Noticing Small Changes...

While I realize I have only been on Victoza for a week, I can already tell a difference.  However, my realistic self keeps trying to tell me that it is probably mind over matter.  I am not eating quite so much.

I started taking the medication last Monday.  By Friday, I just could not eat as much as I normally would.  I would feel pretty full, but would this medication have kicked in this quickly?  What I have seen is that my morning blood sugar has gone from the upper 250s+ down to 200s.  During the day, I have actually seen numbers more close to "normal" such as 130-150.  One time, I had 116 - that was amazing.

I have even seen a little movement on the scale.  When weighed last Monday, I was 304.  Yesterday, I weighed and I was down to 300.  Of course, once I get below that, I will feel just a tad better, but will work on my next goal - get down to 290.  The farther away I can get away from "300", the better I will feel.  I hate that number. 

At one point in my adult life, I weighed 220.  I basically lost 120 lbs.  I did use phen-phen to get there, but it was a tool.  I was walking about 4 miles every day.  My mom was amazed at my dedication at that time.  Every night after dinner, as long as it was not raining, I would go outside and walk the neighborhood for about an hour.  I made sure I made 4 long rounds, which was about 4 miles.

During that time, I felt good about myself, but yet, I still had issues with dating and such.  That weighed heavily on me and could not see past that to what I had truly accomplished.  I still saw "fat" driving people away.

Today, I am not going to sit here and set myself up for failure by thinking "I lose all of this weight and there will be men all over me."  No.  Or that my life will drastically be better.  Physically, I will feel better, but it won't change my life from bad to fabulous.  That is nowhere being realistic.

The other day, I did buy a bunch of new jeans and bras.  Even though I knew I was on this new drug and it would help with weight loss, I still bought the new clothes.  Mainly because a part of me thinks - What if this does not work for you?  What if you continue to balloon out of control?  You still have to dress yourself.  Your current jeans are either too small or worn out from wear.  I can no longer go in to WalMart to get a cheap pair of jeans anymore - the sizes do not fit me at this point.  So, I ordered the larger size I need now. 

Next question - what if this does work and the weight begins to come off - what are you going to do with all of those clothes?  Answer is simple enough - store them away for a year.  If I do not see a need to get back into them, I will give them to GoodWill or one of the clothing drop offs.  Lord knows that there are probably other women out there that are my size and need the clothes.

Various books and articles suggest creating one major goal and smaller goals to reach the main one.  I will admit, if I could lose 100 lbs and keep it off, I seriously won't care about anything else.  Just having that weight off my frame would probably improve my life a million fold.  I am not going to care if men still do not find me attractive because at that point, I know what it is like to be this large and I just won't fall for that being the reason to look down upon myself.  I have done that for so long in my life.  Now, I want to release that judgmental part of my life. 

My minor goals to reach the major goal is simply:  just lose weight.  No matter how little or much - anything is progress.  More reasonably - try to lose 2 to 5 lbs a month.  Any loss is a gain in reaching the main goal.  I just have to keep reminding myself every day - maybe even become a mantra:

You never got here overnight.  It took years.  In order to get to a smaller weight, it is not going to happen overnight - it may take years.  The point - you can do it and do it the healthy way. 

Time to ride out this adventure and see where it leads.