Am I protecting my faults or others?

Last night, while doing some maintenance work, I found some disturbing things.  I felt this heaviness come upon me and a large feeling of guilt.  I felt compelled to "fix" the situation, but resisted because, this was not something I had done, but others.  Why do I have this constant fear when I see something wrong, then immediate reaction to fix it so no one notices?

I have to learn that sometimes, people break your trust, but it is not your responsibility to pull them out of the hole that they created for themselves.  This is part of the pattern of stress that I need to concentrate more on doing.

I finally dozed off to sleep around 4 AM, no thanks to daylight savings time change.  Ugh.  However, I did wake up at 9 AM and have already taken the dogs out for a walk.  I got my blood pressure and sugar measurements and about to fix something to eat.  Blood sugar is still high, but I see it lowering.  Blood pressure is fairly normal, so that is a good thing.

For the past month or so, I have been trying to reach my aunt (my mom's sister).  I cannot seem to get through on the phone.  It rings and rings, then I am dumped into some voice mail.  I thought that it might be best if I sat down and wrote her a letter.  I would send her an email, but I am afraid that her internet access is unavailable.  Maybe, by my writing my aunt, that will help her with my mom's loss, too. 

It has been over two years since my mom passed away and not a day goes by without a thought about her.  I find myself talking to the heavens above asking for some sort of advice.  I so miss getting to hear her voice or laugh.  I know she was always proud of me, but I think she would have been happy knowing that I am trying hard these days to turn my financial life around and get myself back on the straight and narrow health wise.  My mom did so much for me and I feel like I never got a chance to do for her in return.

Sometimes, I do silly things.  A few weeks ago, I bought a box of 72 crayons.  Why?  Maybe because I yearn for some sort of creativity in my life.  I want to add color into my life and get that artistic feel.  I might as well give it a shot - something to relieve the stress.  I also bought a jigsaw puzzle.  Once I clear the clean clothes off this dining room table, the other end will have an on-going jigsaw puzzle.  Again, another thing to keep my mind active and relieve stress.

With all of that in mind, it is time to get something to eat, then start making my way through my day.  My on-call week is almost over and I can relax a bit.