During June, July, August, and part of September, I live in this furnace called "Texas". Man, the heat just wipes me out each day. I usually spend about 30 minutes outside walking the dogs about 4 or 5 times a day. I get enough of a heat blast that it completely zaps my energy. Of course, it does not help when my feet and knee hurts. I am not sure what is going on with those parts of my body, but the pain is annoying. I think it is time for some Tylenol Arthritis pain medication. I have been taking Aleeve and getting no relief.
It has also been a very exhausting week at work. Most of my issue there is various people and their poor planning. I often shake my head and wonder what is up with them.
My blood sugar had been pretty high the past few days. I got lucky today. When I tested this morning, it was 183. After dinner, 207. That is about a 24 point difference, which is decent. Granted, the numbers are not below 150 in the morning, but it is progress from what the numbers had been. I just need to keep doing what I have been doing - eating better.
If my feet and knees would quit hurting, I would be more motivated to exercise. As it stands, I hate just walking the dogs. Speaking of walking the dogs, I will need to do that again shortly. Bo has gotten into the tendency of waking me up at 3:30 AM to go pee. That is annoying - getting some really good quality sleep and someone interrupts me with loud barking and panting.
Time to quickly walk the dogs to get them potty before heading to bed. I was going to work on my Toshiba laptop and get Fedora 16 installed. However, I think that can wait until tomorrow morning.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Life and home a mess...
I think about it a lot, but I haven't really been able to put a lot of thought behind it - organizing my life and home. Right now, both are a complete disaster area. I bought some books on organization for my Kindle and I have been "trying" to read them. Between work and dealing with the dogs, I barely get any "me" time.
As you know, I am trying to get back in the saddle again with eating properly. For example, I fight with myself all of the time about getting something out to eat. The lazier side of me wants to just run out and grab something. The healthy side of me says that I have soup, salad, and etc already here - eat that! So, I am sitting at the computer writing out my argument with myself. LOL
I have so many things I *need* to do and *want* to do. I try to merge time for all of that during my weekend. Unfortunately, it seems my time gets spread very thinly. I should look at the positive. For instance, I managed to get the following done yesterday:
I do not want to be considered a "hoarder." I just never seem to have time to put into running what I have planned. I get side-tracked a lot and I need to get back to telling myself "Focus! You can do this and don't run off to do something else with someone - you are just escaping!"
With that all being said, time for me to bid adieu to my computer for a little while and get back to the grind. Time to try out the slow cooker bags for a meal of Chicken and Mushrooms. Hope it turns out good.
As you know, I am trying to get back in the saddle again with eating properly. For example, I fight with myself all of the time about getting something out to eat. The lazier side of me wants to just run out and grab something. The healthy side of me says that I have soup, salad, and etc already here - eat that! So, I am sitting at the computer writing out my argument with myself. LOL
I have so many things I *need* to do and *want* to do. I try to merge time for all of that during my weekend. Unfortunately, it seems my time gets spread very thinly. I should look at the positive. For instance, I managed to get the following done yesterday:
- 5 loads of laundry washed and folded
- Emptied the dishwasher of clean dishes and loaded up with the dirty dishes
- Cleared a slow draining drain in my bathroom
- Gathered up some of the clutter, sorted through it, and trashed what I no longer needed
- Cleared out stuff collecting by the ice machine in the kitchen
- Got started on installing Oracle11g R2 on to my Toshiba laptop that I installed Fedora Core 16
I do not want to be considered a "hoarder." I just never seem to have time to put into running what I have planned. I get side-tracked a lot and I need to get back to telling myself "Focus! You can do this and don't run off to do something else with someone - you are just escaping!"
With that all being said, time for me to bid adieu to my computer for a little while and get back to the grind. Time to try out the slow cooker bags for a meal of Chicken and Mushrooms. Hope it turns out good.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Horrific events...
