Nerves...

Not sure if it is the hydrocodone or hormones, but my emotions have been from one end of the spectrum to the other.  I think part of the issue is that I am struggling with all of the medical bills from my back and knee.  The other part is the stress of trying to save for getting a house.  Or better yet, dealing with pain 24/7 is never a happy experience and tends to bring people down.

Honestly, getting a house this year is pretty much out of the question.  Mainly because I am having to deal with a lot of physical/medical issues.  It really sucks, but you know, it is what it is right now.  I think I should just accept the situation and focus my energy on getting better.  There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel where my health is concerned (and that is not death).

Sometimes, I look back at my choices and maybe, getting a personal trainer was a bad idea.  I probably should have used that money elsewhere.  However, who is to know how long I have had a slipped disc all this time.  As for my knee, they was going to happen sooner or later - who really knows.

I know I am tired of the pain.

As for my birthday this year, it does not look like I will be doing what I had planned, either.  I had been saving to go on a really cool trip to Las Vegas for my big 5-0.  However, I really cannot walk long distances and the trip would be wasted if I went.  It really makes me pretty sad to think about it.

As I sit back and take it all in, it is pretty depressing.  I am just trying to sort out how to just concentrate on one day at a time.  Stop looking at the big pictures and let that other stuff go.  Maybe there is some hope, but it is pretty slim.  However, I need to look at other positive things to do and work on those projects/goals.  That should be what I do next.