Thursday, December 31, 2015


Tomorrow is New Year's Day.  A brand new year - a new canvas that we all get that is clean and ready for us to make our marks.  I cannot speak for everyone, but there are certain traditions that I follow to make sure I have good luck for the upcoming year.

For as long as I can remember, my mother was very specific about having the following for good luck:

Boiled cabbage with hog jowls
Black-eyed Peas

In that mix, she would make her potato salad and sometimes, have deviled eggs.

Yesterday, I had a pretty easy time of getting ham, black-eyed peas, and stuff to make cornbread.  However, the hog jowls were a bit trickier.  My usual Kroger only had salt pork.  I was not happy because the grocery store carries the hog jowls all year long and the day before New Year's Eve, the store is out.

I run to the next Kroger in search of the hog jowls.  No go there, either.  I had not been to the Tom Thumb near my apartment in quite awhile, but I made the decision to run by there.  I think mom and God were watching after me because, lo and behold, there was hog jowls.

I actually thanked God and my mom for helping me find that elusive item.  I remembered how upset my mom would get if I brought home salt pork.  There was an obvious difference and, oddly enough, it proved to be true.  Eating the hog jowls made a difference on how my year went.

So, today, I only went out to get some ice, water, and breakfast.  The rest of the day, I plan to stay at home.  I am going to play video games, watch movies, listen to the radio, and cheer the Dallas Stars onto a win, and just relax.  The party season is about to wrap up for the year and I am pretty exhausted.  I suppose I am a wimp, but this party animal just wants to find a warm spot and hunker down for some rest.  I know two little dogs that will be happy that I chose to stay home.

Wishing all of you a very Happy New Year!

Diabetes: Riding the Highs...

Dealing with Diabetes is a daily - no - hourly challenge.  When I meet someone who has diabetes, I understand their struggle.  Some have a difficult time and others are able to manage well.  One thing is always true - one has to ride the highs and lows of their blood sugar. 

Holiday seasons are hell.  As I say that, it is really my job to stay up on my blood sugar and manage it.  This year, I had to sit back and realize that I had more going on than just the holiday season that was rocking my blood sugar to heights.  Since September, I was taking several different pain medications for my back and knee.  I have never been a person who took a lot of aspirin, Tylenol, Aleeve, or even Advil.  Basically, if I had a pain, I would take the OTC of choice for that day and I was done.  Never touched the bottle for over a year.  Now, I have almost emptied the Tylenol Arthritis 100 count bottle.  That is unheard of for me.

Next, I have had a change in my diabetes medications.  I no longer take Kombiglyze based upon the insurance company.  I started taking Januduetta, but my PCP wanted me off of that due to the kidney levels being high.  Now, I am taking Trajenta once a day.  Also, no longer taking Lantus, but Toujeo - 70 units every night.  I am really horrible about taking this medication at night before bed.  I figure I probably will try to work this in with when I take my final medications at dinner time.  At least, I will have gotten my meds.

Lastly, right now, hormones are on the rage.  Every month, I will go through a week and half of high numbers because hormones.  I have been fighting this battle since I found out I had diabetes in 2006.  I never can win.  I can get close and for me, I am good with that, but overall, I hit those highs and ride them out as best as I can.  

At this time, I know my numbers are also high from getting the cortisone shot in the knee.  However, I will bear with the high numbers as it has made such a HUGE difference with my knee.  I am still pretty stiff, but I can work that piece out with the work outs that the doctor printed out for me.  A lot of that is due to stretching and building up those muscles.  Depending on how well I do, I may contact my personal trainer on information regarding more stretches or invest in yoga classes.  Right now, I need to be kind to my poor knee and give it the time it needs before I go that route.  I just feel so terribly grateful not to have that pain that it brings tears to my eyes.  My life had been such hell for the past 4 months.

So, sometimes, you just have to ride with the highs and accept what will be will be, but continue working on bringing down the number as best as you can.  My hope is that as I get better physically, that will help me lower my numbers and get back to normal.  I have to be positive - high or low - this too will pass.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Realizations Upon Observations...

Growing up, my mother was the sole person cleaning the house.  Now, that I am much older, I realize why she used to get so angry with me.  I was, and still am, a horrible house keeper.  I admit that straight up - I suck at cleaning...or am I too OCD?

