Lessons in Life...

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -- Bodhidharma

Anyone that knows me gets that I am not that deep.  However, I saw this quote posted and I stopped to think about it.  It made me realize that no matter how old I am or what I have gone through in life, I still have a lot to learn.

It caused me to reflect on the relationships I have in life.  While Facebook shows I have close to 500 friends, reality is that so very few actually reach out to me personally.  Those are people I know from elementary, middle, and high school, as well as relatives.  I also have some friends I have remained in contact with throughout college and work.  What do a majority of them all have in common:  They never really reach out to me to get together for lunch, dinner, a shopping trip, attend a new movie, and etc.  I am usually the one that reaches out to them.
 

I am not very close to any of my relatives due to my family always living far away from their own families.  I do have a cousin that lives in the area with his family, but for the most part, he never makes an effort to reach out to ask me over for dinner or what have you. Again, I am the one that reaches out to them.  Of course, they are always busy and that is how it is, right?

This year, I realized something about one friend, but it came too late.  When I was really frustrated and needed someone to vent, I learned that person was no longer there for me.  It hurt and the words still sting.  However, as I looked back upon it, I realized, I was getting pushed away and I should have seen that.  I thought best was to wrap up my loose endings with the friendship and let it go.  I still hear the words in my head and it hurts, but you have to respect that and move along.

A month ago, I found myself worried that I would have a job.  Every year, the company goes through a "cutting" of the staff.  In the past, I had felt confidence that my job was okay.  This year, not so much.  

I reached out to another friend who had gone through this herself.  Every time she went through this, she would reach out to me going on about how she needed her job and her fears.  I would take her out to dinner, listen, and try to remind her how appreciated she was in her job and that it was not possible to dispose of her.  Each time, her job was saved.

I reached out to this person to get some support and felt nothing but a cold end.  "Well, that is too bad."  "Sorry to hear that."  "Let me know what happens on that - I need to go so I can watch such and such show."

Wow...here, I had been there for her.  We went out to dinner a couple of times, but even after that, I felt no real compassion for my situation.  Now, I do not hear from her, so I figure I have the "disease" - She was on the list to be removed - stay away or you might get removed.

Again, I was deeply hurt.  

I never wish harm on anyone and know I am no saint or perfect.  I usually get along fine alone because it is what it is.  I do have some close friends and I appreciate their friendship.  Just that sometimes, it is hard being alone.  I tell myself, "You know, there are some people in this world who simply could not exist if they had to live as you do.  You make it work where they cannot.  It is what makes you stronger."  

That means, I go out to eat without fear of being alone.  I will go to the movies alone.  I will do what I want - alone.  Would I like for others to join me?  Sure, but if I really want it, I will do it alone.

So, how does that quote fit into all of this?  For all I can do, I cannot make people like me or want to be with me.  I have to learn not to be upset with them because it is what it is.  Forgive myself and learn to move on with life.  However, never forget how someone made me feel because someone else out there is probably feeling the same thing.  Just learn to be better.
  

YouTube Content Creators Representing Dallas...

So, on some level, this is probably out of my demographic.  Yet, I am a single woman and I love makeup.  There is no denying that fact.  I was not born and raised in the DFW area, but I have come to call this place home.

I have spent a good amount of time watching various videos on YouTube.  Long enough to form an opinion about a few of the creators.  One in particular really gets under my skin, so much so that I had to unsubscribe.  She lives in the DFW area, but man, she does nothing but complain about how Dallas does not have this or that.

This lady is much younger than me, has kids, and on the search for that elusive "Prince Charming."  When she goes out, she takes the viewers out to swanky places in Dallas that are prime "seen and been seen places."  On the flip side, she will go on and on about how she is not happy here.  For all the swank, she never goes out of her way to really find the cool hole-in-the-wall places.  Not even sure she made it to the State Fair, which in itself, is a pretty interesting thing to do this time of the year.

She has had good fortune on obtaining an invitation to be part of a team that is developing makeup for one of the beauty companies in the area.  However, when watching the team introduction, she mentioned that she was from her hometown, living in Dallas.  *sigh*

I get being homesick.  Most people go through all of that - I had more than my fair share of it when I was a young child.  However, you spend your time wanting to be wined and dined, but never get out to see the things that the city and surrounding communities have to offer.  I find that so sad because there is Bishop Arts, Deep Ellum, Plano, Frisco, The Colony, Fort Worth, Grapevine/Southlake, Lewisville, Denton, and so many other places that are full of so much art, culture, and activities.

I would love to find someone who was her age and really showing off the various places in the area.  I would like to see this young woman get out of her shell and honestly become friends with more people.  Perhaps, that would help her get better adjusted and see the city for the good that it has.  Not just can it at every corner because it not like "home."

Remember:  "You're not in Kansas, anymore."

Possible New Hobbies Coming Together...

Taking a quick break from my normal day.  I have played around with creating a YouTube channel specifically for keeping myself accountable for working on weight loss.  Also, I wanted to make it a bit more interesting by either using it to go over various make up products that I have or trying new looks.  Not really expecting much from it, but I thought it might be fun understanding how to create and edit content.

I really did not want to have to spend a whole lot of money to start.  I have a camera that my father bought me for my birthday in 2012.  It is a Nikon J1 - it has the ability to film in HD, but it is not quite a fancy as some of the cameras I see other content creators have.  Still, start with what I already have and build on that.  No sense in spending a lot of money on equipment and such, then not really getting into it.

I know I am missing a few pieces on my camera.  I purchased two batteries and two battery chargers.  I have some extra ones that did not work lying around the apartment.  However, the last two, I am taking back to Best Buy to get that off my credit card.  I think I need to look for a tripod and ring light, but I will work on getting the best lighting as I can before going down that path.

This will also enable to me to put my MacBook Pro to some good use.  I purchased that computer and rarely use it.  I have been in the process of switching my iTunes library to be stored on the Mac, than the PC.  When I got my current Dell system, I had upgraded to using an iPhone and had a headache just getting the phone set up and so forth.  I figure it would be easier to store everything on the Mac.

I charged a battery the other day and got the J1 out to play around with it.  The camera does make some really clear videos.  I just need to set up some books or something as my tripod.  Hope to clear out a cubby hole that the apartment has set up between my bedroom and walk-in closet.  From there, I would do filming.  Planning to move out the videos and store my makeup palettes and such in the DVD cases that would be sitting behind me.  Nothing fancy, but everyone has to have a start.

Will let you know when all of that comes together and I finally upload my first video.  Next, I would like to buy a guitar and learn how to play it.  I saw a very awesome advertisement from Fender where you can buy on-line lessons.  That would be extremely cool to use.

Time to head back to my regular work day.  This is getting pretty exciting.