Final Year in My Forties...

This year, my birthday has not started quite on the right foot.  First, my father needed my help with clearing out the house.  Let's just say, there is a lot of stuff and it is going to take a LOT of time to clear it out.  Nothing will get done in 4 hours time.  I spent most of the time clearing out trash, getting rid of clothes that I have no hope of getting into or were not my style, and just observing all that we, as a family, had accumulated.  It is pretty overwhelming.  That was Saturday.

On Sunday, I spent the day with my father and his girlfriend at her house.  My father cooked a pork roast, as he is so proud to do.  It is one of those things he really likes to do and my mother was the one who helped him get the hang of barbequing in the early years of their marriage.  As with anything, my father has gotten better at barbequing over time.

His girlfriend made me a pizza sized chocolate chip cookie with pecans and had "Happy Birthday" and my name written on it.  With the business concerning the house, we do not see eye to eye because she is a go-getter and I have no room to take on any of the stuff I would like to take.  Mind you, I live in a 2 bedroom apartment.  My mother would give me tons of stuff to take home and I finally had to tell her I no longer had any room.  Truth is the truth.  I was honored that she had gone to that trouble for my birthday.  It was a very nice thing to do.

My father's girlfriend's step-daughter came over for dinner.  I learned that she was a realtor, so while everyone sat around talking, I asked about some advice for a first time buyer looking to buy a home - was getting a foreclosure a good idea?  The step-daughter explained that I was better off buying a house that was recently built or a brand new house.  This way, I could maintain the warranties for the appliances and such within the home.  I explained that I have no money to put down 20%, which would keep me out of PMI.  We looked at homes north of where I live - in smaller communities, where I know I could find a reasonably priced home.  I got her phone number since she did not have any cards, so I can call her for help.  She was much more helpful than another friend I have who is a realtor.  Granted, my father and her step-mother are together, but we are still just acquaintances, so we can maintain that "business-like" relationship.  Do not get me wrong, I like her step-daughter, but I really do not want to cause any issues.  Last thing I want is to cause a lot of drama.  However, I appreciate her kindness to work with me.

So, the weekend went okay, but being in the house really brought out a lot of emotion in me regarding my mother.  Everything in that house was something to my mother.  I do not see it as junk, but "stuff" as George Carlin would put it.  I hated it when someone made the comment that we had so much junk in our house.  All I could think of was my mom and what was special to her.

Monday was the big day.  Finally, I am 49.  My last year to be in my forties.  Wow - I remembered when I turned 40.  I had looked in the mirror and made some realizations regarding life.  What I had wanted to get accomplished in my 30's had not happened:  No husband or family, no house, no children, or hope for any personal relationships.  Next year, I will probably reflect on what has changed, good and bad.  Right now, I feel it is time to try to purge and try to open up life for new experiences.  I have been doing a little of that, but there are other things hindering my ability to do more.  Those things have to be cleared out of my life.  My next post will be my year plan of things I want to get done, so that I can make the next decade more interesting.

I will say this - I have been trying to look at the positive things that happened to me the past two days.  I say that because what I had planned did not turn out at all as I had wanted.  I figure I may be too selfish, but in some way, not really.

The parts that sucked:

• Digestive system is not playing well with my plans
• Friend is worried about losing her job; forgo eating at a special restaurant for Red Lobster to be the "listening post" 
• Same friend states good or bad news on following day, we would go out to eat at a nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday a day late.  However, bails out at the very last minute.  I realize that her area is going through an ovehaul, but there was no definite information regarding her specific job

The positive points I am looking upon:

• Had a wonderful lunch at Uncle Julio's with a retired co-worker - great laughs and conversation
• Red Lobster waiter gave me a free bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce to celebrate my birthday
• Got another friend to go out to a nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday
• Nice restaurant gave me a free slice of their chocolate mousse layer cake - plate had written on it "Happy Birthday" and a single candle lit so I can blow it out
• The friend that went with me has worse issues than the friend who bailed.  She may only be around for another 6 months before the cancer in her body completely takes over.  Also, she has very little money right now due to fighting that fight, so I made sure she enjoyed the meal as much as I did - I paid and was happy to do it.  I was going to go by myself, but her company was much appreciated.  If anything, I just hope she enjoyed the evening as much as I did.  The running joke was her just asking for "Filet Mignon" - no other meats interested her

In regards to the friend that bailed out for dinner, I feel it is time to take a break again.  She was worrying me about getting an email at work when I am off for the week.  I had to check my own email as well as contact my boss and a former boss to ask about the email.  I thought it would be best to forgo my own plans to help calm her down - I figured there was some sort of reorganization going on - possibly lay-offs.  However, while we worry, we have to continue with life.  Sort out your plan B and get comfortable with it.

I understand, but at the same time, I get all of this "I will go"  "I feel better", then last minute "I do not want to go."  Probably just as well, but I really dislike the late invites and such.  I just need to learn not to be so nice.  This is something I will write about - how I need to not let others bully/push me around.

So, today, I will try get some work done around the apartment, go out to eat lunch, come back and do more work on the apartment.  I also have some edx.org home work to do.  I am going to make the most of the rest of the week I have.  That is all any of us can do.  In the meantime, I will be praying for a friend of mine in Houston trying to get a medical issue resolved.  Maybe I might even take in a movie.  I have not been since March with my friend from Germany.  I think it is time.