When I was told to clean my room, I would proudly ask my mother to check to get her approval.  It was never clean enough.  I remember a time when I had dusted the furniture and she ran her finger across it and there was dust.  How frustrating that was as I had just dusted minutes before her entering my bedroom.  Furthermore, it took me a long time to get things cleaned.  No matter how hard I tried, it always took a lot of time making sure every nook and cranny was properly cleaned.

Some friends have offered to help me clean as they have no connection to the clutter, so for them to toss something is easy.  Problem there is that they may mistake something important to me as "junk" and toss it.  Hire someone to do a "deep clean".  While that is a possibility, I still need to do major clean up on my own.

The other day, while driving to meet a friend for lunch, I realized something from visiting so many homes over the past month.  Many of my friends have a maid that comes to their homes to clean.  I mean, I get it is pretty easy to keep clean when you have someone that comes in either weekly or bi-weekly to clean your home.  I also get how tired one is to have to deal with cleaning after work or wanting to do stuff on the weekends.  

My problem is probably a head case one.  I feel I should have the strength and energy to clean my apartment.  Then, again, the place went under disarray for about 5 years - First, I was never home when my mother was dying and I have either double or triple the underwear and such because I was basically back home living there.  Second, work had me so busy that I never had time for myself, let alone getting to do any cleaning.  Third, when I had time, I would get some physical set back and my week would be shot.

So, life has changed a bit in the past year.  I moved to another position where I can relax a bit.  I have had physical issues where I cannot stand quite as much.  Hoping that with some shots that will help my knee, that will alleviate that issue for the upcoming year.  My goal is to get the major clutter out of the apartment and get some dusting done.  I hope to clear my "office" and get back to using it as such.  However, I am very cautious on how that will go.

My main objective is to do the following:

Clear the clutter and so forth.
Do a good bit of cleaning
Contact a good maid service to do a thorough deep clean
Make it in my budget for a maid to clean the apartment every other week

Once the place is cleaned, it may be easier for me to keep my head above water and I will feel a good sense of calm in my life.  Heaven knows I have lived with chaos long enough.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Procrastination and Other Things...

For most of this year, I have been putting off getting U-Verse installed.  Mainly because my home is in such disarray and I have not been physically well enough to get anything done.  When I have been trying, something happens to prevent any progress or I get a set back.  

Yesterday, I changed the appointment from today to sometime in January.  Unfortunately, that change did not take and the appointment was still scheduled for today.  I was able to call and reschedule and I felt bad about that, but I won't be here and I would hate to waste that person's time.

Yesterday, I also went to visit the orthopedic regarding my right knee.  My back pain was so bad on Sunday that I ended up over cooking my prime rib roast and I had not meant to do it.  I had to sit down a lot to get relief from the back pain.  That is how bad my physical situation has been over the past several months.  It has slowed me down so much that I cannot get anything done.

Anyway, I prayed that the doctor would try shots in my knee, even though I cringed at the thought.  Everyone said how much the shots in the knee hurt.  While sitting there and watching them prepare the cortisone shot, I grabbed a pillow in order to bury my head for the pain.  Quite honestly, I am so tired of pain period.  

The doctor got a good laugh regarding my silliness.  The nurse deadened the knee, then the doctor gave me the shot all the while talking to me - I never even felt it go into my knee.  He laughed and said "You really are one of those."  I said I could not stand the pain and needles.  However, that was so painless, I promised to forward his card to as many people as possible.  It is true - it was painless.  The steroid shot in my left hand in 2014 hurt a hell of a lot, but this was no issue.

This morning, I experienced very little pain when I got up and walked around.  However, when I did walk the dogs, my knee started to hurt a bit, but I was feeling a lot better and not broken down.  For that, I am very grateful.  Yesterday, I felt so broken down that I could barely stand straight due to the back pain.

I am praying that the shots will improve my situation with my knee and allow me to walk and such without pain.  That one shot in my left hand did so much to help me back in 2014.

My other problem issue has been my blood sugar.  It really has gone crazy.  I never can seem to get the numbers down.  However, if you consider the foods I have eaten, it all makes sense.  I am going to have to start getting more fresh vegetables and such in my diet.  All of the casseroles are killing me.  It will probably be awhile before I have any pasta dishes as well.  I figure I need to avoid Tex-Mex places as well.  

