The end of the year holiday time from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, I have a horrible habit of disengaging. Maybe it is because the whole commercialism of Christmas or overwhelming myself of doing all of these wonderful things that I think people would love. Every time, in the end, I have worn myself out before I even get started.
This year was no different. I had thoughts that the situation would be different, but with the up and downs of being sick during the Thanksgiving holidays, then the ice storm, that all took the wind away from me. The next dragging down was the yearly holiday party at work.
Over all, I believe that our "social group" did a pretty damn great job under crazy circumstances. However, it was not at all what we really wanted to provide to the team. The honest truth - people can tell changes and rather than spend time with team mates, they would rather be elsewhere. It is what it is. Times change and so do the people, so you just have to ride it out and hope for the best for the upcoming year.
As for Christmas shopping, I only got gift cards this year. Last year, I spent too much money and paid for that mistake. This year, I curtailed that quite a bit. I had to make some very honest statements about what was going on and where I stood. In the end, I felt that this year should be much more appropriate.
I did manage to make it to Terry and Annie's Winter Solstice party. For years, I had been invited and never seemed to make it. One year, I was about to walk out the door with homemade fudge to go to the party when my company phone started ringing. I did not get off that call until after midnight. I was not happy. This year, I was determined! I had a lot of fun and met so many very interesting and fun people. Annie has a beautiful singing voice and I have loved listening to her songs for many years. She was gracious enough to break out the guitar and flute to play and sing for everyone. It was fabulous.
Yesterday, I was reminded that I was not being a very good friend and I felt horrible about that. I feel horrible because I know I should make a better effort, but I also know this time of the year is so damned crazy. My honest thoughts were to get in touch with this friend after the holidays. Let the holiday craziness die away and get in some juicy friend time. I know my friend reads this blog, so my promise to her is to always keep in touch - one way or another. I feel particularly guilty of being the horrible party as I blogged that I felt the same as someone else - you always have to work at your friendships and I was not doing my part. Bad me! I will make it up - have no fear.
Right now, I seem to be suffering from having so many ideas and thoughts flowing through my mind. That has to be something telling me that I need to sit down and write all of it, but I cannot sit still enough to do it. That frustrates me. I know that these are great ideas and they need to be fleshed out. Today is my last "work" day for the year, so *maybe* I can actually sit down and do some writing. I feel I need to give this a try and just see where it takes me. Otherwise, I will never know for sure.
I am sure I will have more to post about in the upcoming days leading up to New Year's. For right now, I wish everyone a wonderful and peaceful Merry Christmas! I hope that everyone gets what they hoped to have. If not, enjoy what you did get and work towards getting what you want. I have found that over time I am very grateful for the things given to me, but even more grateful for those that I worked to get.
Have a Blessed Christmas!
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