Depressing Days...

I held off from blogging because most of my thoughts were rather depressing.  That is probably the wrong approach - I should go ahead and get that stuff out of my system.  However, I was pretty conflicted on posting anything.

My scale is not showing much change.  Granted, I still am not moving around like I should, however, I do see where I just cannot eat as much as I used to eat without feeling some pain.  Now, when I say that, I am talking about that pain when you overeat and your stomach lets you know about it.  I think twice before I order something in the amount I used to eat.

Excitement for me during this time was making it to see Star Trek: Into Darkness last Friday night.  I went to the 11:30 PM showing in the IMAX 3D theater.  I loved the movie!  It was an awesome ride and I am ready to go at it again.

Something that makes me sad.  I had someone "add" me for a friend request.  I do not know this person.  I even sent a private message on FB asking "Do I know you?"  It was obvious I did not.  The man supposedly was from the UK and apparently "looking" for a mate.  I accepted him on Yahoo! Messenger, but when I did not respond to his messages at 4:30 AM my time, he got a bit nasty.  Basically, why would accept him and not talk to him?  Well, because I was asleep at 4:30 AM?!

The man was asking to see pictures of me.  I decided - be upfront and honest.  I said I was single and extremely overweight.  If he was still interested in getting to know me, then he would make an effort.  Did that happen?  No.  Never heard a peep from him after that. 

I told myself, what have I got to lose?  Apparently, I lost my self-esteem.  Why did I even give in to that?  Maybe because I was feeling rather lonely, but I make that bed.  I am picky and feel I have every right to be picky considering I have been alone for so long.  When it happens, I want it for the right reasons.  I don't want to get mixed up with just anyone.  You might say, what if you pass up that person who is right for you?  My thought - if it is for real, it will happen.  At least, I hope that is God's plan.  However, I have to tell myself, your life is not exactly perfect and peaceful right now.  As a friend posted the other day, I need to find my "good place."

I have worked hard on making sure I take my meds daily.  The results are showing within the blood sugar numbers.  I have watched them go from mid 250s down to the 160s in the mornings.  That is a huge improvement.  I am also trying hard not to eat carbs late at night.  That seemed to cause higher blood sugar in the mornings.

One day, I had to skip breakfast and picked up something for lunch.  I still had not eaten, but was running around the department passing out some baseball game tickets.  At one point, I noticed I was getting jittery and sweating.  I sat down and measured my blood sugar.  It was 99.  I sat down and ate my lunch immediately after that.  That was a first for me to experience that.  I don't think I want to go through that again.

I have other things that are bothering me, but I think I will hold onto those.  I hate to get into all of that publicly, but I find I have a lot of apathy.