While I say these things, I really need to figure out the moderation pieces.  That is what is most important.  In regard to the casseroles, I really need to start bringing some sort of fresh vegetable dish such as baked sweet potatoes or even steamed veggies.  Maybe fix a large portion of asparagus and broccoli.  If no one else eats them, I will and I can always take back the left overs for those.  I just have to make a point to do these things from now on.  I just do not wish to offend anyone, but I have got to make efforts on my part.  I cannot expect nor do I want people to go out of their way for me.  That makes me feel uncomfortable.  However, if I bring something, I have a better chance of eating what is better for me and I can eat the other starches in moderation.

At this point, I am trying to rest my knee a bit more after the shot.  Also, trying to properly analyze my eating habits.  I need to locate my triggers for eating too much or eating something I really should take a pass.  Everything should be considered the same, but those items that cause my blood sugar to spike should be allowed in moderation.  That is where I want to be - finding that niche where it all works together.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Christmas Eve - The Mad Rush...

Well, not for me - not this year.  I refuse to fall victim.  

I did not buy a whole lot this year.  Mainly, due to the fear of money I need to spend to mend my worn out body.  I believe that yesterday, I logged the most steps I have taken since all of the body issues have started, 7858 steps.  Believe me, my body let me know it was not happy about it.

Just wrapped up making fudge for a friend of mine.  Not sure how much longer she has, but I admire her tenacity to keep moving forward and saving as many cats as she has time.  She never asks for much and she likes my fudge a lot, so I see no harm in making it for her.  I would make some for myself, but I would never eat it all.  I still have a container of it in my refrigerator from last year!  Time to throw that out.

Today will be a bit busier that I would like, but I will get through it.  I have an appointment with my new orthopedic on Monday.  I hope that no surgery will be involved and get some good drugs.  I want to get so much done, so that I can just relax. 

My plan had been to cook Christmas dinner and watch a bunch of movies and play video games.  Next week, I work two days, but I have plans to sit down and plan out the next year.  What will be the theme and what should I really do with my year?  These will not be resolutions, but life changes I MUST make.  

In the meantime, I will focus on finishing out the year doing the best I can to make everyone happy.  After that, I will focus on what makes me happy and do it.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

World Stopped for Me...

The other day, I realized that the world stopped for me in 2008.  I was getting something from the refrigerator and looked up at the white board calendar.  I had not changed it since June 2008.  

That month had been an incredibly busy one and the following month would be the one where my mom found out she had inoperable lung cancer.  I never got around to changing the white board.  There was never any time.

As I talked to a friend of mine, I noted that life had stopped for me in 2008.  I have been able to do a few things since that time, but essentially, everything came to a halt.  I realized I need to give myself a bit of a shock and get back to living.

Not sure I really want to keep the white board calendar.  I need to think about its true usefulness.  I have a lot on my mind for what I need to be doing this upcoming year.  More importantly, I need to get back to living a healthy positive life.  I have lived in the dark for far too long.  It won't bring my mother back and it is not helping me deal with other life matters.

I do not expect miracles.  I do expect progress.  As I told someone the other day complaining about his "Biggest Loser" weigh in - he had lost another 4 lbs after the final weigh-in.  You have to see where you came from and admire the big picture.  This friend had gone from 295 lbs to 201.  That is a LOT of weight to lose and nothing to be ashamed.  So what if the Biggest Loser has you four pounds heavier.  Overall, you are still a winner.

Christmas Spirit Alive and Well...

Since I only have to work half a day today, I ran over to McDonald's and Starbucks for breakfast and coffee.  I still need to get my Keurig up and running, so I have hopes for that happening by tomorrow.

At McDonald's, the person in front of me paid for my breakfast and Starbucks comp-ed my coffee.  I paid for the person behind me at McDonald's and thanked Starbucks.  I decided to reload my card this morning in order to get other goodies later today.

I was incredibly thankful for such kindness.  However, I did feel someone else deserved it more than myself.  For me, I am just trying to survive the holidays to move on to more important things - such as getting my life off of life support and moving forward.

My God bless those wonderful people who think of others and do just the simplest of things.  It makes me feel that there is more to Christmas than the retail hype.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Downhill Week for Christmas...

Yesterday, I had a rude awakening.  I had to realize that this week is the downhill rush to Christmas on Friday.  Why was it a rude awakening?  I had an appointment to get my hair cut at the mall and the parking lot was damn near full.  Holy cow - the number of people in the mall was incredible.

