the Boston vs Buffalo hockey game.  It was the first sporting event played after the bombing.  At the end of the game, all of the players - both sides - came out and saluted the crowd.  The part I missed was the singing of the national anthem.

As you listen, you heard the gentleman start the beginning of the national anthem.  Shortly after the first verse, he stops - the entire crowd is singing the rest of the song - very strongly.  It was great to hear that, but you know, that is how it should be at every event where the anthem is sung.  However, it was great to hear these people singing so strongly.

I was eating dinner with a friend when I got the news from my Twitter feed about the explosion in West, TX.  I did not know the extensive amount of damage until I watched the news last night.  I heard the news reporters going on about getting the status of the first responders.  There was no news on them, but when I saw the explosion that was taped, I did not need to ask any further.  I knew - any one of them that got out of that was very lucky.  For the most part, it hit me hard because watching that meant I watched many people dying from that explosion.  It made me sad.

What exactly is going on in the world these days?  It seems so crazy.

Today's Message to Me From God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

there is no such thing as conditional love.

Love is either unconditional or it's no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say 'I love you because', for love has no cause, love comes from God.

Sort of funny.  When I read this, it reminded me of something my mom told me.  The love we have with our pets is probably the most purest form of love.  It is not laced with lust or anything.  It is pure love.  

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Discouragement and Patience...

Ever have way too many things to do and always something slips through the cracks?  That is me.  So much I want to do, so much I need to do, and so much left to do.  I may be over organizing and making too many lists.

I suppose I am showing some patience.  Yesterday was a crazy day.  I failed to get my dogs back out for a walk due to on-call duties before I left for the office.  I meant to leave the office early to walk the dogs, but the meetings and such got out of hand.  By the time I got home, it had been 12 hours since I had walked the dogs.

Chloe really chewed me out when I came through the door.  Bo, he was just happy I was home.  I immediately took them to potty, leaving on-call duties to be handled when I returned.  I came back to the apartment to find that Chloe had peed 4 times in the living room.

I got upset, but not with Chloe.  I know this sounds silly, but for over an hour, I sat with Chloe on the sofa and apologized.  I petted her and told her it was not her fault, it was mine and I was not angry.  Even today, I feel like a jerk for not having gotten back home to her in time.

Then, I keep forgetting to make sure she gets her meds.  All of this should be part of a morning routine, but when I go on-call, that whole week goes in the crapper.  To make matters worse. the way others have been handling the mundane things, they act like everything is an emergency, so that is throwing me off.

The message is that God should always come first in your life, then your family.  I need to quit allowing work to take that top spot.  I need to quit feeling bad when I don't answer the phone when I am not on-call.  I need to learn to leave work at work.

I am still waiting to hear about the job I applied for in March.  I sent an email to the manager to see about the status, but no response.  I am going to look for other opportunities.  One needs to enjoy the work that they do.  I lost that several years ago and I know it is from burn out.  I figure, I have taken this gig as far as I will ever be able to take it.  There is no room for advancement and I am certainly not learning anything new.  I guess, it would be different if I were truly getting involved in new stuff and really getting to understand it, but all opportunities are never offered to me.  Just the same old technology.

I registered for the Intermediate Java course this past March.  I took the final exam and made an 83.  I never got to work on the projects.  Had I been in a proper course, that would have never flew.  I take the continuing education courses to help me gauge if I could go back to a 4 year school to complete my degree.  Well, I know that cannot happen right now.  At least, the test is much cheaper - $109 per course I can handle.  LOL

I have often thought of going back and completing my degree in mathematics.  I love computer science and I love to write code.  It is really where I want to go - back to coding.  I am too much of a perfectionist, but it was something I did like to do.

Today's Message from God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

have some patience.

Trying to force life to unfold faster than it is meant to is futile. Call forth your patience, and let it move at its own pace.

I understand that.  Sometimes, I just get too discouraged.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Working on That Balance...

With every version release, life gets crazy.  The kind of crazy where I am so busy doing this and that for everyone that I forget to take my medication.  That is not a good thing.  When everything calms down and there is sanity, I take my medication as prescribed and life is generally good. 

For the past month or so, it has been that nutty.  My place reflects the chaos that I have been managing.  To make matters worse, my oldest dog, Chloe, has been exhibiting her displeasure at not getting enough attention.  She has wrecked my bathroom 4 times in the past few weeks and yesterday, peed in my bedroom.  She NEVER does this. 

