Saturday, December 10, 2016 at 10:30 PM, Chloe left me to join my mother in heaven. I know my mom was waiting for her and I am sure she showered Chloe with lots of love. All week, she had showed signs of having trouble standing up, but I thought it was due to the arthritis. I had given her a shot to help ease the pain on Thursday. Unfortuately, that Friday, her back legs just gave out on her.
By Saturday, she was even worse, but continued to show a strong front to me by always trying to sit up. God bless her - she simply did not have the strength and my gut was telling me this was it. However, my heart kept pleading with God that it would just be that she was weak and needed more food or something.
She still ate and drank, but she would not eat a lot of dog food - she wanted people food. Saturday afternoon, I made boiled chicken breasts and she gobbled that down with zeal. That was where I had a poor perception - I thought this was a good sign.
I went to lie down by her on my bed for an hour and my gut kept telling me that I needed to take her to the vet. I finally obeyed what my gut was telling me, so I gathered her into her soft pink baby blanket to keep her warm. It was cold outside and I did not want her shivering. I got Bo and we all went for that last potty walk.
We got her to the vet's office and they immediately took her to ICU. She got hooked up to an IV and was put into an oxygen tank. Her breathing was labored. The doctor said that she was not in any pain, but she was breathing really heavy. He said that she seemed like a fighter, so he thought it would be a good idea to keep her overnight and see if her situation would improve. I wanted to take Laurie back home, then come back and stay with Chloe. Bo would be with me as well.
Before I left, Chloe tried to show me what a real trooper she was. She tried to sit up for me and I told her - Please, sweetie - save your strength. I need you to fight for me - I need you to get better and come home. You cannot leave me just yet.
When we got there, she was pretty much gone, but she did look me in the eye for a bit. I told her it was okay. She no longer needed to be strong. It was time to take a nap and get her strength to see momma. I said that momma was coming to get her and she would be so happy to have her precious girl with her.
After that, the doctor came in and gave her the shot and I held her the entire time. I felt her take her last breath and lost it. My precious sweetie was now gone. I felt like all kinds of hell. I felt I had let her down through the past few weeks with my own issues. I had planned out this was going to go down and this was not the way it was supposed to be. I had wanted her vet to come to the apartment and I hold her, so that she would not be scared or at the vet's office. Of course, God forbid that her passing would happen that way - no, it had to be at the vet's office with another vet, and I am sure she was scared. I was angry with how that part went down. It was not fair because she deserved so much better. The only person I blame is myself.
Bo licked her face after she passed. When we finally got home, he walked around the apartment with his tail down. I hugged and petted him. I told him I missed her as much as he did.
I loved both dogs. Chloe was my mother's dog. Her passing closes the chapter in my life regarding my mother. I always found comfort with Chloe because she was a part of my mom's life. Now, that is gone.
Chloe is very special to me in other ways than my mom. You see, after the experience with BJ, where he never quite liked me until towards the end of his life, Chloe loved me from the start. I was her "sissy" and human playmate. I would get on the floor with her and play tug of war until her heart's content. I cared for her when my mom was not feeling well. When I moved out of the house, she would wait for me to return on Friday nights. She missed her "sissy."
When my parents would come to visit me, she knew the exact apartment, even though she had never been there. Once she was there and got her love from me, she was ready for "all" of us to leave. She never liked it when I did not go with them.
The one time I know she was really angry with me was when I adopted Bo and brought him over to the house. She was not a happy dog. However, over the years, the two of them bonded, especially over the time my mother was dying. Towards the end of her life, I would find her cuddled up next to Bo in my bed.
Everyone tells me what a good mom I was to Chloe and she could not have asked for better. I beg to differ. Upon reflection, she deserved to be in a house where she had a backyard. It would have been better than being on a leash and having to be walked.
Chloe deserved so much more than I could really give her. However, my greatest joy and my reason for my torn heart, she loved me so much. Even though she was my mom's dog, she was always "Daddy's girl". I thought she would always be that, but I won her heart by always being there for her. After awhile, she no longer cared if my dad left. She was more worried about losing me.
Chloe showed me that I could be loved - I was not an odd-ball. Bo loves me as well, but I think it took having Chloe in my life to teach me the right way to go about being loved by a dog. Dogs are loving and trusting souls, but they also sense bad people. I told people that if someone's dog ever attacked Bo or Chloe, I would have no fear of protecting them, even if it meant me harming the other dog. Even today, as I write this, I would kill the other dog, animal, or person for harming either Bo or Chloe.
Chloe was not just my pet, she was my sweetheart, buddy, and most precious. I feel the exact same for Bo. However, Chloe was the first to help me open my heart after Stormy's death. I thank God that I have Bo during this time. I feel sad that right now, I have no plans to get another dog. I need the time to recover financially and taking on another dog right now does not make much sense.
Last night, Bo and I sat on the balcony looking at the night sky. I can only hope that Chloe and my mother are reunited. I hope that Chloe is letting my mom know that sissy did a good job and how much she loved me. This is my way to telling Chloe one last time how so very much I love her...and always will.
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