Thursday night in Aurora, CO, a man went into a movie theater and started shooting people. There is no reason at this time for why the man did this. There is no reason why 71 people were injured and 12 died. It happened. It is difficult to wrap one's mind around why it happened, but the fact remains - it did.
During dinner, my friend sort of compared it to 911. The "eerie-ness" of the event. I had briefly thought about that on my way to pick up this friend, but not really spent a lot of time on the matter. The whole thing makes me a little wary to go to the theater again.
I won't deny that the incident was senseless or shocking - it is. However, I wonder how many of these individuals are out there lurking.
Earlier in the week, same friend mentioned that a woman we know who had fought breast cancer received some pretty tragic news. The cancer has spread to her brain. I felt so much sadness because this woman seemed like such a kind, caring person. My friend who has fought through breast cancer as well found out she has emphysema. She had just wrapped up radiation therapy and dealt with chemo. To make matters worse, she does not have much medical insurance and her situation is becoming dire.
As I drove home that day, I turned on the radio and it was playing Bruce Hornsby's "The Way It Is". It gave me an image of sitting on a pier by a lake, having a talk with God and asking "Why all of this pain and suffering?" His answer: That's just the way it is. While I realize the message in that song is not to accept things just because that is the way it is, for some of life's tragedies, it is the only answer.
There are no real answers for all of this. We have to cope with what life gives to us and figure out how to handle it or handle it better. I suppose coping and such is part of God's plan or lessons we learn from life. We do not have to like it, but they are there.
During dinner, my friend sort of compared it to 911. The "eerie-ness" of the event. I had briefly thought about that on my way to pick up this friend, but not really spent a lot of time on the matter. The whole thing makes me a little wary to go to the theater again.
I won't deny that the incident was senseless or shocking - it is. However, I wonder how many of these individuals are out there lurking.
Earlier in the week, same friend mentioned that a woman we know who had fought breast cancer received some pretty tragic news. The cancer has spread to her brain. I felt so much sadness because this woman seemed like such a kind, caring person. My friend who has fought through breast cancer as well found out she has emphysema. She had just wrapped up radiation therapy and dealt with chemo. To make matters worse, she does not have much medical insurance and her situation is becoming dire.
As I drove home that day, I turned on the radio and it was playing Bruce Hornsby's "The Way It Is". It gave me an image of sitting on a pier by a lake, having a talk with God and asking "Why all of this pain and suffering?" His answer: That's just the way it is. While I realize the message in that song is not to accept things just because that is the way it is, for some of life's tragedies, it is the only answer.
There are no real answers for all of this. We have to cope with what life gives to us and figure out how to handle it or handle it better. I suppose coping and such is part of God's plan or lessons we learn from life. We do not have to like it, but they are there.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Back in the saddle again...
A month and half ago, I get the best news I have had in a LONG time. I am finally making strides in lowering my A1C, my cholesterol and triglycerides (if I spelled those right the first time, I would be amazed) are in normal levels. Granted, my A1C was still high, but I had dropped it about 4 points - that is tremendous.
So what do I do? I celebrate a little too much for the past month and half. Only to compound the problem more, this past month was my birthday. My motto - everyone deserves some cake on their birthday and I had my share. I fell off the wagon. It happened. Well, I tried to be better, but my will at times was the very worst.
So there - I have beaten myself up for it. As in the movie, Elizabethtown, I am only going to allow myself about 5 minutes to wallow in self-abuse. Did it and now, I am going to move on with life.
I am slowly going back to my new, healthy eating ways. I try to cook as much as I possibly can. Why? Well, I know exactly what is in the food I am going to eat. I know how much salt, sugar, and other ingredients I have used. This information is SO important for me to make sure I regulate my sugar intake. I realize that for me a sweet potato has better nutritional value than a regular potato. I thank my mother every day for providing the opportunity to eat foods that most won't, such as broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, and etc. Even today, I try to open myself up to trying new vegetables and fruit. Since my mother's passing, I found that I really like squash - not just zucchini and yellow squash, but butter nut and spaghetti.
