A year ago...

I started this blog a year ago and not with much change on my diabetes.  However, there have been a lot of changes within the year.  Upon reflection:

I got a new car
I tried new foods - some agreed with me and others did not
Attended more baseball and hockey games
Made it to a movie - Pirates of the Carribean
Made better efforts to choose healthier foods over the crap (that is always tough)

I found myself becoming more lethargic with life, though.  I need to move on and get past my mother's death.  I want badly to pull out of the depression and get happy.  I know that is what is missing in my life - happiness.


I always fall for men who are completely out of my possibility of attaining any attraction.  I know it is because I am protecting my heart and feelings, but it still hurts.


I find it fascinating that my father can get dates and I cannot even make one.


Right now, I am facing the horrible foe of seeing the doctor and only to find out my A1C has not changed and I have to go on insulin.  I am scared and feel like a failure.  I know I should not feel like that.  I did what I could, but I feel like a failure in that aspect.  Maybe I did not do enough?  I know I did not get enough exercise.  Hell - I hate wasting money on a gym membership.  Then, again, work has barely afforded me any "me" time.  When I took off for vacation for the last two weeks of the year, it felt so good to just get the rest I needed.  I was completely exhausted.  As Danny Glover says in the "Lethal Weapon" movies, "I am too old for this shit." 

However, I stand back and look at the situation and realize that I am lucky to have this job - or any job for that matter.  I thank the Lord for all that has been given to me and try to keep my complaints to a minimum.  Still, there are those days.

So, here we are.  I am trying to make changes in my life.  Rather than pushing away those things that I just cannot see me doing, I need to embrace them.  As for the gym, I have tons of work out videos as well as Wii Fit.  Let's get to the point where I need the gym for more advanced activities.  No sense in spending money on that,now.  I think I will join Weight Watchers and see where I go there.  I have avoided it, but since I can do it on-line, it might be more helpful to me.

Wish me luck on making the changes I need to make to have a healthier, better life.  I want to change.  I want to be healthy.  Most importantly, I want to be happy and carefree again.