I made a point to get some pretzel bites and the wait in the line was painful.  It took forever and my back and stiff legs and butt were giving me hell.  

To be honest, my whole day got trashed due to having to check on a work maintenance that took place that morning.  I was late to my appointment, so my regular stylist was not available.  I had someone else cut about 1" off and just shape up my hair.  My regular stylist kept apologizing for not being able to work me in, but I told her I was the one who was late.  That is not her fault.  I was angry that I was late due to some issues that could have been prevented.  However, that was then; this is now.

Today, I need to get some regular shopping done.  I also need to figure out my budget.  That is the part that I am rather annoyed.  Quicken and Chase have mucked up my account, so this will be a manual process.  I figure I have overspent a bit, but hoping that is not too much.  Luckily, I do have my Christmas money to use just in case.  I think I am okay, but I like being comfortable, so I need to be sure.

Saturday night, I went to a Christmas party.  I had a lot of fun.  I am getting better at eating and drinking.  I am good with drinking non-alcoholic drinks at parties.  I know I have a long drive home, so I barely drink.  I have always been that way.  However, I was good at staying away from the sweets and I only ate what I thought was decent food - olives, veggies, and meat.

At the party, the hosts had a Jenga like game.  I love that game.  Everyone has fun, help each other out, and generally have a great time.  People inside the house are able to eat, drink, talk, and watch TV.  We were doing the same outside on the patio, but playing the game was a lot more fun.

However, I still feel sunken in with all of my set backs.  The pity party is taking too long - time to get up and get it all sorted out.  I have gotten tickets to see a few movies.  That is my own present to myself.  I may pick up a few games today, but I won't get to play them until Saturday or Sunday.  I do plan to get a prime rib roast.  I will cook it on Sunday and make mashed potatoes, and prepare either broccoli or asparagus.  I may even get some brussel sprouts.  I also need to get some salad makings.  With the left over meat, I can also make beef and noodles.

The following week, I will get a small ham, cabbage, hog jowls, and black eyed peas.  I will pick up some potato salad from Red, Hot, and Blue as well as make some deviled eggs.  I need some luck for the upcoming year.  

After the holidays, I will need to crack down and get busy with making my own happiness.  Cook more; eat out less.  Measure my food and make myself accountable for what I eat.  Work on riding a bike for 30 minutes a day.  I may need to build up to it, but my goal is to go to YMCA and ride the stationary bikes there.  Maybe I might be able to get more walking done at some point.  Also, build myself to drinking a gallon of water a day. 

I want this coming year to be better than this year.  I had a lot of sadness and set backs.  I want to work myself to being much better - emotionally as well as physically.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Correcting a Mistake...

A few weeks ago, I was looking for my 2016 Master Planner in order to start entering appointments and such for the upcoming year.  Unfortunately, I had some issues locating it and was afraid I had thrown it away.  

I did what I always do when I think I have thrown something away - I ordered another one from Levenger's.  I felt a bit silly when I found the original and even worse when I got the new one in the mail.  

I thought about giving it away to a few people, but no one seemed interested.  However, I just had a great idea.  My first Master Planner is dedicated for work items - to keep me on point.  I have a new use for the second one - use it to help me stay on point with my diabetes and health changes.  This way, I can journal my eating habits and easily see where I am going wrong.  I will have more room to write down everything I ate and what I am achieving.

My mistake may be my solution for keeping myself responsible for managing my health.

Holiday Rush...

What is it that I want for Christmas this year?  Peace and quiet.  All homeless animals and people are able to find a home.  All of those people who have been searching for a new job are able to get one.  No more fighting and wars - political and religious.

There are so many things I would love to have for myself, but no one can buy those things.  The price is too great or there can be no value put.  Christmas is just not the same anymore.  There is so much sadness.  One person found that he owes a great deal of money to a home that his mother is staying.  Another person is about to lose his bed and wheelchair.  One other person is fighting a battle to keep his home as he has cancer and the prognosis for recovery is not good.

Since the middle of November, I have heard of people losing loved ones.  This time of the year is heart wrenching, when it should be filled with cheer and joy.  And then, everything I experienced with my own mother dying comes rushing back to me.  I understand others sadness and pain.  However, I try to muster the smile and move forward.  