My most serious downfall is going out to eat with friends. There are some places where I can get a really healthy meal. Most of the time, that is either a steak or seafood restaurant. The other day, I was invited to a party at BJ's Brewery. There was free food, but it was tortilla chips with salsas and cheese dips. No go there. Breaded chicken tenders - no go. Potato skins - another no go. Finally, mini pizza with thick crust - definite NO.
I sat with some friends and drank unsweet iced tea. I was good with that because I would go home and fix something to eat. One friend was dear enough to get me a slice of the veggie pizza, but I turned it down. I did not go for the pizza in the first place because I did not want to tear off the toppings just to eat them. Also, pizza is not pizza without the crust. Had it been thin crust pizza, that would have been no issue. I figured for me trying to get back on the road of healthy eating, it was better not to tempt fate. I knew I would eat the crust otherwise.
Last night, when I went to eat with a friend, we went over to "Whole Paycheck" to see about some baby heirloom tomatoes. None were to be had, but I ended up getting some mango, kiwi, regular heirloom tomatoes, nectarines, and some guacamole (my cryptonite). My friend has type 2 diabetes, but she never went to the nutritional classes (as far as I know, she refused to go because she could get the info by reading books). I heard a lot of "this is good for us" or "why pick that?" Most of what I bought is pretty fiberous, so course, those foods are good for "us."
My biggest problem with this friend is that her diabetes is not anywhere out of control as mine and she is in the process of renovating the inside of her house. So, she wants to go out to eat a lot. I am trying to curtail that sort of thing because when I cook, I know what I am putting into the food. Also, I am trying to save to get a house. Limiting my eating out actually saves me money. My job is to learn to say "no" a little more often to her.
I am back and working hard to do the right thing. Sometimes, it is easy, but other times, it is hard. I am just trying to take one day at a time.
So what do I do? I celebrate a little too much for the past month and half. Only to compound the problem more, this past month was my birthday. My motto - everyone deserves some cake on their birthday and I had my share. I fell off the wagon. It happened. Well, I tried to be better, but my will at times was the very worst.
So there - I have beaten myself up for it. As in the movie, Elizabethtown, I am only going to allow myself about 5 minutes to wallow in self-abuse. Did it and now, I am going to move on with life.
I am slowly going back to my new, healthy eating ways. I try to cook as much as I possibly can. Why? Well, I know exactly what is in the food I am going to eat. I know how much salt, sugar, and other ingredients I have used. This information is SO important for me to make sure I regulate my sugar intake. I realize that for me a sweet potato has better nutritional value than a regular potato. I thank my mother every day for providing the opportunity to eat foods that most won't, such as broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, and etc. Even today, I try to open myself up to trying new vegetables and fruit. Since my mother's passing, I found that I really like squash - not just zucchini and yellow squash, but butter nut and spaghetti.
My most serious downfall is going out to eat with friends. There are some places where I can get a really healthy meal. Most of the time, that is either a steak or seafood restaurant. The other day, I was invited to a party at BJ's Brewery. There was free food, but it was tortilla chips with salsas and cheese dips. No go there. Breaded chicken tenders - no go. Potato skins - another no go. Finally, mini pizza with thick crust - definite NO.
I sat with some friends and drank unsweet iced tea. I was good with that because I would go home and fix something to eat. One friend was dear enough to get me a slice of the veggie pizza, but I turned it down. I did not go for the pizza in the first place because I did not want to tear off the toppings just to eat them. Also, pizza is not pizza without the crust. Had it been thin crust pizza, that would have been no issue. I figured for me trying to get back on the road of healthy eating, it was better not to tempt fate. I knew I would eat the crust otherwise.
