"Have You Considered..."

I made it to see my orthopedic today regarding my knee pain.  During the conversation, he suggested weight loss and then, suggested surgery.

I thought about this on my way home.  Weight loss was how I got in this situation in the first place.  I had worked hard to lose weight in 2014 and ended up with back pain, then the knee pain.  I was unable to move due to pain.  I got very depressed because here I am back in this vicious circle.

I will say that the orthopedic did say he would check with the insurance company on getting me the Sinvisc series of shots.  I think his main concern is how my knee would hold up with my current weight.  However, you see, I want to be able to move pain free, so I can exercise.  

The only reason I am not considering weight loss surgery is because it would be better for me to lose it properly.  More to the point, weight loss surgery is not going to do me a damn thing other than take things away.  That has to be my choice.  Furthermore, I have enough issues as it stands - why would I put myself into further danger by reducing vitamins and nutrients needed?  It adds a whole level of complexity to life that quite honestly, I do not want to manage.  I have enough on my plate.

So, here is my resolve.  Continue to work with someone on my areas of failure - possible binging moments.  How to control those triggers.  Eat better and look for low impact exercises that won't injure the back or the knee.  I know I can do this - I just no longer want to live like this.  It is depressing as hell.