Discouragement and Patience...

Ever have way too many things to do and always something slips through the cracks?  That is me.  So much I want to do, so much I need to do, and so much left to do.  I may be over organizing and making too many lists.

I suppose I am showing some patience.  Yesterday was a crazy day.  I failed to get my dogs back out for a walk due to on-call duties before I left for the office.  I meant to leave the office early to walk the dogs, but the meetings and such got out of hand.  By the time I got home, it had been 12 hours since I had walked the dogs.

Chloe really chewed me out when I came through the door.  Bo, he was just happy I was home.  I immediately took them to potty, leaving on-call duties to be handled when I returned.  I came back to the apartment to find that Chloe had peed 4 times in the living room.

I got upset, but not with Chloe.  I know this sounds silly, but for over an hour, I sat with Chloe on the sofa and apologized.  I petted her and told her it was not her fault, it was mine and I was not angry.  Even today, I feel like a jerk for not having gotten back home to her in time.

Then, I keep forgetting to make sure she gets her meds.  All of this should be part of a morning routine, but when I go on-call, that whole week goes in the crapper.  To make matters worse. the way others have been handling the mundane things, they act like everything is an emergency, so that is throwing me off.

The message is that God should always come first in your life, then your family.  I need to quit allowing work to take that top spot.  I need to quit feeling bad when I don't answer the phone when I am not on-call.  I need to learn to leave work at work.

I am still waiting to hear about the job I applied for in March.  I sent an email to the manager to see about the status, but no response.  I am going to look for other opportunities.  One needs to enjoy the work that they do.  I lost that several years ago and I know it is from burn out.  I figure, I have taken this gig as far as I will ever be able to take it.  There is no room for advancement and I am certainly not learning anything new.  I guess, it would be different if I were truly getting involved in new stuff and really getting to understand it, but all opportunities are never offered to me.  Just the same old technology.

I registered for the Intermediate Java course this past March.  I took the final exam and made an 83.  I never got to work on the projects.  Had I been in a proper course, that would have never flew.  I take the continuing education courses to help me gauge if I could go back to a 4 year school to complete my degree.  Well, I know that cannot happen right now.  At least, the test is much cheaper - $109 per course I can handle.  LOL

I have often thought of going back and completing my degree in mathematics.  I love computer science and I love to write code.  It is really where I want to go - back to coding.  I am too much of a perfectionist, but it was something I did like to do.

Today's Message from God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

have some patience.

Trying to force life to unfold faster than it is meant to is futile. Call forth your patience, and let it move at its own pace.

I understand that.  Sometimes, I just get too discouraged.