Last night, when I went to eat with a friend, we went over to "Whole Paycheck" to see about some baby heirloom tomatoes. None were to be had, but I ended up getting some mango, kiwi, regular heirloom tomatoes, nectarines, and some guacamole (my cryptonite). My friend has type 2 diabetes, but she never went to the nutritional classes (as far as I know, she refused to go because she could get the info by reading books). I heard a lot of "this is good for us" or "why pick that?" Most of what I bought is pretty fiberous, so course, those foods are good for "us."
My biggest problem with this friend is that her diabetes is not anywhere out of control as mine and she is in the process of renovating the inside of her house. So, she wants to go out to eat a lot. I am trying to curtail that sort of thing because when I cook, I know what I am putting into the food. Also, I am trying to save to get a house. Limiting my eating out actually saves me money. My job is to learn to say "no" a little more often to her.
I am back and working hard to do the right thing. Sometimes, it is easy, but other times, it is hard. I am just trying to take one day at a time.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Another Birthday for the Books...
June 22nd - I turned 46 today. Oddly enough, the number means nothing to me. It is not how old I feel. In my own mind, I am still some sassy 25 year old. My body, on the other hand, tells a different story. Girl who cuts my hair is only about 5 years younger than me and she thinks I look like I am still in my 30's. (So does she.)
I would like to think that my mind's age has a lot to do with how I look. I have no intentions of getting any plastic surgery to keep me young looking. I pray to grow old gracefully. I see the wrinkles in my face beginning to form, but I try not to hide them. The lines are a reflection of the time spent in this life - I have earned them.
My life is still in a constant uproar. I am praying that the revelation of recent information will allow me to leave the rut I have found myself. An opportunity to grow and take away a lot of the stress I have to manage. I am quite tired of it and find that work is consuming my life. That is not how work should be - people work to live, not live to work. I thought I would have more accomplished in my life, but as it stands, that is not the case. However, I need to take that situation and turn it around or leave. Leaving is the less confrontational mode - still, something needs to be said. How to say it without any retaliation, that is a mystery for me.
Time to toddle off to bed. I have been way too deep for one day.
I would like to think that my mind's age has a lot to do with how I look. I have no intentions of getting any plastic surgery to keep me young looking. I pray to grow old gracefully. I see the wrinkles in my face beginning to form, but I try not to hide them. The lines are a reflection of the time spent in this life - I have earned them.
My life is still in a constant uproar. I am praying that the revelation of recent information will allow me to leave the rut I have found myself. An opportunity to grow and take away a lot of the stress I have to manage. I am quite tired of it and find that work is consuming my life. That is not how work should be - people work to live, not live to work. I thought I would have more accomplished in my life, but as it stands, that is not the case. However, I need to take that situation and turn it around or leave. Leaving is the less confrontational mode - still, something needs to be said. How to say it without any retaliation, that is a mystery for me.
Time to toddle off to bed. I have been way too deep for one day.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Riding the blood sugar waves...
I think have finally settled on the "magical" number. I am taking 76 units of insulin at this point. Most days, when I eat really healthy, my morning blood sugar is below 150. Now, if I totally screw up or fall off the wagon, I have a bit of difficulty getting my blood sugar down, but eventually, the situation gets better.
Tomorrow is a big day. I go back to see the doctor after 3 months of working on my health. I know I have not lost much weight, but that requires some work on my part. I need to exercise more.
I have been doing a lot of reading. I got caught up with reading the Fifty Shades trilogy. Next, I started reading the last two Charlaine Harris books, Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood. Now, I am going to work on Crossfire by James Patterson. I also downloaded two Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse collection of stories, then Herman Melville's Moby Dick. What I found was that I really got a kick of reading using Kindle. I found myself reading from the iPhone from time to time as a short break. When I got home, I would be able to sync the Kindle DX or Kindle for the PC or iPad to get to where I left off reading. That was pretty nice.
I did something I probably should not have done today. My father is not spending time at the house. He leaves the A/C off and the place gets unbearably hot. I could not bear to leave mom's ashes there in that heat. I brought her ashes along with BJ and Stormy's home with me.
