Friday, October 16, 2015

Hitting Rock Bottom...

Everyone has their breaking point.  I think I am reaching mine.  The past couple of weeks, I have been so frustrated with my weight, pain associated with my back and knee, then just general anger on why happened and why?

As I sit here, I do not want to eat anything.  Mainly, that is due to whatever stomach bug I may have.  Nothing like chancing eating something that will cause another marathon run to the bathroom.  However, I cannot think of anything that would taste good or would keep the dogs from giving me crap to hand over stuff to them.

I tried eating a salad yesterday, but it only grossed me out.  The tomatoes were already turning and the salad dressing was tasting pretty gross.  The two grocery stores in my vicinity cannot keep decent produce.  I will have to return to visiting Sprouts to get some good produce.

If I can get past this stomach bug, I hope that I can make it over to Sprouts to get some fresh vegetables.  I feel so sluggish, so maybe the best thing for me is to get some fresh fruit and veggies.  Perhaps, even get the lettuce for making my own salad mix.  Seems that when I did that, my salads lasted longer and the lettuces stayed fresh and crispy.

However, as I look at this huge tire around my mid-section, all I can think about is:  How can I get this smaller?  How can I start feeling better about myself?  What can I do in my current situation that will help me lose weight?  

I do not want to do the stupid shakes.  I just want to eat properly and figure out what I can do to get more activity into my routine.  I do not want to live the rest of my life like this.  I mean, I cannot ever see myself being *thin*, but if I could get down to 200 lbs, I would be more comfortable.  I know that sounds crazy, but honestly, I can never see myself being really thin, but I just want to be healthy.  Maybe 200 is not healthy, but it is sight better than where I am now.

Perhaps, I will spend time looking at what I can do to get more activity into my routine.  I will work hard on portion sizing.  More importantly, I need to hold myself more accountable and I have not been doing that.

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