Sunday, August 4, 2013

Land of Confusion...

Life in General:

The past few weeks just feel like a complete blur.  I have been experiencing some of my darkest moments - it has been quite some time since my last round of such.  At work, my situation is at its bleakest - I have made some mistakes in handling things.  I admit there are areas for improvement, but right now, there is a fear of some major backlash.  I am trying to face those issues as much as I can.  I do feel that communication breakdowns between teams has been a major factor, but no one ever resolves those.

Another organization within the same tower I am in sent out a "feeler" for new job opportunities.  Subject line was "Looking for a Change?"  I went for it - what did I have to lose?  I got the particulars and saw I met most of the requirements.  I talked to the lead on Thursday and he sounded very excited that I would be a good fit for his team.  I won't know anything until next week, maybe.

During this same time, I had to deal with an argument with my manager, impending half year appraisal, and the announcement of a 5% decrease in the workforce.  I thought long and hard about the things I really wanted to do.  The "pros" for the new job - no on-call, little to no production support, handling only development and QA environments, manage code control differently, and learn warehouse management.  The "cons" would be - no more virtualization/cloud (where I need to be aligned according to the Sr. VP), and no more opportunities for development - not much there to do from what I learned.

It is very conflicting.  I had hoped another manager would have an open spot.  I have worked with him and very excited about the new opportunities his team is taking.  Also, there is no on-call duty there as well. 

What is really my main objective?  I want my "life" back.  I am facing "50" soon and I would like to go back and complete my degree.  I realize that there may be no ROI on that, but for me, it would be the feeling of accomplishment. I also want to be able to take a trip when I want - be free to go off somewhere with no contact with the work world.  And lastly and most importantly, take care of myself for a change.  Get out and do the walking that needs to be done.  Find some activity that brings me joy or makes me feel better.

Health:

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me, blood sugar wise.  Most of the day, my numbers hovered around 94 to 138.  That is quite the accomplishment, but I ended up messing that up by having a pretzel that night.  This morning, my blood sugar was up to 264.  Well, the soft pretzel is out of the house.  LOL  Horribly sad when bread is like crack to your system.

As for my weight, well, I am sitting around 301, which is better than the 309 a few weeks ago.  Negative in this sense is a good thing.  I am still trying to reach my goal of 10,000 steps a day.  It is difficult most days because I have to sit at my desk a lot.  I am going to start putting in an alert on my phone to remind me to get up every hour and walk a bit.  Also, when doing housework, I try to be inefficient in that I have to walk a lot to get things.  That way, I get extra steps into my routine.  I feel fairly certain that if I walk 5 miles a day, that would make a huge difference in my life.  My "Americanized" Kiwi computer pal in CA has upped his goal to 20,000 steps a day.  Now, he is still a soft drink and staunchly confirmed "choco-holic" and "cheese-aholic".  Those items he absolutely refuses to give up for anything, but he has lost quite a bit of weight.  I am proud of him for that.  Now, I need to see some change in my life as well.

Home:

Seems like this place never gets much done to it.  I tried yesterday, but one little dog, Chloe, had to have her attention.  It is true - the sofa has been piled up again and my goals today are:

  • Clear the clutter off the sofa, vacuum it, and freshen it up.
  • Do the same to the bed and pillows
  • Gather trash, old magazines, and boxes and throw them out
  • Put away laundry and keep that managed, no matter what.
I bought a Kindle book (my new "crack"), 31 Days to a Clean and Organized Home.  I am sure a lot of my depression and negativity has to be due to the loads of clutter here.  If I can managed to get some of this under control, I would think my whole outlook would be much better.

Spending Fast:

While flipping through 31 Days to a Clean and Organized Home, I found some truths that really hit home.  I am very guilty of having multiple things simply because I could not find the original item.  That has happened to me so many times.  I am sure as I clear out stuff here, I will find a lot of stuff.  At the same time, I need to start a "spending fast".  I realized I have overspent considerably this year and I need to cut down the credit card bills.  I want to be able to take a trip to Europe next year.  I have thought long and hard about this one and it is something that I really, REALLY want to do.  I need to create my "life list" and put down a lot of these things I want to do and see how to achieve them.

Trying New Things:

I started drinking Powerade Zero.  I am due for my colonoscopy in a month and I need to find some drink to put back the electrolytes that I will be expending for that prep.  Also, finding something that will fulfill getting that water intake without being a diet soda.  So far, most of the flavors have been pretty good.  I am not a huge fan of the orange drink, but I love the fruit punch.  Unfortunately, I cannot drink that flavor during prep because it is red.  Still, it is nice to get something that is flavorful and may not be so bad for me.

iPad apps - I found several programming apps on the App Store and downloaded them for creating a learning plan for myself.  These are pretty cool.  I am also going to try out a project management software tool.

Computer Software - Where I work, you have to keep track of where your time is spent on various projects.  While installing Fedora Core 14 Linux operating system, one of the cool installation was a program called "Task Coach" (www.taskcoach.org).  It is truly an amazing tool.  You can download the app for free for Mac, Windows, and Linux.  You can also get the app in the iTunes App Store for free as well.  I just create a task, put in the project management tracking ID, then every time I work on that project, I click on the clock to get it running.  When I am done, I click on the clock to show the end time.  At the end of the week, I just get the total time and put it into our system  for the week.  The software also has other bells and whistles for things like percentage done, notes, and etc.  Well worth the free investment.

Today's Message From God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

your kindness makes a difference.

Even if it is a very tiny act of goodness and you think no one notices, God notices. Always remember that one little act of kindness can tilt the balance of an entire situation. One little act of kindness can ripple out in countless ways that you many never know about.

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