I wish I was better emotionally and physically.  I try working at getting the apartment sorted out, but with the confirmed knee problem, that is a daily struggle.  I have thought of dropping my membership at the YMCA, but suddenly, I think it would be good for me to go and ride the bike.  I really cannot walk, but I can peddle a bike.  Not sure an elliptical would be a good idea for me, but I can always ask.  I need some activity in my life.  I need to get the weight off of this frame.

In the meantime, I really do not want anything for Christmas.  I either already have it or it is buried in the clutter.  No point in adding to it.  As I said, I would like to be better emotionally and physically.  Perhaps, that is in store for me in the new year.  I would like to get a house.  I would love for Chloe to have a backyard to run about before she passes away.  At least, I would feel I had accomplished something for her and Bo.

Rather than being in a Christmas Rush, I want to take it slow and just enjoy the time.  I hope to be off on vacation on Tuesday.  On Thursday, I want to go to Whole Foods and pick up a prime rib roast.  I may not get to cook it on Friday, but I can cook it on Sunday.  I will fix homemade rolls, mashed potatoes/baked potato, and asparagus.  I also want to make a cheesecake.  I just want to have my Christmas dinner as I would like.  It is not much and it would mean something to me.  I did not get a chance to make my own Thanksgiving dinner this year due to the oven being broken.  Now, that it is fixed, I could at least fix Christmas dinner.  I will try to do Thanksgiving dinner another night during January.

I have to work Monday and Tuesday the following week, then I am off for the rest of the time.  I was invited to a party on New Years, but I may stay home and just enjoy the night for myself.  I do not like traveling a long ways on that evening and trying to get home with all of the other drunks.  It is not meant to be rude to my friends - just that it is quite a trip and I would rather stay home and watch the hockey game.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

Friday, December 18, 2015

Animal Abuse...

Everyday, I see it on FaceBook on my time line.  This last one just kills me.  Boiling a dog, then throwing it off the 4th floor just because the animal chewed up a phone.  The dog survived, but needs help.

You know, it is a small wonder I have anger issues.  I see stuff like this way too much and I feel that this world has just gone nuts.  Sure, I get frustrated and angry with Bo and Chloe.  However, I would never do anything to harm them.  If your stupid phone gets chewed up, that is your own damn fault.  It is one thing to correct a dog, but boiling the dog, then throwing out a 4th floor window is murder.  

I cannot stomach the sick things people are doing in the world today.  I have to remind myself all of the time - this is nothing new.  This bullshit has been out there all along - with social media, it is amplified.  I pray that the owners are punished as God sees fit.  I am so tired of seeing such horrors.

I just do not get why people are like this.  I so desperately wish people would pull it together.  It is complete insanity!


This week, I had my first session with a therapist.  I have a lot of emotional baggage that I carry with me and I need to figure out some sort of release.  Some days, I break down and lose it.  Now, it is time to really learn to "let go."

At the same time, I realize I have a few toxic relationships.  Why am I continuing these relationships?  Maybe it is because I feel badly for these people?  Maybe it is because I have a difficult time lying? 

I went out to dinner last night and again, I left feeling worse than I had meeting this person.  Not really interested in hearing about my stuff, but goes on about how another person's brother, who has diabetes "like us", had his leg amputated.  Getting an 8 lb dog for her son because he wants a dog to love him as her dogs love her - she has 4 large dogs.  I know some people are able to get a large and small dog to get along, but she has a pack.  My worry is that one would get rough with the little dog and break its neck.  I tried to dissuade her, but not having any of that.

Poor dog.  My prayers is that someone finds that baby a home before she gets the dog.  Her son needs to move out, get his own place, and dog.  

I need to get all of that out of my system and look for more positive meetings.  I will miss my former co-worker who used to sit across from me.  He would always remind me - "Always look on the bright side of life" and sing the entire song.  His family and he will be missed - they were great.

I have run bouts in my mind of moving back to my home town.  As of late, friends there have been inviting me to gatherings and such.  It has been fun, but how long will that last?  

Before I moved to Plano, I rarely went out with friends, so I figured I would move and hang out with the single co-workers and friends I had living in Plano.  Well, that did not work out as I had hoped.  In fact, I have grown used to staying home a lot.  I am not sure moving back to my home town is a sound financial choice.

