Time to Reflect and Confess...

Today has not turned out as I would have liked.  With the weather so cold, I did not venture out to the apartment complex workout center.  I should have done it, but it is so bitter cold.  I should have pulled out my physical activity DVD and did not do that, either.

I ended up sitting at my computer with work stuff to do from 7 AM until 6:45 PM.  I did manage to catch lunch with a friend, but could not go into the office due to smoke alarms going off in my apartment.  I had to take the dogs to the vet for day boarding while that situation rectified itself.  Both dogs were highly upset over it.

I over did it a bit a lunch.  Furthermore, the rich food really messed with my system afterwards.  After eating, I really had no desire to eat anything else.  I was that full.  Not so full that I was aching, but just "full".  I look at that as a good sign. 

I feel guilty because I had some food that I probably should have skipped.  In the end, I made up for it by having a light breakfast and decent supper.  I did Boston Market for dinner and I remembered a nutritionist telling me for healthy food, Boston Market would be as good a choice over other fast foot places.

I also feel guilty for not getting the amount of walking in as I had really wanted.  It reminds me of the time when I would go walk around the neighborhood 4 times at night for my exercise.  If I neglected to do it, it would eat at me until the next evening when I made it a point to get back out on that street and get it done!  I had some major will and determination.  This time, I hope that what happened last time does not happen again - I got stood up on a date and it crushed me.  I went back to eating and quit exercising.  My mother wanted to kill the guy for doing that to me.  It was not his fault.  Maybe, this is where I forgive him, so to speak.  He did not want to date a fat chick.  Okay - then don't.  However, don't lead that person on - be honest about how you feel. 

I get that no matter what we all say - it is not always about the beauty inside a person, but the beauty on the outside that really attracts people.  Your friends, you see their beauty inside.  A potential partner, one tends to look for the pleasing beauty on the outside.  I know that has been what I have faced for the past 30 years.  It is sad, but it is what it is.

I noticed on my scale that my BMI keeps getting a bit higher.  I am losing weight according to the scale, but I will have to work on the BMI.  Not sure if that will change as I get more and more active.  I would think it should, but I need to be patient.  God did not create the world overnight and I cannot drop over 100 lbs that quickly, either.

I guess I want to be thinner so badly that I want it quickly.  I know that it is not the right thing to do.  Losing weight very quickly can have some negative effects.  I feel that by losing the weight the healthy way, re-learning portion size and adapting to that, that will serve a better purpose for keeping the weight off.  I feel wonderful about the fact that I can actually push the plate away with food on it still.  That is such a huge step.

Another thing I really noticed about myself was that I would have a tendency to "inhale" food.  I have no clue where that behavior came, but I do it.  Now, I try to make sure that I take time to really savor the flavors of the food and enjoy it.  Not just woof it down to see if I beat everyone to finishing their dinner.  I think it is very important to notice these things.  They could be keys to righting the wrongs I have done to get me where I am today.

Interesting Message from God to me:

Today, we believe God wants you to know that ...

vices can be turned to virtues through awareness.

Look for a daily practice to cultivate your awareness.