Senseless acts...

Since 2006, I have had a very difficult time enjoying the Christmas season.  Dealt with the rude crowds at the shopping malls, not having enough money to get people gifts and feeling guilty, dealing with the family arguments when my mother spent a lot of money on my father and he did not get her anything, then having to try to manage a Christmas spirit when my mother was dying.

The situation does not get better when some kid goes into an elementary school and guns down twenty six to seven year old kids.  When I heard about the massacre (that was what it was), I had no feeling.  I could not fathom it.  The most I could generate was just saying "How horrible" and thinking, "Where is this world going?  Just had a mall shooting last week!"

After a few days, the emotions just washed over me and the tears fell.  It is not that I do not like kids that I never got married and had kids.  I had the dream of getting married and having children just like every young girl.  The reality was - I was just never chosen. So, when I turned 40, I kissed all of those dreams good-bye and got a dog.

I feel sad for the parents of those children and for the families and loved ones of the principal and teachers.  I felt particularly emotional over one teacher where her boyfriend was going to propose to her.  Now, he can't.

I think where I feel the most sadness is that for these families, the Christmas holidays are going to be a very sad time of the year.  Granted, time heals all wounds, but it takes awhile - I know.  So, even though I try to be all cheerful and get into the Christmas spirit, I understand the underlying pain others go through during this time of the year.

I had to get that out of my system.  I had lunch with a friend and mentioned that I must be turning ice cold.  Someone was showing off their stuff for their iPad and I feigned how impressed I was.  I felt awful about it.  I have to wonder what is going on with me.

On a more positive note, my blood sugar levels are staying down with the new meds.  I still get my spikes from time to time, but I can pretty much account for what I ate to cause them.  Another reason why this time of the year kills me - I cannot eat all of the wonderful goodies.  *sigh*

Today's Message From God:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

God doesn't give you what you want, God gives you according to who you are.

Change who you are to change your life.

Hmmmm...I will have to think on how to go about that.