Saturday, May 21, 2016

Emotional Rollercoaster...

Sometimes, this emotional rollercoaster comes out of nowhere and for no real reason, then wrecks my life for a week or two.  Once it is over, life is normal until it hits again.  Needless to say, I do not handle it well.

Going back to work on Monday from a week off is already a chore.  It is just a normal way of life, I suppose.  People never properly plan, then their poor planning requires an emergency on your part.  No surprise that I had so much to handle when I returned to work.  Their poor planning and communication really agitates me because a lot of this could be handled earlier when they know they have to get this stuff done.  Best excuse I get - I am really busy.  Yeah?  So am I - thanks for dumping work on me.

On the positive side, one needs to be thankful for work.  It is not that I mind the work - most of it is filling out forms and such.  However, I hate it when they bring it to me when it was due days before and no chance for you to review.  My other disgust is when I have done the work in the past and it is now someone else's job, but it is okay to dump it on me again.

Next, came the doctor/counselor/dietician/PT scheduling.  It was insane!  At the doctor's office at 8:30, back at 1:00 and again at 3:00 - all in the same day!!!  What happened?  I freaked out in a panic attack and canceled all appointments I had for the week.  It was crazy and with all of the added work that was labeled "emergency", I had no time to get anything done.  Heaven forbid - I was on conference calls that last hours and I had to pay attention to what was going on because someone was always dropping me in the middle of it. 

In the evenings, I had scheduled an introduction to painting and drawing on Monday and Tuesday this week.  On Friday, I went to do Painting With A Twist.  I had some escape with the creative classes, but the Friday class had me near tears.  I really wanted to work on a painting that I could be proud.  My back was causing me a lot of grief and the others in the room were really just playing around.  I had a difficult time focusing, but the instructor took pity on me and tried to help me with my painting.  It is a lovely painting, but when I got to my car, which I had to park far away, I sat there and cried.  All of the trying so hard and just not getting what I wanted out of it was getting the better of me.  Of course, my back was no help.

I decided I would eat dinner before returning home.  I tried a new restaurant that was next door to the Painting with a Twist shop.  The waitress was very kind to me.  However, my mood sank even further due to this one person on FB.  Someone had visited an area close to where I live.  Hardly anyone from the crowd ever comes this way and when they do, I am excited to see it.  I had mentioned a restaurant, then said that the food was really good overall, but the queso was pretty runny.  Another friend, who is pretty much always a jerk, just touched my buttons one time too many.  Had to make a comment that the friend had already posted about that.  I said how so when I had not seen it, so the person posts "I will let you figure that out."

At that point, the tears welled up in my eyes and I tried hard not to break down in the restaurant.  I could not finish my meal, so the waitress boxed it up and I went to my car after paying the bill.  I sat there and cried and cried.  

All of my life - I have done nothing but treat people kindly.  I was bullied for a better part of my formative years.  One person from when I was in elementary school actually apologized to me for her bullying me when we were in school together.  However, others seem to think that it is just okay to continue being jerks, then hide behind - I was just joking with you.  You know what, sometimes, the joking gets to be too much.

There is always some jacked up comment when I post about the Dallas Stars, Mavericks, any postings with food or so forth.  Why in the hell is it that we are at this age, yet, cannot seem to get past bullying people?  I was completely fed up with it, so I deleted my comments I had posted and said - Fuck this!

It really hurt my feelings, then this morning, that jerk thinks it is okay to hide behind - You know I was just joking.  NO - I don't!  I am tired of it.  I have done nothing but respect you on-line and in real life.  However, you have crossed a line with me.  It may take awhile for me to cool off, but at this time, it is not acceptable.

I am tired of people thinking that it is okay to walk all over me.  It is not acceptable.  I am a person just like you.  I have feelings as well.  I do not ever kick you when you are down and support you when you achieve things you have worked hard to receive.  However, if you feel that getting your kicks or being able to be awesome by kicking me will get you anywhere, think again.

I am just damn lucky I do not have to face this person every day.  

Perhaps, I am overreacting, but that is what I mean by my emotions get the better of me all of the time.  If you catch me at the wrong time, a joke is no longer a joke.  I treat everyone with respect and damn it, I deserve the same in return.

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