A lot of people want to chalk that up to her age.  Yes, she is 12 years old, but considering how nutty everything has been going in my life the past couple of months, I am sure she is taking it out on me.  The day before, I was unable to get them outside to potty for over 8 hours.  I never do that, but my day was just crazy at work.  By the time, I got out of work, I had to head straight for the mall to get my hair cut.  Yesterday, I rolled out of bed, got a quick shower, then took both dogs for a walk to potty before getting my nails done.  I walked them for about 15 minutes and both dogs did their business.  I was gone for only 3 hours, so that has to be a pissed off act.

(Believe me, I can work from home and neither dog will want to go potty for about 8 hours.  They let me know when it is time to go for "the walk.")

I cannot get angry with Chloe.  First, I did not catch her in the act.  Second, I need to figure out what needs to be corrected.  I figure, Chloe misses her "sofa time."  I had a lot of junk on the sofa and with working so much, I sit in front of the computer all of the time.  Chloe comes to my side and sits, waiting for me to get off of the computer and sit on the sofa.  That way, she can cuddle up next to me while I watch TV. 

Last night, I figured I would work on this for Chloe.  I cleared off the sofa and we both sat there and watch TV.  I could tell it made Chloe very happy.  She cuddled as close as she could for a very long time.  I watched Bernie on NetFlicks, then In Like Flint.  We stayed there for about 3 to 4 hours.  At one point, Bo hopped up on the sofa to get some "mommy" time.  I missed it as much as the dogs missed it.  While I am not advocating being a total couch potato, this is their quality time - just being with me.  Therefore, it really digs at my heart when it gets crazy.

On the health balance side, yesterday, I ran by Whole Foods and got a lot of fresh veggies.  I got some kale, cauliflower, tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, butternut squash, zucchini, and yellow squash.  What am I going to do with all of that?  Tomatoes - salads and sandwiches or even by themselves.  Mushrooms will go great in salads and some pasta dishes.  Kale - wilt down with some garlic and olive oil. 

My plan is to sit down with my daily planner and make out my meals and go with that.  No more last minute decisions because in the end, I always end up getting take out and that is bad.  I think a really good idea is to have a vegetarian meal at least twice a week.  Salad and tomato soup or just the salad by itself.  Another is to come up with a group of veggies that work well together for a meal.  I have not thought all of it through, but the fact remains - plan it out.  I do not want anything too difficult during the week.

Walking - I say I am going to do it and never get an opportunity.  Well, gotta start somewhere.  I have to get moving and that is all there is to that.  I wear this FitBit every day, but I am not doing my part and that weighs heavily on me.  I know I need to do it, but why can I not get motivated to do it?  Maybe it is like cleaning - I overwhelm myself when I know that if I just start with a small part and work on it, I can get it done.

Goofy fun side.  Every two weeks or so, I get a manicure/pedicure.  I can do a pretty decent job of a manicure, but when it comes to the pedicure, watch out.  I can really trash up my toe nails and feet and I am not talking about the polish part.  The pedicure is very important because I need to keep my feet and toenails in good condition, so it is not just about pampering myself as much as it is about health.

I have all of this nail polish at home.  Sometimes, I cannot decide which polish I want to wear.  I had another one of those days.  I have two very cool seasonal polishes from Essie.  One is a blue and the other a purplish-pink.  My tendency is to put the pink on the finger nails and the blue on the toes.  However, I really liked the blue a lot and wanted that on my finger nails, but I also wanted the pink.  So, I had the manicurist alternate them - on fingers and toes!  I love it!  Fun, funky and what is more - it really makes me feel good.  My mom would have thought I was crazy, but the 25 year old in me says "This is so cool!"  The 46 year old shakes its head, but smiles.  I cannot help it - I am not hurting anyone and it is just me.

Today's Message to Me from God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you are loved and you are not alone.

Even when you feel alone, know that you are surrounded by divine love. Like God, love is not visible, but that does not mean it is not there. You are loved.

Not sure why, but this message reminded me of the Jack Chick comic "Someone Loves You".  I saw it back in the 70's and it affected me so much.  Even today, I looked it up and had the same affect.  Looking at the comic today, though, I don't think the girl just left the boy there.  He passed away before she could get back with help - she had given the boy her coat.  Without no doubt, the comic is very depressing, but there is truth in it for those neglected, abused children.  Sort of like seeing all of the posts regarding the abused animals - it kills me each and every time.  I hate reading all of that, but I do realize that we do have some very sick individuals in this world.  I know I try to close my eyes to it, but I need to realize that does not make it go away - it just continues to grow.

There are moments when I feel alone, but I try to look at it like this:  God as a plan.  Whatever that plan may be, it very possibly does not include others.  I have to sort out the "test" he has.  Sort of like taking a test - you just cannot get your neighbor's help.  :-)  You have to figure it out on your own and learn the lesson.