I want to get rid of the "clutter" - physical and emotional - that is in my life.  I would love to just sit in front of the TV and play video games or watch some really good movies.  With my physical issues as of late, I have no energy.  The pain sucks the life out of me.

Not sure what God's plan is for me, but I just have to have faith that things will work out in the end.  It seems a little crazy right now.  So, maybe I am headed in the right direction?

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Just Want to Chuck It All...

I have lived in my current apartment complex for 10.5 years.  It is located in a nice area in Plano.  As I have renewed each lease agreement, most of the time, my rent increases.  This past September, my rent went up an additional $70/month.

So, here is my problem - maintenance issues.  From the beginning, I have complained about a dripping air vent in my second bathroom.  All that ever gets done is removal of the filter and being told I need to change the filter more often.  Problem is - the vent continues to drip.  This generally starts in mid-May and stops when the fall begins for the year.

Now, the A/C coolant runs out and I am left with simply a fan blowing air.  Since the week before the end of October, I have had to call every 2 weeks regarding the A/C.  Last week, the maintenance men were supposed to come in and check for a leak because this problem continues.  Not sure what they did, but the left the heater setting at 90 degree with the dogs in the apartment.  It was a good thing I was only going to PT, but I was more pissed that they would not call to let me know when they would be arriving.  I have two smoke alarms where I need the batteries changed.  That did not get done as I had asked in the work order.

All that gets done is adding coolant, then the maintenance men close out the ticket.  Sure, the A/C is running now, but ask me in two weeks!  Tonight, the apartment temperature is 78 degree and neither the dogs or myself are very comfortable.  I even have the windows open and nothing is getting cooler.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, a maintenance man came in to fix the running toilet, which I reported broken on August 19th when the apartment representatives came in for an inventory check.  Three months to fix a running toilet?!  I ended up paying over $300 in wasted water due to the failing toilet.  What was the fix?  A new flap in the tank.

I make sure my rent is paid before the first of the month.  I keep to myself and I do not bother the neighbors.  I walk my dogs in the appropriate places and pick up their mess.  So, explain to me why I must wait to get a chronic problem such as the A/C unit fixed?!

I bet that they do not even have the work order to fix my oven as well.  Needless to say, I am so peeved at this situation that I cannot see straight.  Is it fair that I have to go stay at hotel for the night because I need the sleep?

I am so stinking tired of this mess.  It is really old and I am so disgusted and fed up.  Tomorrow, I will have to have that nasty meeting with the apartment management about what does it take to get the A/C fixed - NOW?!  Do I need to call someone from outside to fix the issue?  If so, I expect not to have to pay rent for a couple of months.  Better yet, allow me to break my lease and move to another complex, which is not what I want - I would rather move into a house, but I want that to be my choice.  

I am so angry, I really have no clue what I can do.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Making the Minor Changes...

The past few days, I have been experiencing a sharp, pinching pain in my lower back.  It has gotten so bad that I cannot stand straight.  I end having to go lie down on the bed and it is so frustrating.

So, now, I am trying to curb my tendency to drink diet sodas.  I am working harder to drink either straight water or unsweet tea.  I am better off that way.  Maybe, in a month when I see the kidney doctor, my blood work will look much better.  

Try harder to eat healthier and curb the tendency to overeat.  I would like to say, I would not mind overeating the vegetables.  However, I know it is possible, but the calorie count would be less than overeating potato chips or candy.  Perhaps, that might have a positive affect on my weight - by dropping weight.

I am so tired of dealing with the back and knee pain.  The pain wears me down and I get depressed because I cannot get those things done that I was able to do back in early 2014.  It is pretty annoying.

I noticed that a yoga studio is opening up right next door to the apartment complex.  It would be nice to get past a lot of this pain and see if yoga could help.  I am tired of being exhausted and worn down.

I have noticed that I am walking more.  I am working harder to get more than 5000 steps in each day.  It is a small goal because for a while, I was getting less than 4000 steps done in a day.  I am not going to push 10,000 steps just now.  I need to get past the 5000 steps and try for 6000 steps.  Baby steps.

I just have to keep reminding myself - this is a LONG haul to change your life.  This is not a diet or whatever where I go back to eating like a fool.  I have to make life changes.  I do not wish to get weight loss surgery - there are way too many "NOs" when I should be able to make the right changes in my life now.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Mind Spinning Out of Control...

So many things to write about and everything seems such a blur.  I am angry, scared, upset, worried, and over all feeling of boxed in.

