For the past few months, I have been "knocked" about for quite awhile. If I blogged, I never published my thoughts because of my approach and ruthless "just getting it out of my system." You know - the things you would love to say, but rather than press "Send" on that scathing email, you press the "Delete" key. I was hurt, upset, stressed, and angry. I have calmed down, but that is due to taking a different attitude.
During the chaos, I found myself just going into the same vicious circle: Getting up, working, and going to bed. I was emotionally paralyzed. So, one of the things I did was work on cutting myself off from people. Now, that sounds harsh, but the reason for doing that was to simply make myself really view some of the situations that had occurred and make decisions about how to deal.
Life is not all positive with sun shining and flowers blooming. Life is real and stuff happens. Plans are changed, people change, and the world changes. It is what it is.
With that in place, I started looking at what I can do to define my own happiness. Examining my "real" needs. I designed a 3 year plan to work on obtaining something I want for Bo and myself. Right now, I am struggling a bit with some decisions I have made, but I know that it is all for the best. It is what I have to do for me. Not what people have some perception of what they think it should be for me.
Health wise, I have some obstacles preventing me from doing things I like to do. It is always something, so I simply put on the "smile" on my face and crack on with life. I have my meltdowns and you know what, I am allowed. My feelings and thoughts matter - maybe not to you, but they do for me. I am just not reaching out to anyone anymore. No one wants to hear it and I get that.
So, I am taking some time off for myself. Making an effort to try to "reset" myself and move into some better behaviors. I think everyone needs that opportunity to scrutinize what is going on and see what they can do to better their situation. This is my time to do that.