I have cried off and on today over bringing them home. I find it comforting to have mom here. I know she is gone, but I felt that her presence has come along and it is comforting to me.
Tomorrow, I will clear off the top area of the entertainment area that the apartment built. I will put mom and the "boys" up there. I also brought home the photo albums. I love to look at those. During the last couple of months of mom's life, she would go through the photo albums over and over.
This week will be a busy one. I hope all goes well with the doctor's office.
Tomorrow is a big day. I go back to see the doctor after 3 months of working on my health. I know I have not lost much weight, but that requires some work on my part. I need to exercise more.
I have been doing a lot of reading. I got caught up with reading the Fifty Shades trilogy. Next, I started reading the last two Charlaine Harris books, Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood. Now, I am going to work on Crossfire by James Patterson. I also downloaded two Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse collection of stories, then Herman Melville's Moby Dick. What I found was that I really got a kick of reading using Kindle. I found myself reading from the iPhone from time to time as a short break. When I got home, I would be able to sync the Kindle DX or Kindle for the PC or iPad to get to where I left off reading. That was pretty nice.
I did something I probably should not have done today. My father is not spending time at the house. He leaves the A/C off and the place gets unbearably hot. I could not bear to leave mom's ashes there in that heat. I brought her ashes along with BJ and Stormy's home with me.
I have cried off and on today over bringing them home. I find it comforting to have mom here. I know she is gone, but I felt that her presence has come along and it is comforting to me.
Tomorrow, I will clear off the top area of the entertainment area that the apartment built. I will put mom and the "boys" up there. I also brought home the photo albums. I love to look at those. During the last couple of months of mom's life, she would go through the photo albums over and over.
This week will be a busy one. I hope all goes well with the doctor's office.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Hitting New Lows (the good kind!)...
It has taken 2 months, but I have two days under my belt where my blood sugar has been under 150. I have been trying SO hard to make the right choices. Even when I did not make good choices, I would brush off and get right back on that horse to keep at the goal. However, my job is not finished - it will never be finished because I need to make sure it stays that way.
My next stage in this journey is going to be a bit more difficult. I need to drop more weight. So far, I have lost about 10 lbs. I am happy about that - it shows progress. However, being a good 100+ lbs overweight for most of my life, there is a problem. I know I did not get here overnight, therefore, I cannot lose it overnight, either. I have to maintain determination to get both the blood sugar and the weight under control. My worry is that maybe I fail at the weight loss because I am afraid.
I know - what am I afraid of? Maybe I am afraid of drawing attention to myself. Of course, that makes no sense to me - I draw attention to myself being this heavy. Perhaps, I am afraid that I won't like what I become physically. I need to quit thinking about this and just focus on keeping the blood sugar down along with getting the weight off.
I remember losing weight when I was 12 years old. I lost 52 lbs just by cutting calories and exercising. I remember that point in time very well. I had just moved to Texas, new people, "tween" time, and the first friend I made was no longer my friend. It was a very dark period for me.
A new doctor put me on a 1200 calorie diet and I had to take P.E. for school. I could not run as fast as the other kids. I tried, but a lot of the time, my legs would cramp up, thus forcing me to run even slower. Still, I tried. I took the abuse from classmates for being slow. It made me sad and worthless.
That Christmas, I had lost some weight and my parents got me the precision skates I had dreamed of having since I had started skating when I was 7 years old. Roller skating was one thing I was really good at doing. I would go skating Friday night, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon. I would skate and talk with people. When I was thirsty, I would get water from the water fountain or get a diet drink from the counter.
The weight continue to drop off of my frame. Popular girls would not talk with me or they would ignore me, but as I kept dropping weight, I would get a few compliments, but not many.