The recent shootings upset me to no end.  Furthermore, to realize those shootings are done by religious fanatics takes me over the edge of sanity.  I overheard some information about drowning a deer.  I had to turn off the radio because I simply could not stand to hear any more about the subject.

This world has no value on life.  None at all.  For me to be upset over all of this to some makes me a "radical Christian."  No, I do not think so.  I am simply tired of a group of individuals who have no value for life, no feelings, and no heart or soul.  They care nothing for society as a whole - it is all about how to force others to follow their will - Power.

I am fucking tired of it.  It disgusts me to my very core.  People demanding gun control believe that is the answer.  It is not.  It is not just about guns, people.  It is about brain washing, chemical warfare, creating bombs out of every day products, and so forth.  "If I bring fear to people, then I can control" and too many of us think we are so above it all until that one day.

While walking my dogs, I thought about how horrible it would be for the world to be controlled by one group of people.  I personally do not think it is possible, but what if it were?  

Let's put this into another dynamic that no one ever thinks about - social media.  In the past year, I have found that my opinion means nothing unless I agree with the masses.  WTF?!  If you even try to engage in some decent debate (not trolling or even name calling), you are bullied until you leave or never heard because the other side has shut you down.  I simply stepped away from posting very much.  I repost other posts, but if I post something, someone has to get a bit ugly.  Basically, okay for them to condemn you, but not the other way around.

We do not even listen to one another - everyone talks over each other.  On two separate occasions, I have been talking to someone on the phone and each time, they interrupted me before I properly concluded my statement/question.  That irritates me to no end.  You may have the answer, but what if you do not because you do not have all of the information?  

Small wonder I feel like crawling back into oblivion.  There is no point because no one listens.  No one cares.  No one sees.

None of us will agree on everything 100% - it is simply impossible.  However, I think society as a whole has got to quit looking for blame and band aid solutions and really look at what is going on in the world.  Stop trying to run everyone's lives and let's help one another - help us all be stronger.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Phone Surveys...Don't Call Here...

I recently got a call from some place, CCI.  I get this drivel about a survey regarding television programming and children.  While I consider my dogs my children (with fur), I do not have children or grandchildren.  Before I can say anything, the woman on the other end, blurts out about having the ability to choose the programming that I want for my children or grandchildren.

I told her I had no children or grandchildren (by default).  However, I am so tired of these busy-body groups who want to change TV programming because something offends them.  As I was brought up, you have two choices:  1.  Change the channel  2.  Turn off the TV.

There is a third option - check the TV scheduling and pick out your own programming.  If there is nothing on TV, then just turn off the boob tube, play board games, or read.  Spend time with your families rather than sitting in front of the TV.  Furthermore, listen to some radio shows.  Good grief!  Look at everything I have come up with just sitting here.

Being overweight, people consider me lazy.  In some instances, true, but you know what, I am not so lazy that I realize what my choices are in life and make them.  You have to be pretty damned lazy to sit back, get offended, and demand changes.  How is that allowing other to live their lives as they see fit?  Maybe adults enjoy these shows, that should not mean that someone who cannot figure out other activities other than sitting in front of the TV should be dictating what I can and cannot watch.

Be a parent and make the tough choices.  Don't fall into the trap that everyone else should be following the same patterns.  

Panic Mode *OFF*...

After the past few days, I have been trying to keep myself from too much worry regarding the latest health update.  When I contacted the kidney specialist's administrator, she told me that while my numbers were high, no need to be in panic mode.  I am 0.4 points above the high number for the range.  The time to panic is when my number reaches 6+.

Right now, I am just trying to drink more water and less soda.  I do have an appointment with the specialist in January.  So, I am going to try to calm down and relax.  I do not wish to ask for trouble.  The past two years, health wise, have been one thing after another.  I would like to be in much better health for 2016 and continue to have good health.

Now, to get over the fact that the maintenance men were in my apartment without my being here.  For whatever reason, that just gets under my skin.  I needed them to install new batteries for the smoke alarms in the living room.  I can tell that was not done.  However, I am beyond angry that they left my apartment with the heater set for 90 degrees.  WTF?!  I realize that they were checking the A/C, but leave the heater at 70 degrees as I had set, so that you do not roast my dogs.

That really made me very angry.

Time to get some breakfast and work out the plan for today.