Being okay with making mistakes...

On Thursday, I took my father and his girlfriend out for his birthday dinner at Ruth Chris' Steakhouse.  Dinner was delicious.  I tried to make good choices, so that I could enjoy a little of the chocolate sin cake.  However, I have found that I have made a few more mistakes with my eating the past few days.

Last night, I found I could not keep my hands out of the chip and salsa bowls.  To make matters worse, I gave in and ordered a cup of queso.  Good thing I did not order the bowl!  I found I ate more rice than I should have with the Pechuga de Pollo. 

Today, I missed breakfast because I woke up late and needed to be at Polished for a manicure/pedicure at 9:30 AM.  I rolled out of bed, hit the shower, blow dried my hair, brushed my teeth, and walked the dogs before 9:10 AM.  After the mani/pedi, I did some shopping at the mall and grocery store.  By the time I got home, it was almost 2 PM.  I had to walk the dogs and put the groceries away before being able to eat lunch.

By the time I finally got to eat lunch, my blood sugar was at 165.  This morning, it was 243 before I left the apartment.  However, I was so hungry that I ate too much.  I made a really huge salad and had a bowl of soup.  I should have stopped at the salad.  I was proud of the fact that I did not drench the salad in dressing.  there was just enough to only leave a few smears on the plate.

I ended up taking a nap with Bo and Chloe.  When I got up and checked my blood sugar, it was 267.  I had eaten a cookie and a couple of pieces of chocolate before taking the nap.  I knew that was the cause for the high number.  I need to just crack down on what food I am putting in my mouth.

Tomorrow, just have to be really careful of what I eat and get back on track.  It is okay to make those mistakes because you have to get those cravings out of your system.  Otherwise, denying yourself foods will make you fail.

Feeling lost...

Sometimes, I really feel I have lost my way.  I look at my life and wonder about the decisions I have made along the way.  There are some decisions I feel were probably wrong and it took awhile to get back on path.  Other decisions, I do not regret having made.

These days, I wonder what it is I really want from life.  I feel so separated from the "lively" life I would have preferred.  The question is - what decisions/choices do I need to make to get a little of that back?  How do I work my way to an easy balance?

Working on Gradual Changes...

I am still working hard on eating healthy.  My weight is not really showing me much change.  However, my blood sugar numbers are coming down slowly.  I hope that the lowering numbers are a result from my eating better as well as using the insulin.  I just wished that my weight would start coming off as well.  The next step is to start adding some exercise into my daily routine.

I keep telling myself - Just keep making the right food choices and it will pay off in the end.  Now, I need to figure out why I am getting breakouts again.  Ugh.

Aging Gracefully...

As long as I could remember, I always wanted to be thinner or prettier.  I kept up with the latest fads for hair, make-up, or clothes (as best as I could).  Once I turned 40, I started making a change.

I tried fake nails.  I realized that fake nails just was not me.  Botox?  I do not even care of giving myself the insulin shots - you really think I would be so vain to have poisons injected into me for that?!  Any sort of plastic surgery or liposuction - even weight loss surgery - I just cannot see the point.  I can lose weight by adjusting my diet and getting exercise.

Bottom line, I just want to age gracefully.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I see people who were thin in their younger years, but have gained weight.  That is okay because the weight was not what made them the people they are. 

For years, people tell me that I have not aged.  I know better.  I can see the lines on my forehead and around my eyes and lips.  Lip stick feathers now when I wear it.  It is those little things that we notice the most.  However, rather than turning into a plastic face, I want to be real.  While I may not play up those wrinkles, I won't hide them, either.

Lazy Saturday...

I got to sleep until 6:45 AM this morning.  Both dogs were awake and needing to go out for their morning business.  Once that was done, I decided I would spend the day in bed - or as much as I could muster.  I watched Doc Martin Series 3, had lunch in bed, and just tried to relax.

There are so many things running through my mind.  The one thing that keeps bugging me is the desire for a companion.  Most days, I usually muster through and realize that having someone else in my life would be too much for me.  I need my "private time."  I barely get that with the dogs.

However, something insides me yearns for someone to spend time.  I don't think I could ever be very fair to that person.  Maybe, I would allow too much to be "handed over" to that person because I know I make that mistake a lot.  You know, being too willing just to have someone that you over do it and freak out the other person.  I figure maybe things will fall into place for me relationship-wise as the weight begins to come off of me.

Tonight, I had planned on making chicken stir fry, but after I took the dogs to bed and fell asleep, I decided not to cook.  Instead, I got pizza.  I had not had pizza in awhile and man, did it taste good!  I think that is how I need to handle foods like that - do not have it for months, but savor it when I do get it. 

Slowly, but surely, I will get my blood sugar under control and my weight will follow suit.  I am already seeing some signs of that happening with my clothes.


Time to settle down for the evening - I already did my "work" work for the weekend, so now, completely unwind.

Sucky Days Are Not Over...

Not by a long shot, gang.  Healthwise, it was a good day.  Blood sugar started in the upper 260's and ended in the upper 230's.  I was quite proud of that.  I had dinner with a friend at Texas Land and Cattle and the most amazing thing - I did not venture into temptation by eating my foe, sourdough bread!  Stinking amazing because I love that bread, but it is like crack to my system.  Very unfortunate.

Work-wise, it was not such a good day.  Actually, it has been a rather crappy week.  Maybe, by documenting more on what goes on, some sort of change for the positive can occur.

I have so many plans for this weekend.  Most of my plans center around being close to home and just cleaning and relaxing.  Most work tasks are off my plate or can wait until next week.  I have to do a cutover tomorrow night, but that won't take very long.

I need to do more writing.  Maybe, that will add some positive value and show me other areas of opportunity.

Self-Improvement is key these days.  Let's get the ball going!

Measurements...

Today marks the 3rd week that I have been taking insulin.  At this point, I inject myself with 30 units of insulin.  As I work hard to eat better, I can see a slow gradual decline in my morning fasting blood sugar.  I try to keep reminding myself that you do  not get to a point overnight.  Therefore, you cannot get back overnight, either.  Keep making the better choices and everything will fall into place.  If I have not tried harder at anything in my life, I need to do this.

I called my parents' friend in Arkansas last night.  I did it mainly to stay in touch and make sure she knows that we are okay.  She lost her two brothers over the holiday season and she was missing my mom.  It made me sad because I still miss my mom every day.

Time to head into work.  I need to find a new desire.  Something that inspires me.  I should try writing more often - that might help.