Over the past few months, I have been mulling over my life and how to handle some of the more depressive situations. One of the things I have come to realize is that I expect/ask too much of my friends. Meaning, needing emotional support when they are not in for that.
I do not have very many friends and many of them are busy with their own lives. It is not fair for me to expect them to drop everything to hear my problems and so forth. I try to compensate that by letting them know how much I appreciate their being in my life by getting things that I think they may like. I feel I have not much to offer, but I try to repay kindness as I can.
Not everything is positive and light. I remember a friend from college hearing about my new Beetle and thinking I bought the yellow one. I had gotten a blue one and she was telling me how happy she was that I did not get that "perky yellow car!" I try not to be negative, but sometimes, my pain and lack of being able to do the things I used to do really gets the best of me.
I have tried to put all of that in the past and start fresh. However, past pains do have a tendency to raise their ugly heads. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and take a lot of stuff personally. I am exactly the description of my astrological sign - the crab. When hurt, I want to crawl back in my shell. Sometimes, when threatened, I will pinch and hurt others, but I never want to be like that.
For my friends, I apologize for leaning so hard. It was not what you signed up for when we became friends. The past several months have been difficult - hell, the past several years have been difficult. Life is like that and sometimes, it is just hard to roll with the punches.
I just hope that you understand - I know.