Easily Losing Focus...

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

it's never too late to get back on track.

Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light.

 I feel like my life has been turned upside down for the past week.  On last Friday afternoon, I was notified of an all week training and was told I was required to be there in person.  I have a small problem with that.  Actually, two small problems named Bo and Chloe.  

I hate to leave them at home for 8+ hours.  To me, that is not fair to them because they are smaller dogs and I live in an apartment.  So, it is rather difficult for them to get out and do their business without me.  So, I made arrangements to board them for the week at the vet's office starting this past Tuesday.  Monday, luckily enough, was just half day of training, so that helped.

I actually enjoy training courses.  I want to learn about new things and work out how best to implement the tools or functionality.  What I do not enjoy is the behavior of others that were in the room taking the training.  My manager came to Dallas on Tuesday and left on Thursday for the course.  While I am trying to pay attention to the instructor, my boss starts in about a production issue.  I had already spent time looking at the issue before the training course started that day and determined that the issue was either with the data or some process in the flow was not working properly.  I tried to politely explain what I had done, but I also tried to get across that I was trying to pay attention in class.  This discussion could be tabled for a break.  My manager just does not seem to get that.  It was a continual situation where he would start conversations and the poor instructor would have to raise his voice to be heard by others, which in turned caused the other conversation to get louder.  Every evening when I got home, I felt like I had been run over by a bus.

This was going to be my week to get out and walk.  That plan fell apart very quickly.  Every morning, I was up at 5 to 6 AM trying to get work sorted out before I went into work for the training course.  During the training course, I was expected to resolve issues because no one was picking them up.  Once class was over, there was still more work to be done, so I ended up having to pick up something to eat.  I would get home, eat and work until midnight.  Small wonder I was so exhausted last night.

I have all of these expectations on my plate and quite honestly, not sure how they will get accomplished when my manager does not convey proper information.  My co-workers have helped me understand that it is not just an issue with me, but he does it to all of them.  So, I do not see how this re-organization is going to correct his bad habits.  He is still not sharing information and there are things that need to be done, but no one knows the "plan."

This is what causes a lot of my stress.  Improper planning and saying that this is how this team is going to work.  Even chaos can be properly managed, but this is beyond me.

In the end, I have not always been checking my blood sugar this week, but I have made it a point to make sure I take my medication.  I have missed getting an insulin injection from time to time.  Most of those mistakes were due to my getting too caught up in rushing around to get things done.  I know that is a bad sign.

I have always been a pretty emotional person.  I cannot help it - it is just something that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.  This week, my emotions have been running pretty high.  It has not taken much to make the water works start up.  I try to keep that in secluded places where others cannot see, but sometimes, it has been a harder task than usual.  There are so many things that I want for myself and I do not mean material items.  I feel bound to something I cannot break free.  Every time I finally get something, anything, going in the right direction, losing weight, getting blood sugar down, something else happens and just obliterates all of my hard work and determination.  It makes striving for the things I want for myself so much harder to achieve.  

I know nothing in life is ever easy.  However, I just wish I could get on the winning side of it for awhile.  I would love to be one of those wonderfully positive people who just by talking to them can make you see the light inside yourself or even be that person who others gravitate due to their positive spirit and nature.

In the meantime, I will just dust off the dirt on my worn out pants and try to pick myself up.

One last comment.  I find it amazing that when I push back on something, some people claim that I am not a "team player."  I love how that label gets thrown about when someone does not get what they want when they want it.  However, when they want someone to fix something, dig in a log file for an issue, or get something done quickly, they are on the phone to me.  Yeah - I am not a team player.  Go figure.