It has been quite awhile since my last post, disregarding my Apple Airpods review. Life always seems to throw curve balls. Sometimes, I may think about posting something, but think better for it. I feel that with freedom of speech also comes great responsibility, especially in recent days. Being misunderstood or misinterpreted can very well lead one into a hell that was never intended.
Health-wise - My left knee has had several issues. During the whole master bathroom tub replacement debacle, I started experiencing a great deal of pain. Come to find out I had bursitis. I got a cortisone shot in that knee, but I still deal with pain. Some days are better than others, but it is just another monkey on my back.
I tried to go to 24 Hour Fitness to get some help, but that turned into another headache. I made the mistake of paying for personal trainer sessions. The problem - I was trying to go in early in the morning, say 8 AM. Well, that turned into a huge mistake because I was constantly having to be on calls about that time in the morning. If I tried to go for after 5 PM, this trainer was not available. Maybe, I need to work on looking for another trainer.
Trying to decide if I should change primary care physicians, again. My last one moved away and I decided to go with another doctor in the group. Unfortunately, the last time I tried to see this doctor, I waited over an hour to be seen and dealt with a grumpy nurse's aide. I was frustrated and angry. I did not have time for this during the middle of the day and what made the situation worse was that no one made an effort to say that the doctor was running behind schedule. I left completely pissed off. The next day, the counselor told me that I was justified in being upset. Not sure why I feel this way, but I feel like I am supposed to be ashamed of walking out like that. However, why? I was not being treated properly and it is my time being wasted; not their time.
My work area is undergoing constant upheaval and sometimes, I am not sure if we are coming or going. I try to make sense of it all, but how can you? Being on the low end, you just have to watch what changes take place and see what falls out. It is pretty nerve wrecking.
Grieving over lost friendships - sometimes, I have to realize that maybe those relationships really were not meant to be. I will leave it to the other side to decide if they want to continue and in what capacity. What I would like may not be what someone else wants and I have to understand. I have a few close friends that I can lean/rely on and I will continue to appreciate those relationships and let those people know I do.
Caring for myself - I have not been doing well in this area. I feel that I succumb quite a bit to just crawling back into bed as my mother used to do. Most of that is related to the constant back and knee pain I experience. Could be depression, but I do try to fight it as much as I can. Trying harder to walk more with Bo - as much as I can withstand. I will walk a good 10 minutes or more, then look for a place to sit to relieve some of the pain. Once I feel better, I get back up and walk more. This way, I spend more time with Bo and talk with him in a positive tone so that we both are smiling and having a good time.
At this point, I feel that the shots in my back are useless. Maybe the only cure is just dependent upon weight loss. I simply have to get out of the rut I find myself and work harder on turning my life around from where I am. While it is a scary proposition, maybe I need to look at possibly vlogging for me to get some accountability as well as seeing a change. Even when I lost 120 lbs in 1996-1997, I still saw a very overweight person in the mirror. I never felt that I got anywhere, even though the numbers showed differently.
Also, I have to build a tougher exterior to prevent the pain of abuse from others. I get angry at people who say mean, nasty things, yet they hide behind their computer screens. No videos - nothing. It is so easy to sit behind the computer screen and say nasty things. It is hard to invoke change within one's self and when I see someone trying hard, I would rather hear encouragement, rather than breaking down the spirit.
That brings me to the "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. If you are overweight, people discriminate against you and say awful things because they feel that they can. If you lose weight, same people make the similar nasty comments. You simply cannot win. I finally had to come to the conclusion - if people make nasty comments, just delete them. If those people complain, they need to look within themselves. I need help; I need support. I do not need someone bringing my day down with their useless abuse. Making a change within one's self is never an easy task - it takes time and work. That is what I am trying to do.
So, with that, I will continue to blog from time to time, but look out for my channel. I am not gorgeous or even beautiful, but I am a person. I have a heart and feelings.
No comments:
Post a Comment