For a downside note, I am not completely all happy, happy, joy, joy because Chloe is at the vet's office. Today, Bo and she are getting their teeth cleaned and she will be getting her blood re-tested. I know God will do what is best for her, but I simply worry about losing her. I know it will break my heart terribly. She is what I have left that my mom loved more than life. So, I try to put my worrying into God's hands and hope that I can get some more borrowed time to spend with her. I remember when mom first got her, she was only 9 weeks old and she loved me so much. I was her "sissy" and even though she played rough, she was my little protector. These past several days, I have cherished the time I get to spend with her as well as the feeling of love when she snuggles up in the bed with me.
I can officially say that I have lost 30 lbs. I got on the scale this morning and it showed me that I weighed 283.5. I was truly excited and grateful.
My biggest fear is letting myself down at this point. With talk of Chloe being seriously ill and the possibility of losing her, that frightens me to no end. I am afraid her loss may cause me to spiral out of control again. I am trying so hard to just keep it together right now. It is completely insane.
I know that these fears are probably baseless, but at the same time, I remember losing weight before I got Bo. With the stress of work, school, and home, I let it all go. Another time, I let it all go because some guy stood me up and made me feel like garbage. I just have to resolve myself that should, God forbid, something happen with Chloe, I need to take time to grieve over it, but do not lose focus. It is not what she would want. She would want "Sissy" to be healthier and not sink.
God's Message to Me Today:
People need you. People you love
and even people you have never met are depending on you. You matter to
God as well. No one else can be the person you were created to be. Do
not think for a minute that you are not important; - the world needs
you. God needs you.
What a profound message.
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