Today, I turned 47. To celebrate, I basically lounged around and tried to just enjoy the day with no stress. Okay - my dog, Bo, has been a constant source of a headache with his off and on barking all day. I feel I have had my fill of that garbage for the day.
I baked a coca-cola cake and headed over to my father's girlfriend's house for barbeque country pork ribs and catalina grilled chicken. I cannot find any restaurant that makes that sort of food, so I just ask him to make that one time a year - my birthday.
I spent some of my time thinking of what I have done with my life. I was reading other friends' postings on Facebook this week when I came across one that saddened me terribly. I knew of this girl in high school and she is pretty nice. She has talked about having a lung diease for quite some time.
This woman went to some specialists this past Friday to get some hope. Instead, she came home realizing that her diease was rapidly advancing and there was nothing that the specialists could do for her. In a nutshell, she is dying.
I posted that I would be sending many thoughts and prayers her way that her situation would improve. It reminded me of my own mother. You want so badly for the situation to improve or achieve a stage where you have some sort of life. I am sure this woman is experiencing all of the stages of grief and there is nothing, absolutely nothing any of us can do for her.
The woman has had family issues in the past. I told her she needs to live each day to its fullest. Those who cause her pain in her life must be eliminated. She cannot live these days worrying over petty arguments. One just cannot do that.
The whole situation made me think of my own mortality. Have I accomplished those things that I would like to do? Was I able to achieve the dreams I had for myself? Nutshell, sort of. In one sense, I have a job that I am successful at doing. I make fairly good money and am able to support myself. Do I have the husband and children? No. Do I feel happy with my life? In all honesty, there are some aspects I would like to change. I want to be happy with life. I allow too many things to weigh me down and that has to change.
I need to see each day as a gift, not just another day with the grind. There is something to relish in each day - I am certain. My goal is to look for those things.
I am not happy with myself physically. Yeah, yeah - I say it again and again. However, the truth is: No drug is going to change my physical side. I have got to be more active. I do not wish to deny myself anything because that only makes one sad. Enjoy those things that are lovely in moderation. Look at the chores as challenges to overcome and win. Make life count for something because when you leave, you need to be able to say "I lived a good life!"
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