The turning point was during P.E. My class ran a race against the girls basketball team. It was inside due to the rain, so the instructors set up a relay race inside the gym. Something unusual happened. I had to run against one of the basketball girls, I actually caught up to her. I heard one girl say "She is the fastest fat girl I have seen." I was proud. Life began to brighten up and I got some respect. Seems silly now, but it was such a difficult time to endure.
The following year, I basically maintained the weight, but soon after, the weight came back with a vengence.
The last time I lost 100 lbs, I was on weight loss medicines and doing a low fat diet. My gall bladder was gone at this point. Every night, I would walk 4 miles before going to bed. During my lunch hour, I would walk 2.5 miles, then eat lunch at my desk while taking phone calls. Again, I was still overweight, but I felt so accomplished. Then, I made the fatal mistake - I fell for some guy on an on-line dating site. We were to meet and he stood me up. His explanation - I was fat and he did not date fat girls. I started the rock bottoming.
So, here I am - trying again. Maybe the difference here is that I am doing it for my health. I have to keep my blood sugar regulated. Otherwise, I risk damage to my health. I fear what may cause me to fail, but I have to be brave and learn how to deal with that adversary in a health manner. I cannot give up.
My next stage in this journey is going to be a bit more difficult. I need to drop more weight. So far, I have lost about 10 lbs. I am happy about that - it shows progress. However, being a good 100+ lbs overweight for most of my life, there is a problem. I know I did not get here overnight, therefore, I cannot lose it overnight, either. I have to maintain determination to get both the blood sugar and the weight under control. My worry is that maybe I fail at the weight loss because I am afraid.
I know - what am I afraid of? Maybe I am afraid of drawing attention to myself. Of course, that makes no sense to me - I draw attention to myself being this heavy. Perhaps, I am afraid that I won't like what I become physically. I need to quit thinking about this and just focus on keeping the blood sugar down along with getting the weight off.
I remember losing weight when I was 12 years old. I lost 52 lbs just by cutting calories and exercising. I remember that point in time very well. I had just moved to Texas, new people, "tween" time, and the first friend I made was no longer my friend. It was a very dark period for me.
A new doctor put me on a 1200 calorie diet and I had to take P.E. for school. I could not run as fast as the other kids. I tried, but a lot of the time, my legs would cramp up, thus forcing me to run even slower. Still, I tried. I took the abuse from classmates for being slow. It made me sad and worthless.
That Christmas, I had lost some weight and my parents got me the precision skates I had dreamed of having since I had started skating when I was 7 years old. Roller skating was one thing I was really good at doing. I would go skating Friday night, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon. I would skate and talk with people. When I was thirsty, I would get water from the water fountain or get a diet drink from the counter.
The weight continue to drop off of my frame. Popular girls would not talk with me or they would ignore me, but as I kept dropping weight, I would get a few compliments, but not many.
The turning point was during P.E. My class ran a race against the girls basketball team. It was inside due to the rain, so the instructors set up a relay race inside the gym. Something unusual happened. I had to run against one of the basketball girls, I actually caught up to her. I heard one girl say "She is the fastest fat girl I have seen." I was proud. Life began to brighten up and I got some respect. Seems silly now, but it was such a difficult time to endure.
The following year, I basically maintained the weight, but soon after, the weight came back with a vengence.
The last time I lost 100 lbs, I was on weight loss medicines and doing a low fat diet. My gall bladder was gone at this point. Every night, I would walk 4 miles before going to bed. During my lunch hour, I would walk 2.5 miles, then eat lunch at my desk while taking phone calls. Again, I was still overweight, but I felt so accomplished. Then, I made the fatal mistake - I fell for some guy on an on-line dating site. We were to meet and he stood me up. His explanation - I was fat and he did not date fat girls. I started the rock bottoming.
So, here I am - trying again. Maybe the difference here is that I am doing it for my health. I have to keep my blood sugar regulated. Otherwise, I risk damage to my health. I fear what may cause me to fail, but I have to be brave and learn how to deal with that adversary in a health manner. I cannot give up.
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