I am not sure if it was the visit to see the kidney specialist on Thursday or looking at myself in a window when I went out for dinner. The bottom-line was that I needed a huge slap in the face for how much I weighed and looked. I was embarrassed and more over, my back was still giving me a lot of pain.
From what the kidney specialist could tell, I have damage to my kidneys due to the diabetes/high blood pressure. However, how can he really tell that from one visit? My father reminded me that both my cousin and he have a tumor that secretes a hormone in their system that causes them not to be able to keep their blood pressure stable.
Right now, I know that my urine is pretty much normal, but I still need to take this seriously. I am more upset with the fact that I have allowed the pain I have to keep me from doing things. In some cases, it has been a blessing when I really did not want to do certain activities. However, there are some activities I would like to do without doing them in pain.
I was told that I will have to stop Meloxicam immediately as well as no more Aleeve, Advil, or any NSAID products. Tylenol or Tramadol will be what I have to take. Luckily, he did not say anything about the Flexoril. I do not take those medications but once a day. I try to manage the pain as best as I can. With days like today, I think I will have to grab the TENS unit and an ice pack and see if that will provide some pain relief.
I deserved a rude awakening. I need to get off my butt and be more active. I am trying to drink more water, so there is a bonus there. Where I really need to pull up the boot straps is when it comes to meals. I need to be cooking more and eating out less. I ended up eating out for lunch and dinner quite a few times this week. That needs to stop.
My hope is to shed some weight and perhaps, that may help my back pain issues. My right knee is still doing well, but my left knee is starting to act like the right one did. So, starting today, I am going to make an effort to be a bit more active.
When I have gone into work, I check the time or set a timer for 45 minutes. After the timer goes off, I quickly wrap up whatever I am doing or reach a stopping point, then get up and walk around the office for about 10 to 15 minutes. This activity helps prevent the stiffness as much. I think that is the worst part about all of this - the stiffness. It hurts so bad to just stand up and my body automatically begins to stretch. Sort of weird, but that is what I do.
Today, I will try to stay home and get some work done around the apartment. In particular, the kitchen. I need to rearrange the pantry and toss any expired items. I usually do that sort of thing every 3-4 months. It seems that it is time to do it again.
My thoughts are not to look like some super model. I just want to be able to walk pain free as I had been able to do in 2014 before all of this back pain business started. I had such a good positive vibe going on while I was losing the weight. It is unfortunate that I allowed some stupidity of some people to bring me down, but I need to put that in the past and move forward. Life does not stop, so rather than dwell on all of that, I just need to get up and move.
In an effort to get my life back into some sort of order, I am going back to FitBit.com to start logging exercise, food, water, and sleep. I unlinked MyFitnessPal from my FitBit account because I wanted to use the FitBit program and not get all caught up with confusing data. Also, to get started, I selected an easy goal of trying to lose just 5 lbs. I am not imposing a deadline goal to accomplish this. I just want to lose 5 lbs - that is it. Once I reach that 5 lb goal, I will reset for another 5 lb goal. Small steps and take it day by day. I have an overall goal of 100 lbs, but rather than overwhelm myself, I am looking at reaching this goal by setting smaller, more achievable goals. Yes, I will have set backs, but I hope to find help on working those out with my counselor when they happen. I need to understand why I do certain things and learn to adjust my behavior.
Also, I refuse to say "NO" to anything. What I mean by that, I do not want to hear "You cannot eat bread anymore" or "No more sodas for you." Now, while I choose to drink water over soda, that is a decision I make. I choose to do it because I know it is a better choice for me. However, sometimes, I may want a soda. It is up to me to make sure that I do not overindulge.
I know several people with gastric by-pass or lap band surgery. Many are successful, but I have also seen the bad side - issues with the surgery, gaining back what they lost, having to take vitamins and so forth because their bodies are no longer getting those nutrients, and stating all of the foods that they can no longer eat. I know I can lose weight and I am determined to lose it and keep it off. I truly believe that I can do that without denying myself certain foods and so forth. I may not eat bread as much, but do not tell me I cannot have it. That just makes me want to eat it more.
I know that there is a dark side with losing weight. There is the depression and so forth. I believe that is what causes me to start gaining weight again. I have lost the weight and when life was not what I expected, I was depressed. I felt really let down and I sought solace in food. Food was my comfort blanket. Food never made me feel bad or hurt my feelings.
I know that this will be a long journey, but after the visit with the kidney specialist and seeing what I looked like, I have to do something. No one else can do it for me. I just need to remind myself - take it one day at a time and look for something that brings you joy each day and be grateful.
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