I had my visit with my endocrinologist as well as dietician today. It was pretty unfortunate considering my back was giving me all kinds of fits. Next, my feet and legs are so swollen that it hurts to wear shoes, let alone walk. Oh, and the topper, this week I am supposed to start my monthly beast.
Speaking of monthly beast, last week, I visited the OB-GYN. There was another stressful day. I mentioned how my periods have been and she wants to do a uterine biopsy to make sure that my uterus is not cancerous. BTW, it will be painful, so she wants to put me under to do it. Lovely.
Small wonder my world is not rocking in all the right ways. My A1C was 8.4, which means it went up about 2 points and that is bad. My blood sugar has been pretty high, but at the same time, I have not done so well on taking my medications. I allow myself to get caught up with everyone just having to have this or that. I forget about myself. In the end, I get so angry. Why should I care so much about them?
My life is just such a chaotic mess that it depresses me on so many different levels. I am trying to sort out how to reorganize and get motivated to do the things I need to do. To make matters worse, the last several weeks have been a literal hell on me. The heat outside would zap me of any energy I would have had. Nothing like being drenched in sweat and not feeling like you have the energy to lift a pencil.
Rather than get all excited about redoing and reorganizing my life, I need to take a step back and look at what small steps I can take to make a difference. While it seems pretty simple, I need to focus on getting it done. I just hate the back pain and constant exhaustion.
I try hard to give my worries to God. I read a post the other day that made sense to me. Everyone hears the biblical saying "God will never give you more than you can handle." You know what - I think he does give you more than you can handle. He is just waiting for you to give up what you cannot handle. It made total sense.
The other thing is that I need to severely curb my spending. Not sure why I am on this route to try to make myself look better. Well, hell, let's admit it - I have always purchased make up to make myself feel better. Never really sure it did much to make me look more attractive - I was simply chasing the dream that if I got this particular look, then men would find me more attractive. Never happens, so what am I thinking?!
Monday, I go into the surgical center for another shot in my back. I simply pray that this time, the shot will work. I am so tired of the chronic pain. It is depressing as hell to watch people walking around and knowing - I remember when I was able to do that with no pain and I so enjoyed it. It makes me cry - Why has this happened? What did I do that caused this to happen? How could I have prevented it? Maybe it is best never to know, but I tell you what, if I can get rid of this back pain, my fat ass will be out there with a doggy stroller for two dogs walking my ass off. I can promise you that!
I need the strength to move along and stay positive. I just had to get that out of my system because it is simply getting dark.
No comments:
Post a Comment