Time Out - For Yourself...

Most people cannot envision someone spending the holidays alone.  I can understand that.  You hate to hear that someone was alone on a family/friend gathering time of the year.  This year, I decided it was better for me to go it alone this year. 

Originally, I had not really put a lot of thought into Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas.  The one thing I did not want to do is go over to Fort Worth and just sit around and do nothing.  I do like going over to my parents' house because there is the fenced in yard for Bo and Chloe and that helps me relax.  However, I tend to get more depressed because my mom is not there.  I miss talking to her and I would spend my days there with her.  I also realized my father does not really spend a lot of time with me while I am there.  It just is what it is - no fault.

The other plan was my parents' friends in Arkansas wanted me to come visit them.  My mom's friend was very distraught over having to put her brother into a nursing home and had some difficulty with it.  I explained to her that I would see what I would do.  However, if I went, I would need to stay more than a few days - I need to see my mom's cousins and my mom's younger sister. 

Chloe got sick and it cost me an arm and a leg, so if I had any money for a trip, it went to Chloe.  I felt bad to cancel those plans, but at the same time, I actually welcomed the opportunity to stay home.  My father invited me to join his partner and him at her son's house for Thanksgiving.  I turned that down as well.  I just wanted to stay home. 

As I explained to my parents' friend, I really am welcoming the time alone.  This year has been not only physically, but also emotionally exhausting.  I look at the apartment and know the things I have not been able to accomplish and it makes me sad.  I have taken off on trips that I should have never done or bought things that I really, REALLY wanted, but never wore/used.  That tells me there is a problem afoot with me emotionally.  I need to spend time being honest with myself and figure out why I am or am not doing what is best for me.

Also, another reason for staying home, most importantly, I am going to cook my own Thanksgiving.  Why?  Because this is the time of the year when you want LEFTOVERS!!!!  While I miss my mom very much, it was something we really loved about this time of the year.  Sure, mom would go on about how "next year someone else is cooking," but we always enjoyed the leftovers after the huge meal.  I really miss mom and this time of year does not make it any easier.

Time to get dishes washed, laundry done, clearing out the apartment, and start on that one area of cooking that completely relaxes me - chopping up and prep.  Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Today's Message from God to me:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

it is important to care for the temple of your body.

Even more important is your spirit, which is the light within that temple. A beautiful temple may attract others, but it is the light that will touch hearts.